Well, that's it. The die is cast, so to speak. She has left now, and events will play out as they do. She is as well prepared as I can get her; I just hope it is enough. She has taken to magic more than some, less than others. We shall see how things play out. I just console myself that if she fails, then I will have time to try again. I feel the press of time more strongly now, but I have long enough to try again if needed. All will not be lost.

As time passes, I find myself thinking back to the past more and more. Most commonly, I find myself remembering a lesson from my time at the College. While most of the courses were about magic and its usage, there was one professor who was not even a Mage. He taught about morals, as the College believed that we should learn why we use magic, as well as to connect us to the non-magical. Regardless of the motives, the professor was extremely at teaching a group of arrogant young students to think before we acted. The most effective lesson of all was a story he told us.

The story is a simple picture of four men; two old, and two young. One old man wears blue, the other wears red. One young man wears black, the other wears brown. One young man has attacked the two old men, stabbing one and is going to stab the other. The other young man is fighting with him, trying to stop him. Time is frozen, we have no information about the past, present or future, reasons or motives. The question is: Who is Right? The answer is simple: the man trying to stop him. A simple answer to a simple picture.

Then the professor told us the motives: the old men used to be part of a criminal element, during that time they killed the young man's family, he is getting revenge. The other young man was walking past and saw him attack them and is now trying to stop him. Again, the professor asks: Who is Right? This time, the answer is not so simple, the class is divided. Some say that the man is right to attack the old men, while others maintain that it is still the young man trying to stop him. A small group, who had seen where the story was going, said that they were both right, as their actions are based on good motives.

Then the professor tells us the pasts of the men. The old man wearing blue was indeed in a gang from a young age. He was born into a poor family and his parents died when he was a child. He joined the gang for survival, for him and his brother. However, he had ambition. He quickly rose in power in the gang, becoming the leader. Then he grew the power of the gang, fighting others, commiting crimes, but all with the aim of controlling the crime in the city. By the time he was a young man, he had achieved it. Then, as a older man, he moved away from the gangs and into the halls of power of the city; gaining power in the city until finally he ran it. Now, controlling the gangs and the city, he is making the city greater than ever; crime is limited, there are schools for the young, the poor are given aid.

The old man wearing red is his brother. He literally grew up in the gang, having been a baby when their parents died and his brother took him into the gang. However, while he commited crimes and hurt others for his brother, he never liked it and always used what money and wealth he had to support the victims. He carries this on to this day, owning little, but continuing to support his brother in his ambitions.

The young man wearing black lost his family at a young age, so joined a gang for survival. When this gang was destroyed by the old man's gang, he ran, and has lived a life full of anger since. He has become an assassin in order to gain the skills and strength he needed to kill the men who killed his family twice. He has killed many people in his quest for revenge, including some innocent. He comforts himself in knowing that he does it to defeat a greater evil.

The young man wearing brown is a nobody. He is from a poor family, but he was always provided for. He has done nothing great with his life, but has also done no great wrong. He knows not the history of the people involved in this struggle, having paid no attention to such things. All he knows is that a month prior he saw a similar attack happen and at that time did nothing, fearing for his own life. Since then, the guilt has eaten at him, making him feel small. He intervened this time, hoping to make himself feel better.

Again, the professer asked the question: Who is Right? This time, the answer is much harder. Is it the man who destroyed many lives to make the lives of even more better? The man who stood true to his brother, no matter how much he might hate it, doing what small goods he could do to right the wrongs? The man who has lived a life for revenge, willing to sacrifice others in order to defeat a greater threat? Or the man who has done nothing his whole life and now is trying to make a difference however small? The class argued for many lessons about this. Some argued that the only Right in the man in brown, as he is the only one who has broken no laws and tries to help others. Some say the man in black is Right to kill the old men for all the crimes they committed. Some felt that the man in red is the only one who is Right, as he was forced to commit his wrongs, but chose to commit his Rights. Some few felt that the ends can justify the means, so felt that the man in blue was Right to do what he did.

We debated these ideas and many more, trying to determine what made Right. Is it the Law, and can be seen as an absolute, where any Wrong is one Wrong too many? Or is the law more of a scale, where enough good can outweigh any bad? Does being forced to do Wrong somehow make these Wrongs lesser? Does choosing to do Right somehow make these Rights greater? Is it simply maths, where if you hurt a thousand people, yet help a thousand and one make everything okay? Does it matter if you do wrong in order to do right, or do right so that you can do wrong? The professor let us argue for as long as we wanted, never giving an answer. Finally, he said that there is only one correct answer: that all the men are right and all the men are wrong. That the world frequently cannot be seen in terms of black and white but can only be seen in different shades of grey.

The moral of the story, this professor said, is that all actions can be divided into what we are forced to do and what we choose to do. Being forced to do a wrong does not make it any less wrong, but choosing to do a right does make it a greater right. However, and he was most clear about this, the ends will rarely justify the means; that all times that someone finds themself doing that then there was almost always another option. The problem, he said, is that too often the other option does not involve the person making the choice. The man in blue has made things better for the city, but did so by hurting many. He would say that he had to hurt those people so that he could help the city now, but if he had done nothing, then another person could have aided the city without hurting the people. The fact that people think that only they can do something is the start of most problems in the world.

While we thought about this, some of us agreeing, some not, the professor asked us a final question. He said not to talk about it with each other, for it did not matter. This was for us to measure ourselves, for in the end, there is truly no other measure for anyone, especially so for a mage. The question was this: of the four men, all who have their own morals, values, rights and wrongs, of these men, all with flaws and virtues. Of these men, if we had to pick one, who would we be? And then the professor left, and we never saw him again, as he had finished his teaching of us. To this day, this question haunts me.

As a young man, I hoped to be the man in brown, having done no harm, but taking the opportunity to do good. When I grew older, and experienced the world, I hoped to be the man in red, having done bad but having chosen to do more good. I grew older still and I very much feared that I had become the man in blue, having hurt many but helped even more. Finally now, as I sit here, I am much afraid that I have become the man in black, having sacrificed the innocent to defeat an evil, that may not even be that bad.

However, I have ever vowed, and I do so again, that I will not be the fifth man. The fifth man, the professor said, was the man not in the picture, not in the story, because he did nothing with his life. He lived a life full of small wrongs and small rights, known by few and forgotten by all. I shall never be the fifth man. For all my wrongs, and all my rights, this I vow. I vow that I have lived my life to the best I could. If I have hurt others, I have done so for the greater good. If I have done Wrong, it was to do Right. And I shall continue to do so, accepting the guilt of my Wrongs, in order to do my Rights. This is the vow I have made and that I make now. My only hope is that this is enough. My only fear is that it is not.

- The Journal of Cornelius Jin-Phen, AD 789