December 2, 1997

Today at lunch, I was sitting next to Zach and the rest of the group was kind of crowded around the area. Steph was absent again. Nathan was acting weird, pretending to be gay with Zach. Everyone was cracking up. Zach kept leaning closer to me, and I got the shivers. I can't imagine what it would be like to not be going out with him, to not know that he likes me more than any other girl.

Jacob whispered something softly to Zach, and he had to repeat it: "Slap Emily's ass when she stands up." I pretended not to have heard, but I gave Jacob a suspicious look and he smiled sheepishly. Zach whispered back to him, "No... not in school." I wonder if he would have slapped my ass when I stood up if we weren't in school.

In gym class, I learned from Hannah that she and Hunter were in a fight because Hunter had told Matt that Hannah looks good naked. Except he has never seen her naked. Obviously Matt told everyone, and now everyone thinks Hannah is a slut. She kept commenting on how cute Jacob is (he iscute) and asked me to ask him out for her after gym. I did, and he said, "Yeah... I dunno."

Matt is having a birthday party two weekends from now. He is inviting his girlfriend (Lisa... yeah, that happened), his friends, and his friends' girlfriends. Except for me, because he hates me.

Lisa said he was going to invite me, but I kind of blew it. Today, a guy came in to talk to us about the dangers of smoking. He had had his voice box removed. Afterward, Matt came up to my locker and said, "What's wrong? You look sad." I shrugged and asked him, "Are you going to quit smoking?" He glared at me for a long time before answering, "I never started." I looked at him like I doubted that and he snapped, "Shut the fuck up, Emily."

Crap.

[I wonder if Nathan actually was gay and is out of the closet now. I might look him up on Facebook.]