He described her kitchen perfectly, listing an inventory of everything in her fridge. The few fruits she bought as a healthier snack alternative, the few stalks of vegetables she bought as a pathetic attempt to eat nutritiously, and the bars of chocolate she ate on her period.

He went in my fridge? She chewed her thumb, sculpting the nail into a perfect arc the best she could.

She flipped to the next page. He continued onto her cupboards. The packets of instant ramen she kept, the singular pot she used to cook them, a few cups, and then her pathetic collection of silverware. Next page. Skin came off the thumb, and she felt a sting. Some ideas listed in brackets: “New computer, kitchenware, cutlery, food.” With a small side-note. “Not romantic enough.”

She saw red and wrapped a homemade bandage around it with tissue. Her cabinets were next on the chopping block, and from the change in font size, she could tell how excited he felt discovering the perfume bottle. It was solely for emotional support, where she’d spray some to escape into the past when she was the queen of the world.

With nowhere left to turn, she called for her lifeline. “Hello?”

“What?” Sonia barked, expecting another melo-dramatic rant to end her day.

**

“I need you to give your statement to the principal.” Sonia instructed. She would’ve needed to do so regardless, but Sonia simply wanted to rub it in. She barked back and stood up for herself for the first time, shutting her down.

Teachers pulled her away from class the next day for interrogation, assuring her repeatedly that she wasn’t in trouble. She begged to differ, weaving together a lie that’d exonerate Sam on the way there. It was the least she could do after yesterday. Letting Sam be punished for her sin would be unforgivable, even by her own standards.

The walls hugged her with an aggressive shade of white, and the teacher had a laptop set up, performing the job of a stenographer.. “Do you know why we called you here today?”

She nodded.

“Your friend reported that Sam Windsor was stalking you, what are your thoughts on that?”

“It’s not true.” Everyone painted her a victim, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. She exploited his deepest insecurities and toyed with him, all for some dumb school project. Seriously? She began to think that she was irredeemable.

“You’re not in trouble. We want to help you. Can you tell us what happened?”

“We had a fight, and Sonia overreacted and just reported him.”

“What was the fight about?”

“We were… breaking up.”

“You two were in a relationship?”

She nodded.

“How long did it last?”

Were they trying to mock her? “A week… or two.”

“Ok, so why did Sonia report him for stalking if he didn’t?”

“She overreacted! She’s usually very protective of me.” She cracked a smile.

“Are you two close?”

She hesitated for a moment. “Yeah.”

“She gave us a few pages from Sam’s notebook, do you know about that?”

She nodded.

“Do you know what’s on it?”

She nodded again.

“What?”

“Things that I told him about me…”

“That’s not what she told us. She told us this was information he got from breaking into your place and snooping around.”

“She’s exaggerating. She hates Sam.”

“Has there always been conflict between those two?”

She nodded. “We run the film club together, and Sam got the position as the president over like…a technicality. And Sonia always thinks Sam doesn’t know how to lead the club well, and that she can do it so much better.” She rolled her eyes.

“I see… So Sam didn’t stalk you?”

“No.”

“He didn’t break into your place to snoop around?”

“No!”

“Everything he wrote in his notebook was things you told him?”

She nodded.

“And how did you feel when you realised he wrote them down? Or did you ask him to write it down?”

She froze. They called for her attention a few times which went unheard. All her attention swung back to the night she read through the pages, and the hermit crab shrivelled back into her shell.

“Ok, thank you for your time.” They went over mundane administrative matters, and returned her to class. She rejected their offer to the counsellor’s office.

**

The moment the lock clicked, the dam broke; again. She cried over her pitiful house, her pitiful life, her pitiful self, and her pitiful kitchen. She cried over everything for the millionth time. Why did she even manipulate him to begin with? Was the school project truly that insurmountable she had to resort to cheating?

No, she would simply be forcibly assigned to one of the existing groups once she voiced her situation to the teacher, and would then do the project as per normal. But instead she decided to take the long way around, playing Sam into her hands and letting him do all the work. By the time of their break-up, he had already completed the first half of the film for her.

Then why did she do it? She smacked that question over her head until a migraine formed. Why was she, in Sonia’s words, so dumb? It definitely wasn’t just about the school project, she knew that, but what other reason would motivate her stupidity? She’d be lying to herself if she kept sitting there pondering over a question she already answered. Easily enchanted by his motivational words, she latched onto him for another round, and then another, and another; each hit increasing in potency. Knowing how much he loved her kept the demons at bay.

And now the demons were made welcome again. She sat with them, writing herself off as a lost cause. Sonia wouldn’t even pick up if she called. But an hour later she realised she couldn’t possibly remain this way for the rest of her life; even if she didn’t plan to live it for long. If she was truly at rock bottom, then there was nowhere to go but up.

She woke up tomorrow feeling refreshed despite having only an hour of sleep. Making a promise to herself to move up, she prepared the most healthy breakfast her fridge could offer and swore to never wear her disgusting skirt ever again. Without her costume to wear, she naturally needed new clothes to replace it. Off she went, jogging for the first time in her life towards the mall.

A figure emerged from the shadows and breathed behind her. With hair stood on ends, she turned around and prepared to scream for help, but the figure had vanished into thin air. Nowhere but up, she consoled herself, and reverted to walking.

Trying on outfit after outfit, she reminded herself of all the times she did this with Sonia. Sonia would offer colourful criticisms to anything she wore, but Honey knew better to read between the lines, studying her gaze for her real impressions. If Sonia couldn't look away, it meant she found it attractive, which always felt intoxicating to learn. She often joked about how majestic it would be to wear these outfits on her wedding day, and surprisingly, Sonia would play along, diving into a daydream about what each bride wished for. Turns out the two had polarising opinions on what they found best to include on that day.

Tears well up again, remembering how the two ended things. She couldn’t bear the thought of living without Sonia for even a second longer, and splurged on a dress as an apology gift. It was the best idea she could come up with.

**

Walking to the lecture hall felt alienating today, and with each step closer her gut dropped a level. Haunting flashes of all that happened overwhelmed her, from reading the ten pages whilst chewing her thumb till it bled to watching Sonia's dressing down in pure horror. She simply wanted to close the chapter and move on. All she needed to do was to make a U-turn straight home, and never appear there again to make it official.

Sonia shyly glanced her down when she entered, surprised at her jeans. Ms Eva filled them in on Sam's punishment, and advised the two contenders to decide as soon as possible who was next to hold the baton.

Sitting across each other on the stage, they scrolled through their phones to avoid confrontation. The subtle glances towards each other only grew in frequency, until one party prepared to break the silence. However, just as that came close to fruition, Erin walked in.

"Hi guys. I'm so sorry, my dog fell really sick... and I had to take care of him for the whole week, I swear I thought I messaged Sam about it but- anyway, I still submitted the soundtrack in time, you received it right?" She looked to Sonia, who gave a slight nod. Only now did she catch up, feeling the tension wafting in the atmosphere.

"Um... what's going on? Where's Sam? Why are you both- I'm really sorry, I swear to you I messaged Sam about it, and I gave you the soundtrack in time, you edited it in right? Or did you not have enough time?"

Sonia nodded. "It's not about you. Stop panicking."

"Oh ok- then uh- what's...going on? Why's everyone so- where's Sam?"

"Suspended... for two weeks."

"What! Why?" She gasped.

The two girls looked to each other, flipping an invisible coin to decide who’d break the news. Alas, they remain undecided.

"Why?" Erin asked more seriously. "Did he do something?"

Honey nodded. "You don't need to know."

"Uh... ok...?"

"He's also not the president anymore, which means one of us three has to take over." Sonia said.

"Woah, what? I- uh- ok."

"We have until the end of the day to decide."

"Um... ok. So... how are we gonna do it? We can like- have a voting thing?"

"Sure."

Erin fell silent too, perpetuating the suffocating atmosphere.

She couldn't take it anymore. Honey bolted off to the toilet, hiding in the stall to compose herself. Sonia hated her as much as she hated herself, and there was no way the two could reconcile. What was she thinking when she bought that dress? Sonia can't be bought off so easily, a fact she should know better than anyone. She burnt the bridge the moment she mentioned her father, all because she felt insulted. Doesn't she know all of Sonia's mannerisms by now? Doesn't she know better to read between the lines and take her words less personally?

The creaking of the door bounced off the walls, jerking her back to reality. Despite not seeing anything, she could tell Sonia walked in, and could envision her heading towards the sink and washing her hands before sitting on it.

"Who do you want to be leader?" She asked.

Honey rolled her eyes, how typical of her to sweep everything under the rug and focus on the task at hand.

"Do you want to be the leader at all? Genuinely asking."

Honey crossed her arms, refusing to play along. Sonia would forcibly segway the conversation every time she wanted to avoid talking.

"Answer me. I don't want anyone to do it if they just don't care."

Honey stayed silent.

"I want someone that actually cares about this club to take over, okay? So tell me if you actually care about the club, or do you just want to do acting?" Sonia waited for her response. "Can you say something? I'm voting Erin if you continue keeping quiet."

"Just vote yourself."

"What?"

"You're the only one who actually cares, so why don't you do it?"

"I can't do it, don't be insane. But... uh... Erin? She's new, she doesn't know how it all works yet."

"I don't want to be the leader. So there's your answer." She sniffed and walked out, washing her hands.

"Are... are- um..." Sonia stuttered. "Are you okay?"

The question stabbed her in the gut, and she wanted to collapse in her arms. The prior conflicts they had no longer mattered to her. She simply needed her friend back. She shook her head.

"Ok... I'm not... ok either. So..."

"Ok... why?"

Sonia rubbed her hands together, and they simply watched each other's gaze in complete silence. Slowly, they both crept a smile.

"Hey, I bought you something." Honey smiled, heading back to the classroom. Zipping her bag open, she delivers the gift, ultimately grateful she bought it. "Here. It should fit you, we both wear the same size."

"What... I don't wear dresses, ew!"

"Aw...!" Erin chimed in.

"It'd look nice on you, I swear."

"No, I'm never wearing that. Ever." Sonia carefully packed it in her bag. "So... have you two decided yet?"

Erin and Honey nodded.

"Cool, me too. On three... I guess, I dunno. One, two... three."

Two fingers pointed at Sonia, and one pointed at Erin.