I woke up in a bright white room. It was a weird, but still familiar setting. Weird because I have never lived such situation before.

Familiar because I became tired of reading about it and seeing pictures of it as well.

Because I am an Otaku and a semi-hikikomori whose only interests are literature, occultism, porn and shameful things.

No, porn isn’t shameful. It is a man’s pride. You can judge someone’s character by the size, type and composition of their porn collection. And if they have none, then they should see a psychologist and work up that tight asshole.

Literally. It is much possibly a problem with the early phases of mental development. Have I also said I like to pretend to know about things?

From psychology to quantum mechanics, I can pretend to know about almost anything after years and more years researching the internet about them. I have even done some online courses on stuff, like one on astrophysics and one on human evolution. I always get amazed at how much more content there is in the real thing though… I guess you can call it a liar’s curse, to know only enough to impress and talk back to others but not enough to actually use this knowledge for something useful.

I return my attention to the white room.

It seems I deviated from my train of though. It happens a lot. My eyes become lost and it looks almost as if I’m in a trance. In reality I’m only absorbed on myself, my thoughts and delusions. 100% narcissist. No wonder I have no friends except on the internet, where I can doze off and answer a simple question with an enormous wall of text five minutes after asked something.

Something changed.

Ah, there is a… shape ? Shadow ? It’s like the outline of a person, made of shade and brightness. I can barely see it.

- I see you have woken up. And you are thinking a lot already.

Ah, it talked. That… seems to be a mouth I guess.

It’s waiting for me. Probably waiting for an answer. Do I like the way it talked to me ? I’m not personally bothered by it. So I guess it is a friendly kind of existence.

Shouldn’t I be more concerned ?

Why ? I have never been. In my whole life, only a few times have I feared death, and even on then I just kept my policies of judging people’s character by how they treat me and what they do to me.

I will trust anyone who is truly nice to me, without seeming like they are trying to win my affection.

Not that such a thing is easy, seen as I always make an enemy out of everyone… ah, whatever. I should just answer. Yes, I feel good about this person. Let’s answer in a polite tone as well.

- Yes, I guess I just woke up… not sure why was I sleeping, though.

- …. You though a lot during that time. Do you usually have such long mental discussions with yourself over trivial matters?

- I don’t know if this could be trivial, but, yes, sometimes it feels like there’s at least a few hundreds of “me” competing to see who takes control of this body, soul and mind of mine.

- You didn’t think much before answering that, though.

An unpleasant warm and sticky feeling is going through my throat and chest just now. The feeling of self-depreciation. I know you…. Aaahh…this will be liberating, won’t it ? This conversation ? I will get some attention from it. Someone to listen to me complain. It is good to have others listening to your complains. I could do it all day, and receive some sympathy from them all day as well.

Aaah… I’m getting a bit aroused here….

- I’m used to question myself about that, so I just have an answer ready at any time I guess…

- Those last thoughts of yours….

Aah, she can read thoughts, bitch… no… aah, she can read them. She know them. She won’t be tricked. Because I am worthy of sympathy, right ? My pain is real. So she is going to give me real sympathy, even without I concealing that I want it.

I want it. Desperately bad, I want it so much !

- You….

- Ah, sorry… it seems my unpleasant feelings are showing up. Please feel free to stop reading my mind at any time. I will try to refrain myself from showing this side to you, since it would be emotional vampirism, but I never have much control over these things, so…

Suddenly, she pats my head.

- It’s ok.

Aaah… is she using me ? Is she doing it because she know what I want ? Is she going to try and dominate me ? I will fight her if she does it. I will rape her. I… I can’t rape anyone. Only thinking of it makes me flaccid. I will only dominate her. Or escape from her. I will run away.

Her eyes seems full of some degree of compassion. But they also have that business-woman feeling to them. She is going to charge me something for this, but it isn’t bad… is that it ?

- You are easy to read, so I will be sincere to you as well. I will use you, but then you can use me. You can have my compassion. Is that good enough?

I want to say yes. I immediately think of sex. Boyfriend-girlfriend kind of sex. Then incest. Like in mother-son hentai. That feeling of bonding. That Freudian bonding of a nature I cannot describe with words.

Then I remember my mother. My real mother. And I cannot feel like that anymore. I despise that woman a lot. I calm myself. It’s ok. She is proposing a deal. Let’s calm down and try to recompose myself.

- Ah, I am sorry. I lost my composure. It feels almost like a shared delusion. Please let’s snap out of it. You said you will use me, so I suppose you have some kind of business with me? I am curious about this place and what is happening to me, so I shall listen to you.

But please explain it clearly and in full disclosure. I don’t want to feel like I have only half of the information….. Is what I think next.

- Ok. I will be very clear, but it is a long story, so pay attention. Also, you may like to seat for listening to it.

She says, while releasing my head and point to my right. There, a sofa and a chair can be seen. They make the old European style of a few centuries ago, being made of noble wood and with cushions of rustic red cotton thread. The characteristic curves on the edges are dignifying and, at the same time…. Cute somehow? It makes me feel good, no doubt.

She is using me, manipulating me. But I like it. Thank you very much for being so mindful of my comfort.

Oooh, is that a small table with tea ? She has just awoken the snobby and pretentious Englishman on me. Even if I haven’t been born in England.

- Now, please seat.

Ah, she is wearing a XVIII century ball dress with golden and white colors, with flower patterns. The wig is fantastic and she is also wearing jewelry of the finest quality, as one can see for the feeling of weirdness and brutality they pass me.

Why do I feel so good ? I haven’t feel so good in years. I look at myself.

I am slim and proper. A nice arm, a beautiful swallowtail suit with knee-high white socks. I really feel like an Englishman. An upper-class lord and bon vivant.

Haven’t I made a regression in a psychology session in which I saw myself like this ? I remember clearly that. Even though the death I see myself dying at the time was… horrendous.

The goddess’s voice calls me out.

- Oh, you have realized my nature already. Come here, sit please.

She is seated at the chair, waiting for me to seat at the sofa. Of course I would have realized her nature at this point. I mean, what else could it be if not that ?

I wonder if I am dead or something ? If so, the after life is surely looking good ! I should have killed myself earlier !

I didn’t commit suicide, did I ? Last I remember I was just reading a manhwa or light novel in my room, wasn’t it ?

- You have a lot of questions, but I will answer them in time. Now, didn’t you ask me about what this all is about ?

- Yes, please, I am sorry.

I take my place at the sofa and she passes me a cup of tea. It isn’t very hot, and I am sitting in a very improper manner. My arm at the sofa’s armrest, my right leg over the left leg and my body in general point away from the goddess.

But it feels good sitting like this. Like I am at my place. Like I am in charge. Secure. Being manipulated like this surely is good. I have to take care to take advantage of her and her goodwill in the future. I don’t care if she use me, as long as I can have everything the way I want, like now.

Even if I wouldn’t hurt innocent people for the sake of it. At such times, my pride and life itself would stand in the way.

I correct my posture a bit by dropping my leg and sitting more straight.

I am not a playboy. Do not be a playboy. I shall not be a playboy.

- Then, let me start by congratulating you for reaching so far. It isn’t easy to get someone to talk to me for a long time you know?

- Oh, thank you.

- Yes.

She doesn’t give me much time to think. Well, that’s good. I think too much.

- As you see, this is a place like the ones you see on most of your Light Novels and Mangas about reincarnation and transported people to other words, and, before you ask, yes, it is intended to be like this. We, gods, spread those kind of works in your world for convenience. So we could recruit the people we want with more ease – get them with a lighter impact upon arrival here, if you may.

- Ah I see, so…

- No, no, not everyone who reads those works are to be selected. Actually, we don’t know who will read it for sure. There are many timelines in your world, and we have to synchronize with a few of them. We sending the literature works was a trial, but we aren’t still totally omnipotent, as powerful as we are. I know this makes you reassured and also doubtful, but don’t fear. We call ourselves gods, but it is just so you people from the human race of the earth planet can better understand us. In reality we don’t see ourselves as omnipotent and omnipresent, or omniscient, and we are not the creators of your universe – even though we can create a few others, in other places, some of which you people can go to.

- So, why transport us ? I mean, I believe I am being transported or teleported, not reincarnated, right ? I didn’t die.

- That… depends. You see, it’s all up to now, this very moment. Answering your first question, as I said, we are not omnipotent. We have a lot of power, but not in your world. Your world is ranked further than what we can reach, and your people have qualities of spirit and soul which are very useful to act as catalysts in the worlds we create, share and manage. In truth, you all have a little seed of divinity in you, while we also have it, but more matured. More in the stage of a three, not a seed.

- Ah, so what you need is like a co-creator? To help you create the world and the people?

- Not exactly. And this is where you get In the picture. Your people isn’t very smart, I am sorry to say, and your dominion over mind and soul is…. Very poor. But you, as most mortals from earth, have this… waves that spread from your seed of divinity. It isn’t like something you control, but more like a little piece of what you have inside of you, that is a part of who you are. This part of you, I want it to be placed at one of my worlds in order to change it to something more alike earth. More lively like earth.

- I see. So I need only to inhabit the place? No need to change drastically the living conditions, get myself a harem, help the weak, defeat the evil, protect the wronged, undo wrong preconceptions and misunderstood taboos? I always felt the Light Novels and Manwhas where about that.

- You people can’t do it in your own world, how do you hope to do it in mine?

That phrase resonated deeply inside of me. Obviously as a human of earth those where matters that upset my own people and my own species. Not something an alien race of other world would have to share…. Right ?

- Not exactly. It would be impossible for you, as a human from earth, to keep your mind, soul and memories if I send you to a world so different from your own. You wouldn’t be able to imagine it, and would hurriedly develop dementia to protect yourself from losing your identity. So I will have to send you to a world that is a lot like yours, with lots of prejudice, injustices, evil, drama and disgrace.

A very bad, nauseating feeling took my throat as I thought something very bad. It was a feeble thought, but it had a big impact on me….

- Don’t worry. I didn’t create this world for you or for any mortals from your race. The reasons for which a being like me create this kind of world…. Well, you see, it is still better to live the bad things it has, to not live at all. It is the kind of world where beings with seeds of divinity who need that kind of environment to grow gather.

The spiritual argument. I have always been weak to it. Well, I believe it, so it is fine, right ? I won’t discover later that this was always my fault, right ? I think I will give up. I cannot live with this guilt. Without knowing. Any proof she shows me about that can be a fabrication. She can delude me. Delude me so I inadvertently create a world of pain and disgrace where all suffer because of me. Because of me. I am the guilty one.

She isn’t saying anything. She is drinking her tea comfortably.

- You are being ridiculous.

- Ha. Hahahahhahaha. Sorry. I am a little mad. You are right.

- I know, this is what I like in you.

- Excuse me ?

- Oh, you are the first one not only to reach so far, but also to have such big delusions while in front of me ! I have to say, not even the wannabe demon lords and sick people have show so much delusion so far ! Then again, you are the first of the “mad man” series I take, so this may become more common with the passage of time.

- Ah, I see. Anyway, sorry. You were saying… ?

- Yes. I have some worlds I can send you to. And as I said, I am very aware of your madness and difficulties. I also know that you can probably do a lot of wrong things there with the power I may bestow you. But I also trust my judgement.

The goddess put her tea cup in the small table and looked seriously at me.

- You are going to do everything in your power to make that world a better place, right, Sugirou Silva ?!

- Yes, yes I will !

Ha ! I am being played ! And this is good ! Keep it coming please !

- Good. Then, let’s discuss the terms after I give you a brief explanation of this world I want to send you to. It isn’t the only one, but I believe it is the one you will find better suited for yourself. It is a world of sword and magic, like the one in your novels. I shall give you some powers, but I don’t intend to make it look like a game, since I feel you would get too delusional if I did. The world itself doesn’t have a name yet. The level of development is close to the one of the medieval ages of Europe, but without the classics to guide the people. Maybe you could say it is more like the times of Babilon in this aspect, that is, not having even old greek science to guide them. They do have some magic research going on, but magic there isn’t so developed yet, since it is mostly for medicine and war. So it is very barbaric. Finally, the world is divided in twelve continents, three of them having communication amongst themselves and the other nine isolated from the rest. It is a big world, so going with your current body would be impossible. The gravity would crush you. In each of the continents you will find different races, being the only advanced one the Noble Undead Elfic race of the north continent. They can contact me and have fairly advanced magic…

- Wait, wait…. Have you said Noble Undead Elfic race ? And that they can contact you ?

- Yes. Most undead in this world aren’t vicious natured, since I made it so grudges wouldn’t generate them, but rater only some kinds of magic and blessings.

- Interesting. I played with this concept in a RPG I was writing with a friend once. It is very cool.

- But you didn’t like the world, did you?

-… No. I didn’t like it. It seems boring. I would have to develop civilization from the very beginning, no? Can’t you send me to a world with ancient secrets and mysteries? A more trilling place, where I can pretend to know stuff of the ancient and make myself more credible? Or maybe a world already used to summoned heroes?

-…. Do you really want to go to a world used to heroes? I believe you would hate being known. I have observed you. You expose a lot of yourself, but you always conceal things you think would make others sure of some key aspects of who you are. You shouldn’t feel good in a world where others are prepared to receive you, and thoroughly investigate and counterfeit your acts and boldness.

-… That’s true. Please don’t send me to one of those worlds then.

-… Let’s see.. why don’t I send you to a more varied world then… I have one that may suit your tastes.

- How come ?

- This one has a great barrier dividing it into many smaller worlds. Each of them is inhabited by peoples, meaning those worlds have different civilizations. It is almost like having many worlds into one only.

- Please don’t tell me it is the world of M*shok* Tensei.

- It isn’t. I know how much you hated that world.

- That fucking hit*gami. That piece of crap, useless Rud**s !

- Yes, yes, calm down. You know you will be pretty much like R*d**s In the sense of undermining your own achievements by delusion and lying to yourself, so why not admit that what you hated the most was to see yourself on his shoes ?

- I would have done differently ! Abandoning R*xy and Sh*lph* and just dying, they will live for other eighty years or more yet, as his widows! He couldn’t have done it ! He should have found I way to live with them ! They will have to face the L*pl*ce Wars… without him !

- Ok, ok. Calm down. Don’t worry. I will make it so you don’t have to care about your lifespan in the world you are sent to, so you won’t commit the same mistake even if you are lazy, ok ?

-…. Thank you.

- Now, as I was saying, this world is separated by barriers and is actually many worlds in one only. There are variated levels of civilization, but they range only from barbaric to post-apocaliptic without any great “Golden Age” empire or anything. The max you will see is a fantasy setting in one of these worlds which is…. A little like R*d**s left his own world, with a little more magic and teleport circles, not to mention some old ruins with a lot of secrets.

- Please tell me it isn’t M*shok* Tensei.

- I told you already it isn’t ! The whole thing is completely different.

- I…. please tell me again.

She looked at me with hard eyes. A feeling of defeat and ridicule filled my chest, as I sighted.

- Fuuuu….

- That’s better. Enough of that. As I said, this world has a lot of magic and fighting. You can lead an adventurous style of life if you want, but even if you reach the required level of magic you must NEVER, and I mean it, NEVER, break the barriers between the worlds, you hear me?

- Ok, but why?

- Those worlds are actually the same world split in time. The space they inhabit is the same space, existing in different timelines. But those timelines are artificial, not natural. So, they aren’t really… there. In natural timelines, different “spaces” would be created for each “time”. But there only different “times” where created to the same “space”. If they are to be broken, which is possible with Overrank Magic, everything would be mashed up. People, buildings, deserts and seas, mountains and cities, tectonic plaques… it would be a disaster.

- Oh, wow. But why have this been made like this again? Shouldn’t you have corrected that?

The goddess sighed while dropping her shoulders. She looked dejected.

- That’s actually the result of a deal I made with another god, so please bear with it. Unless you discover a way to create different “spaces” for each of the “times”, just don’t mess with the barriers, ok ?

- Ok, I can do this much.

- Do this much….. *sigh*…

I wonder if I am being manipulated again or if I really reached the end of the goddess patience ? I know I am emotionally tiring, but please bear with me for a little more !

- As I was saying.

She continued, after leaning a bit in the chair. I felt a little better.

- This is a good world for you to go to. Would you be interested ?

- It depend on the terms. Not having to worry about my lifespan is great, but you know I am very lazy and difficult to work with, so a lot of cheat skills would be good. Also, are you sure about the game settings ? Isn’t it possible at all ? I would really like to avoid having to pay attention to my body and skills. The game setting in the Light Novels seems so easy, so fun… you level up, you can put some points into your strength and ban ! Immediate strength increase. Without having to lift weights or anything.

- No game setting. You can develop some original magic about it though. But you will have to do it yourself. If it is a delusion born of your own craft, then it probably won’t make you too alienated.

I don’t like it very much, but it still beats my current life a billion to one…

- Ok. Are there skills in this world ?

- More like techniques. If you want to produce something like a Sword of L*ght, you will need to learn how to control it with your body and mind.

I close my eyes for a moment and repeat to myself : This isn’t M*shok* Tensei. This isn’t M*shok* Tensei.

This will be my mantra from now on.

I wonder if the goddess is finding this amusing ?

- Ok. About magic, can it do anything ?

- Almost anything. There are many kinds, as you can guess from your studies on occultism from your life on earth. I can guarantee there are at least psychic types of magic, emotional types and also physical types. I can’t say you will grasp the spiritual types though, since it would require for you to develop your Seed of Divinity a little more.

- Ok. And what about my body and limitations? I go on like this?

- I would strongly suggest no.

I am a little baffled. The goddess has her back straight and is looking at me with a hard expression.

- Your earthly body is shit. It is overweight. You have high blood pressure. You have depression and signs of early dementia. You have joint degeneration, fat intrusion on your liver, and your kidneys are in a bad shape. Your heart has suffered a terrible amount of small, unnoticeable each but bad in the long term, heart attacks and your brain is a soup of chemicals without which you will get into an abstinence crisis. You need a new body. So die and reincarnate in this world, please.

I cannot say a world to her. It is all true. Yet, for me to die…. I feel a terrible feeling in my throat and chest. Is this survival instinct ? Ah, no, it is just fear…. Hahah, me, the suicidal man, full of fear of death…. Well, were I to not be afraid and I would have killed myself a long time ago, no ?

I must go through this. An opportunity like this won’t appear easily again. I need to use it to have a good body and cheat skills. A very good body.

- Ok. But I want to have some plusses.

- Very well, tell me what you want.

- First, I want to have a perfect body. Very good genes. Beautiful, but not too much. I don’t want to be noticed in the crowd, but I want to be considered “good enough” to any ladies. Second, I want to have perfect control over it, being able to change myself like a shape shifter and keep all functionalities of the body I take. Be it male, female, futa, furry…. Even an animal if I want.

Aaah, my pervert side is showing off….

- I can give you metamorphosis skill, which is similar to what you are asking, but you won’t be able to become an animal with it. At most a demi-human of some of the beast tribes. There is no way with the laws of that world to give you innate ability to metamorphose into an animal, you need to learn druidic magic to do that.

- Ok, being able to change my sex is already good, and I always like more the anthro than the bestial types of yiffin anyway…. And if really need it, then I just need to learn with the druids right ?

The goddess didn’t answer. I wonder if I get a prize for getting her angry ? On the other side, she is a creator goddess, so she probably has seen worse shit than this…

- Indeed I have. But go on with your list.

- Ah, sorry, ok. Ahn…. Eternal youth would be nice, and instantaneous regeneration and eternal life as well. Also, immunity to all disease and no need to breath, drink, eat or sleep, but with the ability to do it if I want and fully enjoy every moment...

- It’s difficult to get you all of that, but if I pull some strings….

- Please, no rape. I rate rape. Don’t ever make my mother raped, or any kind of rape for me to be born with those skills!

Ah, I said it….

- No problem. I don’t need to push those kind of skills.

She smiled a weird smile. I wonder if all gods work by making people falling in love…. Isn’t this morally wrong?

- Not at all. They will be created personally by me in order to meet in the future. You can say it is love blessed by the heavens, haha.

Ah, even her sense of humor matches what I want to hear…. I am definitely talking to a copy of myself here, hum… no, I wouldn’t be so nice with myself. I am talking to someone who is manipulating me.

But it is fine. I am taking a huge profit in all this !

- Ok. Then, for the rest… I also want to not have limits to my growth, and a cheat way of growing. Like, I want to be able to memorize everything without ever forgetting what I want to memorize, and also to be able to grow my strength, stamina and general physical prowess without limits, ever. And if I could absorb the strength of all things I eat, better, of all things I touch, that would be good !

- There is no way for me to give you an ability to take the strength of things you touch or eat, since there isn’t such a trait in any kind of existence in that world. What you can do is to develop your own mind and learn how to analyze and reproduce skills and powers by using magical power and technique. I said it to you already, but this world doesn’t have a thing like “skills” from a game. The rest of the things for your body I can give you… but are you sure you want to live forever? Aren’t you be like R*de*s if you do that ?

- Since I will be immortal myself I suppose there is a way for me to make others immortal as well ?

- Yes, there is magic capable of doing that. But it may be specially difficult for you to deal with it. If your family grows a lot, then…

- I don’t need it for my whole family. I need it only for the wives I promise to live my life with. Not to mention, you said something about souls. Is the world of the dead also a part of that world ?

- They don’t have much developed souls, so there isn’t a world of the dead proper. Their souls usually disperse a little after death, and then become part of the world again. Their minds enter a hibernation state and they are reincarnated when the mind is ready to reincarnate.

- Then I can just have a way to preserve the souls of my descendants, instead of making them immortal as well. This way I won’t disrupt the flow of the world, and I can keep my duty.

-….

- Why the longface ?

- I am just thinking you will immediately change your mind once you have children. You never had then in your past life after all.

- I will not. And even if I do, eventually they will want to die someday. Even I will want to die someday. If I make a rule about only having children in small amounts, or put an infertility jinx in the immortality spell, then it is fine. By the way, please make it so I can control my own fertility. That way I can avoid letting a lot of children loose in the brothels of the world…

- No can do. There isn’t such skills amongst the living things of this world.

- Well.. that makes things a little bit more difficult but… I guess I just need to figure out the “contraceptive spell” before getting a lady for myself.

- If you say so. Is there anything else ?

- Uhm….

Is there anything else ? I will have an immortal, eternally young, impossible to permanently hurt and fair-looking basic male body. I will also have the ability to change my own body to great degrees. As long as it looks hominy, I can do it. I will have perfect and unlimited memory, and also no limits to how strong, agile or dexterous my body can get. I will be almost a god walking on earth, except….

- Can you make my soul a little stronger? And guarantee that I have good parents? I don’t want a rich or powerful family, but I want to be able to learn fighting and magic from a young age. Also, if they could love me….

- It will be easy to get you lovely parents who aren’t very important but do have some comfort. However, it is impossible for me to strengthen your soul any further. Since your depression is linked to your memories not only of your past life, but of the other lives you lived before, but don’t remember, it would require for me to erase your existence and reduce you to only your Seed of Divinity. This is a battle you will have to won by yourself.

- I… I see. Then there is nothing else I want. Thank you very much.

- Good. Close your eyes then. Dying will hurt a little, but you will be soon in your mother’s arms.

- Ah, wait, can I not get conscious until right after my birth? It would be bad to get stuck on the womb…

Before I realized, a strong sleepiness took me.

So I slept.

***

- So, how was it ?

Two barely-possible-to-see figures stood in the perfectly White room.

- Better than ever. He actually liked being manipulated this time.

- You have made him well over the years.

- He is a precious existence.

- Because of his seed ?

- Because I made him grow to be obedient, but not subservient. Because he can agree to a good deal, even when the other party is getting something he isn’t sure what is, but he has the guarantee that others aren’t being hurt and he himself is getting some profit.

- Shouldn’t all humans be like this ? What is the point to refuse a good deal only because the other party may get a bigger profit than you ?

- You would be surprised with how far human greed can go….

- Well, good luck. I have to return to my own list.

- Oh, do you need help with it ?

- No, I am fine. The ones assigned to me are a bit of a rowdy bunch, but I can deal with them.

- Good them. If you need my help, just ask.

- I will keep this in mind. Thank you.

- Anytime.

The transcendental being floated a little in it’s own space, wondering.

Why always a goddess, Sugirou ? Why always a goddess ?

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