Andy-

I love our fans, I really do. Just sometimes, they can blow things out of proportion. For example, Rye and I cannot even stand in the same photo together with out getting "Randy this" or "Randy that". Yes, Rye and I are really close, but we are just friends and its really taking a toll on our friendship. Rye and I have to be careful with anything we post now and we cannot do little things together because we get bombarded with accusations. Our friendship isn't the same silly, cuddle filled relationship anymore and it sucks.

Mikey brought that up on a live. One of the fans asked if we kissed anymore and when he answered no, everyone freaked out. We are just not comfortable anymore with how some of the roadies act when we do things like that. I do miss it sometimes, everyone in the band use to be so close, but being called gay day in and day out gets quite tiresome.

I walk outside to our moonlit garden and find Mikey smoking a cigarette. He only smokes when he's feeling anxious, so something must be up. I sit down next to him, "hey mate, can I bum one off of you?"

He looks over to me with a confused expression, "sense when do you smoke?" he asks reaching down to his packet. He pulls out a fag and hands it to me.

"Never, its a metaphor," I smile putting the unlit cig in my mouth.

He laughs, "oh fuck off," he takes it back and sets it down on his leg. It goes quiet for a second or two and I watch Mikey stare off into the sky before taking a drag and ashing it.

"Penny for your thoughts?" I ask, leaning back into my chair.

Mikey peeks over to me before looking back up, "I don't know man," he sighs, "how do you handle everyone calling you gay?" He asks so blunt and to the point. All of us are pretty good at brushing off hate and accusations, except for Mikey. In his head, comments about his sexuality equal hate.

"Mate, they are a just a bunch of girls being silly and looking way to close in to things," I try to explain.

"I just," he puts out his cigarette, "I just don't understand. I act myself, then I am gay. But when I tell them I'm not they freak out on me. I'm not- I'm not gay. I even had to make Jack delete the video he posted of us on our story because people were like Mack, Mack, ooh Brook is going to be jealous. Like, I just don't understand. Jack was pretty sad about me wanting to delete it and now he thinks I don't like him, which isn't true." He huffs after his little rant before leaning back in his chair. He looks sad and defeated, like he has no idea what to do.

"Mikey, why do you care so much about what people say about your sexuality? You know what you are. You are such a comfortable and confident person, but every time that insignificant thing is mentioned, you break down," I ask. He visibly shrinks down into the chair. This problem has been going on forever. He has always been the less affectionate one. Gets awkward when we try to kiss him and even even pulls away from hugs in public. I have always been curious about it. Wondering why he cares so much about his image.

Mikey lets out a huge sign before rubbing his eyes then running his fingers through his messy hair. "Because Andy," he mumbles, "I- I have always been the different one. Not just in this band, but in my life in general," he explains, sort of. I don't understand what that has to do with anything.

"Ok, so? That's what makes you special. You add a little edge," I shrug my shoulders.

"No, um like, I have been hiding behind this persona I made up," he says looking up at me. His eyes keep bouncing back and forth between my two eyes, kind of like he is nervous. Almost like he is trying to say something with out actually saying it. "Hiding who I am."

"Well, who are you?"

He looks down at the carton of cigarettes he has been fidgeting with. His eye brows crinkle like he is thinking about something really important. Like the cigs are one of the most interesting things on this planet. He bites his lip and opens his mouth to speak before closing it back again. He looks like he is in a battle with himself and I wish he would just talk to me.

Then Rye walked outside, "'bout to start a round of FIFA, you guys in?"

"Yeah," Mikey answers jumping up from his seat, "continue this later yeah?" he asks, not waiting for an answer before walking into the flat.

"What was that about?" Rye asks holding his hand out to help me up.

I take it, "I don't know he seemed sad so I asked him whats up and he didn't really tell me anything."

Rye nods his head, "that's Mikey for ya. I've known the bloke for years and he never talks about his feelings."

I sigh as we walk into the flat.

-

It has been a couple days since my talk with Mikey and neither of us has brought up the conversation again. It was kind of like it never happened. Things were back to normal, but hectic because we were so close to starting our tour. Between rehearsals, meetings, and trying to put out more content for our fans, we barely have time to breath, let alone have fun. But a week before the tour, Saturday night, Blair gave us the rest of the day off after a morning of recording.

We all decided to walk to the pub for a few pints and to watch the last match of the night for the world cup. Mikey and Rye are sitting next to each other in our booth analyzing the game play by play. It was so interesting watching them get into a game played by two random teams. Brook and Jack are sitting at the bar right now having a contest of who can drink their pint the fastest. I watch over them as I nurse my beer, making sure no one gets too rowdy or drunk.

Its been about an hour and half time for the game comes along. Both Rye and I are only two pints in while Mikey is on his fourth and I lost track of Brook and Jack's. Those two are sitting next to other giggling over something they found on their phones. They are completely off of their asses, but I just smile and let them be. They are not hurting anyone.

"M' going ta smoke," Mikey slurs before scooting out of the booth, "m' going owside." His accent is so thick and Rye laughs.

"You alright mate?" He asks.

Mikey only give him a thumbs up before making his way outside. I look out the window and I watch as he finds a place on the wall to settle on. He lights the fag before doing his thing. I look over to Rye who is watching Brook and Jack, "what are we going to do with them?" He laughs.

Brooklyn was playing with the strings of Jack's hoodie as Jack was going on and on about how much he misses home. Brook's eyes were droopy, but he had a smile on his face as he listened to the Irish lad. They have been getting so close recently and it makes me happy. They are the two younger guys and they started out not really liking each other, but I think they realized that they balance each other out. One who looks like a lion, but who has a personality mouse. The other who looks like a mouse, but has the personality of the lion. Guess which one is which.

"I remember when I was 18 and would get drunk at the pub with my friends," I reminisce, "those were some of the best times of my life."

"You are right there," Rye says before standing up, "I'm getting another one, you want one?" I'm buzzing, but what's one more going to do? I nod my head and Rye walks over to Brook and Jack at the bar.

I look over to see if Mikey was almost done, but I realized he wasn't alone. Mikey was leaning against the wall on his shoulder talking to some bloke who was smoking as well. They seem to be deep in conversation with Mikey laughing at something the guy said. But when the guy took a second to take a drag, Mikey bit his lip and checked out the boy from head to toe.

What in the hell was that? I rub my eyes and blink twice. Sure enough, Mikey laughs again before giving the guy a playful push and taking out his cell phone. The guys puts his cigarette in the ash tray out side before taking Mikey's phone and typing something. He gives it back to Mikey then puts his hand on his chest. He whispers something in Mikey's ear before sliding his hand down and walking back inside. Mikey looks down at his phone with a tiny smile before locking it and putting back in his pocket.

"Here ya go mate," Rye says carrying my drink along with his. Behind him is a Brook holding on to a struggling Jack who is holding two pints as well. They were both laughing at each other trying not spill while getting in the booth.

Mikey walks in with a smile on his face, "didn't bover to get me one? Fanks guys." He gets himself one and we all sit and watch the second half of the game together. Well, Rye and Mikey do. Brook and Jack are discussing how many pints they actually ended up drinking tonight while I just try to comprehend what exactly I just saw happened. Was Mikey just flirting with that guy? Did he just get his number? Why? Is Mikey gay?

"Okay fine, we had seven!" Brook says with a giggle.

"Yes, seven!" Jack said before looking over to me, "Andy, we had seven pints." He hiccuped and laughed at him self with Brook. I smile, they are so cute.

When the game is finished, it was around ten o'clock at night and everyone besides Rye and I were completely drunk. We really should not have walked here.

"Alright Fovvs, take Jack and I got Brooklyn and we will walk with them," Rye says as we make it out the doors of the pub, "Mikey walk in front of us and guide us home."

"M'kay," he mumbles before he starts walking.

"Are you sure this is a good idea Rye?" I ask as Mikey stumbles a little bit.

He wraps Brook's arm around his shoulders and Brook kisses his neck, "You have a better idea?"

"You are a good friend Rye, I love you," Brook says with a smile.

"I love you too."

Jack secures his arm around my waist and stops at every branch on the side walk picking it up and putting it behind us. "Jack what are you doing?" Brook laughs.

"I don't wanna trip," his accent is so heavy and thick that it even took me a second to comprehend.

"We here!" Mikey shouts as we make it up to the gate.

"Shhhh, Mikey!" I whisper yell.

He giggled and put his finger to his lips, "shhh."

I roll my eyes and Rye goes to unlock the door. Getting three drunk guys up stairs was not a fun task, but when we did it, I gave Rye a pat on the back. "That, was fun," I say and Rye looks up at me.

"I remember when I was always the one needing help." Then we hear something crash from Jack and Brook's room and Brook's little voice yelling out sorry. "Oh for fuck sakes man," Rye mumbles to himself before going to see what happened. I laugh following behind him in the hall to my and Mikey's area.

I find the lad laying on his bed with his feet dangling off still fully clothed. I shake my head, "alright Mikey, lets get you out of these clothes." I start by kneeling down and taking off his socks and shoes. I shimmy him out of his pants and thats when Rye walked out of Jack's room and towards his.

"Night Fovvs," I heard him mutter before shutting his door.

"Mikey, you have to help me out here buddy. Can you sit up?" I get a moan before Mikey reluctantly sits up. I go slip off his shirt and he moves his arms to make it easier for me to take off. Once I got it, Mikey looks up at me. I thought he was going to say thank you, but he actually took me completely by surprise. He grabbed both sides of my face and gives me a kiss. I kiss him back, thinking it was just going to be a peck, but Mikey starts trying to move his lips, to make it deeper.

"No, no, Mikey," I say moving away.

"What? Why not?" He asks before kissing me again.

I now push him off, "because Mikey, you are drunk. You dont know what you are doing." I stand up and I can see Mikey physically break down.

His eyes start to water, "I'm so sorry, I feel so fucked up. I don't even know where that came from. That was disgusting, not me."

"No, babe don't cry," I say, "what you just did was completely okay, just not with me yeah?"

He hugs me. His face is in my torso and his arms around my waist. My arms wrap around his neck. We stay like this for a moment before he lets go. "I saw you watching me earlier, please don't tell anyone," he begs.

"Of corse not," I say running my fingers through his hair, "it is not my place to tell. Now get some sleep yeah?"

"Okay." He lays down and brings the covers all the way to his chin. I sigh before going to my bed. Mikey is gay. Fuck. He is so scared about his sexuality, he will act like a dick to suppress anybody's ideas that he might be gay. I wonder why though. Could it be his parents? His siblings? Or maybe he just doesn't want to admit it. Maybe he hates the idea of him being gay. Or maybe he is still trying to figure himself out. I guess only time will tell if he ever truly tells me why, but until then, I will support him because he is one of my best friends.