《[Cryoverse] The Last Precursor》Chapter 25: A Hero's Return
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José Rodriguez, the last Precursor, stands alone before an army of creatures lurking within the darkness. However, the Terran doesn't flinch or feel even a hint of fear. Not only does he have the full confidence of surviving an engagement with them, he even recognizes their identities.
The largest creature, a forty-meter-tall quadruped, snarls at him with malicious intent. Its pitch-black fur and wolf-like face gives it the unmistakable identity of a Hellhound, a creature once thought to be extinct by all of Terrankind. Amidst its two 'primary' eyes, forty-eight others open up around them, revealing fifty eyes in total, all fixated upon the Terran's comparatively tiny figure.
To the Hellhound's right and left, countless smaller bipeds clutch primitive clubs, knives, and spears. Their moldy-green skin and leathery animal-fur clothing gives them similar appearances, but José clearly notes the distinction between the two-foot-tall and seven-foot-tall bipeds.
Goblins and orcs.
Much like the Hellhound, all of these creatures come from an era so ancient that José has never personally seen them in the flesh. However, thanks to battling them in combat simulations, as well as his years of dedicated study within Ramma's Archives, he knows their appearances well.
"Tch. You should have all gone extinct long ago," José growls. "Guess I'll have to deliver the killing blow myself."
One particularly brave goblin darts out from the crouching horde and charges at the Terran. Its hideous face and bulging eyes widen as it rushes at the towering human.
"Death to all fleshbags!"
Its wanton cry ignites the fires of hatred within the hearts of all the other creatures. Immediately after, the Hellhound, orcs, and goblins charge at José, bloodlust in their eyes.
It only takes the first goblin two seconds to reach its Terran adversary. Right as it jumps at him to stab his leg with a two-foot-long spear, José rears his leg back, then kicks the Goblin right in the head. The goblin's skull instantly shatters under José's dominating might. It flies backward and crashes onto the ground, only for its body to end up trampled underfoot by the rushing horde.
Seeing the charge of a thousand enemies, José maintains his cool. He takes aim with his rifle and squeezes the trigger, causing his gun to charge its attack for a split-second before firing.
Thoom!
A heavily ionized explosive munition fires into the crowd. It detonates to the right of the Hellhound, killing fifteen goblins and three orcs with a flash of green bio-devouring light. Their bodies instantly evaporate into nothingness, while still more enemies charge through the newly opened gap.
Thoom! Thoom! Thoom!
Over and over, José retreats a few steps while firing charged blasts into the approaching army. Each detonation wipes out all the biological life in its explosion radius, yet doesn't affect the floors, the walls, or the metal parts of their clothing and weapons.
Still, it doesn't take long before José's enemies catch up to and pounce at him, aiming for all of his vital areas at the same time.
Right before José perishes to the teeth and weapons of his blood-crazed foes...
Foop!
The Terran vanishes.
Stunned, the horde of monsters trips over themselves trying to figure out where he went, only for a humming sound to rumble above their heads. They look upward and spot José with his feet gravitically attached to the ceiling, and his rifle aimed at the biggest, juiciest cluster of monsters.
Thoom!
Another blast of bio-devouring energy catapults from his gun's barrel and flies into the horde, but this time, more than fifty monsters perish to its tyrannical might. Their bodies vanish from existence, as a force comparable to a black hole swallows them up, never to be seen again.
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By the time the monsters realize what's happened, José has already prepared another shot.
Thoom! Thoom!
The monsters scramble away, some of them hurling javelins at José's position, while the goblins specifically leap onto the walls and scurry up the sides, using their unparalleled wall-crawling abilities to rush the lone human.
"Stinking fleshbag!" An orc roars. "Fight me one on one like real man!"
"Yeah! Stop run away, big coward!"
As countless goblins swarm along the walls and ceiling toward's José's position, the Terran pauses for a moment to think.
If it were only me here, clearing out these monsters would simply be a matter of time. However, I'm not alone. I have to take Megla and the Kessu into consideration. Megla can't possibly protect all of them by herself. I need to draw all of these monsters' focus to me, and me alone. Otherwise... I don't want to imagine what will happen.
The Admiral's eyes flicker toward the nearest half-dozen goblins skittering toward him. Right before they can reach him, José disappears.
Foop!
He teleports again, arriving at an empty spot on the wall not far away. His glowing body attracts the monsters' attention as all of them easily pick him out of the darkness.
Thoom! Thoom!
José slaughters another sixty orcs and goblins, only to flinch in surprise as the Hellhound pounces at him from below!
"Shit!"
With his teleportation module temporarily on cooldown, the Admiral can't dodge. He drops his gun, braces his legs and lunges out with both of his arms. The Hellhound snaps its jaws on him, intending to bite him off the wall, but it gets far more than it bargained for when the Admiral 'miraculously' grabs one tooth on its upper and lower jaw, then uses his incredible strength to force the wolf's mouth open.
"Gaaahh?!"
The Hellhound bites down with all its strength, but José grips the monster's upper and lower teeth with his bare hands, all while the muscles on his back pop with tremendous effort.
"Aaaargh! S-stupid... MUTT!"
Suddenly, José kicks off the wall and launches himself into the Hellhound's mouth, allowing its jaws to slam shut behind him. With his body illuminating the animal's jowls, he grabs hold of a sinewy strand of skin on the roof of its mouth and squeezes with all his might. The animal starts opening and closing its mouth to try and chew the human, but José holds on like a leaf in a windstorm, one that somehow tenaciously clings to its chosen tree branch.
The moment José's teleportation module cools off, he taps the black band on his wrist, synthesizes a poisonous smoke grenade, and hurls it into the Hellhound's throat.
"Here, breakfast!"
Foop!
José teleports out of the Hellhounds' snapping jaws to the wall again, then jumps away, reaching out his arm to his fallen gun. The weapon leaps off the ground and flies into his clutches, only a second before he smashes feet-first into the head of a blankly-staring Orc.
Splort!
José crushes the orc's skull and caves in its brains, using his body's mass like a wrecking ball. In the blink of an eye, six orcs around him swing their swords and clubs at his figure, intending to bludgeon or slash him to death.
Too bad, before their attacks connect, José drops to the ground, lands on his left palm, and throws himself toward the nearest orc feet-first, delivering a powerful kick to the monster's head. The sound of air whiffing past his hair as the other five orcs miss gives him no comfort. They stagger and chase after him, but José nets a clean escape, even as goblins pounce at him from the ceiling and walls.
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BOOM!
The poisonous gas grenade José fed the Hellhound only moments before erupts inside its gullet, making the giant monster screech in pain. It yips and coughs, expelling deadly toxins into the air around it. Dozens of orcs and goblins inadvertently inhale the nerve gas, perishing to its rank, foul odor. Within seconds, the Hellhound loses its balance and falls on its side, tucking in its legs and head to repeatedly vomit the most dreadful, disgusting liquids and solids ever seen in the seven galaxies.
Not long after, it stops moving, forever.
José continues jumping and teleporting away, killing monsters by the dozens. His expression turns complicated as he shoots a glance at the Hellhound.
I'd love to clear out this horde with more poison gas, but it's liable to reach Megla and the Kessu. I've unleashed too much already, as-is.
Admiral Rodriguez swivels to face a cluster of goblins and orcs. However, when he presses his gun's trigger, the only response he gets is a clicking sound.
[Ammo depleted,] Umi says inside the Admiral's mind. [All dilithium fuel has been expended, Admiral. Automatically switching the Adaptive Living Moldanium Combat Implement to its melee combat form.]
The powerful rifle in José's grasp rapidly alters its appearance. Like magic, the barrel of the gun flattens out and becomes razor-thin and ultra sharp. The gun's mass shifts toward its handle as it morphs into a one meter longsword, but a highly advanced version capable of slicing through steel with ease.
[Transformation complete,] The synthmind says. [Secondary mode online. The long-range Biological Eraser Cannon has successfully shifted into its close-combat nanoblade form.]
José's gaze darkens. "Thanks, Umi. Close combat against so many enemies... it's dangerous, but I don't have a choice."
He glances behind himself, at the entrance to the Kessu's side-tunnel. Inside, not even 300 meters away, Megla stands protectively in front of the tiny kitty cats, her weapon trained on the entrance and ready for action.
The Admiral returns his gaze to the monsters currently charging at him.
Megla isn't familiar with the Long Range Biological Eraser Cannon. The LORBEC is more than capable of instantly killing me. If she shoots at an enemy when I'm close by, she might accidentally catch me in the cross-fire. That's certainly not the way I want to go out... not via friendly fire.
In that case... I'll just have to ensure no monsters get past me.
As the Orcs charge the Admiral, something inexplicable happens. For the first time since their struggle began, the human lunges forward, meeting them head-on in combat.
A flash of light ignites in the air as the Terran's nanoblade hums with energy. The moment José swings it in any direction, kinetic energy builds up on its edge, tripling its sharpness. He cuts through three of his enemies before they can react, and his body becomes a blur as he accelerates beyond what should be any human's biological limits.
Inside José's head, Umi speaks again. [Orion Corps Musculature Enhancements have initiated active combat mode. Cerebral computation speed increased by 714%. Movement speed increased by 447%. Strength increased by 183%. Reaction time requirements decreased by 92%. Time remaining before active combat enhancement mode must disengage for user's safety: Fourteen minutes, fifty-eight seconds.]
"Come on, you filthy monsters!!" José roars. "My people killed yours long before we reached the peak of martial combat! Now, you're nothing more than BUGS to me!"
His intimidating shout succeeds in startling the monsters around him, but their alarm turns to rage shortly after. As the Admiral's blade dances around, his body becomes faster and faster, allowing him to rapidly adapt to the change in his combat capabilities.
For the next five minutes, Admiral Rodriguez rampages unhindered. No matter who comes up against him, their bodies ends up diced into mincemeat. The goblins never pose a threat to him, and neither do the orcs.
Soon, the 'thousands' of monsters arrayed against the Admiral slow to a trickle. The several hundred that remain keep their distance and spread out, choosing to pelt him with arrows and javelins. The Admiral easily bats their slow, awkward, clumsy attacks out of the air, chopping apart the primitive projectiles with ease.
Eventually, he slows to a stop, taking two precious seconds to scan the battlefield.
José's vision sweeps in every direction. He picks out the goblins and orcs that remain, but none of them have made it past his bladestorm of destruction even once. Megla and the Kessu remain unharmed.
"That's it?"
The Admiral's hearts both beat at tremendous speeds. With the adrenaline pouring through his body thanks to the Orion Corps combat biomod, it takes all his effort to slow down his battle fury and think about what the hell is happening.
"Where is it? These can't be all of the monsters lurking down here. There should be a hyper-intelligent enemy somewhere. An aberrant. Hellhounds, goblins, and orcs aren't anything special."
He vocalizes his thoughts as a whisper, so his voice doesn't travel far. Even so, something stirs in the darkness behind José, above the entrance to Megla and the Kessu.
A shadowy figure slowly shifts its position, gazing at José with pitch-black eyes.
His hearts still beating furiously, the Admiral charges at another pair of orcs and begins cutting them down like meat in a blender. They scream in terror and piss themselves just before they die, but neither of the duo mounts even the weakest resistance to his superior battle prowess.
At that moment, the shadowy figure attacks.
It grips a heavy, steel rod, one colored pitch-black, just like its body. With the Admiral distracted by his continued killing frenzy, the shadow coils strength into its arm... and hurls the rod like a bullet!
Whiff!
In an impossibly speedy and precise manner, the rod sails straight toward José's back. The Admiral only gets a split second to react, but with no monsters behind him, he doesn't anticipate the sudden attack from his flank.
RIIIIP!!
The iron rod tears through José's skin and rips out one of his hearts while penetrating every defense in its path. The vicious implement passes through him like a bullet through wet paper and stabs halfway into the hardened rocky ground in front of his feet. Stunned and startled, the Admiral gasps in surprise and whirls to face his adversary. Thanks to the pain suppression biomod he installed after his surgery, José barely notices his missing vital organ.
"Shit! Who's there?!"
The Admiral frantically scans the darkness behind him. His eyes sweep across the spot where the shadow rested only a moment before, but even with his enhanced senses, he doesn't spot anything out of the ordinary.
A feminine voice speaks from the shadows, its origin point seemingly coming from every direction at once.
"Hehehe... silly human. Have you not figured out who I am, yet? Or, rather... what I am?"
José's eyes dart to his left, toward a corner of the room where the wall and ceiling meet one another. He squints with all his might, but still doesn't notice anything out of the ordinary.
A shiver runs down the Terran's back.
It can't be. Seeing goblins, orcs, and a Hellhound was bad enough... but... surely, I must be wrong.
"You..." The Admiral growls. "You're... a shadow-walker?"
"Hah hah hah... that's quite the insult, little human."
A faint movement directly overhead startles José. He looks up just in time to see the shadows move slightly, before another metal rod fires at him, this time aiming for his head!
Swish!
The Admiral moves with lightning reflexes. He smashes the flat of his sword against the rod, making it miss his head, but it still rips through his left shoulder. The Terran completely ignores the injury, even as his nanite-imbued body gets to work repairing both of his wounds. His rapidly-draining blood slows to a crawl, and new skin begins grafting between the injuries.
"Not shadow walkers," José snarls. "You... you're a Shade! A god-damned SHADE!"
"Did you finally figure it out?" The female asks. "Wow, what a smart little fleshbag. I'll give you... two points. Haha. I have to say, your body looks quite delectable. Big muscles, a gaze that could make a woman swoon... it's been a while since I got to wriggle my tongue around inside a male human's brain. Mmm. I'm shivering just imagining it."
Another flicker of movement startles José. He readies himself for an attack from the back, but instead, all he sees is a shadow shifting slightly on the wall. A vaguely feminine figure appears, her body wreathed in so much darkness he can barely make her out.
"So you are a Shade!" José growls. "Haha. It all makes sense now. You must have been the one controlling the monsters. Tch. You're one lucky little shadow-blob. After we humans wiped your species off the galactic map, we never knew one of you had survived. If we had, you'd have perished long ago."
José holds up his sword in a defensive posture while keeping both eyes locked on the shifting mass of shadow. The Shade's face shifts to create a gigantic, horrifying smile.
"Oh, you adorable little man. I love it when men toy with me and treat me like a slut. Let's spar a little longer. My name is Voluptuous. What's yours?"
"Why even ask?" José asks. "Don't pretend like you don't know. You've been watching me since I arrived."
"Clever boy."
The Shade stretches out a hand and presses it against her mouth coyly.
"That's right, José Rodriguez, Admiral of the starship 'Bloodbearer.' I know quite a bit about you. I'm always fascinated by big, strong men. Tell me, handsome, what's it like being the last member of a dead species?"
"You should know," José taunts. However, even as he utters those words, another sense of danger tingles in the back of his mind. "You've been slithering down here, all alone, for a hundred million years."
Voluptuous melts into the wall, then reappears directly above José, allowing her to get a closer look at him.
"Oh, yes, darling. You have me pegged well. I haven't tasted man-meat in sooo long. Come now, why not leave that ugly crocodile and the furballs behind? If you come willingly, I promise not to bite. I don't want to harm a hair on that perfectly chiseled face of yours, not until we've had our taste of each other. Mmm, that look you're giving me right now is making my feminine parts tingle, ahaha!"
An odd smile appears on José's face. "Are you trying to seduce me? Pitiful. Maybe if I were my old pal, Nicky-boy, that might work. Too bad, I'm not. No demoness will ever be capable of tugging on my heartstrings."
"Is that so? I doubt that, lover," Voluptuous replies. "No man can resist the allure of a beautiful woman, especially when he's been alone for so long."
"It hasn't been long at all," José replies. "I got stuck in stasis for the last hundred million years. Strange, though. You should know that, unless your knowledge of me comes only from what you've observed in these tunnels."
The Admiral's words make Voluptuous hesitate, but only for a moment.
"Oh, I see! Haha. Indeed, I assumed you were awake the whole time, suffering and wallowing in your loneliness. Ah, but still... to awaken to a dead galaxy, one where all the others of your kind have long since ceased to exist... that must have been quite the tragedy."
The Admiral's expression darkens. He squeezes his nanoblade's hilt a little tighter. "...You should know about that sort of loneliness too, 'Voluptuous.' Unless, of course... you aren't alone."
Voluptuous falls silent. Her eyes narrow as she gazes at the human.
"...Tsk. Too bad! I couldn't help myself. I let too many hints slip. Mmm, darling, your tongue truly is a weapon of legends! That's right... I'm not alone. But... are you ready to wet yourself in fear... little 'Jojo'?"
As Voluptuous finishes speaking, the entire room begins to shift. José's final remaining heart jumps in alarm as ten, twenty, fifty, even a hundred shadowy balls begin congealing on the ceiling and walls. Countless blobs of darkness spread out and take shape, as numerous female voices begin speaking.
"Ehehe! He's so scared! Look at that stupid expression of his! I'm gonna cut him to pieces, nyehehehe!"
"Filthy human. You have only survived this long because of our curiosity."
"This human is quite strong. Watch out for his tricks."
Female voices of all tones and shapes begin speaking, draining the blood from José's face. Every second, countless other Shades begin materializing, making their numbers skyrocket to one hundred, three hundred, even one thousand!
"What?!" José gasps. "So... so many?! How is this possible! I might expect one or two of you to survive... but this many?! It's imposs-"
The words catch in José's throat as a truly horrifying realization comes to his mind.
"No... no... it can't be. Shades aren't like other demons. You... you can't reproduce! The only way Shades can multiply is if... if..."
José's eyes dart frantically around the room. He clenches his teeth together, then shouts at the top of his lungs.
"Yama! Emperor of Shadows! Where are you?! Show yourself!"
The human's words silence all of the females present. After a moment, a few of them begin to giggle.
"Hehehe... well, since you asked for it, little human..."
The Shades melt back into the walls and ceiling, becoming invisible even to José's advanced sensory and imaging technology.
However, one blob of darkness, far larger and more intimidating than the others, rises up from the ground a hundred feet from José. It rapidly congeals into a ten-meter-tall ghostly black creature, one that hovers in the air without any legs.
"Heh heh heh. Hello, José Rodriguez," The Shade says, its masculine voice standing out from all of the female Shades from before. "You called. We came. Aren't we polite? We never turn down an invitation to a party."
José takes a step back. "You... you can't be alive. The ancient Terran records... they clearly noted your death date, and the method used! They trapped you, bombarded you with solar radiation-"
"Mmm, yes, we remember that day well..." Yama says, his voice as cold as ice. "Pain. Suffering. Agony. If the humans had realized they only captured half of this humble emperor's body... if they knew we could split our essence into pieces, we might have perished forever. Too bad! We outfoxed the humans, but still... we suffered a terrible loss."
Yama's voice becomes even icier than before. His size increases as rage appears in his shadowy eyes.
"Filthy humans. You... you killed my women! All of them! Trapped them... tortured them... Greed, Envy, even Vicious! You forced this poor, forsaken Emperor to start from scratch... to build up our harem once again! It took us ages... countless years to reacquire women of suitable... purity."
José's lips curl into a grimace. "I see. That's why... those female Kessu... you bastard! You stole them... turned them into your wretched little toys!"
"We did," Yama answers, his voice emotionless. "Those Kessu were hardly capable of meeting our standards... but we must thank you, Admiral Rodriguez. You've delivered us two delicious, sumptuous little morsels... hehe. Not only a strong warrior who will resist our advances to the last breath, but a meek, timid kitten who won't fight back at all. We must compliment you on your respectfulness towards authority. Now, we have two high-quality females to ravish until the ends of time! Heh heh heh!"
José's heart skips a beat.
Megla... and Lele?! No! This filthy, shadow bastard!
"You won't touch them!" José roars. "I don't care how many of you there are! I'm a human unlike any you've ever faced! I'll rip you to shreds, Devil!"
José's skin brightens two times more luminously than before, transforming him into a light within the darkness. Yama immediately shrinks back, hiding within the shadows.
"Tch. You know our weakness. So what? Your little glowy-skin tricks won't kill this king! The most you can do is burn us a little! Stupid human! You're only delaying the inevitable!"
José's teeth gnash together as a rage he hasn't felt in years begins to boil his blood.
"Don't tempt me, demon! Go back to the shadows, or I'll make you face annihilation!"
Inside José's head, Umi speaks again. [Admiral. The time remaining before the active combat enhancement mode must disengage for your safety is only seven minutes, fifty-nine seconds.]
This alarm causes the Admiral's eyes to turn bloodshot.
Yama is trying to delay me! I won't let him off!
The Emperor of Shadows levitates backward. His body fades into the darkness as he chuckles ominously.
"Do not assume we know nothing of your methods, Terran. We have picked off countless human prisoners in the eras since our defeat. We know the advanced weaponry you possess. Try your hardest, but you will never defeat us. You will fall here. Your corpse will become our food, and your soul our sustenance... but your women will become our playthings! Heh heh heh!"
A vicious smile spreads across José's face. He nods slowly, while glancing around the room at all the possible positions the Shades could be hiding.
"Haha. Is that so? Is that SO?! Looks like you've put me in quite the dire position! Well, then... it seems I'll have to surprise you, your highness! This Terran... IS MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE!"
...
The Admiral closes his eyes.
After a few moments, a humming sound emits from his chest, and a faint blue light begins to cover his skin, one that vaguely resembles Megla's Survival Suit. However, unlike hers, this 'armor' causes Yama's soul to tremble.
The Emperor of Shadows stares at the human. His arrogant grin fades away, and a faint feeling of fear appears in his eyes.
Hm? That's... this sensation... it reminds us of the ancient legend... the Hero! Could it be?! Could this human actually be a reincarnation of the Hero?!
Alarmed, Yama transmits an order to his harem.
[Females! Do not hold back! This male is no ordinary human! He's a Hero! A Hero, we said! Kill him at all costs!]
Their reply comes in the form of countless shadows emerging from the walls, all of them clutching iron rods.
[Yes, Great Emperor! We will slaughter the human where he stands!]
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J&K
One day, a creature appeared on the beach of a world ruled by the human race. Born from a higher form of intelligence that was spending its immortality crossing between worlds, the creature's mission was simple : live and see. See what for yourself what the world has to offer. But what the world had to offer was sometimes quite overwhelming. ** [participant in the Royal Road Writathon challenge] from chapter 2; be careful, chapter 1 has sexual content. Refer to the tags as the story can be quite dark. The story is a slice of life turned not so wholesome as the protagonist meets mostly freaks while becoming one themself.
8 134Spirit Sagas
Flynn Undersyn One of the greatest assassins ever born. A king of kings. Bringer of both destruction and peace In the Haicho Region of the Southern Continent a young boy starts his journey. Although his original goal of living as he pleases and protecting those he cares for never changes, the scope of it changes from his region to the Continent to the entire Mortal World and beyond.
8 138The Reader of Souls
(previously titled 'perhaps I'm The bad guy')***After all his failures in his previous life as a king, Abraham died and was brought to a new world by an unknown entity for unknown purposes. Abraham found himself in this new world filled with, Secret organizations, Eldritch horrors, Gods, Magic and Insanity. What started as a new life in another world for Abraham, very quickly turned into quite the nightmare. Afterall... everything is quite suspiciously being laid out for him by 'The Most Ancient Creator'. He can even loose control of his body to 'him' . Each of his decisions are constantly monitored by 'Them' All he could do is fight back against the madness of this world with all he has. And all he has in this world filled with madness and threats in the dark is the ability to read other's thoughts. Unfortunately for him, this ability is more of a curse than a strength. And the people in his 'new world' aren't great either. They are against a formidable foe and are losing yet... They're scattered. And, as for the gods, Abraham cannot rely on them. 'They' Aren't benevolent.******************************************Hello! My name's Myst and this is my ln 'The reader of souls'. This is practically my first proper ln so don't expect too much. It's probably only mediocre. But I'll try. If you have any criticism feel free to tell me, Thanks! *Heavily inspired by Lord of Mysteries By The Cuttlefish That Loves Diving* Inconsistent updates. I'm sorry.
8 182Chronicles of Nirn
On hiatus while I rewrite. Freyja is more than your average adventurer . . . That is, she would be if any adventurer could be called average. She travels across Tamriel with her family. Crazy politics, troubles with local villages, relationship problems- bad luck always seems to find this unfortunate traveler at the worst times. Will Freyja survive life's heartlessness? Or will she be overcome beneath its ruthless trampling? Follow alongside to uncover this unhappy traveler's fated path! Note: This is book one of a five book series. Note: I had help from the Royal Road community to write the synopsis. Special thanks to all the authors that contributed! Important!!!: This is an Elder Scrolls/Skyrim fanfiction. I do not own nor claim any sorts of rights to the incredible game Bethesda has created! I’m writing this for fun. [WARNING!!: Contains beheadings, backstabbings, murders, lots of gore, mild swearing, drugs, and the use of alcohol. Content may not be suitable for all audiences.] This is my first book, so please don’t judge the grammar too harshly. I’m leaving all the editing for when it’s done anyway. Note: I am writing on Webnovel, Scribble Hub, and Royal Road. IMPORTANT!!: I will be working mainly with the user Lyric_Drake. I give credit to them, because they have helped develop the story and what will come afterwards. They also helped with lore and character design. And they came up with the title! So great job Lyric_Drake, and thank you!
8 98Dip$h!+s in Space
An eccentric comedy novel (that thinks it's a TV show) about space, and the Dipsh!+s that end up stranded in it. This hyper-self-aware comedy of stupid proportions, centers around Captain William T Lawg (no relation) and his adventures as a guy who managed to afford a refitted soft-top ice-cream truck, in space. Explore the universe with his trusty crew of valiant randos. Marley, the tech-bro, stoner spacebunny, who just wants to get away from his home world and the bullies it harbors. Duffy, the plump and sassy female mechanic, who has had every job in existence totaling far more years than possible. Roy, the frigging fabulous, flamboyant android, and former spy…or possibly current spy. (dun dun, daaaa!) And lastly, but certainly leastly, that other chick the captain keeps trying to bang. Ride with the crew of the notorious Tast-E-Chill, to a world of wonder that a lot of other space travelers have already been before, but probably not Lawg, so it's still exciting. This satirical joke on itself and every sci-fi trope ever to exist, will be sure to either thrill you or disappoint you, because COMEDY…IS…SUBJECTIVE! With a crew of 3-10 and an IQ of also probably 3-10, The captain putters along to uncharted lands, where history, loot, drama, innuendos of the sexual verity, and various Technicolor hoes shall surely be waiting, usually with some form of trap. Each season brings new and interesting crewmen, like: Menace: the adorable genderless frog-child-thing with the heart of gold and the dialogue vocabulary of a slightly trained parrot. Greg: the 8 foot tall, ancient, thermonuclear, semi-retired alien overlord who just wants to prove he still has a purpose…and also to rule the galaxy. Izzy: a 3rd generation, age-reversed reboot, accidental clone of her own mother/sister/older self, who happens to be Greg's daughter-in-law…and much, much more. Prepare yourself for shallow adventure, moderately-to high offensive dialogue, and overwhelmingly childish scenarios. Tag along as the crew battles, fierce enemies, lack of food and survival tape, and occasionally their own incompetence. Teen Romance, current politics, subtlety, dignity, this sucker has none of those, and it darn well knows it. Raise the sails and grab the rails as a bunch of dipsh!+s find themselves...IN SPACE. (Roll dramatic tapering credits, to royalty free trumpet music)
8 126MCYT smut
I decided to write this because I was tired and bored. So. Ya. Anyway this is my first time writing smut so it's probably going to be really bad. So anyway here you go I guess.
8 165