Hot tears go down Perrie’s cheeks as she walks into the house she used to call home. She has not been here for only ten days, yet so much has changed. The house is messy - there are clothes on the living room couch, large shirts Perrie used to wear herself when Zayn was on tour and she missed him. Bills lie on the dining table and the Xbox is connected to the TV. These all indicate the presence of Zayn, how he just keeps on living his life in this house as if nothing happened. Perrie is glad he is not here right now to watch her pack her stuff, because seeing him would cause her great pain.

After getting back from Sweden, the girls all went to visit their families. For three of them it was a choice, but Perrie had no other place to go. Today is probably the last time she is ever going to be in the house she used to share with Zayn. Spending time with her family in South Shields was necessary for Perrie, as she finally told them about the break up. She wanted to see Jade so bad, after how close they have become recently, and have a chat with her the way you cannot have with a mother, but unfortunately that did not work out. Jade went to her dad's house, which is not in South Shields, and was busy most of the time with her nephew.

Zayn texted Perrie yesterday, saying that he is working tomorrow and she could come take her stuff in the morning. Debbie is here as well, helping her daughter in the uneasy task. She notices Perrie’s tears, but does not try to comfort her as she knows there is no way for Perrie to remain apathetic in the current situation. Debbie goes upstairs and begins packing her daughter's clothes into boxes, hoping to be done as soon as possible. Meanwhile, Perrie stays downstairs, reuniting with the pets she had missed.

A few minutes later, she picks Hatchi up and carries him while she wanders around the first floor of the house. She walks into the guest room and then the kitchen, reminiscing. Soon finds herself in the living room again, sitting on the couch, next to the dirty shirts, and thinks. Debbie is going up and down the stairs every few minutes, carrying boxes from the house to the car as Perrie watches. When Debbie is upstairs once again, the sound of a key entering a lock is heard, and the front door is opened.

Just like that, everything comes back to Perrie. How she used to hug him when he finally came home after tour, how he would play songs for her. It is all gone now.

"I'm sorry, I thought you'd be done by now," Zayn says, looking at Perrie. She does her best to look anywhere else, but eventually finds her eyes on him as well. "So this is really the end," Zayn says after a short silence. "Feels weird."

"I know," Perrie replies, trying her best not to cry again. It is a very odd situation for them, as Zayn is standing far, not sitting next to Perrie the way he would usually do.

"It feels empty not having you here," Zayn states. Just a few days ago, these words were all Perrie wanted to hear, but now, they fill her with anger.

"Well, you didn't think of that when you texted me during what was supposed to be one of the best nights of my life, did you?" Perrie slams, then stands up. She hopes her mother will be done soon, because every part of her body is telling her to leave.

"I-" Zayn begins but is cut off by his ex fiancée.

"Never mind. I moved on. I hope you will too." She says, starting to realize the meaning of these words only after they were spoken.

"What do you mean you moved on?" Zayn asks, clearly surprised. Perrie also senses a bit of hurt in his voice. "Are you seeing anyone?"

"None of your business," she replies. She already regrets bringing Jade up, even if it is indirectly. What she had with Zayn is so different from whatever that was with Jade - comparing these two would be both unfair and impossible.

"You still have it on," Zayn points out, referring to the engagement ring on Perrie’s left hand.

"Only when I'm in public. Doesn't mean anything," she coldly replies.

Just when Perrie feels like she is about to lose it, Debbie steps down the stairs with another box in her hands. The two women walk in silence towards the front door, then to the car. Luckily, the drive is short and Perrie is soon surrounded with boxes of clothes and with empty suitcases in her mother's house. Tomorrow, the girls and her are flying to America for almost a whole month, so lots of packing is needed. She places as many clothes as she can in the two suitcases, then borrows a third from her mother. Perrie does not have any other store to put these clothes in, because she has no permanent home. Therefore, she should bring with her to the trip as many of her belongings as possible.

×××

Thirty minutes into the flight to LAX, Jade is already restless. With a career like hers, she is used to traveling by now, but cannot stand this particular flight. Leigh-Anne and Jesy were smart enough to use this time to asleep, and Jade had unsuccessfully tried the to do same. Her thoughts keep wandering to Perrie, who is currently watching a movie, and how they are going to spend a whole month together. Jade sincerely hopes things will not be awkward between them.

"Pez?" Jade says and taps on her bandmate's shoulder. In response, Perrie removes her headphones and looks at Jade with a soft smile. "Can we talk about, um, that night in Sweden?"

"Sure," Perrie lightheartedly replies. "What do you want to say?" Jade waits for a few seconds, arranges her thoughts, and then begins speaking.

"You and I both know Little Mix is built on friendship. If we weren't best friends, everything would crumble, it just wouldn't work. And the thing is... What we did that night, it was the two of us doing something very personal. We have grown closer thanks to it, but it was just the two of us. Leigh and Jesy are equal parts of the group, and you and I can't just do stuff on our own and change the dynamics between us. It will tear our friendship apart, as four. It could ruin our career."

"Jadey, stop being so worried," Perrie says with a sweet smile. "First of all, it's not like we did anything bad. We kissed, you can say it out loud. Stop making it sound like we murdered someone," Jade is both amused and recoiled at these words. "Now, why would kissing interrupt Little Mix again?"

"Because we're a four piece, Perrie. Our friendships with each other should be equal," Jade explains.

"Yeah, but Jade, would you say that you have grown apart from Jesy or Leigh-Anne after we kissed?" Perrie asks and Jade slightly shakes her head after thinking. "Me neither. So yes, our friendship might be a little different now, but it's not bad. Loving differently doesn't mean loving less. So, look, I'm not trying to change your mind about anything. We're not going to do anything you're not comfortable with. I'm just telling you that the world isn't going to collapse if we will do this again."

"Pez, I really don't know," Jade says in frustration.

"Why not? What are you afraid of?" Perrie asks. Jade wants to say she is afraid of so many things. There is the option that their friendship with Jesy and Leigh will be damaged, and there is the possibility of them having a couple-like fight. What if the label will find out? What if the fans will? There are already speculations about Perrie and her, and these kill groups from inside. Has Perrie not seen what happens to One Direction, to Fifth Harmony? This is a recipe for trouble.

When Jade is done mentally counting all of these concerns, she gets to her biggest fear - loving Perrie, then losing her. Jade had learnt all too well that love often ends so cruelly. Everything about Sam taught her about it.

"Are you afraid of catching feelings?" Perrie asks, and Jade nods. Yes, this on top of the list of her many fears. It is not the actual falling she is scared of, it is what comes afterwards. The break up. "Oh, come on. That won't happen. I just got out of a relationship, and... Well, we're both straight and lonely. So this is just a way to pass time, I guess."

"I know," Jade replies," but I'm still not sure about this whole thing." There is a short silence, and Jade realizes she had probably sealed the conversation. Just when she is about to take out the colouring book she packed for the trip, which is supposed to relieve stress, Perrie speaks.

"I already told you, we're not going to do anything you aren't comfortable with," she starts. "But I there's one thing I really need to know... Did you have fun that night?"

"I did," Jade answers confidently. "It was fun." With these words and matching smiles, each girl turns to busy herself. The next ten hours of the flight pass by, and Jade even manages to get a little sleep, as her mind is holding less worries after this discussion. After landing, the four girls exit the plane and walk inside the airport, where fans and photographers are waiting for them. Photos are taken, and then they get into the car and drive to the hotel.

The weather is lovely, and Leigh-Anne suggests going to the pool as soon as they arrive. Everyone agrees, and after putting the luggage in their rooms and changing into bathing suits, the girls meet at the hotel pool. They do not have any interviews or performances planned for today, as the long flight itself was exhausting. Even one day off feels like a treat, and the atmosphere is light.

Perrie had taken her ring off and left it on the hotel nightstand. For the first time today, she feels like she is not wearing a lie anymore. At least in the hotel she can stop pretending. She is thankful for the fact that not the whole world knows about her break up. The comments will be disgusting, but now she has the time to heal from the break up and move on. She could never have done it so well in the public eye.

Perrie jumps into the pool soon after putting sunscreen on. Jade follows her, while Leigh-Anne and Jesy tan in the sunlight. The cold water on Perrie’s face is refreshing as she dives and then comes back up for air. As soon as she opens her eyes, head above water, she is faced with Jade's joyous brown eyes looking into hers.

"What?" Perrie asks, giggling, as smiles conquer both their faces.

"You're just so pretty," Jade replies. Her words are honest, though she herself is not sure whether they mean something more. The girls compliment each other all the time, it feels natural. "And you look so happy. I like that."

"I said goodbye to the dickhead yesterday," Perrie shares. She lifts her feet off of the floor of the pool, and floats with her arms open to the sides. "I feel so much better now. Holding onto false hope was the worst. I can't do that anymore. I can move on now. I feel free without that ring on my finger. I want to go out, I want to have fun. I want to be my old self again, from when before I got engaged and everything became way too serious. I want to have fun with you and the girls on this trip, to have sleepover and chat about boys. I want to have fun again."

The amount of times Perrie repeats the phrase have fun concerns Jade a bit, as they have talked about what having fun means. She quickly replays in her head the conversation they had on the plane earlier, and concludes that she does not have a reason to worry. Perrie said they would not do something Jade has doubts about, and she is going to act that way. Jade relaxes, watching Perrie with a wide smile on her face.

"We will do all of the things you just said," Jade promises. It is quiet and peaceful for a while, as the girls enjoy their time in sun. However, this changes when Jade notices a camera pointed at them from afar. It immediately ruins her day, because bikini pictures are always unflattering, and the paps probably got a photo of her with the colouring book. She just wants to go back to her room and watch a movie. All of today's amusement is gone now. She calls Perrie’s name, needing to notify her, as well as Leigh-Anne and Jesy, about the paparazzi.

"What is it?" Perrie asks whilst Jade climbs out of the swimming pool. Perrie swims to the edge of the pool, and puts her elbows on the cool pavement next to Jade's feet.

"There's a pap in there," Jade replies, pointing at the now noticeable camera.

"Fuck," Perrie says and drops her head onto her arms. She thought she was safe, leaving the ring back in her room. Her secret is out. Now, she needs to deal with the break up while the public is criticizing her every move.