I owe everyone explanations and apologies. This is it. I'll expose all the truth, including the various mistakes I made.

TL;DR: I'm terribly sorry. I really am.

Mental health issues pushed me in a certain direction. Hubris and stupidity made me go all-in in said direction.

I'll start releasing new chapters only for people on the Discord server in a few weeks.

The Discord server will be closed for new people; the novel will only be readable by whoever is still around (or whoever buy the books when they are released).

This message will be removed in a few days. The novel will be removed from RoyalRoad in a few weeks.

Long version:

Let's get back to May 2021.

My mother-in-law is fighting cancer. It takes a heavy toll on me.

At around the same time, negative feedback about Immortal Conqueror starts getting to me. I try not to care, and I don't mention anything not to look like a crybaby. I fail not to care, and my silence ends up with me not having the support I need from people who enjoy the novel.

I don't know how to deal with those situations—so I just don't.

I stop doing anything productive at all without telling anyone. I disappear from Patreon, Discord, and any other place. I play games or read all day.

Then, in August 2021, I believe I'm ready to get back to writing.

I'm in denial.

My mother-in-law has just been told her cancer is terminal. I somehow conclude the best way to deal with that is to force myself to write again.

Unbound Deathlord is too dark to write, and Immortal Conqueror has been getting backlashes that take away my joy in writing it. I convince myself that the best thing I can do is start a new novel under a new name to prove I can write engaging stories.

God knows how I conclude that the thousands of followers who never complain about the novel are not proof of that.

The new novel is well received, and the self-validation gives me joy and energy.

In September 2021, high on arrogance, I tell people on Discord that Immortal Conqueror is coming back. Everything goes well for a few weeks, then my mother-in-law gets much worse, and feedback on the new novel gets very negative. It's almost like history is repeating itself.

I should go back to Immortal Conqueror. The experiment failed, and IC's readers are waiting for me.

But how can I?

The whole point is that I must prove to myself that I can write. That I'm not a farse. I need to succeed in writing a novel that people enjoy.

So, I abandon the failed attempt and start a new story. Everything is exactly the same: it goes well for a while, then everything goes to hell.

The conclusion is obvious: I don't know how to write. My ideas are engaging only in the beginning. Their premise is good, but the execution and long-term plot suck.

So, I'm an impostor. I provide for my wife out of sheer luck. My mother-in-law is leaving her only child at the hands of a piece of shit.

It's a very emotional moment.

I decide to abandon attempt #2 too. I'll try to get back to Immortal Conqueror but without any drive. I believe I'll fail again, so I'm already planning on abandoning my author career and getting back to programming.

But this time, I do something different instead of disappearing.

I don't just drop the novel; I tell its readers I'm dropping it and why. I open my heart to them, share how heartbroken I am, and inform them about the tears I'm shedding as I write that farewell message.

I tell them not to try to contact me; my decision is final. Reading the overwhelmingly negative feedback is making me mentally exhausted and sad. I must let go.

They blessedly ignore me.

I get dozens of messages from people telling me they enjoy what I write. Some tell me they understand and respect my decision. Others ask me to take some time off but return when I'm ready; the novel doesn't suck as I think it does. Even some big-shot authors get in touch to reveal they found themselves in my shoes before, overwhelmed and one click away from deleting everything. One of them even shares that they started seeing a psychologist to deal with it.

That was just what I needed.

I'm not as good an author as I wish, but so what? I can live with being average. Not every professional is great, and as long as people enjoy what I write enough for me to pay my bills, I'll keep writing to them.

I revert my decision and keep writing novel #2.

As for Immortal Conqueror? I know I have to talk to my readers, but I feel so ashamed for abandoning them after saying I would return that I can't. That I've been writing another novel all that while just makes things worse.

I can't not tell them about it because they deserve the truth. Lying about it to avoid backslash would feel much worse than the backslash can be. Yet, I'm not ready to deal with their reactions yet.

So I postpone. I tell myself I'll reread Immortal Conqueror, write a new chapter, then tell them all about it. Showing something solid would be better for everyone.

Yet, just looking at Immortal Conqueror brings back memories and emotions.

I recall my mother-in-law, who's still fighting cancer and get worse by the day. I recall the negative feedback. I feel ashamed for abandoning my readers. I can't even read it without feeling bad, much less write.

"Soon," I tell myself. "I'll just put my new novel on track, then return to Immortal Conqueror."

Of course, nothing goes as planned.

It's November 2021.

My mother-in-law passes away. It's an emotional moment, and I mourn, but it doesn't affect my writing much.

Something else does.

Months ago, I started having trouble reading, watching, and doing things I greatly enjoy. I feel like I just don't have the patience for it anymore. Only working brings me some measure of joy, so I write all day. I keep it going for months.

It's February or March 2022. I also start not having the patience to write.

My writing process used to be simple: I wrote for a while, took a short break, then got back to it. Writing is fun but doing it for too long feels "overwhelming," for lack of a better word. I get around it with short pauses.

But in February or March, the breaks get longer and the writing period shorter.

Until I can't write anymore.

Just looking at the text file makes me feel overwhelmed.

Yet, I haven't released a book for a while. Novel #2's Patreon is literally paying my bills. So I put on loud music to "shut my mind up" and force myself to write.

Until one day, not even that works, and I'm feeling terrible.

Things are looking dire. Getting back to programming seems like the only way out.

But a series of coincidences (I believe in God, so I credit it to Him) ends up with me watching a video about ADHD: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Am-XbS0y0hE.

I visit a neurologist for the first time in late April 2022.

I take ADHD medication for the first time in late May or early June.

My life changes.

The best way I can describe it is as if my life was black and white, and now it has colors. Things that were a chore for me are now easy and sometimes even pleasurable to do. I can function like a normal human being for the first time in my life. It affects everything from relationships to sleeping.

Really, it was shocking to see how people can just do something they need to do. It's humbling. It's incredible. It's awe-inspiring.

Yet, the medicine doesn't make me able to write again. I still can't focus. There's still something that makes me feel bad when I see the text file.

I go see a therapist. A few weeks later, I'm writing again.

And that brings us to today, September 2th, 2022.

I'm still undergoing treatment, both taking medicine and seeing a therapist. It has had its ups and downs, but things look positively bright at the moment.

The only time I felt better was when I was a kid with no responsibility, just playing and enjoying life.

This message has been in the making for around a month. I know many of you will resent me for my terrible decisions, and I totally get it. Everyone has their circumstances, and my impostor syndrome or ADHD didn't force me to make the decisions I did. They didn't force me to disappear or start new novels or anything.

That's all on me.

All I can say is that I'm terribly sorry. Really, I can't stress it enough.

I apologize from the bottom of my heart.

I thought hard about what I could do to make it up to you for what I did, but I couldn't come up with anything other than...

Writing?

So here's the plan:

When reviewing the novel's first arc, before sending it to my editor, I used an external writing aid software and made a few modifications. The chapters got better. I'll update the already-released ones to match it. I'll also review all already-released chapters for consistency and quality improvements.

Then I'll start releasing new chapters—only on Discord.

In a few days, I'll remove this message from RoyalRoad and close my Discord for new members.

This is how I'll repay everyone who's still around or has financially supported me:

Only you will get new chapters (plus any currently Patreon-locked chapters).

For now, Immortal Conqueror will stay up on RoyalRoad because it's a much better medium for you to reread it if you want. It'll be removed in a few weeks, though. My editor is done with book 1, and I'll have to take the chapters off RoyalRoad so I can enroll it on Kindle Unlimited. (Reminder: this message will be removed from there in a few days.)

When I do remove the novel, I'll share the edited book with everyone here (you might even want to wait for it instead of rereading RoyalRoad's chapters).

The new chapters' release rate won't be fast at the beginning, only around one every week, sometimes two. That's the best I can do at the moment. It might improve in time.

My Patreon will become a donation-only thing. No advanced chapters, no other rewards. I'll only keep the Discord role for current donor members. If you have too much money to know what to do with it and want to support me for no benefit whatsoever, go ahead. If not, everything Immortal Conqueror-related will still be accessible for you.

If you don't hate me enough to go away, expect the first new chapter in four to five weeks.

Each reviewed chapter (not the professionally edited book) will start getting re-released in Discord next week. They will help show you that I'm making progress and didn't disappear again.

That's about it.

Thank you for reading this wall of text.

I'm sorry.

I'll strive to do better.

(Ps: You might find out the other novels from the context, but I don't intend to reveal their titles. This is not an ad; it's an apology. Even if you guess the novels' names, I humbly ask you not to divulge them. If people want, I'll reveal it in a few months.)