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Kathy rolled over and fanned her face. She hadn't expected him to be even more excited than she was. Definitely with how she gain a few pounds. She didn't expect someone to look at her like how her husband used to back when she was young. Yet, he still looked at her like that.. no, he looked at her with more intensity. Like he was trying to pry open her heart and not let a single space be without his fragrance.

"What are you thinking about?" Lex sat up on his elbow, those dark green eyes tugging at her.

Kathy turned her head and smiled. "About how terrible in bed you are."

Lex eyebrow raises and his lips instantly sink into that cocky smile that none of us seem to be able to turn away from.

"You said I'm terrible? Maybe I misheard you over that heavy breathing but just look down at my dick that went through black to white transformation."

Kathy's eyes followed his casual wave and she couldn't help blushing. The white streaks alone was telling enough but his love for black sheets didn't hide the wet stains like they should have.

"I'm going to get something to eat, you want something?" She wisely changed the subject or else this fool will start bragging.

"No but thank you."

Like always he didn't miss a chance to smack her ass. Given he couldn't reach it in time, he grabbed her hand. Honestly, it couldn't hide the clingy side of him but that is what really made him so sweet even if a little corny.

Kathy walked into the kitchen and pulled the bread from the oven. She rifle through the utensil draw for the bread knife before spotting it on the side of the cutting board. She cut off two slices and couldn't help thinking back to the time before her husband and her got together.

That shaggy brown-haired boy stepped into the gym for the first time. Probably had no clue what anything was but he spotted her running on the treadmill and walked over like he was the shit. Even though she turned him down, he kept stalking until she gave him a chance. They went to a restaurant and the waitress brought out a loaf of bread that they had to cut.

Kathy sighed and focused on making peanut butter and jam. She lathered the red jam into the bread and her mind went to her daughter.

-Mom! Fix me one and don't forget to cut the crust off this time!-

Kathy rubbed at her eyes and tossed the knife into the sink. She placed the two pieces of bread together and took a bite.

Lex walked out the room in shorts and no shirt. His bare upper torso exposed and that eagle tuft of hair gave him a little flair of age. He shot a smile that she returned with a mouth full of food before realizing it. Which only made his smile grow bigger and then he disappeared into another room.

The sound of free weights racking made her realize that she had everything to get back into shape. She could make up for the mistake by doing what everybody else wasn't doing. Saving those not in a position to save themselves.

Kathy shoved the last bit into her mouth and grabbed a glass, filling it with water, and washing down the thick peanut butter. She walked back into the room and put on his shorts and black t-shirt.

"I should probably buy some workout clothes. I'm sure someone is making clothes since they discovered those damn silk spiders and wooly mammoths." Kathy quickly walked into the gym room.

Kathy was surprised to see how much he was really lifting when no one was watching. The end of the bar was just a silver dot in the middle of black plates. With each squat, the bar arch further than her back could even with him pressing down into it.

Kathy moved to the mat and began stretching. Like she used to do when she first got into boxing. Well, when her dad wanted a boy but taught her how to box instead of just making another one. Not that he could with how mom and him got divorced a few days after he bought her, her first pair of gloves.

Fuck! Why did I start with core first? I forgot how much it burns.

Kathy cursed and held herself in a side plank for a full minute. Even with how badly her body was shaking, just the knowledge that she was burning off some fat kept her motivated.

She stops hearing the rack crying and turns to see Lex watching her with that greedy look of his. She was only doing the bicycle exercise but for an ass man like that, any showing of the ass was an apparent turn on.

"Don't forget to do lunges and squats. I prefer them during core day rather than not doing them. Definitely if you thrust your hip into it, you can feel it engaging your stomach." He showed exactly what he meant.

The way his abs rippled when he leaned into a lung, back out, belly in. Tsk, he wanted me to get turned on but who can resist a man that not only looks good but has good bed manners too?

Kathy climbed up and started with the squats. They burn just as much as lunges but felt like hurted a little less. Yet, the moment she got past five, here comes the creep. Wrapping his arms around her and taking her into a deeper squat, making her hold it before going up. He went through all four sets with her just like that, only moving back when she dove into the lunge to avoid the heat seeping out.

"Can you turn on the air? I'm sweating."

Lex laughed. "It is on but are you sure you are sweating because of the heat or something else?"

Kathy chose to ignore him and finished the sets. She sat down on a bench and accepted the glass of water from him, sipping on it as she cooled down.

"Want to watch a movie?" Lex squatted in front of her, his hands resting on her bare knee.

"Sure, after I shower but don't you need to work on that project?"

"Today off. Trying not to overload my brain. After all, I'm not the research type of guy. More point and shoot."

"Didn't you hire a bunch of scientists and doctors?"

"Mm and they are doing an amazing job. Figure out a lot more things than I did and we started on puppet version two point o. Plus a better encryption system for the Darknet as they call it."

"Alright, let me go shower." Kathy stood up but he did at the same time and his mind was obvious in another place.

He lifted her up and carried her to the bedroom where they traded sweat yet again.

***

Can you imagine day after day of melting inside of someone's arms? Giving yourself over to someone and them repaying that trust with absolute devotion? It sounds crazy, foolish even. What if that person suddenly changes but you don't? What if they fall out of love with you when they see your flaws?

Kathy stood in front of the mirror with many of these very same thoughts running through her very mind. All she had to do was think for a second to know that what she was given wasn't close to what he gave. It left her with a burden that pressed down on her chest.

Yet, she couldn't stop the very real guilt and regret every time she was alone.

Her daughter and husband's deaths flickered through her eyes. Both dying from the same spear. Same damn spear that slammed through the front windshield and somehow through the gap in the headrest..

Kathy sat down on the bench and gripped the bar. Before she could lift it, the man that she truly loved but felt she couldn't love at the same time. He walked through the door with an obvious migraine.

His green eyes were dull compared to the usually intense glow. However, they flickered with life and his smile stole her breath. Because she knew he genuinely loved the sight of her, the possibilities that might have ran through his head. Even with day after day of researching, building, diving in those dungeons. He never once failed to workout with me in the morning, eat lunch with me in the afternoon, or teach me how to swing a sword.

"Need some privacy?" He looked at the mess she left.

The dumbbells scattered around the bench. Plates slapped up against the wall. Jug of half-empty water rested by two cups fallen on their sides.

"No, I was just getting some energy out." Kathy didn't want to explain her complication. Even if he would understand, was it fair to drop extra on his plate?

Lex nodded and closed his eyes. He turned around like he knew she was lying or maybe he really had a killer headache today.

Kathy laid back and knocked out two sets. She hiked into the room to see him passed out on the bed. He hadn't even taken off his shoes and he was super crazy about it. Even to the point of kicking it off before peeing sometimes.

She showered and sat on the couch and meditated. Throwing her focus into something that would increase her personal strength.

Kathy woke up a little later to find Lex nibbling on chicken tenders. He leaned across the kitchen for a kiss and she could smell the hickory barbecue sauce. It tasted even better than it smelled. She heard the plate hit the table before she was dragged onto his lap.

She wanted him just as much as he did her. More so, to distract her like he always did. She was more than ready to fall into his green eyes and forget about the rest of the world.

Yet, days like these became a little scarce and usually, we would blame the man in some way or form. Not that Lex was perfect or anything. He just could perfectly read me to understand what I needed or desired at most times.

It is just that as I refined my aura as a warrior, I fell into a delusion. Well, that is what he called it. It was honestly the first fight between us that he actually sat there and reasoned with me. It started simply with me going to hang out with Summer. Run the undead dungeon and show off my new self.

Then as we ate, we listened to this group talk about those still suffering under the hands of the goblins and orcs. How new creatures were appearing in between cities and that the roads were death traps for those below level twenty-five.

My mind, at the time, instantly decided to do something about it. Lex had a field of puppets that held the power of a level twenty mage or warrior. Even though he spent a lot of mana crystals to keep them upright, the cost wasn't all that big with one of his guild parties bringing in over fifty of them per floor.

Even then, his guild held close to a hundred members and this was just a few weeks after opening his store. It's close to Halloween then and it's a week from Thanksgiving at this time. So I figure, I could borrow some of his men and go rescue these people.

I was prepared for a rejection given valid reasons. After all, I wasn't as combat-oriented as he was nor did I understand the logistics behind it. So I could accept these reasons but his reason was just because he didn't want to waste manpower on useless people.

How could I accept that? With my knee injury before, I was one of those useless people. He still saved me or was it really just because he wanted to wet his dick? I didn't want to end up like Cher but at the same time. Sometimes, people can be a bit irrational even though we know we shouldn't have said or done that.

My excuse? I wanted to save people from feeling what I felt when I wasn't distracted. Not waking up and seeing the dead lover but a new one and feeling like you betrayed your husband's trust and love. It wasn't even a month before they died, I didn't even give myself a proper chance to mourn, and I was on Lex's dick. Am I disgusting?

This may have fueled my craziness and he sat there and listened to me yell at him. He really sat on the arm of the couch, hands crossed his chest, and listened.

Right now, with a clear head. If I compare him to my dead husband, Lex would win. The sad part is, if the society was stable. Lex would be one of those guys you pre-judge as a rich second generation male. He never looked people in the eye when walking on the street but his eyes were always forward. He probably wouldn't have paid attention to a mugging that turned murder even if he could have stop it.

Someone hit by a car and he probably just shake his head but keep walking. If it didn't affect him or benefit him, he really wouldn't consider it. There are way too many signs that he is just a little different than us. Even though he laughs the same, smiles, shares moments of joy that leave you ready to throw your panties off the moment you're alone.

It's that irreversible point, that he was a little strange. You might wonder, how does this conflict with him sitting there listening to me? Because at the end of my rant, he just smiled and grabbed my hand.

He looked me in my eyes and said with the calmest voice ever. "How can you feel a sense of relief if you rely on the man who replaced your dead husband before he was properly buried? I might not care about the lives of strangers who can't even stand up on their own feet but you do. So find people like yourself, train them, and go be the heroes you feel you ought to be."

Lex went and made food, sat down, and waited for me with the unfinished series we started the day before.

To me, I felt like someone like him who had the power to do something, should have done it. Even if he didn't care, didn't he care about his reputation? Didn't he want to sell his stuff to those people who might care?

I forgot his name to people in the streets is the Dark Wizard, Dark Lord, the next Dark Emperor. Even if he gave a little shit as fire poured down from the sky. Those he took under his care wouldn't even notice something different.

I mean, just take me for example. Lost in the world of love and self-loathing. If I was fighting for my life, scared to wake up and goblins standing right there. Finding myself being prey upon by vicious thugs created by circumstances, then would I even have noticed my dead husband or daughter? Not until I sat down and had time to breathe. Yet, here.. I could process it all the time. When I'm lifting weights, when I'm sparring with the other guilds members. When I'm fucking around in the dungeons and showing off my progress.

In the end, I took his advice. Me and Summer spent a large amount of time turning some people into a decent team. Everything started off nice. Wonderful even. I felt a sense of accomplishment that lifted a little of something from my shoulders. My life was really good..

Like really good.

I went from home with Lex to outside saving people. Bringing back to a place where they could scrap out a living for themselves. Because success clouded our minds, we ended up venturing further and further out. Encountering greater and greater danger until we hit a sad streak.

Werewolves ambush us from one side. Leading us right into the arms of pale Elves with a penchant for torturing the stubborn. They threw us in caves and forced us to mine. Well, the unattractive ones. The skinny girl was taking and I bet she stopped fussing about that diet now.

Ironic that my humor degraded with my situation but what can I do?

I'm already craving that touch that brought me to another world. Maybe I learned my lesson. Maybe this is why those wiser and stronger than me didn't go around playing hero. You aren't the only strong one and there is most definitely someone stronger being a little bitch waiting to ambush you.

Sigh, video-diary episode four.. December sixteen..