"Perhaps you'll never know...

Why I never whispered a word...and

Why I chained my heart.......because I couldn't allow you to perish in the never-ending chaos that was only mine to bear."

•

•

•

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

The darkness was deafening.

Enchanting the hope into its black veil until there was none of it left.

My feet felt cold as I lay beside him, silently analysing my options and thinking about what my life had come to, unconsciously staring at the ceiling as a loud gunshot went off outside, I didn't flinch, fear wasn't something darkness couldn't falter when you were drowning.

Hoping the day ends and somehow in this hellhole, I'll find a way out finally, somehow I could end the slow terror I was steering and moulding without knowing.

Every day was a challenge, not to react when little souls were tarnished infront of me, it took everything and left me with nothing to make sense of, no one to go to for peace, it was mind-numbing.

I loathe Arcadius.

And like silently listening to my thoughts he turned, his naked body came to envelop mine into his embrace, every inch of his being pressed against mine as he placed a soft kiss beside my earlobe in his sleep, spooning me from behind, his rock hard erection poking my bare ass even when I was f*cked out my brains.

My mind wandered to several endeavours, remembering every single time he managed to get an orgasm out of me, when I thought I couldn't take it anymore he proved me wrong, every single piece of furniture in his room marked by the thick essence of sex, as he took me in every possible position, and then my mind wandered to the defenceless face of his, when he groaned as his cock jerked and he cummed hard into me, how easily I could have slit his throat then, how easily could I do it now and be done with him but I remained silent, clutched in his tight embrace after being f*cked thoroughly, remained reserved, accessing, watching.

My cold body slowly turned warm.

It was almost humorous, that someone without a heart, without an inch of warmness in his being, could do this.

F*cking him and getting f*cked by him was phenomenal until the nasty consequences came back with him, making me helplessly watch as he continued doing what he was good at.

Pain.

So I remained quiet even when my heart broke every time I heard another of his martyrs getting killed heartlessly.

I allowed him to see me as his only distraction, I allowed him to think that he deserved happiness after destroying the innocent lives of numerous, the only crack in his sealed heart, the only one he would stop the world for.

I did what I had to.

I unhurriedly turned my bare body in his embrace, our naked chests thudding against each other, his ink-covered arm encircling me further closer as his crystal grey eyes opened from the mere movement, taking in my face as he looked into my blue eyes, his Ivory's blue eyes, making no movement whatsoever to say anything about the gunshot.

He didn't explain.

He never explains.

We just laid there, looking at each other, my body aching from the sinful things he did to me, fulfilling every sexual dream I had ever about, he easily lived up to his reputation of the devil, so sinful and bewitching, enchanting you until you would yourself walk into hell for him, his hot breath flowed on my forehead as he leaned down to place a delicate kiss on my lips, every inch of my body marked by him just like his was marked by me, his motions slow as he drowned into his addiction, into his obsession more and more, without realising he was losing a big part of himself.

My fingers found their way into his obsidian hair, tugging them gently as his eyes fluttered, letting me see his most vulnerable side, the side he never wanted or believed he could show anyone.

"I love you," his voice was a mere whisper over his thudding heart, as he guided himself into the crook of my neck, kissing and biting the already bruised skin.

And I let him.

Letting the last of his resistance slip into oblivion, his hands came to entangle themselves into my hair as he let out a groan after gaining a moan from me.

"I know," I mumbled, slowly pulling his lips back onto mine.

Knowing the night and his heart both longed.

••••••••

I sobbed when I tumbled down the stairs and my knees made contact with the arduous floor, my hair yanked up causing his grip to tighten due to my fall, I was so weak that I couldn't even manage to get up on my own.

"Get up!!" He snarled, pulling my hair as he tried to force me into continuing when my legs were numb underneath me, I couldn't take this anymore.

I silently wished for death.

Whimpers fell out of my lips as his pull made me shriek, "p-please Arcadius," I choked on my blood, my mouth filled with the taste of my blood, he seemed lenient and unaffected by my begging.

"What Tesoro? I thought you wanted to know? Come on, I don't have time, get up," he whispered, his face inches from mine, his breath flowing down on my forehead as he twisted my neck to his convenience.

My eyes met the veiled death as she silently stood behind him, taking in the chaos and waiting.

I closed my eyes, not remembering the rest of the part as I was dragged up to the terrace of his building, bruised and beaten, harassed and assaulted, tired and exhausted, I was on the verge of giving up.

He tied me up with similar chains as before, slapping me awake whenever I was slipping into unconsciousness, my body trembled as he stood before me, his once white shirt stained ruddy with my blood, glimmering over his skin as well in triumph.

I could feel the trail of blood sliding down from the wound on my thigh, my body shivering from the cold and harsh wind whacking against my bruised body as I tried to meet his eyes and failed miserably, scrutinizing and peeking for something that wasn't there.

He wasn't done.

"Let's start from the beginning," his voice slashed through the cessation, gaining my attention as I listened carefully, my body begging me to give up so I could drop into a deep slumber only to never come back alive but I withstood, listening to him as hope slowly dwindled.

"I found you, we f*cked, and like an idiot, I fell in love with you and then....mi hai tradito (you betrayed me)," he stopped, making me shudder under the accusation in fear, I subconsciously turned away, expecting for something to hit me but it never came, I looked up to see his eyes strained upon me in vengeance, not a single tint of frailty in those silver orbs.

"There wasn't a single day I didn't kill myself over and over again thinking you died, and I cried.......I f*cking grieved for you b*tch...I f*cking loved you!" He snarled at the lost cause, his breath tremoring along with his voice, my mind numb as I listened to him blaming me for the betrayal.

"While I was breaking down in that f*cking cell, you were out here, living and f*cking, after you f*cking betrayed me, after everything you put me through!!" He kept reiterating over and over, as I felt my eyelids slowly growing tired from his constant altercation but my weariness was short-lived when he clutched my face between his fingers to demand the attention he wanted but wasn't getting, he did succeed in gaining a small whimper in return.

"And you know what I do to traitors," my bones chilled out from the abundance of disgust his voice held for me, the same voice which used to say my name like I was the only one he craved to survive, so much love buried in it that it literally burnt was now used by him as a weapon to show me the disgust he held, I remembered us sharing moments, with me saying those three words to him in return whenever he kissed me, whenever he touched me, whenever he demanded it, he was a possessive man, he is a possessive man.

Something flashed in his eyes on my reflex to his raised voice causing him to take a few steps away, leaving my shivering body and creating distance between us, chains clad in his hands as he slowly unwinded them, causing the clanking sound of chains whips to resonate around us every time they dragged along the concrete floor of the terrace.

I knew for a fact that my body was going into shock from all the emotional and physical stress, there was no other explanation for the tears that weren't stopping from flowing even when I felt like I was going to faint my body wouldn't let me, it wouldn't comply, it would simply let me though the terror with my damp eyes overflowing, I trembled under the dead night draping around us, breathing with difficulty cause I was certain I had a broken rib slightly grazing my lungs, his footsteps rippling around pulled me back to reality as I silently waited for him to continue because there was nothing else that I could do.

"Volevo che tu sentissi il dolore, tesoro ( I wanted you to feel the pain,)" he whispered, his lips not a mere centimetre from my ear lobe, chains rattled as he hauled them to stand behind me, where I couldn't see but only feel his presence, I staggeredly exhaled, forcing myself to keep my eyes open, trying to decipher his next move.

"I wanted you to feel how it feels to get deceived by someone you never thought would do so," his fingers roamed over my bare bloodstained leg while his hot breath flowed over my earlobe as I desperately tried to create distance by tilting away from his touch, watching him triumphantly inhaling the scent of my blood from the corners of my eye, this was all borderline psychotic.

"How did it feel?" His hand drifted higher under the filthy sundress that clung to my body like a second skin and I felt myself retching but didn't dare to make a single sound, even when tears wouldn't stop and my body quivered uncontrollably in disgust I stayed reserved, quiet. Standing there like a piece of unliving entity, his to look at, his to touch but not to understand, not to be reached, unattainable.

"Did you like the lovemaking? I bet it was mindblowing getting f*cked by the one you love, wasn't it?" He muttered thoughtfully, his fingers drawing circles on my wound, making my body twitch with pain as he continued his excursion to his destination, towards the end.

The only thing that was unsettled was whether the end was now or forever.

"Sorry, my mistake, did you like getting raped?" His single change made my blood boil, resurfacing the adrenaline to the surface as I tossed my head back in anger, the power I didn't know I held rushed through me, the only mistake was trying and missing by a centimetre from f*cking head butting him.

Every judgment he passed, was a lie made up for his convenience, to make people believe the shit he wanted and I would die before I let this bastard control my mind too.

Because taking her from me wasn't enough, because seizing him wasn't the horizon.

"Tsk, still not broken enough I guess, well since you wanted to know, I certainly need to complete the story now, needn't I? So where was I? Ah....so you see I get out of the prison only to find out that my long lost lover is suddenly risen from dead, I thought I might give a visit to her after all..." he extracted his hand from underneath my dress as he stepped infront of me, masquerading a mocking smile on his face as I glared at him, my mouth sealed with anger as I waited for the truth not so patiently after all, "then I got to know that my m*therfucking Ivory was actually Shana, I certainly thought of punishing you but above all I accepted that too, only to get to know that this Shana Drishtya Rajput is actually the one who was responsible for my downfall."

His smile broadened like he was proud, leaning closer until his lips were a few centimetres away from mine, he whispered "I was enthralled that I found the perfect Regina to rule alongside me, if you could use me, you could do anything, I thought about how fuckable and sexy you would look with my baby inside you, how suitable heir we would make." I felt myself shiver at his disgusting thoughts, his silver eyes mirroring hostility under the mocking smile.

Both of us remained quiet, me being speechless at how he was slowly twisting himself into my nastiest nightmare and him probably deciding the future, he knew the power he held. I couldn't bring myself to utter a single word even when my lips parted several times in an attempt, and every time he felt me perish, he conquered.

Every breath that I took felt like my last, his fingers tracing over the unmarked territory of my body like he owned it, while I could do nothing other than silently listening and live through this nightmare as he continued with his story.

"When I eventually escaped from prison, Rafael found me, he had a lot to tell me about you..." He kept circling, once again letting me feel his closeness when his breath glided on my neck, his lips just a mere whisper away from my neck making me shudder with fear and pure anger, "...I couldn't believe him, I just couldn't, I COULD NOT believe the delicate, terrified girl that I treated back to life, whom I grew to love, my sweet Ivory who would whisper my name on stormy nights in pure pleasure when I made love to her was what he told me, a damn traitor, an sl*t, nothing but a f*cking decoy to trap me." He moved from behind me as those words left his lips in utter and pure disdain, a single tear cascading down his sun-kissed skin, his obsidian hair a mess on his head as hair stuck to his forehead due to sweat, he made me the same as him, a f*cking mess, unable to find love.

"How could I believe when the same woman would rush downstairs to me every time I stepped into that dead mansion I called home, she would make me homecooked dinner which I never had the luxury of eating before her, the same woman who would make it her adage to let me know just how much I mean to her, just how much she loves me, or do you want me to recall the purest of kisses that you left on my forehead when you thought I was sleeping, the little brushes of our hand whenever we would stand together, or that of your little soft snores that amused me rather than the movie you forced me to watch, JUST TELL ME HOW COULD I WHEN YOU WOULD KISS ME WITH RAREST OF YOUR TOUCHES?!" he snarled while stumbling back down on the chair in front of me, a sob escaping his lips, one that I heard for the second time in our time together and I felt a similar sob escaping my lips in frustration as I remembered that he did exactly the same to me, he shattered my heart, not once but twice, brown eyes but different pairs with same intensity flashing through my mind.

"Why did you do it? I would've died for you if you just asked, I loved you that much," he whispered as he stared at me with his tear-brimmed eyes, biting his lower lip to stop it from quivering while he waited for an answer.

Answer that he doesn't know, but is responsible for.

"I didn't love you, Arcadius," I whispered back, our eyes not losing contact as I forced him to accept, to remember.

He started nodding his head eventually like in a trance of thinking something, his eyes not meeting mine when he abruptly stood up, his emotional side already quelled by his paranoia as he roughly passed his fingers through his hair.

"But you said you loved me," he repeated the same sentence.

"I-"

"YOU LOVED ME!!" I was abruptly cut off as his fingers dug into my cheeks to keep my head stern towards him, usushed tears threatening to fall from both of our eyes when we gazed at each other, knowing we were the cause of pain the other was feeling, a whimper escaped from my lips at his tightening grip.

"I loved you then why did you f*cked him? Was I not enough? Was I f*cking not enough?" I staggered out a breath as he snarled right at me, I could feel myself slipping, the blood loss was too much to handle without any proper oxygen supply, and with my degrading health I found myself being stripped off of my sanity and hope too, this exchange was not going anywhere, he was killing me and damn well wanted to do so, so why the f*ck was I listening, I should have stopped listening long ago.

The reality was the pleasure I felt while looking at his tears-drenched face, his heart shattered and him at the verge of killing himself with my end was inexplicable, I f*cking was addicted to it. I needed it like I needed oxygen to survive, I needed to see every second of his misery to ensure that I did break him, even if I perished in the process.

I knew him like I knew the back of my hand, I spent two years with this man, studying him, watching him, first getting manipulated and then manipulating him, I was there, breathing the same air as him, and I knew I was f*cked at this point, either he's going to kill me or he'll kill us both. Literally.

"I COULDN'T SEE YOU HAPPY WITH SOMEONE ELSE! so I had to do something, I had to!...." He snarled psychotically, our forehead touched while he tried to collect himself by closing his eyes, "...I waited for you two to come close, close enough for it to burn, enough to want to end it but wouldn't be able to," he whispered, I knew he was back on track about Xavier as his breath glided over my face, my eyes lowered to the ground as I silently shivered, deja vu washing over like a bucket of cold water, same events repeating itself when he started explaining, scenes going on like it was yesterday I met Xavier.

"And just as I planned you both did become intimate, and then I decided to approach the bastard you were cheating on me with, I pushed him till he was deep plenty to never be back out, I gave him your s*x tapes," I stilled at his words, not believing the circumstances had once again led me to this, slowly raising my head I met his eyes only to see a twisted smile engraved on his lips, my eyes stinging with resentful tears, recalling the dread and torture he made me suffer through.