《Phoebe's Afterword》Chapter 2: Anew
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Opening our eyes there is nothing but darkness. We don't know how much time it had been since we are here, we don't even know where is here.
Let's try to remember what happened. So, we were in our house playing this new game we bought that day, when suddenly everything went black outside. We remember that very well, our living room where we were playing have 2 french windows opening in our garden.
The very moment we noticed what was happening we were already bathing in it, the darkness. And then we passed out. And here we are.
..
We were playing a game in the living room.. ?
There's something amiss here but we can't put our finger on what exactly.
Ah yes, we weren't doing that at all ! We were confused for a second, obviously, what happened just before getting here is us chasing one of these damn squirrels in the park ! We swear next time one of these rascal show up they will get a taste of our fangs !
Fangs ? What fangs, we don't have fangs ! Something is weird, no everything is weird !
Why do we keep saying "we", there is only me here !
Suddenly a wave, no more a tsunami, of memories flow through me, filling my head to the brim with informations.
It feels like how you would if you were to watch thousands of movies at the same time and somehow be able to look at each one individually. But here it is not a thousand movies, but the lives of billions upon billions of beings.
Not just humans, no, everything.
It's overwhelming, the memories don't stop pouring inside my head, unfolding right in front of my eyes without rest. Every moment, every emotion feeling as if they were mine to begin with.
Sadness, joy, courage, melancholy, determination, anger, resignation, happiness, fear, love, and so on, not even one is left.
I studied once that the accumulation of your memories is what makes you the person you are personality-wise. If that's the case then who am I ? No, what am I ?!
A human, yes I am a human I'm quite certain of that for some reason I can't seem to find. But why do I have all of that in my head, why me? Is it because of what happened, the end of the world I mean ?
As I ponder these questions the flooding of my brain starts to slow down progressively until only one life is left. I don't how to explain exactly but this one seems different than the others. It's about a woman, Phoebe as she is called, compared to everything I saw a few moments there's nothing really special, her life was quite simple even. But for some reason I can't quite put my finger on, this one life resonate more with me.
But just like the others, lives, this one too eventually stops unraveling and go find its place among my neurons.
You would think having the memories of so many living beings must have some kind of recoil but surprisingly there's not, or not that I know. Well, you could consider being a mass of memories a drawback in itself I guess.
And boy there is a lot of them, honestly, if someone told me I had the memories of every Earth entities I would believe them.
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I even have ones from trees, can you believe that ? These are quite weird by the way, the only thing there is sometimes very faint emotion even if they would not call them like that, but besides that, there's nothing but waiting.
But still, who am I ? Am I just some memories chimera or one of them ?
Now that I think about it I don't even know my name if I ever had one.
Should I choose one for myself ? Yes, let's do that !
I know what I want ! This last memory I saw before, I will take that name, Phoebe. Besides I like how it sounds.
Now that this matter is settled, I can't concentrate on what's important. Leaving this place for one.
I did not pay attention before but it's not exactly simply darkness when you look closely. Well, visually it totally is, but there's some kind of sound.
Did I really not heard it before, I find that quite unlikely. Maybe it started when I was focused on what was happening inside my head ?
So, a beating. It's quite regular. There's about a second between each beat, it sounds like heartbeats.
Maybe it is ? But how there would even be a heartbeat in that kind of place? And if you think something like its mine well let me tell you it's not. It's clearly from all around me.
Now, what is that ? I don't know what happened but I'm beginning to slowly feel something, everything is getting warmer. I can also perceive some kind of liquid touching me, warm too, as If I was submerged in a bathtub of slightly heated water. It feels nice, is that how floating in space is like ?
Thinking about everything suddenly happening to me I can only think of one possible conclusion, I'm a baby.
But how me dying at an end of the world leads to getting in a woman's belly ? Did I even die in the first place ?
Sure this darkness looked quite unwelcoming, and I say that while having literally the point of view of every living being who was alive during that time, but here I am perfectly fine.
Well, I can ponder on the "why" but in the end that will not change for me and anything to my situation at all, even if I had the answer.
I guess the only thing I can do is wait and see.
----
I feel lucky in a way to have all these memories in my head I can look at instead of just doing nothing, because oh boy that's boring.
I'm pretty sure an eternity passed since I'm here, and let me tell you, you don't want to have to wait for an eternity. If it was not for all the stuff I have I can look at, I think I would have gone crazy a long time ago.
Just so you know I had the time to look precisely at every life from an entire city and I'm still here. Maybe because I'm too efficient ? Well between those heartbeats I can review about 80 years' worth of memory in detail, I suppose I am, efficient.
It's quite funny how you can connect every inhabitant of a city through their connections to each other. There is this idea which sa that every human are in average 6 peoples away from each other. I mean that for you to be connected with anyone on Earth it only needs about 6 "friend of a friend".
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Well, let me tell you that at least from what I saw from the city I took a looked at, Phoebe's one, it's true ! Awesome right ?
Anyway, I'm dead bored.
Nothing much around me changed besides some weird and a bit uncomfortable movements which sometimes pressures me. It's a bit difficult to explain, well the only thing to remember it's that they feel bad.
"aaaaa.. aaarhh !"
What was that ? It sounded like someone screaming far way while having their head in a pillow. I don't know what it was but at least now I know I can hear.
Something else is happening, the movement I described earlier are getting stronger. No, they are getting a lot stronger.
I begin to feel pain, something is pulling me and it doesn't know how to be gentle.
I hear the muffled screams again, this time stronger than before. "aaaaAAAh.. uff.. uff."
As the screams go, the body I was not sure I had moved on its own.
Is it how birth feel ? Nobody wants to feel that, it's as you were in a hot shower during winter and someone forcefully took you what without warning.
Suddenly, behind what I guess are my eyelids, everything is getting white. It's been who knows how much time since last time I saw something other than pure black. No matter how nice it is though, it's blinding. I try to close my eyes more than they already are without success.
The voice or I should say the voices, are now clearer.
"&€**/# €€)% #@&$ ! " I heard one the voices say in a language I don't understand. This voice sounds deep.
It looks like my head is out, I feel what I suppose is a hand touching the back of it. The contractions are getting stronger, this time it's less painful. It seems this is the last effort, I feel my body getting outside as I think.
When finally I'm out.
"Gnnnnnnnn uff uff !" The first voice sounds tired and relieved. A bit in pain too but that understandable considering what is happening.
"&€#/, #@$%* !" the second voice suddenly says. Judging how loud I hear it I think the hands-on me are owned by this voice.
Suddenly I'm moved around. Then there is a splash of water, a bit hot, on my body.
"€##% *&# @$¿& */#..." The second voice said this time. I get a sense of worry in their voice.
Maybe it's because I didn't scream ? People tend to worry when babies are silent. But let me tell you I will not scream ! I'm not a baby ! Well, I am, but still.
As I was thinking I feel a slap in my butt cheek which get a distinct "Yip" out of my mouth. "Yip" followed by sighs of relief, I guess that resolved it.
The hands from before tugging me in what I suppose is a blanket, pretty soft eh.
For the first time I try to open my eyes, I got a bit used to the light. Moving them around I see nothing, everything is blurry. That baby's eyesight for you.
I'm moved in the arm of someone, I look up. I see a big shape who feels like it's looking at me, too imprecise to describe more than that. But even if I can't anything precisely, what I see is love.
I lived this moment millions of times in the past, I know how it is to look at your baby after a tedious effort to give birth.
Not knowing if my face reciprocates my will, I smile.
I have a feeling the shape smile too.
Then it, she spoke up. "#€%#, Silvia & %%@$." her voice, even if you can hear a pinch of exhaustion, is as soft as honey.
Silvia, I guess this is my new name. Phoebe goes to the gutter eh.
Suddenly tired I close my eyes and fall in the depth of slumber.
When I wake up everything around me is different. I'm relieved to not find me in this darkness again.
Before I was in a room which for the most part looked white through my blurry vision. Now there is a tint of red, orange too. Maybe it's sunlight ? I guess I'll know sooner or later.
Looking around me, I find myself being on a bed. I'm still tugged in that white blanket.
From all the babies' memories I have I know the next few months will be mainly me unable to do anything. How cruel, my fate is to get bored, being in weird darkness or not.
Not being able to control my lower muscle is quite embarrassing I have to admit. Well, I am a baby who will condemn me !
Lost in my thought I didn't notice the person coming inside the room until their hands lifted me up. Now the shape closer than before I can recognize the face a bit, it must be a mom.
"/%#€ @#&% $÷% Silvia ?" she told me as if I was supposed to understand. Besides my own name which I can recognize I don't get even one of her words, and coming from someone who can speak every spoken language on Earth thanks to a memory fusion bullshit it's quite the feat.
Pretending to understand I let a little sound and nod. "Gyaa." Which seems to pleasure her as she giggles softly.
Another shape, a little bit thicker this one, come toward us and kiss mom on her right cheek. If I had to guess I would say it's my father.
He gets his face closer to mine and stares my eyes with his light brown ones. From this distance, I can see clearly how he looks, and to be honest, he is pretty good-looking, his auburn and a tad long hair touching me. I smile at him, at which he responds with a peck on my forehead.
"#@&%$ Silvia ! %*#€, $§%# @÷$" He said with a loud voice before warmly laughing and hugging mom from behind.
I might not understand what they are saying, but I understand for sure that they are good persons.
This place might be good.
I am sad to leave behind all these lives I had, if they were mine, to begin with, but at least it didn't turn out so bad.
Right ?
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