I woke up slowly. I tried to stretch but it felt funny so I stopped. I tried to roll over and pull my blanket up but neither seemed to work. There was no blanket and for some reason moving my body felt really strange. I tried to remember where I was.

Then I remembered that white space and those two crazy self proclaimed goddesses. Suddenly, I was wide awake and staring straight ahead trying to make sense of everything. That effort was rudely interrupted as I quickly realized that I was staring at a rather blurry green thing. Was it a tree? Maybe it was a green ceiling? The more I looked the more sure I was that the blurry green thing above me was a tree. After realizing that, if it was a tree, that would mean I was mostly blind in the middle of a forest, I decided it was definitely a roof.

Rather than ponder more on what I was able to see, I thought it might be good to figure out why my vision was so blurry. I tried to rub my eyes but for some reason my hands still weren't listening to me. I quickly decided to not think about that either. Why my vision was so blurry was a complete mystery that couldn't be solved right now. Yep. No way of knowing so time to move on again.

So this was a whole new world. I wasn't sure if I should be excited or terrified. Once again my thoughts were interrupted by the new situation. I saw a brown dot flying toward me. It stood out because it was a totally different colour than the ceiling. I quickly decided to ignore it as it was probably just a bug and decided to go back to thinking about having been moved to another world.

Just as I was realizing that I would be unable to see my family again, the brown dot landed on my nose. I was able to see it much more clearly now. It appeared to be a pretty little bug with wings. Around the time I was trying to decide what kind of bug it was, my world was filled with PAIN. Endless horrible pain like nothing I had ever felt before. Broken limbs were mere love taps in comparison. This pain was the worst. To be honest, at the time I was unable to think of literally anything. I was just immersed in the sensation of never ending pain.

The pain lasted forever. No really. During all of that time, I have no memory of anything but pain. No memory of any thoughts or anything else. Just pain.

Eventually, after a truly timeless period, I woke up to an emotionless voice. I would like to say it made some sense but it was a completely unintelligible garble. Those damn goddesses didn't even pass on the language of this world to me. Really, they were absolutely terrible at their jobs. Where was the customer service department? You can be sure I would be sending many long complaints to their manager just as soon as I found it. I will definitely be asking for a refund...

I tried to look around to see who was speaking but failed pretty fast. I could move my eyes but my eyesight was terrible and I couldn't move my head at all. I was curled up on my left side and was unable to do so much as flip myself over.

When I looked to see where to put my hands to turn over that way, I saw my body. It was not the body I remember having before I came to this world. I was naked so I could see it in all of its glory. Of course, there was not much to see really. It was wrinkly, red and tiny. I was a baby. An infant from the looks of it.

My neck was too weak to even turn my head. My arms were too weak to turn myself over. Yea, I was stuck. I must have been a seriously newly born child. Now given that I had already been here for a while writhing in pain either I was created as a premature baby, time passed really slowly while I was in so much pain, or I just wasn't aging after being made as a new born. Lets assume that I was premature. I did not want to try to live as an infant for the rest of my life and I didn't want to even think about how embarrassing it would be if that pain only lasted a few minutes or something.

To sum up, I am currently under what is definitely a tree seemingly in the middle of a forest in the body of a newborn. Yea, this new life just kept getting better and better. Well, I did not see anyone and I did not hear anyone anymore. So where did that voice from before come from? I thought that surely, I should have parents around somewhere as babies don't just appear out of nowhere.

"Waaa! Guwaaaa!"

I tried calling out a few times but all I was capable of doing at this point was crying so yea. Come on parents. You already left your child to suffer horrible pain for a long time. Surely you can come get me now. Anyone?

It was while I was waiting for someone to show up that I realized I was not in pain anymore. This was a massive improvement. I mean I can not say again how much that hurt before. I was not hungry or thirsty either. This was just weird. I have definitely been here for many days. I have no memory of eating or drinking. I spent a good while trying to convince myself I wasn't dead and that the goddesses had really put me into a new world alive. Not that I would have put it past them to make me an elven ghost but surely they didn't. Right?

While thinking about this and that, I kept crying my head off. Where are they? I have been crying for ages now and no one has come. Well there are a few of those brown bugs flitting about. But I hardly think the bugs are the ones who spoke earlier given they are about the size of a grain of rice.

Not crazy. I was absolutely not crazy. There was definitely a voice earlier. I clearly heard it. So who was talking? Were they just going to ignore a screaming child? Hey, I might be dying over here! Come check at the very least!

No response ever came. Eventually, I had to give up on the idea that someone was going to come find the source of the noise I was making. Seriously, did I just not have parents or something?

Once I realized no one was coming, I admit I may have spent a moment cursing those two so called goddesses. Okay so it was at least five minutes. But I think that is only reasonable given where I had ended up. I mean really in what world is it okay for a god to kidnap someone and then treat them like this. While trying to curse with all my might, I quickly realized speech was beyond me thanks to my underdeveloped vocal cords. But cursing in my head worked wonders.

After I calmed down a bit, I tried to think if there was anything I could do in this situation. Well, other than lie here until something came to help me or eat me. That was when I remembered that the white place I met the goddesses looked a lot like what I remembered from all the various stories I liked to read about reincarnated heroes. In those novels, the heroes always have a way to display their current skills and abilities, just like in a video game or something. Maybe there is something there that will let me move about.

I tried to call up a list of my abilities with everything I had. I spent a few busy minutes loudly thinking things like *Status*, *Character Sheet*, and whatever else I could come up with. I even tried to say them but of course all that came out was a very quiet, very hoarse "guah". Newborn vocal cords are not really up to this kind of thing.

After that completely failed to work, I tried to calm myself down and think of what I knew about my current situation. It looked like I was in some kind of jungle. It was hot and humid. I was a newborn. I hated those two goddesses. If I saw them again I would... No that was not helping.

The biggest problem facing me then was that I was bored. What exactly was there to do? If this were some kind of story, I would start working out to improve my physical fitness and become the world's strongest baby. Or maybe I would start training my magic or martial arts.

In my previous life, I was an otaku. I played video games and read manga. All of a sudden expecting me to become a muscle head or a martial arts master was ridiculous. I tried moving my limbs for a bit but I got tired quickly. While I was doing that I noticed that the little brown bugs I saw earlier seemed to like my movement and started playing tag with one another while flying around my arms. I couldn't help but smile and let out a giggle. They are cute. With nothing better to do, I decided to watch them play.

After a while, I naturally fell into a thoughtless state just as I had been doing while I was still in pain.

If you are wondering how I survived for so long without food or water at the start of my life, the answer seems to be a combination of things to do with being an elf. I only found this out many years later but elves have a few amazing racial abilities. The important one here was that we are able to subconsciously take in mana from the world around us to sustain and heal ourselves. We never grow old as we heal the damage time does to our bodies and somehow manage to keep ourselves young. We do not even need to eat or drink as we instead automatically draw in energy from our environment as nourishment. There is no waste if we don't eat anything. So even though I was laying there for so long, I was slightly less stinky than you would think.

We also do not need to sleep. Instead, we have to meditate to rest our minds. Luckily for me, having one's world so filled with pain that it is impossible to think of anything else seemed to have counted for the purposes of meditation so I wasn't short on that during this initial period.

In this way, the first period of my life passed. Waking up, playing with the bugs, and falling back into a trance. I was never hungry or thirsty which I did my best to not be freaked out about at the time.

At first times were really rough as I did not have enough strength to turn over. So I was stuck in the same position for what I could only assume was months. I was sick a lot and when I was finally able to turn over I had some incredible bed sores. Somehow I survived all that and came out of it mostly okay. Mostly.

Even though I survived, it was not like there were no consequences. I had scars all over the left side of my body from the bed sores and I was a bit asymmetrical because I spent so much time like that when I was so young. My left shoulder is higher than my right and my left leg is shorter than my right leg. I was sure I would grow out of it eventually. It definitely wasn't going to be the case that I was permanently disfigured. No one liked the hunchback of Notre-Dame. I was reincarnated into this world so I would definitely be attractive. Besides everyone knows elves are hot. Yep.

I found out later when I looked into a pool of water that my eyes were also mismatched and my face looked a bit like two face from that famous superhero movie about a man who fears bats. The hunchback of Notre Dame was able to get a beautiful wife so why can't I? I never watched the movie or read the book but I am sure that is how that story went. It totally must have been. Definitely. I won't give up hope.

If asked about that time in more detail, there isn't much detail to give. I was not able to crawl, just turn myself over. I never went out from beneath the big tree I woke up under. The fruit never fell to the ground near me so I had no idea if they were tasty.

When it rained, I just got wet. It rained a lot. More than three times a day. Luckily the tree seemed to be on a slight hill so I didn't drown or anything. Also, the weather was very tropical so it never got very cold. There were a few nights where I was a bit cold and the thunderstorms did not help at all. But I survived and so all is well that ends well. Right? Those goddesses have a LOT to answer for.

Really, the only thing that saved me from going stark raving mad from boredom and despair were the bugs. I decided at some point that they looked like termites. They came to play with me every time I woke up. I mean I could not join in or anything but watching them play tag was great fun. I ended up giving them all names and inventing life stories for them, of course only in my head as I couldn't speak very well yet.

After about a year, the big day finally came. I had been trying to speak properly for ages. But I could feel it. Today was going to be the day. I was finally going to be able to start talking.

There was one thing I had been wanting to say since I arrived here. Finally that day I would be able to do it. It wasn't like the day before or any of the other days before that. Today, I would succeed.

"Stutus"

Almost. I could do this!

"Status"

Yes! It was at this point that a transparent board showed up in front of me.

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Basics:

Name: The worst name in the history of names.

Gender: Possibly male but it would take a microscope to find out.

Age: Oldest baby in the world, grow up already.

Race: Weirdo.

Job: We would say you were a vagrant but that is an insult to vagrants.

Level: We honestly were not aware it could go this low.

Experience: Well you are young so you can always try to get some later. Not that you will succeed but you can try.

Stats:

HP: Hahahaha. I....I....just can't...it...hahaha

MP: Oh. Hahaha. Again. Hahaha. Who knew this would be so funny?

Strength: Might be able to lift a blade of grass.

Agility: Makes snails look like they are gifted.

Health: I hope you have written a will. Oh wait, you can't write! Hahaha.

Magic Power: Literally anything on this planet has more magic than you.

Resistance: You don't have any. Going to cry now, you cry baby?

Charm: In the running for most hideous thing on the planet.

Skills:

Pain Resistance: Ah. And you even seemed to enjoy the pain so much.

Poison Resistance: Good for when your friends try to poison you for being so ugly.

Disease Resistance: Would be handy if it were given to someone less useless.

Achievements:

Nudist: No one wants to see that.

Masochist: Stop hurting yourself already it was sad long ago.

Ascetic: You might want to get closer to us but we do not want to get closer to you.

Homeless: Are you trying to move up to being a vagrant?

Penniless: This is what happens when people refuse to work.

Hermit: Well more like you have no friends.

Abandoned: You are unloved as well.

Plague Carrier: People should definitely avoid you because of this. But they were going to anyway.

Pious: Stop praying to us, no one wants to hear that horrible voice.

Titles:

Other world traveller: Traveller is too nice a word for someone who snuck in and is now lazing about doing nothing.

Hero: You are the worst hero in the history of this world. Seriously we checked.

Hated by the Gods: Just in case you were wondering how we feel about you.

Blessings and Curses:

Blessing of the Two Goddesses: Best blessing ever.

Curse of Poverty: To have money you would need a job! Since you refuse to get a job, you do not deserve to have nice things.

Curse of Obscurity: Not that you will have any deeds in need of acknowledgement anyway.

Curse of Babel: We just couldn't stand the idea of inflicting your whining on the people of our world.

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After reading that ... lovely status board, I may have been a tinge unhappy for a while. I think screaming at the goddesses who write such things is only fair. They kidnap me into another world and then heap abuse on me. Seriously, what was wrong with them? I eventually decided to never look at that stupid thing again.

My only friends, the bugs, flew away when I started cursing and yelling. Well, they probably couldn't understand me very well as I could not really enunciate my words very well. But they seemed to know I was angry. It was only when I calmed down that I began to think this was odd.