《The Three Lives of Mr. Amazing》Vacation

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Gingerbread Cay was located in the US Virgin Islands, and was a small private island located between the US island of St. John and the British island of Tortola. It was on Gingerbread Cay that Mr. Amazing and his entourage were vacationing at the request of the CIA after his appearance on the The Chuck Greene show and his unveiling as God’s chosen one.

Life on Gingerbread Cay was quiet. Mr. Amazing and Kiki lived in the main house - that was a luxurious mansion on the beach. Mr. Amazing’s chef was on the island, as well as Burt the butler and a few other housekeeping staff. Mr. Amazing had been on Gingerbread Cay for about a month, and life had settled into a routine. Mr. Amazing had two guests at the main house today - they were Reverend Booth from the Church of New America and Lance Tapper, a ghost writer the Reverend Booth had hired to write Mr. Amazing’s autobiography.

Mr. Amazing, Reverend Booth, and Lance Tapper were sitting on the veranda of the main house sipping cocktails as the waves of the Caribbean sea crashed down on the beach in front of them. Mr. Amazing was smoking a cigar, and was dressed in shorts only. Reverend Booth was wearing a suit, and was sweating in the heat of the Caribbean. Lance was wearing jeans and a t-shirt and sandals.

‘So what we want to do here is firm up some of your positions on key issues’ - said Reverend Booth, a stout man with a neatly trimmed white beard and circular wire framed glasses.

Mr. Amazing took a sip from the frozen cocktail, and puffed his cigar - ‘What positions?’ - he said disinterestedly.

‘Well…’ - said Reverend Booth, smiling and adjusting his position in his seat - ‘There are a number of key issues for the congregation of the Church of New America that we consider fundamental in our faith…’

‘Like what?’ - said Mr. Amazing.

Lance had a notepad and pencil - but he hadn’t taken any notes yet.

‘Well…’ - said Reverend Booth, smiling again and readjusting his position again - ‘One of the most important issues for the congregation is the queers’

‘The queers?’ - said Mr. Amazing, staring at Reverend Booth.

‘Yes, the queers’ - said Reverend Booth, smiling again and wiping his forehead with a paper napkin.

‘What about the queers?’ - said Mr. Amazing, puffing on the cigar.

‘Well, it is the view of the congregation - and myself as leader of the Church of New America - that homosexuality is a sin, and…’ - started Reverend Booth, before Mr. Amazing cut him off.

‘You think that with all the shit going on in this world today - the most important thing to take a position on is the queers?’

Lance made a note in his notepad.

Reverend Booth looked taken aback. He mopped his forehead again with the napkin and tried to regain his composure - ‘Mr. Amazing, sir - it is because of the queers that all of this other…stuff…is happening in the world today!’

‘So, climate change is because of the queers?’

Lance made another note in his notepad.

Reverend Booth chuckled - ‘Mr. Amazing, there isn’t such a thing as climate change!’

Mr. Amazing puffed his cigar.

‘The queers and the liberals, Mr. Amazing - created the myth of climate change to misdirect the American people. The queers and the liberals did this so that they can convert our innocent children into their unholy army of sodomites charged with undermining the American way of life, and selling our future to their athiest Chinese communist masters!’

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Mr. Amazing puffed his cigar, and took a sip of his cocktail.

‘I, and the Church of New America, Mr. Amazing - think that if you, as God’s chosen one, take the position that being a queer is evil, it will send a powerful message and halt the march of the sodomite’s army of darkness’

‘I will think about it’ - said Mr. Amazing, and he puffed his cigar. Lance made a note in his notebook - ‘What else?’

‘So another issue that is very important to the New Church of America is the construction of an oil pipeline through some land the church owns in Montana. Now approval for the pipeline has been tied up with the feds and the Canadians for years - and I was hoping, that you might take a position that encourages the approval of this pipeline’s construction with the federal government’

‘Pipeline?’ - said Mr. Amazing, glancing at Lance who shrugged and then back to Reverend Booth.

‘Yes, the pipeline. Now also - it would be great if you could also make some recommendations on the companies who would be granted contracts to build the pipeline, once it has gained approval. I have a few names here for you to refer to…’

Reverend Booth passed Mr. Amazing a sheet of paper which had the names of some limited liability corporations on it. The reverend then mopped his forehead again and smiled.

‘The Church of New America is proud to support you, Mr. Amazing - shall we pray?’

Mr. Amazing looked at Lance who shrugged again - and then Reverend Booth bowed his head and began the prayer.

‘Our Lord - we thank you for sending us your agent and chosen one, Mr. Amazing - and we pray that Mr. Amazing will have the strength and fortitude to smite all of the enemies of the Church of New America, and will lead the people of this blessed land to salvation and eternal joy in the bosom of your love - Amen!’

Reverend Booth raised his head, and smiled at Mr. Amazing - ‘Now I am going to be heading off. I have an important meeting with some associates in Puerto Rico about the Lord’s work for a couple of nights, and then back to tending to his flock!’

Reverend Booth was indeed heading to Puerto Rico - but it wasn’t to meet important associates about the Lord’s work. It was to visit the casino in San Juan and to snort cocaine and fuck Colombian transexual prostitutes.

Burt the butler arrived on the veranda with a fresh cocktail for Mr. Amazing, and Reverend Booth stood - ‘Now I will leave you two to work on the most amazing book written since the bible, good day gentlemen!’

Burt escorted Reverend Booth from the main house, and a golf cart drove him to the air strip where he boarded the plane for the short flight to San Juan in Puerto Rico.

‘So…’ - said Lance, back on the veranda.

‘So…’ - said Mr. Amazing, sipping the new cocktail and puffing his cigar.

‘I just want to say, Mr. Amazing - this is such a honor to be asked to help you tell your story’

Mr. Amazing snorted, and took a sip of his drink.

‘So - where would you like to begin?’

Mr. Amazing stared out to the Caribbean sea and the waves crashing down on the golden sands. He thought about how empty his life was - even with the adoration and devotion and love of billions of people. He thought about his plans - with the Reverend Booth’s encouragement - to elevate himself to God’s chosen one, and his exile on Gingerbread Cay far away from the world. Murray had said it was a vacation - just a chance for everyone to let the dust settle and find a way forward. Murray had mentioned a plan that the CIA had, to hand Mr. Amazing over to NASA and a mission to explore the galaxy and to make contact with alien life. First they moved him from his penthouse in Manhattan to an isolated island in the Caribbean, and next they would put him on a spaceship and send him off into the depths of space - out of sight, out of mind. The brave Mr. Amazing, they would say, has gone to the stars to make contact with aliens - and the people of the world would pray for him and adore him, and then - little by little - they would forget him until he was a feature only of history books and late night TV documentaries that asked “What happened to Mr. Amazing?”

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Lance sat in silence, his pen poised above his notepad.

Mr. Amazing knew it had been a mistake to go on the Chuck Greene show - and all that nonsense about God. All he wanted was to be loved - to be loved more. He thought that the love would wash away the nightmares, the dead children, and the emptiness from his lack of memories. He had thought that perhaps with more love, more adoration, he would feel something other than emptiness. Writing this book, to connect with those adoring fans who loved him, was all part of filling this void. But it would all be lies. He didn’t know where he came from. He didn’t know how he arrived in the hospital with Dr. Janus. He couldn’t mention Dr. Janus and the injections. He couldn’t mention the secret missions, or the stage managed missions for the TV cameras. He couldn’t mention the dead children he had killed. He couldn’t mention the abortions, or the drinking, or the lovers. It would all be a lie - just like him.

He sipped his cocktail - ‘We can start wherever you want…’

Lance sat in silence for a moment, and then spoke - ‘So, what is your earliest memory?’

‘I remember…waking up in a hospital. I was confused…’

‘After you came out of the coma?’ - said Lance, taking notes.

‘I guess…’

‘And nothing before that?’ - said Lance, looking up from his notes.

Mr. Amazing stared out at the Caribbean sea, and puffed his cigar - ‘There are things that I remember - but I don’t know if they are memories or dreams. They feel like memories, but they also feel more like a nightmare than a dream… Like, it feels so real in my mind, but is also too horrible to be real’

‘Can you tell me more?’ - said Lance.

‘This cannot go in the book’ - said Mr. Amazing, sipping his cocktail.

‘Sure’ - said Lance

‘This dream, or whatever it is - I have it like nearly every night. It is like I am looking out of my own eyes, but at the same time it is like I am looking out of someone else’s eyes… And I am walking through the countryside - everything is green and there are fields all around. And then I see a house in the distance - it is the only building. Just this one building and the fields. And I have a gun - a sawn off shotgun. And I head up to the building and I knock on the door and this man opens the door and asks me what I want - and I point the gun at him, and…’

Lance stared at Mr. Amazing, and saw a tear roll down his cheek.

‘Anyways, that’s when the whole thing becomes a nightmare…’

‘What happens?’ - said Lance.

There was silence for a long while, and then Mr. Amazing spoke - ‘I kill them…’

‘Who do you kill?’

‘Them. The man, the woman, and the…’

‘And the…?’

‘The fucking baby’ - said Mr. Amazing, more tears running down his face.

Lance stared at Mr. Amazing - ‘But it is just a dream, right?’

There was a moment of silence.

‘Yeah, just a dream - I guess’ - said Mr. Amazing.

Lance and Mr. Amazing sat in silence. The silence was broken by Kiki walking out onto the veranda. Kiki was dressed in a tiny bikini and was carrying a jug of frozen margarita.

‘Hey boys’ - said Kiki, picking up Mr. Amazing’s glass and filling it.

Lance turned to Kiki, and glanced at her tanned body covered in sunscreen oil. Kiki smiled and winked at Lance, and he quickly averted his gaze.

‘So is work time over, baby?’ - said Kiki, walking around and sitting opposite Lance.

Lance glanced again at Kiki’s body, and Kiki lit a cigarette.

‘Yeah, work time is over’ - said Mr. Amazing, sipping his drink and puffing his cigar and staring ahead of him at the Caribbean sea.

‘When work time ends, fun time begins!’ - said Kiki, sipping her cocktail and winking again at Lance as he tried to avoid staring at her oil-covered breasts inside the tiny bikini.

‘Okay - great’ - said Lance - ‘I will write up my notes, and we can start again tomorrow’

Mr. Amazing said nothing. Lance stood and smiled at Kiki who puffed her cigarette and sipped her cocktail. Lance walked away, and as he walked he heard Kiki asking Mr. Amazing if he was okay. Lance went to his room in the mansion and locked the door. He went to the bathroom and washed his face and then took a satellite phone out of his bag and lay on the bed and dialed a number. He waited.

‘Yeah, it's me - Lance… Yeah, I have spoken to him… Yeah, after Booth left we spoke for a while… He is a fucking mess - and he remembers the murders… Yes, the ones at the farmhouse… He thinks they are a dream… Yeah… We will speak more tomorrow… He is with Kiki now… Yeah, I guess they are going to get drunk and fuck… Okay… Yes… Okay, I will call again tomorrow… Okay’

And Lance hung up the phone and then placed it back in his bag and then went to the window. He opened the plantation shutters a little and he could see Mr. Amazing sitting on the veranda, smoking his cigar. Kiki was standing in front of him and dancing - she had removed her bikini top and was seductively turning and dancing. Lance closed the shutters, and went to the bed and layed down and closed his eyes.

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