《If You Let Me》Chapter 20
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Vibing under the moon
Four letters, one word. She's been used and abused, her meaning mistaken and taken...
...for granted by those who do not know her.
All my life I've been weary of those four letters.
Never believed in her, with her superficial exterior and cruel interior. Because while she gives the sense of security, she's plotting on my demise.
But when her name, her sweet name....fell from your lips, I smiled.
And even though I'm afraid to admit it, I'll call her name for you too.
/•/
Twisted between silky sheets and muscular legs. My eyes fluttered open and searched the dark expanse, trying to obtain any recollection of where I was.
Then, a gentle snore escaped the mass next to me and a big hand flexed on my breast. I relaxed back against the figure. I knew exactly where I was and what I had done just hours before.
I gave my most intimate self to the man behind me.
No. You got dicked down by the nigga behind you.
Well that too and I didn't regret a damn thing.
I slowly peeled back the comforter that was beginning to suffocate me. Then I tried to loosen the grip of Dave's arm from around my torso but he only tightened it. I didn't know where my phone was to check the time, and my bladder was about to explode.
I looked out in front of me at the dark balcony outside and wondered how long we were up here. The party had to have ended, because the only thing that could be heard were the sound of waves lapping over the shore. I tried to untangle myself from his hold once again, but instead of holding me tighter, Dave rolled me under him and was now using his left arm to hover over me.
"Where you tryna go?" He growled in a deep raspy voice.
My last two brain cells tried desperately to piece together words to make a coherent sentence. In this position the only thing that I could manage to think of was what we did last night. The look of ecstasy on his face when he came inside me. The sheen of sweat that decorated his chest and forehead. And the feeling of the veins that ran through his arms under the palms of my hands, as I gripped them every time he stroked himself in me. Then there was everything he said to me, "Take that shit", "This pussy is mine", and my personal favorite "Cum on this dick".
I was now a changed woman, nothing would be the same. I wanted nothing more than for him to wrap his fingers around my neck or lace my hair around his arms to pull my head back and fuck the shit outta me from behind. And maybe slap my ass, so I could call him daddy.
I'd call him that regardless.
My hips involuntarily left the bed and raised up to meet his, only for wetness to pool between my legs when it met Dave's hardened appendage, and my new best friend down below.
A sly smirk graced his lips, "You gon start some shit you can't finish Allaya".
Don't you ever underestimate me, David.
"I don't know what you're talkin' about but I gotta pee. Let me up so I can go to the bathroom." I said quickly.
Through the darkness, I could see him squinting at me, drowsiness marred in his eyes. He didn't say anything else but he did peck my forehead and then rolled off of me.
I slowly got up and hugged the sheets to my naked body. I don't know why I was trying to hide it from him like he hadn't seen it all before.
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He must have been in my head because as I swung my sore legs to the edge of the bed with the sheets still around me, he yanked them back.
"I thought we got rid of that shy shit already"
With my reddened face turned away I rolled my eyes and tried to get out of the bed, except my legs seemed to forget how to work and gave out from under me.
"Fuck" I yelped as I stumbled onto the floor and grasped the white nightstand for support. There was a stinging soreness between my thighs. I was paying for it, God was punishing me for not being the good girl my Caribbean mother raised me to be.
"You good?" Dave rushed out of the bed to get me up but once I saw his naked body again, I clammed up.
"Y-yup I'm fine. Just fine, I only lost my balance."
He laughed at me.
"If you say so Laya." he said while picking me up and taking me to the bathroom.
"I can walk you know."
"Yeah with a limp, cause I know I tore yo shit up" he chuckled.
"Aye let me in on the joke when you done" I responded lightly.
He placed me on the floor of the bathroom and I pushed him out and closed the door behind him. I needed a quick minute to process everything without him interrupting.
I limped haphazardly to the toilet and did my business. Then I stood at the sink to wash my hands and gazed in the mirror at the woman staring back.
She had my same wild curly hair that was now an ugly matted mess, her skin glowed and her curves were exposed in all of their glory. I use to ignore my body and the way it looked but now I seemed to notice every little detail about it without scrutiny.
I remember just a few months ago, when I was alone and moping around my tiny Brooklyn apartment. This same girl tried desperately to find an ounce of self-love everyday in her fogged up bathroom mirror, repeating the same affirmations to herself. Back then, it seemed not to have much of an effect because her insecurities still won.
I looked at those insecurities now and tallied them off in my head. My arm fat - she's cute, my stomach - sis ain't going no where, the stretch marks that covered my ass and sides - a bitch earned her stripes a long time ago, and these thick thighs - there to support that ass.
The words that my mother said to me often ringed through my head and I felt indebted to the woman in front of me to repeat them.
"You are beautiful. You are healthy, wealthy and wise. You want for nothing, because everything you desire is at your feet. This lifetime was made for you to basque in its glory. You are loved and you deserve to be loved." I stared at her.
I walked away from the vanity and slowly
rubbed the back of my neck then carefully opened the large stone shower.
I set the water to hot, put my hair up and walked in, immediately soothed by the steaming temperature. I closed my eyes and spun around slowly so that the strong water streams could touch every aching part of my body. Grabbing the loofah and the honey scented body wash I lathered it up and started to massage it into my skin.
The bathroom door opened and then the shower door and I instantly knew that it was Dave. I rinsed the soap from my eyes and turned around to notice him lounging on the shower bench watching me.
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I didn't say anything. I just faced him fully and continued to swirl the soapy loofa around my body, lingering on my chest. It seemed as if the more he stared, the more I wanted to put on a show for him. My new found confidence was really showing out.
I padded towards him to stand between his open legs. Then climbed up on his lap, resting both of my knees on the bench. He placed both of his arms, behind his head as if enjoying the view. I looked down at his dick underneath me and licked my lips before slowly looking up at him from under my lashes. All of the soreness and aching that I expereienced earlier slipped my mind because I wanted him inside me again regardless of the pain.
"It's yours ma, do what you want wit it"
he breathed as if giving me the permisssion I didn't need.
Oh say less.
I wrapped my fingers around his hardened member before admiring the large vein that ran up his shaft then lined him up with my entrance. Sinking my teeth into my bottom lip, I closed my eyes and slowly sank my hips onto him.
I winced only for a minute before I relished the feeling of him filling me up. I pushed off my knees and bounced rhythmically. My left hand gripped my breast and in no time that bouncing turned into my hips rolling to force Dave deeper into me.
"Mmm"
I opened my eyes briefly as I felt an orgasm building and watched him...watching me intently. He looked proud of me. The right corner of his lip done up and his eyes low. Dave's hands left the back of his head and grasped my waist as he lifted his hips to fuck me harder.
"Hold on to my shoulders", he grunted out as he got up carrying me. I obeyed willingly, moaning as I sunk my nails into his soft flesh. I loved every second of this, my back hit the cold glass wall of the shower, he pumped harder making me lose my mind.
Out of pleasure, I locked my legs around his abdomen, and held him as he came in me, with me right behind. My body lost all feeling and between the shower steam and my blurred vision I was seeing stars.
Small kisses littered my neck and collar bone. My feet finally touched the slippery tiled floor and my knees magically gained the strength to hold me up. I inhaled rapidly trying to catch my breath as Dave sank lower from my view and bent down in front of me. One of legs was thrown over his shoulder and I didn't realize what was happening until my fingers grabbed his head and a desperate moan left my lips.
/•/
We both stepped out of the shower and he wrapped me in a warm white towel.
I stared at his facial features as his thick brows furrowed and hid lip was tucked between his teeth in concentration. He always took care of me. In the few months that we've known each other he has taken better care of me, than I have myself in the past year.
I saw that he placed my phone on the vanity so, I picked it up and turned it on. The first thing I noticed was that it was 3:38 in the morning. I thought that it was at most around 11:00 pm. I can't believe we missed the entire party. It also meant that today was Dave's actual birthday. I needed to give him his gift after I got dressed.
I also saw a few texts from Eva checking on me, three missed calls from Bri, and two from Nene. They would all be ignored until I felt like leaving the happy little bubble I was in.
"You hungry?", Dave asked interrupting my thoughts. "Everyone already left and there's extra food down there."
I nodded my head and started walking out of the bathroom to get dressed until I noticed that he wasn't following me. He had a tense, almost angered look on his face while looking at his phone.
"You coming?"
"Yeah baby. Gimme a few minutes I got some calls to make. I'll meet you down there."
Understanding, I left him the bathroom and threw on a hoodie and a pair of shorts over my underwear. I dug in the closet for Dave's gift then carefully eased my sore body to the first floor to find the balloons I hid in the pantry and the cake I hid in the refrigerator.
I ordered it from a bakery I found on Instagram in Boca and it was delivered yesterday. It was his favorite flavor, vanilla with dark chocolate frosting. And on the top written in fine cursive was "Happy Birthday Daddy Dave". It was an ode to a little inside joke that we shared but it seemed to mean a little bit more now that we had sex.
"Maybe I should take the 'Daddy' off? That's kinda weird right?" I said second guessing myself.
"Nah you was talking all that big shit earlier, keep that same energy Laya", my inner self scolded.
My conscious was constantly calling me out on my bullshit.
I opened every drawer in the kitchen, desperately looking for a butter knife, so that I could scrape the words off of the cake. I finally found the silverware drawer and rushed back to the cake to try to neatly remove the five letters.
But that was a fail as the soft white piping marbled into the chocolate frosting, causing me to dig deeper, leaving a big obvious dent in the top of the cake.
"Great now what to do with this? I looked between the glob of frosting on the knife and the kitchen entryway as Dave's steps became closer. I had no choice but to shove the entire thing in my mouth and quickly swallow the sugary concoction.
"Happy Birthday!", I screamed causing him to look up from his phone.
He looked around the room at the balloons and decorations behind me, at the cake and then at me and a large goofy smile appeared on his face.
"You deadass? All this shit for me?"
I laughed at him, a bit confused as to why he was surprised at my small gesture when he had such a big party yesterday.
"Yeah of course. It's not much but I thought I could do something special. Everyone deserves a good birthday"
He snaked his arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug. I've honestly never seen him smile for so long. He looked down at the cake and I silently prayed that he would somehow not notice the huge div in the middle.
"What happened here?", he pointed at the cake. "And there?" He laughed pointing to the side of my mouth.
I picked up my phone and looked at my face in the camera to see a smear of chocolate frosting on my cheek.
"Oh this? That's nothing, someone must have put something ontop of it in the fridge and smeared the words or sumn" I muttered nonchalantly trying to get his attention off of it.
He laughed even harder. "Nah you took the word off the top. I knew the whole thing said Daddy Dave"
Shit how'd he know that? The only thing I had managed to say through my embarrassment was "Shut up"
"Aw you mad cause I figured it out or because you got icing on your face" he chuckled while using the pad of his thumb to wipe the chocolate from my cheek. "You know I'm daddy, you ain't gotta say it now but you already admitted it", he teased.
"Yeah yeah whatever Dave. Now you want me to sing happy birthday or what?"
"Of course. Lemme hear them vocals"
"Which ones your want Beyoncé or Whitney?" I asked seriously.
" Kinda question is that ma? Beyoncé no doubt.", he joked while sitting on the chair in front of me and pulling out his phone.
Usually, I'd be against anyone seeing me acting the fool but I knew he'd never show my face because of how much he valued his and my privacy.
So at the top of my lungs, I sang him happy birthday while he recorded me for his Instagram story with the flash on. I even managed to do a little dance. And by the time I was done he was laughing his big goofy ass off while clapping for me. I was free entertainment for this nigga.
"Now blow out the candles."
"I done got everything I wished for" he said as he came around the counter to wrap his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder. "Blow 'em out for me." I closed my eyes and made a wish for him and one for me then blew them out.
"Lemme give you your gift", I said sliding the card out of the front pocket in my hoodie.
I watched him intently, he peeled it out of the envelope, read the message and held up the tickets inside.
"Damn thank you, I ain't ever gotten something like this from anyone before. How'd you know?", he beamed at me.
"You're a very hard person to shop for. But I heard you talking to Shoota about getting tickets, so I decided to gift them to you instead."
I struggled the last week with trying to figure out what to give the man that had everything. Dave was a huge basketball fan so when I heard him talking to Shoota about getting playoff tickets, I jumped at the opportunity to buy him season floor seats. The pretty penny I spent on them meant nothing to me. Dave spared no expense to make me happy and I would proudly do the same for him.
"Shit is dope. I love it." he said sincerely. He stared me in my eyes as if searching for the perfect time to say what I knew he would.
"I love you."
My breath hitched and my heart seized. I wanted nothing more than to say it back to him. But something inside me was preventing me from it. Telling me that this was only temporary. I didn't want to hurt myself and I certainly didn't want to hurt anyone else.
"Dave I-"
"I know. You good. I needed you to know how I feel just in case you ever doubted some shit. We'll work towards you feeling the same way"
We'll.
This had to be a dream. He couldn't be real.
I nodded my head at him. A bit relieved that he was patient with me and that he didn't get angry like I had expected him to. He simply cut two slices of cake and led me out of the house - through the dark and down the wooden walkway to the private beach; where there was a small bond fire and two chairs in front of the water.
I sat quietly on his lap and he asked more questions about me and where I grew up. Our conversation flowed naturally, as they always did and he didn't once bring up what happened before or tried to assess my feelings.
It was like he just knew;
The intimacy of being understood.
_______________
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(Alone with you by Alina Baraz)
Hi! Lol please don't hate me. I'm giving y'all two updates and I will update again Saturday night.
Thank you so much for 25k reads, and all of the votes and comments. I'm eternally grateful that what started as a quarantine hobby, turned into something more 🤍
Let me know if you liked the chapter! Thoughts on Dave and Laya? Do you think their happiness will last?
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