《Lucky Number》7
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The front door swung open, and you hesitated in the doorway. Walking into this house had always felt like coming home, even the first time when you'd had no idea it really was going to be home. This time though, the contrast couldn't be more drastic. It might still look like home, with pictures hanging above the staircase and your shoes lined up beside the door, but it felt unbearably empty and unfamiliar. This was no longer home—how could it be without Tom?
Walking through the doorway, you felt unwelcome, as if the house knew what you'd done, knew you'd broken a heart that never deserved to be broken. Tom was a good person—the best person. He deserved to be happy with someone who could handle the spotlight. He needed someone who could thrive by his side in the public eye, not someone who only wanted to go unnoticed in the crowd. He deserved better, and you knew that one day he would thank you for ending it. He was too in love to realize you weren't what he needed. So you'd made the decision for him. It was best for both of you. Now you could go back to being anonymous, and he could find someone who wouldn't hold him back.
You wandered into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, in hopes of calming down. As you passed the fridge, a note caught your eye. You recognized Tom's scrawling handwriting instantly.
Y/N,
I miss you more than I ever thought possible, but if this is what you truly want—if this is what's best for you...I'm not going to make it any more difficult. Because loving someone with your entire heart means wanting the best for them and trying to convince you to take me back would be the most selfish thing I would ever do, and I could never do that to you, no matter how much I'm dying to. Instead, I'll simply remind you that I love you, and even though I no longer have a place in your life, you'll always have a place in my heart. I hope you find the peace you're looking for. I'm just sorry I couldn't be it.
Love,
Tom
p.s. I didn't purchase this house for me...it's always been yours. Do whatever you want with it.
You stared at the words, rereading them several times. This note was the last thing you had to remember Tom by. His selflessness, his big heart, his truly good nature—Tom would always have a hold of your heart. You couldn't see yourself ever loving anyone else, but hopefully, with time your feelings would fade. They had to because the way you were feeling right now was absolute hell. But you did this to yourself, and you had to try to move on.
[5 months later]
Your phone's screen lit up displaying a new text.
Harrison Osterfield: I'm in the city this weekend wanna catch up?
You blinked in surprise. You'd never expected to hear from Harrison ever again, not after what you'd done to— You stopped your thoughts in their tracks. You'd promised to not think about him. It was the only way to keep sane. Letting yourself think of him only cracked your heart further, so banning him from your life in all aspects was the only solution. Not that it really worked, but you tried your best to minimize the damage.
Your first instinct was to feed Harrison an excuse saying you were busy. It would be too much to see Haz again. If you wouldn't even let yourself think his name...you definitely shouldn't be hanging out with his best friend. But maybe this could be another step towards healing? It could be a type of closure. Surely Harrison would mention that he was doing well, and then you could stop worrying. It would be easier to move on knowing for fact he was over you. Try as you might, you couldn't help noticing his name and face pop up in tabloids alongside famous models and actresses. He was doing just fine, but hearing it from Harrison would make it real. You needed to know he was ok. Then maybe you could be too.
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You arrived early at the coffee shop Harrison had suggested and grabbed a table in the corner. Focused on your game of Sudoku, you didn't notice him until he was standing right in front of you.
"Hey," Harrison smiled warmly and pulled out the chair across from you.
"Oh hey, it's good to see you again." You couldn't hide the nerves from your voice.
"It's really nice seeing you too." He paused and shook his head slightly. His energy turned suddenly serious, brow furrowed. "Look, we could sit here and make small talk, talking for a couple hours and not actually saying anything, but I need to talk to you—really talk. And please hear me out."
You leaned forward, all the nervous energy converted to worry. "What's wrong? Has something happened?" Concern coated your voice.
"It's nothing new—well to you I guess it's new—but Tom isn't ok, Y/N. Hasn't been since that day in the hospital. I hoped he'd work through it, but he hasn't moved on, not even a little. He's not himself, and I've tried everything to help him. Everything except having you talk to him."
You started to interject, ready to tell him you couldn't and to just give him more time.
"Please, just listen." His eyes pleaded. "If you told him you're happy, that you've moved on and he should too...just give him closure—maybe that would help. I hate to ask you to do that, but he's miserable, and I can't stand seeing him this way anymore."
"He's miserable?" Your voice was quiet. A strange mix of emotions had been building that you couldn't make sense of.
"Yeah, he is, but you can help. It's the least you could do."
Harrison resented you for breaking his best friend, and he was right of course: you were to blame for doing this to him. All these months, you'd been telling yourself he was fine—better even—without you in his life. In the moments when you were dying to give in and call, you made lists of the reasons he was better without you and reread every single one. When your heart hurt so much you could only lay in bed crying, you did everything to convince yourself what you did was right, even though it felt so wrong. Your reasons all made sense on paper, they were all logical and reading them reminded you of everything you had wanted to get away from. But looking at the hurt in Harrison's face just then, you realized something: you were a complete and utter idiot.
Every relationship has negatives, but your short list of reasons why you shouldn't be together was dwarfed in comparison to the reasons you should. And at the top of that list, reason number one: you loved each other. Even though you knew you could come up with hundreds of other reasons to be with Tom, that first one was the only one that truly mattered. You loved Tom with all you had, and he loved you. It was as simple as that, and why you were only seeing that now was beyond you.
"I-I have to see Tom. Now. Where is he?"
Harrison looked confused at your urgency. He probably expected you to say no—after all for all he knew, you were happy and never gave Tom a second thought.
"He's in the city til tomorrow."
Your eyes widened, not expecting this. You thought you'd have to hop on a plane and fly to wherever he was—make a grand gesture or have a movie moment where you ran in slow motion. But now, you were going to see him in mere minutes.
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"Ok, so where is he right now then? I need to talk to him. Please."
Harrison glanced at his watch. "He should be finishing interviews anytime now. C'mon, let's go."
The entire ride to the hotel, you'd been frantically trying to come up with the right words. Words to explain why you'd done it, words to apologize for hurting him, words to say you had been wrong, words that articulated how lost you've felt without him, words to tell him how much he meant to you. There were so many words in the dictionary, yet none of them could accurately depict how you felt.
You finally arrived at the hotel, and as you rode the elevator to Tom's suite, you felt your heart suffocating you. Agonizing seconds passed as you ascended to the top floor, and when the doors dinged open, you rushed out, not waiting for Harrison.
You ran down the hall, heart beating faster and faster as you neared his room. And then you were there. The door was the only thing separating you from Tom. All you had to do was knock, and he would be standing in front of you. Just knock, and the past five months would be behind you, and your future with Tom would become reality.
As you raised your fist to pound on the door, it suddenly swung open, and Tom stood in its place. The room service tray he had been holding clamored to the ground, and he looked like he'd just seen a ghost.
"Tom." Your voice was shaky as the name you hadn't let yourself say for months caught in your throat.
He just stood there blinking, confused and disoriented.
"I don't even know where to begin. I-I'm so sorry. I wish I could take it all back. I was so stupid, and I know you probably hate me—I hate me for what I did to you—but I love you. I've never stopped loving you. You said I'd always have a place in your heart, and God, I hope that's still true because you own my heart. Tom, I—"
His lips devoured yours as his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling your body into his. Bodies flesh against each other, you still weren't close enough. Feeling him against you had awoken an insatiable craving—you had missed his taste and touch more than you thought possible. Your fingers pulled at his tousled curls, and you deepened the kiss. He groaned into your mouth as you bit his bottom lip, and his mouth moved to your neck, kissing down towards your collarbone.
A sound behind you pulled you back to reality, back to the hotel hallway you were currently standing in. You stiffened in Tom's arms. Shit, please let that just be Harrison.
"You do realize people usually do this inside the hotel room, not in the corridor, yeah?" The familiar voice quipped.
Tom's eyes tore away from you for a half second, just long enough to roll his eyes at his best friend. "Fuck off," he laughed, then buried his face in your neck, inhaling your scent.
Tom moved backwards into the room, pulling you along with him as he was unwilling to let go for even a moment.
"I'll just be going then." You heard Harrison call out before the door shut behind you.
Tom's eyes locked on yours as he guided you to the bed. "I missed you so fucking much."
Even though you knew this from his greeting just moments ago, hearing the words sent your heart fluttering. "So you don't hate me for leaving? For hurting you?" You peered up at him, nervous to hear his answer.
His voice cooed reassuringly. "Darling, I could never hate you, not even if I tried." He kissed your lips gently. "Losing you was the most painful thing I've ever experienced."
Guilt washed over your face, and tears welled in your eyes. "Tom, I'm so sorr—"
"Shh, shh. It's ok, my love." He stroked your hair and pulled you in closer. "You're the most precious thing in my life, the only thing that matters to me. And I finally have you back in my arms."
Your hand touched his cheek. "Back at the hospital, I thought I knew what fear was, but my greatest fear is that I'll never get my forever with you. I thought anxiety was the worst thing I could go through, but nothing compares to trying to live without you. I thought all of my reasons were enough to give up on us, but every day for the past five months, I've had to convince myself over and over that I could live without you by my side. I didn't need you—that was the lie I told myself every second of every day. But I finally realized what complete bullshit that was. I do need you. I can't do life without you, and I was an idiot for every trying to. I love you, and that's the only reason I needed to come back to you."
"I love you too." A tear trickled down Tom's cheek, and you brushed it away with your thumb before leaning in to kiss him softly.
"Hey do me a favor?"
You nodded and climbed into his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck.
"Please don't ever break up with me again." The corners of his mouth pulled up into a teasing smile.
"I wouldn't dream of it."
You closed the distance between your lips once more, lips moving together slowly like you had all the time in the world. And you did, you had forever, but forever still wasn't long enough.
A/N: That's all folks! I hope you enjoyed this series and feel free to check out my tumblr (tomhollanders2013) for more writing since that's where I post all my stuff first (and add on here when I remember lol). Thank you so much for reading!
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