Chapter Thirteen: Despair

“No,” Dagger pulled Zanzekai from the headset, “no, no, no. That bastard! He said he could help us. He said he could win.”

“It was our only shot,” said Konzor, “we fought valiantly. Honourably.”

“Fuck your honour,” Dagger screeched, “now everything will burn.”

I stared at the dead scientist, and his invention. We’d rested the fate of billions on his promises. We’d trusted the ego of a narcissist. But his mind was too small. Too small by far.

“Maybe we can still escape,” someone else said, “the skiff might still be out there, the way we came.”

“Why would it be just conveniently left there for us? And how would we even get to it? Zanzekai was most of our firepower, and now he’s gone. I have no plan for this. No ideas.”

“We could hack the Arkolt robots,” another person suggested, but even as they spoke, the constructs were coming back to life, weapons just starting to glow once more. Without Zanzekai’s arms, without Dagger’s bombs, we were all minutes from death.

“We can try to make it back,” Dagger said, resigned, “whenever any of them find us, we leave two people behind as distractions. A few people might get back to the ship if we sacrifice everyone else. Naturally I’ll stay here. Delay these bastards long as I can.”

“I’ll stay with you,” Konzor said, “to the end.”

“Doubt I could change your mind,” she approached one of the remaining turrets.

“It has to be me,” I said. I turned to the others, “it has to be me.”

Konzor raised a confused eyebrow.

“What are you talking about?”

“Zanzekai has never been part of a hivemind before. He has no experience. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be just one node of a machine. I do.”

“I thought you didn’t remember any of that?”

“I don’t remember. But it’s an instinct. And instincts, they endure.”

“There’s no way I’m letting you fry your brain like that idiot did,” Konzor folded his arms, “a man should go down fighting.”

“Believe me, it’ll be a bigger fight than you can imagine,” I looked him squarely in the eyes, “one mind against a mind the size of a galaxy. Would you ever deny me a battle like that?”

“I- I suppose not,” Konzor came to my side, “we should let him. He’s right. It’s the best chance of victory.”

“Greenie,” Dagger said, with a defeated urgency in her voice, “are you sure you can do this?”

“Yes,” I said, “it’s clear to me now. This is what I was born for.”

“Okay,” she nodded. Dagger closed her tired eyes, and when she opened them, they were flickering with determination, “alright everyone. Form up. This is our last stand. Our real last stand.”

"Zanzekai said that," someone said.

"Zanzekai was a loser, who didn't know anything when push truly came to shove. Zanzekai would let us all die in the name of his stupid ego. You know who would save us, who would sacrifice everything for a single wretched life? Greenie. You know who knows the Arkolt like no one ever could? Greenie does! I reluctantly put us in harm's way for Zanzekai, because I thought I had to. Now I'll happily stand my ground for Greenie, because I know he'd do the same for me!" She fired her gun into the air. "Today, Greenie will save us, or we die saving each other. Today, the chain of life will not end! Today, we fight, for the goddamn right to see another dawn! And what could be better than that?"

The whole roomed cheered, but I could only feel the silence as I pulled myself into Zanzekai’s seat and watched his empty body drift away. I was bluffing a little, less certain than I was pretending to be. There was a good chance I died in this seat, to bullets or plasma or to whatever killed the professor. But it really was the only way. I knew that.

Zanzekai would be the last man to die for my mistakes. The last man to die to the Arkolt.

“I’m ready,” I said, considering the headset in my hands. There was no going back.

“Wait,” Konzor came towards me, “Greenie, I just want you to know. It was nice to be your friend. For a little while.”

“It feels like forever, but it was just this morning,” I smiled, “and I’ve been alive billions of years, so take that as a very big compliment. Konzor, you’re the first friend I have ever had. It was nice to be someone’s friend, just once.”

“Very nice,” Dagger said, still fiddling with her turret, “but we’re on a timer here.”

“Yes, of course,” I raised the helmet, but hesitated. Then I pulled the rucksack from my back and gave it to Konzor. “I didn’t know what to do with this. I was still considering it, but I think I want you to take it. It’s all I have in the world, and it’ll be the last part of me when I’m gone.”

“It will have a place of honour if we leave this place, I promise you that.”

“Thank you.” I looked at Dagger, “thank you.”

She nodded back.

“Thank you too. For everything. Goodbye.”

I pulled the headset on.