《The Difference Between Getting and Needing》n i n e
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i was on the verge of breaking down,
then you came a r o u n d . . .
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The thing about being in a committed, long-term relationship was that you were never really just dating that one person. You were also dating their family. Of course, not literally, but they played a small, necessary part in the relationship. You could sever ties, or you could live with them; regardless of your feelings towards your other half's kin, they were there whether you liked it or not.
In mine and Gus' case, we got along with one another's families quite well. He genuinely enjoyed spending time with my clan of lunatics, and I adored his parents and two younger sisters. There was never a day where I questioned my liking to anyone in the Monahan family. Save for maybe Gus' father, whose financial dynasty was remarkable but also extremely daunting. Regardless of his superior (and sometimes patronizing) demeanor, he was a true gentleman that helped Gus and I with the bills for our first apartment. I practically owed him my life.
Gus' mother was a lot more of a conversationalist. She was approachable, compassionate, and extremely down-to-earth. If her and my sister were ever in the same room – which would ultimately happen on Sutton's wedding day – they'd talk every single person's ears off. I loved her to death.
On a dreary Sunday night, a summoning from Mrs. Monahan popped up on Gus' phone.
I was sitting at the island while his phone incessantly buzzed from where it laid in front of me. Gus, who was on the other side of the island cooking dinner for us, stepped away from the stove to glance at who was calling him.
He saw it was his mother and sighed.
"Fuck, can you answer that?" He looked up at me with pleading eyes.
I gave him a blank face in return, asking in a scathing tone, "You can't even talk to your own mother?"
"I'm kind of busy right now so if you could just answer and appease her for a few minutes that'd be great, thanks," he spat out hastily, sliding back over to check whatever was sizzling in one of the pans.
"Fine," I breathed and reached for his iPhone. Not that I didn't want to talk to Gus' mom, but the amount of times he made me answer whenever she called him was immeasurable at this point. If it weren't for my job requiring me to talk on the phone all the time and be good at it, I'd hate it a lot more. I pressed the green symbol on the screen to take the call, holding it up to my ear and smiling as I said, "Hi Mrs. Monahan."
She gasped and I couldn't help but giggle. "Oh, Bayla! What a pleasant surprise. It is so nice to hear your voice!"
"Same here. How are you?"
"Ah, I'm fine. I get up and my feet hit the floor every day, so I guess I can't complain. How are you guys?"
Naturally, I hesitated, staring at Gus' back a few feet away. That was a loaded question when it came to us, depending on the day. I didn't want to delay my answer for too long, because her motherly instincts would kick in at the slightest sense of trouble. "We're fine," I finally concluded.
"So, my son doesn't want to talk to me?" She asked with a chuckle, thankfully overlooking my brief pause from the previous question.
"That's what I said." I shook my head, and without even knowing what we were talking about, Gus shot me a look over his shoulder. I waved him off. "Do you need to talk to him?"
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"No, no. It's alright. I can call him later. I just... uh... I have some news."
"What's going on?" At the sudden distress in my voice, Gus stopped whatever he was doing and fully turned around to look at me. His eyebrows were furrowed, as were mine as I awaited his mother's response.
Her heavy exhale had my back straightening up. "Um, Gus' Uncle Rodney died."
"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry," I blurted, my hand covering my mouth in shock.
Gus was whispering "what?" over and over again, and I held up a finger to gesture for him to wait so I could hear what his mom was saying. That could only do so much, considering he had a knack for being a little too inquisitive about pretty much everything. He just melodramatically rolled his eyes at me.
"Thank you, hun. We were kind of expecting it. He was... really suffering. He was in hospice for so long, then once he got back into the hospital about a month ago, I knew that was gonna be it. I got a call from his wife this morning who said we'd better get there and say our goodbyes because they didn't expect him to make it through the night. She was right, unfortunately. He passed while he was sleeping though, so I'm glad he went peacefully, you know?"
"Oh, absolutely," I agreed softly, nodding my head. "That's a shame. I'm really sorry."
I was torn. In a way, I was glad I answered the phone for Gus, but I wasn't sure if that was truly the best because now I'd have to tell him the news.
Rodney Monahan was the eldest brother to Gus' father; the first born of five siblings. Before he was diagnosed with stage III prostate cancer, he'd been a longtime, established banker. It was the common strong suit in Monahan men, being extremely good with handling money.
His disease was aggressive and wasted no time. It didn't care that he had a great job and a family. It didn't care about his one and only daughter or his wife. I had met him right after he first got diagnosed, in the early days of mine and Gus' relationship. Uncle Rodney was an absolute goofball, a guy who simply loved to have fun. A guy who worked from when he was ten years old up until his boss nearly shoved him out the doors due to his condition. They did it with love, nonetheless, because he wasn't going to stop unless someone forced him to.
I knew how much he meant to Gus, and I knew how much this news would hurt him. The two of them had a stronger connection than Gus did with his own dad. This loss of life would bring out the Gus I saw when his grandmother passed away. Near our three-year anniversary, when she'd had a stroke that nobody saw coming, he was at the lowest point I'd ever witnessed him in. We were still in college at the time, living separately at our own schools, but I knew what went on.
I knew that he didn't leave his bed for a week. I knew he barely had the strength to eat or shower. I knew he skipped class and didn't care about the repercussions. I visited him as much as I could without having to sacrifice my own education, but there wasn't a way for me to cure him. He mourned in his own way, and even though I thought it wasn't practical, I had to let him be.
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They say that phone calls can be life-changing. This was definitely one of those calls.
Mrs. Monahan went on without missing a beat. "The viewing is Thursday night, but there's also going to be one Friday morning before the funeral. After the funeral will be the burial, followed by a luncheon," she gave me a few details on what would follow this week. I kept nodding as if she could see, and I felt Gus staring at me from the corner of my eye. "If you guys want to come in for it, you're more than welcome to stay with us. But if you can't make it, don't worry. I understand you guys have your own schedule. This wasn't in anybody's plans and with Thanksgiving next week, I know this is a busy time."
"No, we'll be there," I replied confidently. "I think Friday might work out better for us. We can just come in for the whole day. I have a work meeting Saturday morning and then my sister's Bon Voyage party Saturday night, but I can talk to Gus and see what he wants to do."
My plan had Gus flapping his hands around, rattled as he quietly interrogated, "Where are we going? What's happening?"
I shushed him with a death glare, which made him spin back around to the stove with a groan.
"That's fine, just let me know. You guys figure it out and call me later this week, okay?" Mrs. Monahan said. "I know we got invited to the party, but depending on how this all goes, there's a slim chance we'll make it. I'm sorry, hun."
"Don't worry about it, I totally understand. We'll let you know what we're gonna end up doing. Are you sure you don't want to talk to Gus?"
"Yeah. It's all good, you can tell him. I'll call him back, or he can call me later. Whatever," she reassured me, but I could sense the strain in her voice.
I could feel it in every part of my body because of what I was about to tell Gus.
Our phone call ended by wishing each other a good night. I hung up and set Gus' phone down on the surface of the island, deferring eye contact with him because I knew he was aching for an explanation. All the burners on the stove were off, which told me dinner was ready or Gus wanted to give me his full attention.
He was facing me with his hands gripping the corners of the island. When I didn't speak up, he cleared his throat.
"So where are we going Friday?" He asked mockingly. "What did you sign us up for?"
I finally cast my gaze up at him, and when our eyes connected my shoulders fell. He was so blind to the conversation I just had with his mother. The naivety on his face wouldn't last long, for the words that were about to come out of my mouth would crush him.
I couldn't stall much longer. I didn't want to sugarcoat it either, and he would never want me to. If there was anything I knew about Gus after all this time together – and fuck, I knew a lot – he hated dancing around a subject. Get straight to the point, or don't do it at all.
So that was what I did.
"Babe, your Uncle Rodney died," I said as steady as I could manage.
Every muscle seemed to relax – his shoulders, his jaw, his sapphire eyes. Everything came to a standstill just as I predicted in my head. It hurt even more to see it actually happen in front of me.
His eyes held mine for a moment before they fell to the countertop between us. His mouth, quivering in the slightest, opened as he muttered weakly, "Shit."
"I'm sorry," I whispered, and my hand automatically reached out to rest on top of his.
He roughly inhaled, wiping at his misty eyes with the hand that wasn't underneath mine. I was almost surprised at his gravelly tone when he asked, "The funeral is Friday, then?"
I nodded, and he did too. "Yeah. The viewing is Thursday night, but there's also one Friday morning before the funeral. Then there's the burial and the luncheon too. I mean, if you want to do something different, that's okay. I just figured Friday might be easier since it's a bit of a long drive for us. We can do whatever you want. If you'd rather stay for the weekend, you can. I just need to be back for Saturday. "
The Monahan's lived about twenty minutes from my parents in a massive Victorian house that could easily pass as being haunted. It was occupied by the Mr. and Mrs., of course, and Gus' two teenage sisters who were enrolled at our old high school. One was just starting there, the other was nearing graduation. As much as I would've loved to spend a weekend with them, or even with my own parents since they lived so close, it wasn't possible for me.
Not only did I have the monthly meeting at DiNardo Designs to look forward to on Saturday morning, but I also had Sutton's "Bon Voyage" party. Apparently it was some kind of custom with destination weddings. Its main purpose was to be a party for all of the people that couldn't make it to the actual wedding in Honolulu, which was a pretty decent amount of Sutton's guests. Out of the list of over two hundred people, I heard that maybe half were coming to Hawaii. So for those that weren't attending, Sutton and Koa put together the soirée at this ballroom near our hometown since it was in the middle of where mostly everyone lived that she invited. I was pretty sure everyone, whether they were going to the wedding or not, was going to this party and that it was going to be huge.
Between the funeral, work, my sister's party, and Thanksgiving the following week, I wasn't even sure if I'd make it to see the New Year.
"No, that... that's fine. We can do that," Gus stuttered, his voice cracking on the last word.
"Are you sure?" I questioned, squeezing his hand a bit. "Because you can skip Sutton's party. If I could, trust me, I would."
He shook his head, still avoiding eye contact with me. "Yeah. I promised I'd go to that with you. Besides it'll get my mind off of..." he couldn't finish his sentence as his fist hit the granite top of the island. "Shit. I gotta call my mom. I'll do it after we eat."
"I'm really sorry," I said again, gently, "I know how much he meant to you."
All he offered me was a look that weighed down on my heart. His eyes tried to meet mine, the corners of his lips tried to lift as much as they could. I saw the tears building and his spirit falling.
I got up from my stool and took the couple of steps to where he stood, entwining my arms around his torso, my front flush against his back. He didn't react to my touch but I stayed, with my cheek on his shoulder blade and my hands pressed on his chest.
Neither of us moved, whether it was for ten seconds or two minutes. Gus was shuddering every now and then, and I'd hold him tighter every time it happened. Then he turned in my arms, fluid with the motion as his own arms closed around me. I felt his chin sit on top of my head, my cheek resting on the curve of his collarbone now. The smell of his laundered t-shirt enveloped me and we couldn't tell whose body was providing more warmth.
It was comfortable. It was tender. It was home.
Sometimes we worked. Other times, we didn't. I guess that was our thing.
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A/N - a bit of a different chapter this time! it's a little shorter than usual but there's a lot that comes after this and i wanted to split it all up. i give major props to people that can successfully write short chapters because i just can't do it. a bitch has a habit of going into too much detail and i can't stop. (won't stop) (if u get the song reference i love u)
what y'all think? gus ain't so terrible, right? (tbh i really wanted to make him a lot worse than he turned out to be... but i kinda lowkey fell in love with him. sorry not sorry about it. he's still an ass tho don't get me wrong lol.) do you like the chapters that revolve more around gus and bayla, or bayla's life outside of her relationship? i hope i'm doing an alright job of balancing the two. ALSO lmk what you think of my new story covers!! i changed them all and i actually love them. they desperately needed a refresher (if you're an OG, you know that a couple of them never changed from when i first posted the story. RIP.)
thanks so much for reading, as always. i can't thank you enough if you take time out of your day to read my stuff. it means so much. love ya lots!
xoxo, sabbbycat
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