I'm wishy washy.

Wishing that I'd listen to myself,

but at the same time wanting everything to be silent.

Fearing life but wanting to live...

I'm always confused these day.

Saying something but going against it...

I'm a liar.

Thinking too much,

but not thinking at all,

feeling everything until I feel nothing...

I'm numb.

I compliment,

and curse myself for being strong enough to continue living,

my heart and mind begs me to give up,

wishes I'd die...

I'm torturing myself.

I keep asking for a sign,

one stupid sign to prove that what I'm doing is for me,

but I've gotten millions that it's not...

I'm hopeless.

I feel like everyone's given up on me,

but hope that they've not...

I'm delusional.

It aches my heart,

fogs my brain but I have to be happy and learn,

how am I to do this,

when my organs won't let me?..

I'm acting.

I know that I'd die if I give up,

because then I'd no longer be that coward afraid of dying by my own hands,

or as normal people would say strong...

I'm self-aware.

I've always wanted to just go home.

Where is there?

I don't know the answer,

but I want to find it...

I'm holding on to anything I can.

Life's so hard yet I continue to live,

I've heard that I'm difficult to deal with,

it's kind of like telling a depressed person to die,

it hurts,

but I pretend it doesn't effect me.

I'm a hypocrite.