《WTF [Dropped version]》5 - Wolf team foray!

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Fred was ichthyophobic. That means he was afraid of fish. He was sitting at the ship's long range scanning console. Every time he hit the refresh button it would scan again for fish. It showed no abnormalities. He let out a sigh of relief. He hit refresh and the same screen showed up again.

He hated this but he kept doing it. The ship's A.I. could be doing it for him. But he had nothing better to do and it put his mind at ease. That and the captain didn't trust him to touch anything else without destroying it. A common stereotype about green Scientists. He knew in his heart that he had been hired so that the Capitan could boldly claim that she ran a 'diverse' crew and had a close green friend on staff who was an integral part of the team.

Fred was a machinery expert but that hardly mattered. What mattered was that he got paid and pretended that his captain wasn't a racist 13 year old blue kid.

Fred had to admit though, that kid was a super-genius; which meant a lot in Scientist society. She was a renowned inventor. Her laser tech was what gave the Scientists the confidence to go to war with the dreaded magical fish. Her latest project was the ship in which he now sat. The fame and money that came with being her subordinate is what kept Fred going. He hit refresh again.

She was not a genius at naming her inventions though. xX_fishkilla_Xx was what she had chosen to name what was essentially the most advanced space ship ever created. It had a state of the art A.I. system that would continue to learn and grow until perhaps reaching sentience Fred guessed. The ship's repair and drone manufacturing capabilities meant it could sustain itself without docking for supplies or repairs with self gathered materials indefinitely. It had so many lasers attached that 3/4 of the ship's internals were dedicated to Laser batteries. Which was fine because to top it off, it was run on a skeleton crew of only 3 members. Once declassified and released publicly, It would revolutionise the Scientist fleet. Fred couldn't get over how bad that name was though. He hit refresh to take his mind off it.

Currently, they were out on test flight in deep space. Well officially it was a test flight, but the truth was that the brass liked to keep Captain Einstein safe. There was an immensely enormous military operation about to take place involving almost the entirety of the Scientist fleet. They sent her in the opposite direction so that the chances of running into a fish was practically non-existent. Fred hit refresh again just to be sure.

The monitor beeped, the screen lit up. Fred was startled and sat up to inspect the screen. Something 'fishy' had been detected in a solar system on the edge of the scanners range. Nonono must be a false positive. He quickly hit refresh to confirm. The results were the same. Nononono.

The captain would eventually find out if he didn't report this. With shaking hands, he picked up the communicator and dialled the Captain. She picked up after a few rings.

"Yes?"

"C-Captain it's Fred" he stammered, " Scanners have detected something 'f-f-f-fishy'."

"Haha oh Fred, of course it's you. Who else would call from the scanner desk. 'Fishy?' Are you sure?"

"Yes ma'am, I double checked."

"You refreshed the scan to make sure it wasn't a false positive right?"

"Yes ma'am, I did."

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"Alrighty then, I'll come down and check it out. Hit refresh once more while I head over." She hung up.

Fred was sweating as he did what was ordered and this time nothing came up, not even the system. They must have flown out of range by now. Maybe that'd mean she'd want to ignore it.

Captain Einstein came down from her lab above the bridge and strolled over. She was short for a blue child and so her extra short legs meant it took a while to traverse the room. It gave Fred time to calm down and stop stammering. She looked at the screen now showing no abnormalities.

"Fred..." She began

"No. Ah.. I believe we've flown out of range ma'am." Fred quickly pressed the 'show previous results' button. "See?"

Einstein winced because she had never shown him that button and was afraid he would mess up the equipment. Thankfully it seemed he hit the right one and now the screen displayed a 'fishy' anomaly.

"Oh!" She exclaimed and reached over for the communicator and dialled the first officer.

"Freddy! What's up?" Came the voice through the comms.

"Edison, it's Einstein. Come down to the bridge please."

"Ah, yes ma'am. Right away"

Edison came to the bridge and joined the others looking at the screen.

"Hmmm. Could it be a false positive?" Edison asked.

"I checked it twice." Said Fred and pressed the button to display the previous result that first showed positive. Einstein and Edison both winced when he touched the button.

"We'll set a course to this system and check it out." Einstein decided.

Fred had heard horror stories of fish who could control your mind, or rewrite your DNA, or make entire planets explode. He knew it wasn't his place to speak out.

"Ma'am that's dangerous! We haven't tested the weapons on this ship yet. What if it's an actual magic fish?" Fred voiced his concerns.

"Nonsense, look at the ship's name. I hope we DO meet a fish out there."

'Oh my science. This is how I die.' lamented Fred internally.

"Some of those magical fish can be quite frightening. I think we need to keep in mind that this ship's weapons haven't been tested yet." Edison spoke.

"True, the weapons..." Einstein's enthusiasm deflated.

Inner Fred cheered in joy.

"We'll test them on some asteroids as we make our way. I agree wholeheartedly with you captain in hoping we find one of those scienceless gill-breathers so we can burn the meaning of technology into their pathetic scales!" Edison said with passion.

"Woo hoo! Let's GOOOO!" Einstein screamed as she ran to her command console.

Inner Fred wept.

"Can you just reach into any bludger and yank out their soul? That's scary as circus clowns."

"Oh heavens no, that would be terrifying. No, the person in question must be conscious and give full consent. The soul is unmovable otherwise."

"Yeah? Kinda stupid to agree to no? Leaving your body open like a panting dog's mouth for any old soul passing by to enter for a ride."

"Well no, for one thing, souls don't just drift willy nilly about. The only way I know for a soul to exist outside a body temporarily is to surgically remove it using mystic obsidian. And even then, the soul stays quite still. You'll have to tell me how you came into your situation."

Despite the serious nature of the talk, Wally couldn't keep the smile off of his face. Well, off of Tomas' face.

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Firstly, he had achieved his life's goal of catching the Golden barramundi! Although he died right after it still counted in his heart.

Secondly, he was not dead! He was a healthy, young, skinny, aboriginal lad. All things he had not been before. After Wanda had wheeled out a standing mirror for him to get a look at himself, he was going to embrace this 'new Wally'.

Then thirdly, there was Wanda herself. She was just Wally's type: confident, smart, beautiful. The way her lashes fluttered as she explained the intricacies of the soul. Her home-made moonshine which made his toes curl and his chest hair sprout. And then, her smile. Oh, her smile. Wally would do anything for that smile. He'd catch a thousand Golden barramundis if she asked.

It wasn't all good though. Upon waking up, his head was jammed with months worth of memories all at once. A large portion of it being trivia on Destiny Fish's favourite snacks and an in depth insight into magic fish society from Destiny's perspective. The whole thing gave him an awful headache.

Also Tomas' body didn't have the alcohol tolerance that Wally's old body had. His little wake up moonshine had put him well over the limit. The room spun and his stomach danced. Only his almost-but-not-quite-supernatural stubbornness kept him off the floor.

Speaking of Tomas there was the Tomas problem. Currently, the moonshine jar Wally had emptied was lined with a black glove. Tomas' soul sat inside, lid on. Wanda had shown Wally through the glasses. Wally was a lot of bad things, but a thief wasn't one of them. He'd have to find a way to share the body with Tomas.

"Is there some way me 'n' old Tom can share this body?"

"No."

"Drat."

A jeep pulled up outside of Madame Wanda's house of fortunes and four people stepped out. They wore matching tactical uniforms and balaclavas. All in the blue and silver colours of the church.

A man waited to greet them. It was the man from the bar who had spotted Tomas.

"I followed him here and saw him enter about 30 minutes ago. No one has come in or out since. Only other person inside should be Wanda." He gestured to the signs outside the building.

Everyone looked to Renolds, the team leader.

"Thanks McDonald I'll have you stay out here on lookout OK? The rest of you listen up: We've been ordered to capture the defector, Tomas and have him ready for transport within 10 minutes. Keep in mind, the target is one of the chosen so he has been trained and we should be cautious if he shifts form."

Ramirez raised her hand. And Renolds gave her the go ahead.

"How much force can we use if he does shift sir?"

"Target must be taken alive. This order was made VERY clear to me. If I see anyone using something that isn't a tranq or a stun gun I will personally shove it down your throat before shoving you down the matriarch's throat. This man is not the matriarch; standard force will work on him. Are we clear? Good. Poindexter, Ramirez, come front with me. Pierre will circle around and enter through the rear."

Back inside the house, Wally was putting on his first ever performance of 'that time I caught a magical fish and died'. It was a gripping tale filled with action and drama. He had grabbed one of the coat hanger from the coat rack by the door to use as a stage prop fishing rod. As it was technically a hooked tool, Wally's performance was supernaturally enhanced. Wanda sat at the edge of her seat, fully enchanted.

Wally had just finished the part where he bravely told the fish that he would NOT be using salt when he cooked it. Wanda squealed and clapped in excitement.

The door burst in and 3 people rushed into the room with guns raised. The first pointed his barrel at Wally and pulled the trigger. A dart shot out towards Wally.

What you have to realise about Wally, is that he is a real deal, superhuman. Up until now he only had a powerful-on-a-universal-scaled magic fish to square his powers against. This would be the first time ever that Wally would use his powers aggressively against a non-fish.

A moment ago the hanger in Wally's hand was a fantastically prop in the hands of a master actor. Now it was a deadly weapon in the hands of a divine sword master. The hanger whizzed as it whipped down and hit the dart mid-air. The dart deflected and flew millimetres past the left side of his face and into the faux mystic junk on the wall. Wanda screamed. The second intruder's gun went off and Wally deflected the dart with an upwards strike. As the third was lining up their shot and the first two started dash forward to tackle Wally, he shouted.

"Who in tarnation are you lemon sucking goat droppings?!"

The two charging Wally stumbled to a stop. The one taking aim was most heavily affected. She dropped her gun and fell to her knees clutching her chest. She had never been so offended in her life.

Wally stepped forward and swung his coat hanger in an diagonal downwards arc at the closest man. The hanger's hook pierced straight into his right eye. Wally's momentum continued, ripping the eye messily out of its socket.

The second man had recovered from the verbal attack and leapt forward in a low tackle. Wally reversed his direction, stepping back this time, and kicked his foot straight up. He connected with the man's throat but the man's momentum kept him moving forward and they both tumbled to the ground.

Wanda fled as fast as she could out the back door of the room into her kitchen. He ran straight into a fourth invader who was about to make his way into the room through the same door. She was a large woman and he was a small man. He bounced back and his head rammed hard into the corner of her kitchen counter.

Back in the room, the female invader had picked up her gun and had it trying to get a clear shot. The now one-eyed team leader was also up, teeth grit through the pain. He stepped forward to kick Wally.

From the floor, Wally hurled the hanger, eyeball still attached, around the choking man on top of him. The eyeball hit the woman square in the face. She jerked and pulled the trigger. The dart shot out and pierced the team leader's thigh.

Without any Hooked tool in hand, he was just a skinny drunk guy and couldn't defend himself. The leader kicked Wally in the head twice before succumbing to the tranquilliser and tumbling down.

Wally's head rang. The final intruder pulled out a taser from her jacket and cautiously made her way forward. Wally struggled to get out from under the now limp man on top of him. The intruder jammed the taser into his side and let it rip.

"Toad-faced son of the devil!" Wally screeched as his body convulsed.

The woman jerked back at his words but quickly recovered and made forward to finish the job.

There was a loud 'gong' sound and she fell to the ground unconscious. Wally looked up and saw an angel.

There stood Wanda holding a cast iron wok.

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