Hello! This is thulla checking in again.

I have survived yet another, ehhh, unidentifiable amount of time. A lot has happened, since my last entry. I’ve had some issues here and there, but so far I haven’t lost another limb, or more hair for that matter. Speaking of hair: it is growing back slowly, but surely. If I place my hand on my head I can feel it prickle.

Come to think of it, maybe I can measure time by the growth of my hair. Problem is: I don’t know how fast hair usually grows. Never had a reason to figure that out before. Plus I don’t have any standardised measuring equipment.

A creative way would be to measure growth to a static part of my face. For example: If my bangs touch the tip of my brow. A certain amount of time will have passed. That would require me to shave that part of my hair every time it has reached nose touching length. I'm not sure If I’m willing to go that far for science.

An alternative would be to not cut my hair at all. And evaluate it after I’ve made my way out of here. The downsides of that method is that longer hair will likely get damaged and entangled. Thus degrading the accuracy of the measurement. Nothing is stopping me from trying both tactics to be fair. I shall keep you all informed on these important matters.

During my exploration I’ve come across an encounter with the local fauna. It was a clash between a being I have dubbed as the big boulder boy, and his undoing: A swarm of giant flying insectoids, with a severe lack of self preservation. I haven’t come up with an appropriate moniker for them yet. Perhaps something like suicects? As of now I’m still undecided on what to call them.

Anyway the suicects were successful in their endeavour. You should have seen how they massacred my boy. They all dove in head first, attacking weak points in its defence. When the last bug buzzed its last wings. I went in to investigate of course. It became apparent to me that the suicects used the big boulder boy as fertile ground to lay their eggs.

I’ve managed to make a temporal shelter under an overhang of rocks, close by big boulder boy’s remains. The suicect eggs are nutritious and an easy source of food for now. So I’ve been scavenging the scene for a bit now, and I’m intending to map out the life cycle of the bugs.

I suspect that they will form a periodical threat. Since their eggs hatch simultaneously, grow, take flight, and eventually crash land together. They are likely only a threat at the end of their lifespan. Famous last words. ;)

So for now I suppose I can move in relative safety from them. Barring the likelihood that there are other swarms. I’ve just got to keep my eyes open and ears perked.

My water condensation charm is working like a charm now. It was a bit of a hassle setting it up. Not going to lie. On face value these things seem dummy proof. Turn it on, and then it will start collecting dew. Seems simple enough right?

WRONG!

Okay... It did work as advertised. However there are some practicalities surrounding it that you have to keep in mind. Such as: don’t sleep next to it or It will mercilessly dehydrate you. It is now set up in a separate place.

I’m a bit reluctant to admit this, because it sounds kind of gross. Here goes: I’ve started recycling my pee. Now I know what you are thinking, But I’m not drinking my pee… directly. I mean it is just moisture right? So if it is in range of the condensation charm will turn it into pure drinkable water. I can’t believe I’m defending my survival choices here like this. It works, and a girl has a need for clean drinking water.

Enough about that.

My insect friends are an unreliable source of food. Right now I can scavenge an easy meal together. but this situation isn’t permanent. The travel rations I have are slowly dwindling as well. So my search for edible plants continues.

Plant life in general is quite a bit different here. Since there is no real sun, remember. My hypothesis is that they are more attuned to the ambient mana. The purple grass is a prime example of that. Those blades seemed to vibe to the mana flux around them. I went over to the grassy fields earlier to dig up some of them, root and all. Kind of cool to see them react to my own mana in a wavey way.

Naturally I tried them out. The grassy blade was sappy, not as fibrous as I expected. The roots were interesting as well. An intense peppery flavour with a hint of sweetness. Just need to clean them properly with the wand. I’ve been munching on these a lot. There are some funny side effects with this plant however. If I just eat the grass blades. I start to feel my senses expand. It is like I’m more chill and ethereal. That in combination with my mana meditations, Is a truly magical combination. The root conveniently helps with staying grounded funnily enough. That Is all I have say about this for now, haha :)

You might think: But Thully isn’t it dangerous to trip on these random plants... Yeah, you’re right. I’ve had some serious inhibitions on trying out new things. The way I see it now, is like this: dying of starvation is slow and excruciating. Dying, because I ate the wrong plant is a big unknown. It could very well be an ending where I'm hallucinating being in wonderland. While I'm getting devoured by some wild ferocious beast. You see where I'm going with this. It's one of those situations where you're damned if you do, damned if you don't. It seems to make sense to me, and I’m the one stuck here, so get off my back.

Oh yeah! I’ve been eyeing big boy’s shell as a possible place to move into. Sure, I Would need to fix the holes in the roof, and clean out the previous resident. Anyhow I’m absolutely positive that it would prove to be a comely little abode.

I guess that’s all for now

~

Thulla was sipping on her freshly collected water, mixed with a few drops of her fruity syrup. “Aah refreshing!” she let out a satisfied moan. “This fruity syrup is arguably my most prized possession now. Funny thing that is.” She mused. The taste turned bitter sweet. All of the memories associated with the flavour bubbled up in her mind. She felt the melancholy rise inside of her. Like a boiling mess of happy, and sad longing. “Thanks dad, for always making my favourite juice.” She sniffled. Her eyes were watery, a tear escaped the corner of her eye.

Thulla wiped her face with her right sleeve, stuffed a few dried fruits and nuts in her mouth, and got up on her knees. She crawled to the stacked stone wall. While chewing she peeked through one of the many holes. The outside seemed calm and quiet. The silence here often felt eerie. Like every living thing was holding their breath for something. It was oddly enough more comforting to hear some rustles or shrieks in the distance.

Right now staying inside felt more appealing. There were books to be read.

Manipulating mana had become easier. Directing it through her body started to feel more natural. Like an intimate power that belonged. That was a nice development, yet still rather useless without forms for external spell constructs.

She opened her copy of ‘Principles of mana manipulations. It was one of the most rudimentary works for young students on their journey to become full-fledged magic wielders. Out of curiosity Thulla had skimmed through most of its content already. She had noticed that alongside the dry theory it contained some useful exercises.

One of the first things that was expected from the book was the ability to hold your mana in the palm of your hand, witout letting it dissipate. The book gave some useful tips on how to keep ownership. Motivated by her improving abilities with internal mana manipulation, combined with a growing need for some personal power. She set out to work.

She led her mana was led to the palm of her hand. It felt like a dense type of gas trickling on her hands. White wisps escaped from it. When it lost physical contact, it simply dissipated altogether. She found a page in the book about this very subject:

...It is normal for mana to want to return to its most natural form; ambient mana. There is still a very active debate going on about this subject. It is well documented that we can autonomously create mana ourselves. Furthermore we can absorb ambient mana with our breathing, and even through our pores.

Once it is in our system the mana somehow becomes ‘ours.’ This is called the ‘attunement’ of mana to one’s specific magical fingerprint. If the attuned mana is released it will return to its original state.

This sparks the philosophical question. Is mana a part of us? Or are we ourselves a manifestation of it. There is no definitive answer to this age-old question. Many believe that mana will always have a quantum state. Of the world or of the wielder touching on it. Others believe there exists only one state. And that we are only really allowed to work through its wonders.

The practical reality of it remains the same. If we wish to create external manifestations of our ‘own’ mana then we have to impose our will onto reality itself. To do so requires a focused mind, intent, purpose, and the expansion of belief…

“Hmmm, yes, indeed... a most insightful inspiration. truly profound.” Thulla said mimicking some old decrepit sage, whilst stroking her non-existent whiskers. “I shall master the universe, and bend it to my will; with the razor sharpness of my mind…” She thought about the ridiculousness of the statement she just made: “Hehe I would more likely bludgeon it.” With a dull thud she smacked the book against her head. “Behold! My bald head failed to make a dent in this book.” She giggled to herself. Thulla massaged her own forehead afterwards.

She lost the dumb grin on her face, set her jaw, and reaffirmed: “got to practice, practice. practice. That’s the only way I’m going to get better at this.” She gathered her focus, and started to try again, over, and over again.

After a while a mercury-like blob had seeped out of her pores alongside her wispy mana. It reacted to her whims. gliding over her skin. Adjusting its form to effortlessly slip between her fingers. Much like her own mana would. Even so it was certainly different. separately existing alongside it.

She got curious, somewhere in the book she read something about the personal characterizations of mana, and how they differ from person to person. She quickly found the page and started reading:

...What causes the wild variety and differences between people's expression of magic. Why is it that one person would have the greatest struggles to light up a simple fireball, yet another can set the sky ablaze with a flick of their hands. In addition that same person might lack the cold grace of ice attunement. Even though both types deal with temperature manipulation.

A plethora of explanations come to mind:

Personality, attunement, temperament, trauma, exposure to certain elements, diligent effort in unraveling the mysteries of a certain element. Even seemingly unremarkable things such as diet have proven to have some sort of an effect.

Ask yourself this: What does your mana expression say about you?...

“What does it say about me?” Thulla contemplated the question. She didn’t feel like joking around this time. Something had been feeling different when she came here. It was easy to overlook: The whole situation was overwhelming. Danger was lurking everywhere, and she had more important things to worry about than the subtle changes within herself. But when she held the mercury-like blob in her hand it had felt intimately foreign. A strange paradox for sure. Something that is a part of you shouldn’t feel that alien, right?

Thulla was perplexed by it. She played with the blob in her hands. It smoothly slid over her skin, like a silk piece of fabric. “It doesn’t feel wrong, not at all.”

She moved her blob over to her stump, and let it rest there, covering the ugly scarred end. “So pretty and shiny, just like me and my bald head.” She jabbed at herself. It was hard to ignore the reality of things. Her arm was simply gone. In all honesty Thulla hadn’t even begun to accept it. Even looking at it was hard. Not to speak of the constantly throbbing pain, an incessant reminder of what was once there. Stubbornly ignoring an ugly truth was a Thulla specialty after all. Her newfound attention to the stump was because she just wanted to just cover it up. It couldn’t be mended anymore, so hiding it under a pretty layer of shiny metal was an improvement.

The constant concentration to keep it in place proved to be an excellent exercise for her mana manipulation. One that she was intrinsically motivated to do at all times. She let it flow along the remaining parts of her left arm. It happily circulated in everchanging swirls. While simultaneously she tried to form a shape resembling an orb with her mana.

Dividing her attention was hard. Thulla could almost hear her brain grind under the strain. With a silent flash the ball of mana she had been forming burst apart. A wave of air hit her in the face, her clothes fluttered against her skin. Thulla was still a bit dazed by the experience. A ghost of light was still dancing in her vision. temporarily imprinted in her retina. “How could this happen? Did I mess up?” Thulla asked herself: “And how do I do that again?”

She was a bit confused. Her concentration had slipped for a moment. To emulate what happened she had to try to do it again. Many attempts later, she had a better idea of what was going on. In a strained attempt to compile a ball of mana together she had unintendedly been compressing it. Her mana was just that volatile that it would burst apart, if her grip on it slacked. In the back of her mind she knew this was all due to poor control. However the idea of throwing explosions at all her problems now thoroughly captivated her.

“Hello, my name is Thulla BardeaBOOM! ...It’s been nice knowing you.” Hue hu hu she huffed deep breaths of air out of her belly. Her normally dull grey eyes held a dangerous glint.

Meanwhile in a more grounded reality; a grimy little cave girl was making her mana go poof!

~

A low growl resounded in a small stacked off cave. With the distinct smell of magical residue in the air. The scraping vibrations of gritting teeth resonating through bone. A clawed hand clutched at her stomach. It rumbled once more.

“So hungry…”

It was time to leave the cave to get some more suisects. Thulla had been putting it off for a while now. Hiding under stone provided a false sense of safety. On top of that, It had exacerbated her anxiety to go out in the open. She was fighting an internal battle between the slow smothering temptation that kept her trapped, versus the increasingly stronger need for resources.

She mentally prepared herself, and finally left the confines of her dwelling. Like a skittish little mouse she moved over to big boulder boy’s remains. To her surprise the scene she stumbled on had drastically changed from the last time she had visited. Immediately she was on high alert. Another player had scavenged the site. The littered field of suicects was ravaged through. All kinds of body parts were strewn about. The mutilated pieces looked like they were crunched through by something with a lot of bite-force.

A piece of carapace crushed under her foot. The slight noise stood out harshly against the eerie quiet. She twisted her head to look over her shoulders. Suddenly she was feeling more paranoid than ever. Her eyes rapidly scanned the environment, looking for motion. She felt the pounding of her own blood against her temple. The knot in her stomach tightened.

A moment passed like that. Thulla standing there crouched, tense like a wound-up spring. Heightening her senses to pick up every piece of information around her. All she saw were a few lightning bugs swaying about. While in the distance the usual screeches started to echo again.

“Thulla girl, quickly grab what you can, and then bugger off.” The voice in her mind resounded.

Her thoughts commanded her back into motion. Not before long she was rushing back to her cave as silently as possibly, with a bounty of slimy bug parts cradled between her arm and chest. She moved the rocks back in place, while checking the surroundings once more. Never had she felt like such a prey animal before.

Thulla heaved a sigh of relief. Nothing had come to take a bite out of her yet. The safety she experienced behind her rocks suddenly felt a little ridiculous to her. If something really wanted to get to her, the rocky wall would only be a mere inconvenience. She placed the spoils on a flat rock on the floor. A coat of slime sticking to her arms and clothes. Not caring about that right now, she dug into the pile of bug squash, with the kind of manners that started to resemble a wild animal.