Physical Injuries in the New Year

January 16, 1996

Dear Parents,

When people ask Jnaneswari her advice, usually her only answer is, “Do what you feel, do what you like.” Her basic conception is, “Even if the correct advice is given who will listen? Although asking for advice, everyone just does what they want. So better to keep quiet.” I must admit that I am still not obeying explicitly her every word. She usually does not tell anyone what to do, but as I’ve begged her to guide me, she’s been helping.

Lately I’ve gotten much joy in strictly training the mind as she tells me to, to always be aware of the mind, to remind myself constantly that there is only one shakti, in all and that is God, bliss, to repeat the mantra with every breath and feel the Power & Love contained in it. Every other thought should be avoided, or else there is chance of it becoming a mad monkey, imagining all things and getting depressed. The effort must be intense, constant and vigilant – and the reward will be what we wish for, eternal effortless Joy: MOKSHA!

As for me physically, the year started and is continuing in what the world would call as ‘bad luck’ or karma! All for my best, as it is clearing out leftover bad karmas! January 1st I received a letter from you that stated inside was a money order, but none was there. I also got a really awful letter from Vidya ordering me to tell you never to burden her again with parcels. 2nd January my shoes broke (only 10 days old!) and I had to again walk barefoot over all the hard stones & dirt in the ashram, as I had no money to buy new ones or get them repaired. On the 3rd I fell and sprained my ankle. Happily, after only 1½ day of being bedridden (not able to place the right foot on the ground), one day of limping and a few days of walking with pain, I can now walk normally again. Then the space between my two small toes got fungal infection, a deep tunnel formed, many layers of skin ripped apart, and it was hard to walk. Next one gent here (about one year my senior, here since childhood and famous for complaining and taking delight in finding other’s faults) began daily to see faults in how I ran the Library, screaming at me hysterically for things like finding a book on the table instead of on the shelf, and to keep the peace I stopped going to the library since 9 January. Jnaneswari is pleading with me to return but anyway now I have an excuse as there is other work for me to do here until Omkar’s Birthday on 21st January.

Next, the three girls who came with Sarada Priyananda (spiritual head of another ashram) are housed in my cottage. Jnaneswari wanted me to stay there only but I thought it would be inconvenient for four people to be in a room measuring only 7 by 10 feet, so Jnaneswari said I could move to the small meditation room above the Mandir. No one uses it, because the four helpers here sleep in the kitchen. There is an outside bathroom we all use. A few nights ago I lay down in the dark room only to bash my face against a chair. Now I have a big, long black bruise under my eye, and the swollen upper lip has decreased now. Last night I came down with a bad cold! However, I go on working with headache, sore throat, dripping nose, dark patches under the eyes from lack of sleep, watering eyes, spinning head and seeing the world as if through a hazy screen. All this is God!

Since 13 January there have been discourses by Sarada Priyananda twice a day, meditation from 5:30 – 6am, and speeches from 6:30 – 7:30am and 6:30 – 8pm. Jnaneswari has given me the duty to make sure the Mandir is swept, mopped and made ready for the functions. Usually the three lone men workers are exhausted from all day of lugging buckets of water, watering plants, sweeping and other duties. Usually I sweep the Mandir myself twice a day (a huge hall) also laying the rugs and mats, putting flowers, lighting the lamp & incense, etc. Usually I do it 4 PM and again 9 or 10 PM, because of lack of time in the morning. I go to sleep about 11:30 PM and again get up at 3 AM to wake up the workers by the well. I help to start the outside wood fire, in the misty cold morning. There, they heat & refill a big vessel of water and lug buckets of hot water for bath, for about 17 people who all take bath before 5 AM daily, so they can come fresh to the meditation at 5:30 AM. Indians won't enter a temple until they bathe and wear washed clothes.

At 3 AM this morning, Swami Chidananda of Rishikesh arrived, that Blissful soul I respect so much.

Keep well! Loka Samastha Sukhino Bhavantu

Love,

Divya