《Obstinate Han》Chapter 1

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As my consciousness gradually returns to me, I realize that I am somehow suspended, and I cannot see anything. I probably should have expected as much if I were to be honest with myself, how else would I expect this to work? Did I think I would just appear, alive and well and in a body likely to be unsuitable for this world? Yes, yes I did. But I shouldn't have. On a cosmic scale, humans have a very narrow band of parameters in which they can survive, so a new world would most likely kill me even if there were other forms of life already present.

This is pure speculation of course, and I'm already sleepy beyond belief. I know why, consciousness is likely to be fleeting for some time given my current physical state. That's ok, for now. I let my consciousness drift away… I drift in and out like this quite often, so much that I cannot even begin to guess its frequency or how long I have been here.

Ok, so the temperature feels neutral rather than warm, and I cannot open my eyes at all. That wrecks my expectations for what it would be like to be a fetus, but once again, that should probably have been my expectation in the first place. Acclimatization is perfectly normal. A man living in a desert would likely feel very comfortable at 30 degrees Celsius, while I would have felt that same temperature to be hot, more than enough to curtail any thoughts of endeavoring outdoors without strong cause. Right now, my "normal" environment is based on someone's core body temperature.

There isn't much for me to perceive. I still can't see anything. I don't know what level of development my eyes have reached, but it cannot be very much as I am still unable to even open my eyelids, or if I can the lack of sensation is simply tricking me into being unable to make the differentiation. I cannot hear anything either, though based on some of the vibrations I am feeling, there probably is something to hear. The periodic vibrations seem irregular, so probably not a conversation. They woke me up, but right now I really have no idea what they are…

So what is there? No sight, no sound, just touch really, and there is precious little for me to be able to sense in that regard either being as I'm suspended in fluid, leaving this rather similar to a sensory deprivation chamber. I… There is something. Something different. It's not a liquid, and it's not a wall of flesh, what is that? I collapse back into sleep, exhaustion having once more overcome me.

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Ok, I'm finally able to see a bit of light, it's whitish and kind of grainy, and I'm not seeing anything else yet. Are my eyes open? They should be since the color of the light isn't orange or red, right? But since I'm awake, what was that thing that I was feeling before, however long ago that was? I do my best to cast my awareness once more to the odd sensation I'd felt before. It's not something physical, perhaps more like plasma, the substance of fire? Whatever this is, it's all around me, light, and kind of… It's almost ephemeral. It's everywhere and nowhere, and I feel like I can see it even without my eyes functioning correctly. This is… Not something I've experienced before. Clearly it's not a plasma, but I truly have no words to describe what it actually IS.

I try "swirling" it a little with a finger, and nothing happens. I try swirling it again and again, focusing on it, pushing against it. Is it some form of illusion or hallucination? As I continue concentrating, trying to make it "swirl" with my finger, I finally manage to give it a light mental tug, an-

When my consciousness returns, I try to recall what happened. When I did the "little swirl" that last time, it felt like I'd run into a brick wall, and my consciousness evacuated with a heretofore unseen immediacy. I'm not sure if it was real or some sort of hallucination, the memory itself is fragmented, but I think I may have caught a glimpse in the corner of my nonexistent vision of some sort of text, strange green symbols, which looked vaguely similar to the Persian alphabet.

If that was real I have no idea what that text meant, but if it were real that would have been the most color I've seen since becoming self-aware. There is no light at all this time around, I am guessing it is probably night time. It is still and quiet. With nothing else to do, I return to my previous efforts. I can be a bit dense at times, and beyond that there is literally nothing else for me to do. It doesn't take me nearly as long to create a small swirl this time, and I once again find that doing so utterly overwhelms me.

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I'm not sure how long it takes, but each time I wake up, I investigate. I see what changes in my surroundings. I begin to regain a very loose grasp of time, and it takes a while before I stop just feeling and finally start "hearing" things. I do my best to pay attention when I am aware of sounds. I'm a fast learner and I generally pick written languages and most other things fairly easily, but that changes completely as soon as the verbal element of a language comes into the equation. Spoken languages have never been a strong point for me, so I need to get familiar and comfortable with the language as fast as I can. I begin to see light more frequently, and the light becomes less grainy over time, though it is still nothing more than variations of light and dark. Why is it that I'm seeing light as white and grey rather than orange even when my eyes are definitely closed? Am I colorblind? I can't be, I still remember the green writing… I don't understand what is going on with my vision.

I learn to differentiate when she is walking because it creates a small amount of actual sensation for me, the world swaying around me, and I think I can tell when she sits or lays down as well due to an associated falling sensation followed by a sudden stop, coupled with a rather mild reorientation when she does. I also learn that the majority of noises I have the honor of hearing are various bodily functions being performed, and I increasingly find myself bouncing lightly against fleshy walls, and eventually I even grow enough that my present "home" begins to feel increasingly tight. I know it won't be much longer.

Throughout this period, when there is no conversation to listen to, or new observations to make, I will return to that strange sensation. This… Not substance, because substance implies a form which doesn't exist. This awareness though. I come back to it, and I swirl it, and eventually doing so stops knocking me out, instead just leaving me mentally exhausted. I continue to practice and see what I can do with it. I twirl it, drag it, slide it, pinch it, rub it together, and anything else I can think of. Motion helps to properly focus, but the act of manipulating this stuff turns out to be triggered by mental effort. It is not compliant or helpful, it actively resists any changes whatsoever, you have to focus on what you want to accomplish and WILL it into doing what you want.

By the time I am born I cannot do much else, but I can freely manipulate this substance.

Being born, if you were unaware, isn't fun. You are squeezed and pressured everywhere, and then when you're finally out into the world, everything is insanely bright, and blurry beyond belief, and everything is still black and white and shades of grey, and above all, it's absolutely freezing cold.

I knew I was supposed to cry, and considering that I was being blinded by the ridiculously bright light while also freezing, I certainly wouldn't mind playing along, it's pretty important that I do a function check of the lungs after all, but I'm so shocked and disappointed by how very bad my vision is and how terribly cold it is that I forget to do so until a large gray and black shape gives me a solid smack. That hurt too, but mostly just because everything feels so unnaturally cold. It did its job and reminded me of my role, and I give a couple solid squeals so they know I'm alive.

Why is everything in grayscale, I already saw green at least once so why is there no color now? And why is everything so blurry? I hear them chattering, and I do my best to listen. To learn. It would be a lot easier if I could at least follow visual clues for context, but it seems I'll take even longer than I expected learning the language.

It doesn't really matter. I'm here now, alive, in a world with a magic system!

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