minho hung up the call with jisung before the latter could have a chance to respond to him.

jisung sat there, completely baffled by minhos words.

is he really coming? he can't come. can he?

he has to work...

there's no way he could come...

when would he even come?

these thoughts kept rattling around jisungs head, making him think the worst.

he tried to make sense of it. jisung tried to control his overwhelming thoughts, but they became unmanageable.

hearing minho was coming to malaysia worried jisung. he didn't want the boy to see him in his current state.

in jisungs eyes, he looked like a wreck. jisung lacked sleep, he hardly ate, and he devoted all his time and energy into helping his mother.

jisung knew he wasn't the only one who lost someone. sure he lost his father, but his mother lost the love of her life.

in the same way jisung could not imagine losing minho, he knew his mother never wanted to lose her husband, jisungs father.

it dawned on jisung that maybe he was staying in malaysia, not to help his mother entirely, but to avoid minho.

if he avoided minho, he could blame a breakup on this distance. if he returned to korea, they could end for other reasons, reasons jisung would never be able to handle.

jisung did miss minho though. he actually really wanted to see the boy, but he feared what minho would think of him when he came.

🤍💍

when are you coming?

i got a plane ticket for late tonight

i got the last seat too

i guess it was meant to be:)

minho...

are you sure this is a good idea?

if it's getting you to text me then yes:)

min if you want me to text you

i will

just don't come

why don't you want me to come?

i'm scared

scared of what?

minho...

jisung, i don't understand

please just talk to me

i'm scared of you seeing me like this

like what?

ugh forget it

no ji

i won't just forget it

talk to me please

minho, i look god awful

losing my dead has destroyed me

that's why i couldn't text you

just stay in korea and forget about me

jisung

go rest

i'll see you when my plane lands

you better be there to pick me up

i'll send you the flight info

seen

jisung

please tell me you'll be there

seen

please ji

seen

ok fine

if you really don't want me to come

i won't

just know, nothing could change

the way i feel about you

i love you

i'll be there

thank you jisung

i mean it, i love you

i love you too

🖤

🤍

seen

~

jisung switched off his phone and tried not to think too much. he did as minho said and tried to rest, but he was far too wound up.

he tossed and turned and could only think of the burdening thought that minho would leave him. jisung tried to stop thinking it, but it continued to circle around his mind and tormented him.

jisung let out a frustrated groan as he screamed into his pillow.

he was so tired of feeling this way.

out of control, alone, sad, he was sick of it. he was sick of not being happy.

jisung finally felt happy when in minhos arms, he didn't think about anything else in those moments. he would give anything to have those back.

jisung longed for minhot come to malaysia. as much as he seemed to dread it, he really did need the boy by his side.

jisung sat on his bed and looked through his camera roll, staring at photos he and minho have taken together.

he also looked at the ones he had taken of minho. he recalled how happy he always felt when he was around minho.

minho was his happiness. the single source of light in his dark life.

minho was the person keeping jisung alive.

if jisung didn't have minho, he wouldn't have a reason to fight the battle he deals with everyday inside his own mind. he would simply give up.

that's why jisung worried about minho coming to malaysia. he was so afraid of minho leaving malaysia after seeing jisung in such a broken state, and deciding to stay away for good.

jisung already suffered a difficult loss, he didn't want to have to face another one.

a.n.

short chapter... i'm sorry