Inner improvement

The pain from the filling thread has been hard to cope with, but what could I do besides greeting my metaphorical teeth? The pain was not as debilitating as the other ones, so that is a good thing. I try to think positively, I remember reading something about how being positive helps the mind cope with arduous times.

Talking about positivity, I think I found a way to tell the time. It is by proxy, but it is more than what I had before, which was nothing. What I think is, the guys outside are giving me their mana, but they stop either to rest, eat, or sleep. Probably to go do their business too, I hope so at least.

So, by using this, I can more or less tell when it is night, as only one or two people give me their mana at this time. So I count the days with that, and so far it has been 4 days since they began channeling their mana in me.

I think I will finally be pain free in a day time, at the rate the thread is filling up, it should either finish late tonight, or early tomorrow. I keep track of the thread’s status while I keep condensing my knot more and more. I want to be able to brace myself, to prepare mentaly for the bursting feeling and all the pain it will make me feel.

I wait for it to happen, the condensing of my knot demanding little of my attention, I feel somewhat bored. It is another weird thing, it is not the same kind of boredom I felt when I was Human. While human, it was like wanting to do something but having nothing to do, a feeling of passive frustration. But now it feels different, like the acceptance of nothingness.

I can’t really place my words on how it feels, it seems alien to me. It feels like I accept the fact of being bored, and thus it does not frustrate me anymore. Would that make it meditating? I did not feel like that when I tried to meditate before.

Once more, time passed quickly, slowly getting to the point where the thread would fuse with my mana-knot. It happened after a night, or what I think was the night, the person to whom the mana comes from could just have stopped giving mana for whatever reason.

Once it happened, which was as painful as when any other thread fused, nothing particular happened. So I was left with even less to concentrate on, just the condensing of my mana-knot.

It was boring, and the boredom did not change, so I tried finding something else to do. I remembered that I could make the threads move a little. At least the two that were fused to my mana-knot. So I tried doing it again, and like before, I made them twitch, the movement barely noticeable.

To my enjoyment, I discovered that I can make any thread fused to the knot twitch. I don’t know what it can do, but perhaps making my threads move can be useful. I don’t know and I don’t have anything better to do right now, so I start training myself to make the threads move.

For the first two days after I began this training, I did not feel any improvement. But the third day I was able to make the thread move slightly, about a millimeter compared to what would be kilometers between threads. It is nearly nothing, but it at least proves that I can improve my control on the threads, which gives me the motivation I need to keep my mind focused.

I keep training that way, getting my threads to move a bit, pushing as hard as I can, then resting for a second and then doing it again in the opposite way. Little by little I see myself making progress, from moving the threads a millimeter to two, then three and four. I lost track of days and night again, I did not give any of my attention to the mana entering me.

But I only realized that when I felt something entering me, not mana, but the strange energy that is inside of it. I felt an enormous quantity of it entering me. I felt the energy enter me, not through my threads only, but through everything that I could feel as myself. It traveled at great speed towards my mana-knot, and then fused with it.

I was at what? 75% full? Or was it 80% full? That number got through the roof, with all that energy coming in I would easily be at 300% or 350% full of the thing. I felt all of it condensing inside me, it made my knot vibrate quicker and quicker until all of my threads began doing the same.

Then came the satisfactory burst of energy, not everything was inside my knot when it happened, and all of the energy that was out of it was suddenly pushed out. I felt it change to mana just before being expelled.

I could have felt more if I could sense the mana outside of myself, but alas, it is not the case. But I was graced by another sight, my knot became more complex before my metaphorical eyes. If before it was a single thread’s knot, a random entanglement, it is now a symmetrical and arranged knot.

The insides are still quite the mess, but the surface gives the impression of being a complex and purposeful arrangement of threads encompassing something inside. The change happened in what I felt was a flash of light.

But the changes did not stop there, my two original threads changed too. The ones that were already fused to my knot before began to twitch, then they began swelling to then split in two. They were still fused at the point they fuse with my knot though. Once they had split along their whole length, the twin thread began wrapping around themselves.

The two threads transformed from threads to two twin threads wrapped in a helix form. And I could now feel something inside of them, one felt like digestion, the feeling of integrating something inside of yourself. The other felt like tainting, it gave me the feeling of changing something to make it like myself.

At this sudden change, I was evidently surprised. I was not ready for the energy to come in, and was not ready either for all of those changes. Hopefully they are good news, because if not, I will need to find the one who forced me through them and make their hearts rest.

I realized that the change made me stop breathing mana in, so I resumed it. I was happy to find out that mana came in about half more quickly than before the change. And I would not refuse more mana, so the 50% boost to my capacity is welcome.

What surprises me though, is that mana starts leaking inside the threads fused to my knot. The mana inside my knot slowly leaks inside of those threads, it changes to the mana type the threads seem to be made for. I don’t know about the others, but my first two mana threads seem to take mana with more efficiency. the mana circulating inside the twin threads more easily.

I was going to try and send mana from my knot to the threads, but I felt something shift around my physical body, the spherical crystal. I tried leaking some mana outside of myself, and to my happy satisfaction, I kept control of it. I quickly let out mana to feel out the surroundings, and I found the group that captured me all around myself.

Well, kind of at least. I seem to be in a hole about a meter deep, covered by the corpse of a fucking tiger. On the ground around the hole I am in, the seven people are there, looking towards my location. They surely know I am here, but why am I under the corpse of a wild animal inside a hole?

Did they kill it and then give it to me so I could harvest the energy? Have they done it on purpose? I inspect them through my mana controle, they seem a little tense. I feel at the guy who put the bindings on me, the guy with indigo hairs. I can’t see any color without a body, but those guys are different enough for me to recognize them with the touching sense I have.

And talking about it, I can control mana in a radius of about 23 meters! Holy cow, it increased a whole lot! I can feel so many things now, it feels better than having a 3 meter range of feel.

While I wonder if I could get my control to absurd distances, I feel purple hair guy send mana inside of a badge in his right hand. He closes his eyes and I suddenly feel the connection I felt before. Feelings and meanings appeared in my mind, I guess it comes from him then, what does he want?

I did not focus on the feelings he sent me, so I don’t know what he wants. He opens his eyes to look towards where I am once again, and after a few seconds, when he sees I am not doing anything new, he sends mana inside the badge and closes his eyes again.

This time I focus on the connection, It sounds like I should be burrowing? Digging perhaps? He also wants me to eat something? To consume something? I don’t understand what he wants from me. Does he want me to eat the ground or something? I don’t have a mouth, how does this morron want me to eat?

The man opens his eyes, waits a few seconds to see if I would do something, but I don’t, so he turns his head to the others to say something to them. I would like to know what, but it is beyond my current capacities.

The others proceed to go back to their business, some go out of my perception range while the indigo hair guy and the lithe woman in a robe stays near me. He gives the woman the badge, and it is her turn to send me thoughts.

Those are a little more consistent, their forms a little more defined. Like with the man, she sends me two things, the first is a feeling of corruption, of ripping things to make them my own, while the other is a cave, I don’t know what to make of the cave thing though. But the first thought was awfully similar to the feeling I get from one of my original threads.

Those guys seem to want something from me, are they dumb or something? They forcefully captured me, they made me feel the worst pain I could have ever thought possible, and now they seem to be asking me to do something for them? I think I should cut their stomach open and then ask them to go run a marathon.

‘GO FUCK YOURSELVES!’ I vividly think, I even try to take their mana with all the methods I can think of. But in the best case I only got a vibrating sensation from the woman’s mana, keeping my mana bumping against her’s and making me momentarily lose control of it.

I mentaly point them the middle finger, and then ignore anything coming from the connection they try to form with me. I will let them think about their own stupidity while I focus on what I want, that being my mana going inside the threads and changing to their type.

I push mana from my knot to go inside the digesting/absorbing twin thread, I slowly make the mana pass through all of its length to then exit at the opposite end. I then feel the mana exiting me, I still have control over it, but it is different from my mana I normally control.

I can move it as easily as my normal mana, so I try different things with it, and when I get it inside of some grass, something happens. The mana inside of the grass starts melting where it is in contact with mine. I feel my mana trying to take it in, but failing to do so.

I try sending more of this mana inside the grass blade, but the result stays the same. My action seems to have garnered the attention of the delusional duo, the woman approaches the grass blade and sends a bit of her mana around it, probably to feel what I am doing.

I think she feels my new mana inside the grass, she retracts her mana and starts using the badge again. This time I listen. ‘Other’, that is the closest I can think of what she sent me. What other? Another what? Oh, mana perhaps? Does she know something about what I am then? Are they trying to guide me?

If it is the case, they are psychopathic bastards. It would mean they abducted me with the clear intention of doing something to me, with me, or making me do something. What the hell do they think I would do for weird ass motherfuckers like them? You better pray I don’t find how to make a magic flamethrower you cunt!