《Fanfic Corner》Patience and Healing Chapter 5
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Rey suddenly looked up as she felt something nudge her shoulder. Poe stood next to the chair she was in, swigging from his own bottle as he held out one for her. She didn't smile at him but she didn't scowl either, just accepted it and took a large sip. He took a seat next to her in the pilots chair.
"I don't forgive you." Rey stated firmly.
"I haven't forgiven you either." Poe retorted with an amused smirk, and Rey giggled once, forcing her to stop the sip she was about to take.
For a moment the cockpit was quiet, the only noises were the hum of the instruments and the sounds of drinking. "How close have you come to death?" Rey finally asked.
Poe considered the question. He'd been stabbed, shot and beaten during both his time in the rebel alliance and as a spice runner. "Probably the time I crashed my ship on Manaan, the flight almost killed me and the water almost finished me off." He figured. "I was out for a week as the selkath patched me back up."
"Do you remember anything?"
Poe thought for a while, it had been a long time ago. "Ghosts." He decided. "Flashes of the crash; sparks, pain, fire... panic." He admitted with another sip. "Afterwards, while I was out, it was like a dream, in a way. Old memories I barely remember warped into an unrecognisable maze of conflicting things. All the while it was like I was being pulled into this sinking darkness." He was picking at the bottle as he talked, before taking another drink and glancing at Rey as he did. She was curled up in her chair, arm slung over a knee and tapping her bottle restlessly against her leg. "But I couldn't recall anything specific now."
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For a long while Rey didn't say or do anything, just absorbed and thought on what he said. "I heard voices." Poe shifted in his seat so he could face her more easily, but otherwise waited patiently for her to continue. She took a sharp drink. "I can't remember what they were saying anymore. I don't know if they were sending me back or beckoning me on."
There was a pause as Poe waited to see if she'd say anything else, before deciding she wasn't. "Does it matter?" He asked, and Rey gave him a confused look. "Does it matter what they were saying?"
"I... don't know." Rey admitted as she blinked away tears. "But if they were telling me to let go, to join them... Then Ben shouldn't have given his life for mine."
Poe frowned, he was definitely missing something. "These voices; you talk as though they're not just part of you..."
Rey looked tired and defeated before taking another sip before explaining. "A Jedi can use their connection to the Force to... communicate with those that came before. Palpatine took mine and Ben's life forces to regenerate himself, to have the strength to fight against him I had to call on those past Jedi. They gave me their strength, but they couldn't sustain me forever." She paused. "I... I actually died."
Poe knew what this was; survivors guilt. A common and understandable side effect of any dangerous situation in which someone loses their life. "So Kylo - I mean Ben - had to give all of his life force to save you?" He checked, and Rey nodded. "He would have known that, wouldn't he?"
Rey nodded, her face screwed up to stop her tears as she remembered the happy, relieved look on Ben's face after she kissed him. "But should he? Maybe it was supposed to be me? Maybe it was my time to go and his time to redeem himself."
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Poe pushed his feelings on Kylo Ren redeeming himself to the side, he knew it wasn't so simple for Force sensitive individuals to resist the lure of evil, but that didn't mean he liked it. In his opinion Kylo Ren had redeemed himself by saving Rey and in doing so paid the correct price for the rest of his actions. Poe wasn't sure if he believed that everyone had their 'time' as Rey put it, but that was also irrelevant. "Maybe I have this wrong, but don't Jedi become one with the Force when they die? Their bodies... become Force?"
Rey almost giggled at his poor description. "Essentially."
"Then why did Ben have time to save you? He couldn't have brought you back if..." Poe trailed off, his voice not stable enough to voice that horrible thought; of Rey gone forever.
Rey considered this, about to suggest she wasn't enough of a Jedi to become one with the Force, but Ben had, within moments and practically within her arms. Maybe Poe was right, maybe it hadn't been her time, maybe Ben had needed to save her to prove who he really was. "Maybe you're right." She finally agreed, in a voice so quiet Poe almost missed it, and only heard it because he was patient enough to wait for her to decide what she needed. "But it still doesn't feel... right."
Poe sighed. "It never feels right when someone else dies for us." He reminded her, and she nodded to herself and he lifted his bottle. "To all we lost to get here, we will never forget what we owe them." He suggested as a toast, and Rey leant forward enough to clink her own bottle against his before they both took hefty swigs.
They drank in silence for a while, both lost in the stars around them and their own thoughts. "Gammorean what?" Poe finally asked.
"What?" Rey asked as if he had lost his mind.
"You were going to call me a gammorean something or other? What was it?"
Rey was suspicious. "Why do you want to know?"
"I need to know if I need to reach you better insults."
Rey laughed. "That's... probably true." She admitted taking another sip, and Poe gave her a pointed look. "Gammorean brained bantha poo-do."
Poe couldn't help but laugh. "I definitely need to teach you how to insult people properly." He decided.
"Even if that includes you?"
"Especially if it includes me." Poe corrected. "I'm worth only the best insults." Rey laughed properly for the first time in a long while as Poe set to teaching her how soldiers - and outcasts - insulted people properly.
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