Allie

~~~

I walk the halls of Erebor, with my wings dragging behind my every step, as if I'm in a trance. A trail of bent feathers is left in my wake and every step hurts. I feel as if I broke both my legs.

Times like this I think of Deren. I can't help it. If my mind isn't otherwise occupied he comes upon my thoughts.

His laugh, his poisonous words, and his knife.

Lacy's exclamation replays in my head while I see images of him cutting my stomach in my eyes.

A cutters bond; that's what she called it. That's what it is, a sick bond formed by carving a name into someone. It never goes away even if they've died. It makes the victim weak and mentally frail. The cutter gets strong while the victim slowly fades. If the cutter dies it can get better but it does not disappear.

Deren did that to me. He took all options for me to live a happy life away. He was a monster.

"Allie?" a small voice whispers. I slowly turn and look at Bilbo with teary eyes. He looks quizzical and worried. Everyone seems to look worried now. Erebor is won but I feel it's about to be lost.

"Yes Bilbo?"

"Why are you crying?"

"I am sad."

"Why are you sad? We've won the mountain. The journey is over."

"But it's not Bilbo. It's not over. It can't be over. It's not over because I know you have the Arkenstone. It's not over because Azog and his demented crew of orcs are still after Thorin. It's not over because with all this wealth and greed there is sure to be war. It's not over because we can never go home again Bilbo! We will never be rid of this journey! It will always haunt us!!" I started out calm but as I went I started getting angry and angrier till I'm screaming. "IT WILL NEVER BE OVER!"

"Allie what has gotten into you! You were the one so excited to be on this journey! Why are you so suddenly changed?" Bilbo snaps. Abruptly more screams surround me. They are cries from the attack on Erebor years ago. Why do the Valar punish me so!?

"My wings are crushed along with my spirit. The Valar are punishing me! I can hear screams from the attack on this mountain years ago. I can feel the death. I wasn't supposed to let Smaug away. I wasn't supposed to be so stubborn. I wasn't supposed to-to-to" I start to breath heavily and collapse. My hands shake and my vision blurs. "I shouldn't have. I shouldn't have. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry."

Bilbo lets out a sound of surprise and runs to my side. His hand clutches mine and I squeeze it.

"I did a bad thing Bilbo," I murmur. Tears start outing down and my words turn to sobs. "I just wanted it to end. I didn't mean for this. I just wanted to sleep. I just wanted to sleep! But they didn't want to let me. No no no they said. They brought me back again and again. I can't leave this world. They won't let me sleep Bilbo! I just want to sleep!"

"Ssh Allie. It's okay. You can sleep now. Just let go and sleep," Bilbo soothes and runs my back.

"I can't. I can't."

~~~

Bilbo

~~~

Allie cried herself to sleep in my arms. I'm not sure what her words meant. Why would the Valor punish her? She's kind and sweet.

"Oh Allie. What has happened to you?" I ask to her sleeping form.

"Why is Allie asleep in your arms in the middle of an empty random hallway?" Natalie questions. I look up to see her standing before me with her arms crossed.

"She had a breakdown. Can you help me carry her to a decent room so se can rest?"

"I can do you one better. Smaug!" Natalie calls and the dragon elf appears by her in a second flat.

"You called for my aid?"

"Yes can you carry my friend to a room that isn't too dusty or burnt?" Natalie requests. Smaug nods and scoops the blonde hobbit up. "I think I saw one a while back. I'll go with you." I watch as the pair heads off with Allie in tow. Once they're gone I take a seat on a large piece of rubble.

Allie is probably just worried about this whole Arkenstone business. It worries me too. Nervously I pull out the acorn from Beorns and roll it in between my fingers.

"What is that?" a harsh vice suddenly snaps. I jump in surprise and whip around to see Thorin stomping up. "In your hand."

"It's nothing," I lie and pocket the acorn. He's angry and I'd rather keep the acorn to myself. No one needs to know I plan on returning home.

"Show me," Thorin orders and I see his hand ghost over the hilt of his sword. With a deep gulp I pull the acorn out and show him.

"It..." I trail off. "I picked it up in Beorn's garden." Thorins face softens and he chuckles.

"You've carried it all this way?"

"I'm going to plant it in my garden. In Bag End," I explain. Sam and Jacob would be upset to find I want to

go home.

"It's a poor prize to take back to the Shire," Thorin murmurs. To him it may be so but to me it's a great prize.

"One day it'll grow, and every time I look at it, I'll remember. Remember everything that happened: the good, the bad and how lucky I am that I made it home."

My words hang in the air and I smile at the dwarf ling. I've come so far.

"Thorin, I-"

"Thorin, the survivors from Lake-town, they're streaming into Dale. There's hundreds of them," Dwalin reports cutting me off. He has jogged up wearing a grin expression. I sigh in relief. I was about I tell him about the Arkenstone.

"Call everyone to the gate," Thorin barks the smile leaving his face and a scowl returning. Allie would chide Thorin about his face getting stuck like that if she were here. Thorin storms off forgetting the one small moment of peace. "To the gate. Now!"