《Door 42》Divide The Angle By The Hypotenuse
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Again, we are all in agreement. We pile into the jeep and head back to Door 42. When we walk in, Trina runs around from behind the bar and slams me in a worried hug.
“Jesus! Are you ok? I was worried sick. What the hell was that?” pours out of her, then she notices something I had forgotten about, “Wait, is that a rabbit in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”
At the same time, Christi is doing much the same thing with Todd.
Bethy knows better. The stern look on her face tells me so. She is wearing one of her jumpsuits, so she was probably on the loader when it happened. Oh, I bet that wasn’t fun. If looks could kill, the one she’s giving me right now would put me six feet under, twice.
“That was you, wasn’t it!?” she says tightly with her hands on her hips, “You almost dropped a crate on my head, mister! You better tell me what you’re up to right now! And if you try to feed me any bullshit I’ll rip your head off and shit down the hole!”
“Careful,” Trina whispers in my ear, still holding me in a close embrace, “She’s not joking.”
With Trina shielding me from Bethy’s wrath, I am safe for the moment. I think. But Bethy’s fuse is definitely lit, and I’d rather not have her go off if I can help it.
“I…” I start, and then I am saved, or at least granted a brief reprieve, by Sweet Thing entering the bar.
“Hey Chief, how’d it go?” she says with a big smile, and then stops with a curious look as she observes the tableau before her.
“Aunt Betty?” asks Christi, who has been so wrapped up with Todd that she hasn’t noticed the drama I am currently embroiled in, “You know Chief? He’s a really great guy.”
“Yes I do,” says Sweet Thing with a curious smirk, looking me directly in the eye, “And yes, I think he is.”
I seize this brief moment of confusion and say, ”Alright, let’s go over to the bar and talk about this. Right now, we,” I gesture around at Al, Todd, and myself, “need a drink.”
It works! So I get behind the bar and start pouring drinks, using the time to think about how I’m going to explain this. Where to start? So I pour slowly.
“None for me,” says Trina, “I’m… not drinking right now.”
“Neither am I,” glowers Bethy, still smoldering.
Ok, that’s… but whatever. Everybody else is, so I line ‘em up.
“So, Aunt Betty, huh?” I say to Sweet Thing, partly out of curiosity, and partly out of a desire to deflect, “You have a sister or somethin’?”
“No,” she answers, “but my late husband did. This little firecracker is her great granddaughter.”
“Oh, small world, ain’t it?” and then to Christi, “Looks like you got yourself a new name now, ‘Cracker’.”
Christi frowns at this, but doesn’t get to say anything about it because Bethy breaks in like a sledgehammer.
“Enough with the chit chat, Chief! What the fuck is going on?” she bellows.
“You haven’t told them?” asks Sweet Thing.
“No, I…”
Sweet Thing raises an eyebrow at me.
“I was afraid, ok? Not of them,” I nod towards Trina and Bethy, “but of Her, of myself. I didn’t know if I could handle Her and I didn’t wanna . . . I just didn’t want everybody to know yet. Not until I knew.”
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“And do you know now?”
“Yes, I do.”
“Her who?” accosts Bethy.
“Yeah,” adds Trina, a rising ire in her voice, “You better not be two timing us with some other floozie, pretty boy!”
“Oh, she’s no floozie,” says Al, laughing in spite of, or perhaps because of, the situation, “And you better not ever let Her hear you call her that.”
“Yeah,” says Todd, “She’s scary.”
“But AMAZING!” adds Al, with a faraway smile on his face.
“Who the hell…” says Bethy.
“Miss Chief,” says Sweet Thing.
Bethy, Trina, and Christi all give her curious looks.
“You better show ‘em, Chief,” she says.
“Ok,” I finish my drink, “Let’s go.”
Between the seven of us we have to take two jeeps. When we get down to the clubhouse, Bethy is the first one to speak up.
“I’ve been wondering exactly what’s going on in here,” she says, “The door is always locked. I know it’s where you keep those hot rods. You better be building one in there for me,” she glares at me.
“Not yet, but we’re just about to start,” it’s not a lie, I’m quite certain that we’ll be starting on one tomorrow if I wish to continue drawing breath.
I open the door and flip on the lights, and Bethy, Trina, and Christi get their first look at Miss Chief.
“Oh my God!,” says Bethy, “She’s BEAUTIFUL!” then she turns to me with fire in her eyes, “You BASTARD!” and socks me square in the jaw, she’s small, so there’s no weight behind it, but fast, so it whips my head around, staggers me a bit and really stings. She storms up as I find my footing and grabs me firmly by the crotch, “If you EVER wake her up again without me being here, I will divide your angle by the hypotenuse! Do you understand me?”
“Yes ma’am,” I cough.
“Good!” and she wraps her arm around my waist and tiptoes up to peck me on the cheek, all smiles again, “Now be a gentleman and introduce us.”
“Oh God,” laughs Sweet Thing, “You are JUST like Bitsy!” wiping a laugh tear from the corner of her eye, “The two of you must be related somehow.”
“Ok,” I lead Bethy over to Miss Chief and place my hand on her cab, she purrs contentedly under my touch, “Miss Chief, this is Bethy. She is very dear to me and she likes you very much, please be nice.” I nod to Bethy and she places her hand next to mine on the cab. The purr diminishes greatly but is still there. There’s no hint of threat like there was with Al the first time. This is promising.
“Oh, I felt that,” says Bethy, “Does that mean she’s, mad? That she doesn’t like me?”
“No, it’s not that. I think she’s just not sure about you yet, but she doesn’t want to pick a fight.”
“It’s ok, Miss Chief, I think you’re wonderful,” then turns to me, “You, on the other hand . . .”
There is a hint of a growl from Miss Chief.
“Oh! I see!” says Bethy, mildly surprised, “Don’t worry, Miss Chief, pretty boy here has nothing to fear from me. As long as he behaves himself,” which she punctuates with a pointed look at me.
Miss Chief seems to giggle and purrs a little more strongly.
“See?” says Bethy, “I think she likes me.”
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“Figures,” I say, “You two are cut from the same cloth.”
I wave Trina over to us, “Ok, you too now.”
“This is Trina, Miss Chief. She’s with me and Bethy in this, so you be good now,” and Trina steps between us and places her hand on top of the cab between ours, and… Miss Chief doesn’t just purr, it’s as if she absolutely roars with delight! This is new.
“Wow, she REALLY likes you!” I say in surprise, “What’s up with that?”
“I know why,” says Bethy with an ‘I know something you don’t’ grin.
“Bethy, I…” starts Trina.
“Trina’s pregnant!” gushes Bethy with a huge smile.
“Holy shit!” I put my hand over Trina’s and take her around the shoulders, “Are you sure?”
“Well,” she smiles, “I am a pediatrician. So yeah, I’m sure!”
Ok, that pediatrician part was unexpected, but then again, I never asked, and it never came up before, so fuck it!
“Wow… That’s… I…,” honestly, I’ve never been what you’d call ‘enthusiastic’ about kids before, more the exact opposite. I always felt like I wasn’t ready, or didn’t have the right partner, or whatever other reasons. But right now, here in this place, with these people, the family that we’ve created around Door 42, I can’t think of anything that could be more wonderful! I’m going to be a Daddy, and I can’t wait! I never knew this depth and breadth of emotion even existed until right now.
“Fuckin’ A!” I say, grabbing Trina and giving her a big kiss.
Bethy, beaming, squeezes us both in a huge hug and says, “We’re going to have a baby! Isn’t that great?”
“Yes! Fuck yes it is!” and I kiss her too.
Everyone else in the room who has been watching this exchange spontaneously breaks out into applause. Fuck, I had forgotten they were even there.
After the shock and awe has faded a bit, I have everyone else come over around Miss Chief, and one by one, add their hands to ours. It takes her a moment to settle between each one, but after everyone has been there for a minute she settles into a deep, rolling purr. Like a mother lion with her cubs. She knows that she’s part of the family now, and I can tell that she’s happier than she’s been in a long time. Maybe ever.
After a while we are hanging out in the lounge area. Some of the others are going through the old photos with Sweet Thing. I’m sitting on one of the engine crates having a celebratory drink from one of the bottles that didn’t break when it fell off onto the floor and one of the glasses that is merely lightly chipped.
“You know,” says Bethy, “I’m surprised that you were able to keep this from me, from us, for so long. I’m not the least bit surprised that you’d try, of course. But succeeding, well, I’m rather impressed. Now that I’m not pissed off about it anymore. You and Al, I could see, but Todd here,” she hooks an arm around Todd’s waist, “I didn’t think he had it in him.”
At this, Todd’s ears turn red.
“He didn’t,” Christi fesses up, “I did.”
Bethy shoots her a short look that says ‘traitor!’
“Hey, sorry if I’m not a stone cold bitch. I like guys,” she says mildly defensively, “This just seemed like kind of, I don’t know, a private ‘guy thing’ and I thought I should let him have it. Todd doesn’t get a lot of guy time, and he loves his uncle Al. And Chief. I figured it was good for him. For all of them. And these two,” she gestures at me and Al, “have been rubbing off on him. In a good way.”
Bethy gives her a look, and then resigns herself.
“Thanks Cracker, it takes some big ovaries to say something like that to Bethy,” I say.
“Yeah, it looks like she’s got a mean right hook there, Chief,” she comes back.
At this, we all laugh.
“So Bethy,” I say, “Ready to go for a ride?”
“It’s about damn time! I wanna take the Dragon Wagon.”
“No you don’t, not yet. We’ll take Sleepy Jeepy first.”
“Ok, but I’m driving!”
“I never said you weren’t,” as I toss her the keys.
She is not shy with the gas pedal. She is fearless. Dancing along the edge of recklessness, just like I do. We have a blast! She’s really good with it for her first time out, and I only suck the seat cover up my ass a couple of times. By the time we have to stop at the gas station to fill up before heading back, we’re both laughing and smiling, and all is forgiven.
When we get back to the clubhouse, everybody’s had about enough fun for one day. So we pile into the jeeps and head back. On the way, I pull over at the motor pool.
“Ok,” I tell Bethy, “Pick one and drive it over into the maintenance shop next door. We’ll start building it.”
“Really? Anything?”
“Just not a deuce, ok baby?” I roll my eyes, “That’s too much to deal with.”
She starts walking up and down the rows, examining the various vehicles.
Al comes up and says, “Hey Chief, you think we can do one for me, too?”
“Sure man, knock yourself out.”
Todd starts to say something but I cut him off, “Nope, you’re gonna have to wait your turn, punk.”
Cracker giggles. Todd want’s to say something, but doesn’t. Good, he’s learning.
I put my arm around his shoulders, “Look man, two is really more than we need on our plate at one time anyway, but I think we can do it. We’re gonna learn a lot from this and that knowledge is gonna carry over when we build yours. You’ll most likely end up with a better ride than either of these two will be, but you’re gonna have to wait for it.”
He chews on this for a moment, and then says, “Ok, that’s fair. Thanks for bein’ straight with me, Chief.”
Cracker doesn’t say anything, she just makes an ‘I’m impressed’ face and gives me a thumbs up behind Todd’s back. It’s our little secret.
After a while, Bethy comes back, gets in her jeep, and drives it into the maintenance shop. When she walks back she just shrugs.
“I like her, I’m used to her, and she’s already mine,” she says, “Just make her fast and don’t fuck her up, ok? I want something I can drive every day.”
“Ok, a sleeper. That shouldn’t be too hard.”
“Not like Sleepy Jeepy though. I mean, it’s a load of fun, but not really that practical for getting around. I want something fun that I can use, not just a toy.”
“Well, I’m pretty sure that’s how Sleepy Jeepy started out, and then it just kind of evolved as parts got broken and replaced with something stronger. Then it just kind of snowballed until it was all that it could be and they decided to start over and build an all out racer.”
“The Dragon Wagon?”
Catches on quick, this one, “Yeah, and it’s great, it’s just balls to the wall, all the time.”
“Right, I don’t want that.”
About this time Al comes idling up in a WC pickup with a wrecker boom mounted in the bed and duals on the back, “Hey Chief! What do you think about this one?”
I have to laugh, “That’s good Al, it suits you! From the moment we took that first ride I knew you were hooked!” And that’s it. From that moment on, his name is ‘Hooked’, or ‘Hook’.
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