You were utterly devastated. Pickle Rick had ruined your relationship with Doctor Phil. You knew that he would never want to get back with you. When Ricky punched him, you didn't even try to defend him, and you knew that that was unforgivable.

On top of that, you couldn't even pursue Pickle Rick because he was dead. You were all out of lovers, and you had no idea what to do.

You just wanted to sit in bed all day and wallow in self pity, but instead you decided to take matters into your own hands. If no one wanted to have raunchy sex with you, that was on them. You were going to go out and become the best you possible.

---

When you walked into target, you were surrounded by sixth graders holding Starbucks frappechinos. You thought that not a single person in that store was older than twelve years old.

That was, until you stumbled into the Barbie doll isle. There, you found William Linoleum Schuester standing on his three feet. On his shoulders sat Emma Pillsbury and Terri Schuester, still wearing their sexy cop costumes from Pickle Rick's funeral.

Will looked at you and wagged his long, crooked, green finger. "Hey bb," he said, grabbing six ken dolls from the shelf. "What're you doing here? I'm snatching up the ingredients for my classic WAB pie."

"Do you mean WAP pie?"

"No, I'm hungry for some wet ass bussy."

You nodded like a bobble head. "Well, I have a proposition for you. I was wondering if maybe you'd like to join Lil Jeezy's group." On the word "group" you wiggled your eyelids ferociously.

"Well," replied Mr. Schue, "What would I get from being in this group?"

Without missing beat, you said, "Kinky gay sex."

Shoes looked you in the eyes and stuck out his hand. "Deal."

You shook his hand and smiled at him. Emma booped you on the nose and winked. Your heart gave a flutter, but you didn't dare utter a word, as Emma was married to the Grinch, and you were just a small town girl living in a lonely world.