《The Magical Craftsman》Chapter 5: The Questionnaire
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Jack was now sitting with Truck-kun by the table with the vast field of darkness surrounding them, emanating an eerie silence.
"So, you are familiar with the term 'isekai', don't you?" Truck-kun asked.
"Oh yeah, I know that genre. By the way, Space Jam is my favorite isekai," Jack said jokingly, which resulted in Truck-kun tilting his head to the side to indicate his doubt. "I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Yes, I'm familiar with it. It's the one where the protagonist was transferred to another world, right? Log Horizon, No Game No Life, Shield Hero, etc."
"That's right! And you, my dear friend, were lucky enough to be selected to participate in our isekai program."
"What? I was selected? How does that even work?"
"Let me explain. You know how the process of life works, right? People like you are born into this world known as 'Earth'. Once they are born, they undergo all the usual life processes: they breathe, they eat, they drink, they sleep, they poop, they boink, they work a nine-to-five job that they hate in order to pay rent, yada yada yada, and, eventually, they die. Sometimes, they die of natural causes, like old age or disease. And sometimes, they die of stupid reasons, like getting hit by a truck while trying to get laid."
Jack groaned. "Please don't remind me. By the way, is that why you look like a truck? Do you just look like whatever thing that have killed me?"
"Not really. I can actually change my form to look whatever I like. I look like this because you got killed by a truck and I thought it was funny." This got him an unimpressed stare from Jack. "I'm the Master of Reality. Most of what I do is for shits and giggles."
Jack raised an eyebrow. "I'll try to keep that in mind."
"Anyway, like I said before, people die when they are killed. Once they're dead, most of them would move onto the afterlife. Whatever that afterlife may be, I'm not entirely sure, it's not my department. But, there is a very small chance that some of those who have died get to have a second chance in life in another world. But not just any regular old world. A fantasy world full of brand new possibilities! Full of wonder and mystique! Full of opportunities to reinvent yourself! All that jazz! And you, Jack Slater, are selected to be one of the lucky few to participate in it."
Jack took a moment to process all of this. If this was anything like the isekai anime he've seen, then it probably shouldn't be too bad. Sure, he was dead, but given that he had an opportunity to start over in another world, why shouldn't he take the offer? Still, it wouldn't hurt to ask for more details.
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"Hmm, this seems too good to be true. What's the catch?"
"What? There is no catch. Well, granted, this isn't going to be one of your typical power fantasies where you kick all the asses and get all the girls. Nuh-uh. We don't offer that here. You are going to face struggles in this world, just like the rest of the people down there. And also, you got no choice in the matter. I'm only telling you this to get you more mentally prepared for what was about to come next."
Jack let out a complacent sigh. "Alright, sure. It's not like I have anything to lose here."
"Great! But before you go down there, I'll need you to answer a questionnaire for me."
"A questionnaire?"
"Yep." Truck-kun snapped his fingers, which immediately caused a notepad and a pen to instantly materialize into his hands. "It's a standard procedure where we ask you a couple of questions in order to determine the stats and abilities that you start out with. Each participant of this program would get various boosts to their stats as well as an array of magical abilities to help them start out on their journey. These stats and abilities would be based on the answers you give to the questions. We aren't just going to drop you off in the middle of nowhere with nothing but the clothes on your back. We may be aiming for realism here, but we aren't that cruel."
"Cool! So it's kinda like an RPG type of thing. Well, alright then. I'm ready."
"Excellent! Try to answer these questions as honestly as possible." Truck-kun then scribbled something on his notepad before continuing. "Okay, first question: Boink, marry, or kill. Aqua, Megumin, and Darkness."
Jack let out a surprised chuckle. "What?! What kind of question is that?"
"Just answer it, Mr. Slater." Truck-kun responded with mild annoyance.
Jack suppressed his chuckle in order to think about the question carefully. "I'll boink Darkness, marry Megumin, and kill Aqua."
"Hmm, interesting choice," Truck-kun said as he scribbled down more notes on his notepad.
"Well, Aqua is annoying as hell and couldn't kill a giant frog to save her life. She's gonna get herself killed anyhow, so I don't feel that much of a loss killing her. As for Darkness, I feel like she is open to some kinky shit. Lots of areas to explore there, if you know what I mean. As for Megumin, if we were married, she'll be obligated to protect me with her 'Explosion' magic, and I do love myself some explosions."
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"Hmm, interesting, interesting. I'm personally an Aqua fan myself. I would never even consider killing her, but that's just me. Okay, next question...would you be interested in joining the Nazi party if Hitler was replaced with Tanya von Degurechaff?"
Jack bursted out laughing. "What?! Are you serious?! Of course not!"
"Mr. Slater, you must answer the question honestly."
Jack's smile faltered, replaced with a shameful look on his face. "Yeah...yeah, I totally would."
"Good. Very good," Truck-kun continued scribbling down more notes.
"Hold up, are you quizzing me on my opinions on various isekai anime? Is that what this is about?"
"I'm the one asking the questions here, Mr. Slater. Not you."
"How many questions are in this questionnaire? You gotta at least give me that."
Truck-kun gave a pause before answering. "A hundred."
"A hundred?!" Jack said, throwing his arms up in defeat. "Oh my God-"
"Woah, there. Remember what I said about the G-word. Zip it. Look, the sooner you stop complaining, the faster we could get this done."
Jack let out an exasperated sigh. "Oh, alright. Whatever. Please, continue."
"Good. Next question...given a choice, would you rather be reincarnated as Ainz Ooal Gown or Rimuru Tempest?"
"Hold on, are we talking about the light novel version or the anime version?"
The questionnaire went on for quite a while. Truck-kun continued to ask more questions pertaining to various works of the isekai genre. Even though Jack was fairly familiar with the isekai genre, he was not hardcore enough to know every single series that was out there.
To be perfectly honest, there were stuff that Jack had never even heard of. There was this one isekai where the protagonist was being transported to another world with his mother and that mother was also...a milf?! How oversaturated was the isekai genre nowadays for concepts like that to get greenlit?!
After so many questions later, Jack was finally coming near the end of the questionnaire.
"Alright, we are almost done here, Mr. Slater," Truck-kun said, twirling his own delightedly. "Just one more question left."
"Finally," Jack said. "Go on, ask away."
"Okay, this is the last question...what is your opinion on 'Beware of Chicken'?"
Jack scratched his head, trying to recall his memory. "You mean that web novel series on Royal Road? Umm...I thought it was kind of boring."
Suddenly, the ground started to shake. Jack was alarmed by the sudden event, but not as much as he was when he saw Truck-kun rising up from his seat and presenting a menacing aura. He saw what was supposed to Truck-kun's head glow flaming-hot red, with steam and smoke coming out of its pipes and crevices.
"What...did you... just say?" Truck-kun's voice turned demonic, a complete 180 from who he was moments before.
Jack was almost too frightened to speak. He thought he might have awakened a great and destructive evil. "Uhh...I thought 'Beware of Chicken' was boring."
"YOU UNCULTURED SWINE!!!!" Truck-kun's head was now engulfed in flames. You could almost say that it had turned...into a fire truck. " 'Beware of Chicken' is a trucking masterpiece! It is an undisputed work of art! It is the best series Royal Road has to offer and you are an imbecile with no taste for disliking it!"
"Woah, hey there. Calm down, man. It's just an opinion."
"Well, your opinion is wrong! Your opinion is invalid! Your opinion can suck my exhaust pipe!"
Jack's words are now trembling. He slowly backed away from truck monstrosity, or monster-truckosity if you will. "Gee, calm the fuck down. People just have different taste in stuff. That's just how it is. No need to make a big deal about it."
"No, I am not calming down! I refuse to accept you giving 'Beware of Chicken' anything other than a perfect score! You have failed this questionnaire, Mr. Slater! You have failed it completely!" Truck-kun took the notepad, tore out all its pages, and shredded them into a million pieces before tossing them in the air like confetti. "You are going down to this other world without any assistance from me! You will get only the bare minimum and that's that! Good day, sir! Have a nice trip!"
With a snap of his finger, Truck-kun summoned a force to yank Jack out into the dark void, where he screamed and tumbled. He continued to feel the sensation of falling chaotically into nowhere as his world faded to black once more.
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