Julius bludgeoned me until I broke, and told him about how I had released the virus, about how I thought the Knights were still innocent, despite the biomasks, but I was already broken. Knowing everyone I cared about had perished in one blast, had broken me more than I thought it would. The thought had crossed me, that someday they’d die, but I didn’t think it’d be so soon. I never thought I’d have to suffer Ellie and Tim’s death. Their deaths shattered my soul in shards of sadness that not even prayers could console.

Felt weak, pathetic. That I called myself a Christian and wasn’t strong enough to cope. Didn’t even have the will to pray anymore. I felt like a hypocrite. But I guessed I let Julius beat me because I wanted to pretend I was still strong. I wanted to pretend I wouldn’t just hand out the information freely. I wanted to pretend I still had some sense of control over my fate, over what was happening. But even Julius sensed I was not the man I used to be. Hollow now. Because he didn’t even blasted me with air blasts or any especially powerful clouts.

I coughed up specks of blood.

“You might be immune, guttersnipe,” he said. “As the bridger gene offers protection against several kind of viruses and you seem to be asymptomatic.” Before I could even refuse, he said, “Offer me a sample of your blood. Should you be immune, Bernhart Industries and the government shall develop a vaccine against the virus and you shall receive a portion of the profits. The Zielkkenhom Foundation shall distribute them free of charge to the poor and low-income peoples. Furthermore, I myself shall guarantee Almie’s safety.”

I just wanted to yell that Almyra was dead, that she was probably a terro … a Harmonist, but thousands of frightening fantasies burst into my mind like a swarm of bees ready to sting me. Should I give him the samples knowing what Zielkkenhom stood for? Knowing that hundreds of thousands could become ill or perish? Knowing that they could have even caused a pandemic on purpose? Or should I refuse to give the samples and risk causing a pandemic? Did I want to let millions perish because of my ideas, or my family? What did God want me to do? What was the right choice? Both seemed right and wrong. “Can’t someone else give you the samples?”

“Your disfigured bridger buddy already handed us his samples.”

“You’re lying.”

“You shall need to trust me, guttersnipe,” he said. “But you can be certain I only will the best for this nation.“

“I know, Julius,” I said. “But you and I have very different definitions of what’s best for this nation.”

“Make your decision, guttersnipe,” he growled. “Every second wasted is time that could be spent developing a vaccine, finding a cure, saving our country, your family, all of us.”

How could he be so hopeful? Did he just love Almyra so much that he’d forgo reasoning? Had Zielkkenhom brainwashed him so much that he actually thought he and Almyra could survive a raw Eugenex blast? Or that I was so stupid that I’d think my family could have survived that? Was Julius really that naïve? I guessed seeing my family dead robbed me of my naiveté.

I thought I would refuse giving my blood samples, but the thought of everyone perishing because of my selfishness barreled my mind. And I could not discard it. Them. They’ll all die. Because of you. Murderer. You brought a plague upon us. And did nothing while the world collapsed again.

If people who stood for sinful ideas did something righteous, I should help them, right? I didn’t know if that line of reasoning was moral or not. And gravity constricted my heart, coiled my organs, but I had made my decision, and I was going to stick to it. “I shall give you the samples, but I don’t want your money.” The words clouted my chest as if I had no lungs. And could not breathe.

“Stretch your arm.” Julius then drew out a syringe.

And I thought those feelings were going to vanish, but I still felt my veins constrict, an axe slice my soul. And I even pictured myself in the scorching place. And I felt that no matter what I did, I was going to end up there. But I couldn’t let those feelings rule my decisions. I had to decide by reason and giving the sample was the right thing, right? But did I really want Zielkkenhom offering free shots to the poor? What if they had Eugenex? What if they used my DNA as a way to poison the Naturals with Eugenex or who knew what else?

The syringe stood a ninth of a second away from my arm. It was then or never. All of my feelings and frightening fantasies and doubts grew as the crowds did during the Multiplication. I had a decision to make, and I made one. And I was going to stick to it, for real. I didn’t know if it was right or wrong, didn’t know if it was a sin or not, didn’t know if it was what God willed for me or not, but I did it anyway. I hauled away my arm. “Find someone else.”

“Do you wish for billions to perish? Do you wish for your family to perish? Your mother, father, sister?”

“They’re already dead.” Words emotionless. It felt sinful not giving my DNA. But still, despite my veins twisting, despite the gravels, despite everything, I couldn’t let Zielkkenhom inject naturals with Eugenex, not without their consent, at least. I wasn’t going to do that. That wasn’t Christian.

“Think about it, guttersnipe,” Julius said. “Agree to have the sample retrieved, and you shall attain liberty for your kind.” He leaned toward me and opened his hand for a handshake. Now with his palm parallel to mine. “I myself shall reform the Non-Enhanced Defense Act to your liking.”

Did not seem he was lying. He even whipped out the Proposed Measures for the Common Weal of Naturals Law, dubbed the Ellie Law. It invalidated all previous laws and decrees targeted at Naturals. My father could have gotten an office job. Those who wished to relocate to the southern territories could have done so. Ellie could have gotten prosthetics. Or an exoskeleton. Those in the Zielkkenhomvilles could have gotten jobs reserved for Impures. And all without forcing Eugenex on them. “This seems too good to be true. I know better than to trust you.”

“Believe it, gamin.” After new elections to replace lawmakers who had perished in the Ceremony and a pretend political battle in Congress, the law would have passed. But for all intents and purposes, the law was already law of the land. If I handed my DNA. “What about the backlash from the Enhanceds?”

“I could not care in the slightest about it,” he says. “A leader ought to do what he ought to do, despite criticisms and complaints.”

He was right in that, but I didn’t know what was going on in his sick mind, so I remained silent.

“Refuse to grant your samples, guttersnipe,” he says. “And a plague shall befall upon your kind.”

What did I do? The gravels cannoned my mind, to the point I though my brain would explode. Or I’d go insane. But then I remembered the Rosary in my pocket. And thought about God. On who I’d have preferred to face, and have to justify my actions. Julius? The Impures and Naturals? Or God. The answer became clear, despite me feeling I was already in the spiritual Bridge. “I won’t give you my sample. Julius.”

“Do you not care about the Naturals?”

“I do,” I said. “But I won’t risk a pandemic to help them.”

“Do you not will to save their world, free your kind?”

“I do,” I said. “But I won’t risk a genocide to free them.”

“Do you not care about Almie?” he said. “Will you not sin to assist her?”

“She’s dead, Julius,” I said. In more pain than I thought I’d be. “So is my family. So is everyone who was there. The Chair—”

“Silence, bridger.” He tried to mask the anxiety that must have consumed his soul. “My Chairman did not perish. My Almie is still alive. The feeble saps there must have perished. But not them.” Hope blazed in his eyes. “Your girlfriend might have perished in your arms because of your weakness, but my Almie did not.”

I stood up and aimed for his face, but he just sneered and immobilized my arm. “You bastard idiot!”

“I care no—”

“Based on what I saw back then at Section A, you and Almyra have been nothing for quite some time now!” I said. “And the only reason you’re alive right now is thanks to me. The only reason you’re alive now is because you were too scared to go to the Ceremony because of what some stupid idiots gossiped about you on social media.”

Julius let go of the immobilization, as if he thought himself unreadable. And I managed to sneak a punch at his temple. But I thought it hurt me more than him. His hands might have been soft, but his face was of zielkithe.

“And the only reason my Ashley’s dead is because of your damned Eugenex! Not because I was too scared that people would call me the Milksop Lieutenant once they saw me. Not because they slandered me. You should have been there to save Almyra! But you weren’t because of what people were saying about you. And that’s why you’re naively hoping Almyra’s still alive.” I glared at Julius, still, as if I had immobilized him. “Because it eats you alive, corrodes you that you couldn’t save her. That you were not there for her. And that nothing you do will ever change that! Nothing! Not a bloody thing.”

I guessed my anger had been brewing ever since the blast, ever since that incident with the bridgers after the Non-Enhanced Defense Act passed, but it took Julius’ words to burst it. Materialize it. And I knew what was coming. I just flexed my knees and sidestep, pretending I could defeat an Achroite, and perhaps a part of me thought I could, but Julius didn’t do anything. He just sat on a nearby desk and said, “Mine was a poor choice of words, bridger.”

First time I had seen an Achroite who wasn’t Aisha Lexington apologize. Sort of apologize. More like an acknowledgement of wrongdoing, but still, it was a step forward. But then it clouted me. Tears didn’t form on Julius’ eyes, but he just stared at his smartwatch. Hunched over. Dejected. Not crying perhaps because I was there. I guessed hoping that Almyra would contact him. Or Zielkkenhom. Or anyone at the Ceremony, really. Anyone at the Ceremony he had failed to protect. At the Ceremony he was supposed to protect. And I felt bad for him. I guessed we were not so different after all.

I stepped toward him. “Don’t worry about what idiots say about you online,” I said. “I know how the Enhanced are really like. VirtuaNet doesn’t lie. The Bridge doesn’t lie. And the things I’ve seen them do to Naturals, to Impures, to anyone they consider garbage, and even to themselves, they’d …” I just shook my head. “You’re a better person than them, Julius. Don’t let them get to you. Don’t let them get you down. Consider that free counsel.”

Julius just sneered, though it took him a picosecond more than usual. “I need no advice from a guttersnipe,” he said. “I care not about your opinions.”

I chuckled. “Sure, Julius, let’s say you don’t care.”

“Do not joke with me, bridger,” he said. “We are not friends.” He stood up. “Just answer my question. Shall you assist your nation, or shall you wither in selfishness? Putting your faith, your alleged God before others.”

“It’s not selfish to put God first,” I said. “You don’t understand Him.”

“But I do,” he said. “Unreasonable demands. For a laurel crown that doesn’t rot, for a laurel crown that does not exist.”

“It does,” I said. “He does.”

“I don’t have time to argument your delusions,” he said. “But I ask you again: Do you will for a plague to befall upon your kind?”

“I don’t, Julius.” Confident I had won. “But I shall not risk annihilation to spare them of your ruthlessness.” I stared right at his eyes. And he did not tower me anymore. I did. “I shall fight your callousness, and defeat you should you ever lay a hand on the Naturals.”

“I need not lay a hand on garbage, guttersnipe,” he said. “The virus shall take care of it. And it shall all be on you.”

Before I could even react, he stretched his arm and immobilized me. Felt how my lungs shut. And I could not breathe. Though it was not that different from the gravels’ clouts’ gravity. He then drew out the blood sample and hurled me to the floor. I shut the yelp from the raw Eugenex wound. “Brace yourself for the upcoming news.”

I laughed. Julius just winced. Confusion drowned his face, first time surprise nested in his eyes. But he composed himself, though knowing I had noticed his reaction.

“Now I know why you went through the trouble of asking me for the samples if you were going to take them anyway,” I said, hoping Gieves Syndrome wasn’t making me lose my sanity. “You knew I’d refuse. You knew I’d look bad if I refused. You need a patsy to allay the fears of the nation. You need someone to blame for the blast. You need to make an example of me. To show your power to the Harmonists. What’s it going to be, Julius? Executing me? Sending me to prison? Zee Gevangenis? The Frontier?

“I’m not an idiot, Julius. I know there’s no way short of a miracle for an unarmed Natural to defeat an Achroite. A Fengel, perhaps, but not an Achroite. I will not wager my life for foolish risks. But even if I were an Achroite, I would not fight you.”

I saw Julius’ reaction. He must have thought I was delusional. “I don’t know what you’re planning to do against me, but I really don’t care,” I said. “We’re on the same side, for the time being anyway. We both want to avert a Harmonist takeover, a rebellion. We both want to find the cure, something the Harmonists would not do. We both suffered at their hands. My family, Almyra—” He clenched his fists, probably to maintain the sadness at bay, so he did not tear up in front of me. “—I cared for her too. But I admit I didn’t know her as much as you.

“So I don’t care who the hero is in all of this,” I said. “As long as there is one. As long as we manage to bring the Harmonists to justice and find the cure.”

“What about your touted liberty?”

“A vapid concept if we’re all dead.”

Julius sneered. “I thought you Naturals dunces, but I guess I was … I had miscalculated.”

“You can say you were wrong.”

Julius just sneered and stepped away. “In an hour or so you shall perish, so I shall grant you the mercy of a last hour in peace. Do whatever it is you must to be at ease with your God, bridger.”

He left me in a containment cell in the Tower of Rebirth’s basement. I thought rage would pulse through my veins, but it didn’t. Nothing did. Not guilt. Not even sadness. Just a void as empty as the Bridge, as much as I tried to hope for something better, as much as I tried to force myself to find a reason to live.

But I just wanted to die.

Not because I wanted to stop living, but because I willed for my family. Ma, pa, Ellie, Tim, even my girlfriend Ashley, whom I had asked to become part of my family, whom I had asked to marry me. I could be with them in the Afterlife. Eternal happiness at last.

Because this was not my fight. This was Julius’ fight. This was Fearghal’s fight. And I guessed even Maximillian’s. They were the Enhanceds. They had the resources and abilities to fight the Harmonists. Me, though, I shut my eyes and waited for my punishment. Hoped even, that Julius would kill me. So I could at last return to the Lord, and be with my family, in Heaven.

But then again, if I resigned to death, if I did not fight back, if I let someone take my life, as an excuse to say I did not commit suicide, I might have not ended up with my family. Worse, I might have not even ended up in Heaven. …

So I decided to endure, to brave, to hope through the pain, but I guessed it was too late to change my mind. Two minutes before Julius’ address to the nation, some soldiers immobilized me and transported me to Section A for the first official communication since the blast, where a special grant of access had been arranged for the Naturals who wished to see the address live, although Lezavre Corportation had declared that they would not let the Harmonists expropriate the company, and that VirtuaNet would remain segregated by class.

It clouted me.

Shoot, what had I done?

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