《Transient Fire Works》Prologue to Chapter 5: Saying Grace? What is that?
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-7:00 am-
The awkward morning continues after I changed into my clothes. I went downstairs and into the kitchen to start preparing breakfast. Opening the fridge, I saw that it was jammed pack with food. But that was no surprise. After all, I already unpack most of the food in the bags I brought home. The fridge was huge. I really do mean huge. I looked like I could even fit five whole giant bears into it and they would still be good the next day. But the electricity bill must be high for this thing to be used continuously. But the fridge could only hold so much. So I could only leave the extras in the bags and on the shelves.
"Six cartons of eggs (18 eggs per cartons), two gallons of milk (Just one big bottle), Two cabbages (bigger than my head?) , Three bags of carrots, One big turnip, two watermelons (in the middle of autumn?), four ten-pounds of chicken (Oh chicken galore!), Five pounds of fish, eight boxes of bacon,, fifteen containers of cheese, Five two-pounds of beef, one pound of liverwurst, one two-pounds bag of apples, a pineapple, two dragon fruit, nine bananas (in singles. Why don't they just give me the whole bunch?), one bag of eight oranges, Two gallons of ice creams, and a lot of yogurt (not going to be specific about the number. Just know it took the remaining space in the fridge)." I re-counted the foods in the fridge. It was only half of the food that I'd obtained from helping a lot of people. The rest were just a bunch of boxes of cup noodles, salt, sugar, pepper, onions, and other flavoring additives along with a lot of non-perishable ingredients. But that wasn't all. Half foods in the fridge are going to expire in about two weeks while the other half already expired and needed to be eaten in a few days before it really gets bad. The overly expired were already tossed in the trash. This is the result of the volunteer system. It was a quick way to get rid of soon to be expired food without any problems.
"Should I just cook a lot of food and just give them to the homeless and the hungry? I mean, it wouldn't really be considered a sin if I gave 'good' expired food that was gifted to me by those people right? “I muttered. Imagining the results, I kind of laughed. The consumers would most likely have stomach pain and nothing no worse than diarrhea for a while. "Maybe I'll find a use for these later on in the future ha ha..." I jokingly said in a low voice. But I prepared a bag in advance to go to the homeless and the hungry to donate the food. Better some than nothing right?
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I cleared my mind and took a few ingredients to make quick light breakfast. "Two plates of scrambled eggs, two cups of milk, four oval shaped homemade bread, five pounds of deep fried chicken glazed in honey, and two cups of fruit salad to start the day!" I admit, I am a hungry hippo. I don't deny my love of food. I always believe that in the morning, a good amount of calories should be ingested. But I do work as much as I eat.
...
Don't judge me....
Just then, the woman came in and stared at the food for a long time. "Ha ha.... Hungry? Come and eat." I invited her after I pulled the chair out for her to sit down. She wipes the drools off her mouth and went to sit down. I sat down right after her.
She claps her hands together to say her grace in a low voice. Waiting for her to finish, I sat patiently until she was done to start eating. But when she was done she asks," Aren't you going to say your grace as well?" I laughed in embarrassment.
During my childhood, I didn't have the time to say grace. One can really say that the depression hit my family the hardest because my family never stopped to teach me to say grace and worked all day and night. I was forced to study and improve myself like a madman. But it was all for just one reason. To give back to my family. All they taught me is that food is to be consumed and used for living. "Knowing the hard works of others and thanking them in your hearts is the best way to say thank you", my mother once said. "And working to obtain a better future was the best way to thank them. Because if you do become rich in the future, you can also work hard to give food to other needy and hungry people" my father continued. I really didn't want to say this out loud because I was embarrassed to let her know this very fact.
"Well?" she frowns.
*sigh* I sigh. "I.... never say my grace.... because.... I never needed to say grace." I said embarrassingly.
*BANG* "WHAT!?" She slams the table and nearly knocks over the cup of milk.
"I was raised to just thank the hard working people who could bring me this delicious feast" I said.
"You don't thank god for the food!?" she exclaims
"I thank those who are able to bring me these food. Because of their non-stop dedication, I thank them." I smiled
"B-but it is the almighty god that lets us grow these food! It is because of god that allows you to eat the food! It is because of his good will that you are allowed to live this long!" Her face is really red now. I never knew that she was so religious.
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I bitterly smiled. "But it is a shame that I am not that religious...." I muttered.
"WHAT!? What was that!?" her voice can really reach the sky if she keeps screaming ha ha...
"Fine. I can see it your way then." My voice just went flat at that moment.
"What?" her eyebrows furrowed.
"If there is an almighty god, then let me tell you what he gave me" my voice still flat but I was not looking at her. I was looking at the house around me. "My father had a great job as a doctor. He was getting paid like no one else. My mother was a great house wife. She was dedicated to her family."
"What are you getting at?" She raise an eyebrow
"My family was hit by the depression the hardest. Or at least, that was something I believed. My father lost his job, we were robbed and forced out of our home, and had no real way of feeding ourselves. Thus, we had to scrounge around for food like sewer rats. We even starved for days on some days because there were no really good food to eat. We sometimes even had to stay in the homeless shelter to rely for food. For many long years we stayed in the homeless shelter. Every day, we fought for food amongst ourselves like rabid animals. Only later did we get a chance to move to a nicer place."
"*Humph* that happened to you? I thought it would be something more despairing. Even my family had to suffer like that" the woman said.
"My family, even after moving out still had to fight for food. In fact, it was even worse. One day, the one who divided the food intentionally said, 'We only have enough soup for one person for each family. So divide up however you can' and distributed as so. But when it came time to eat, everyone had to choose one person to eat it. My family chose me. I was only young at the time. The youngest of three. I, who was still young didn't want to be selfish and tried to share it with everyone. But my family insisted for me to eat. So all I could do was to drink the bitter soup no matter how much I refused."
"T-that is common" still believing that it was common amongst the depression. She wasn't wrong. Normally, I would get mad. But at this point, I couldn't even get mad at her. It was because it was all in the past that I chose to let it go.
"But then we saw it. The people who drank the soup died the next day. I miraculously survived. When everyone discovered that I was still alive, my family had to fend for themselves. Now tell me, was it god who poisoned the soup? Did god give us the poisonous soup and let me live out of good will?" I look straight into her eyes.
"Get over your pessimistic attitude and petty complex! You were not the only one who suffered!" she really hit her top.
"True enough. But what about the food here? That egg over there, who worked to get it? That milk over here, who worked to deliver it? The chicken over there, who worked so hard to raise that chicken so that we can eat it? Who made these dishes? I know the value of food. I know how much work it is to just raise, collect and deliver it to others. I know who worked so hard to get it to me, I just don't know god like other people do." I said as I look at each food that I made.
"The food has nothing to do with your story! It was a shame that god did let you live! He gave you a chance! Now you are being an ingrate to him!" she screamed.
"Alright. I concede. I am sorry for not having much faith in god" I apologize to her. I didn’t even feel like eating anymore. I just went to pick up the bag and left out the door and to the homeless shelter to donate the food.
*Open*Shut*
Jin never really tells the full story. It was mainly due to his lack of communication to the outside world that his ability to process his thought and to speak was slightly impaired. He can talk business. He can talk casual. He just can't speak things from his heart freely. So it was his own fault for not telling the whole story. But the food itself also relates to his story because he himself worked hard to get the food from others who graciously donated to him. But not only he got the food, he had every intention to donate food as well. In this way, he lives up to his parent's expectation and to his own ideal self.
Also, when Jin told her what he believed in, he wasn’t wrong. But she was a religious person. So her world and his world were far too different. She really couldn’t see it through his eyes and thus she really couldn’t understand him that much. Jin also couldn’t understand her because he only believed in his family. The idea of an almighty being in the sky was something far off for him. But he still believes in beings with higher power and the existence of the heavens. It was something that his parents often comforted him to ease his pain as a child.
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