A Trip to Purgatory [15]

I’m floating in the black for a while. I think I might have a headache.

Suddenly, I’m back in the warehouse, except I’m quite aware I’m not even in my own body anymore. Is this what happens when someone dies? I look around, and I see a still-frame of myself, in my last moments against the Bull. I want to get closer, but I can’t. Suddenly, right next to her (well, me, technically, but not where I am right now) appeared Lariat, her brilliant blue eyes almost shining in the slightly dim lights of the warehouse I now find myself in. Those eyes, that seemed to have seen it all.

Then, a black pearl of uncertainty. If this is purgatory, and Lariat’s here with me, that should mean…

No. Oh, please, no, of all the people I’ve encountered in my time here, Lariat was the best of them all. If any of them deserved to live, it was her. I still remember how she told me that my ears and my tail were nothing to be ashamed of and how it was actually a sign of my ‘true potential’, whatever that meant. I still remember the quiet smile she had sometimes when she looked at me, and the other moments where I could feel her eyes concealed great pain.

I think… I admit, I can’t tell for sure because right now I’m not exactly stable, but I think I’d trade myself for her. Well, if I had a life left to trade. I try to call out to her, but nothing comes out. I want to cry, but I can’t even tell if I have any eyes to cry with as I am right now.

A weight over my heart, yet I have to press on to know the truth. I look back to the ghost-image of Lariat. She makes a motion as to set aside the sledgehammer, and my ‘representation’ does the same, albeit much clumsier, overswinging dramatically, with all the elegance of a telegraphing stunt double in a Hollywood swordfight.

Oh. I remember now. Lariat talked with me a few times about resolve and the will overpowering the body’s weakness. Actually, she talked about resolve in general, sometimes, and if even half my imaginations about her past are true, she probably would’ve needed a lot of it.

I smile. Well, I can’t feel myself smile, but emotionally I try to. At least I took that shard of her teachings with me to the grave.

I wonder… maybe I’ll find her on the other side?

I see her ghost-image, and my own, finish the fight before suddenly I’m fading into the black again. Everything falls away, to oblivion.

Transient [16]

I… I can feel my body again. Will this be another floor of purgatory? Am I finally at the end?

I open my eyes, and look around. The light hurts at first, but I realize I’m back in my room at the Haracrein’s church. I fumble for my phone, my hands still weak, my mind buzzing with a dull pain… What was I doing again?

It takes a few seconds to find it, but I remembered that I intended to text the band and let them know I’d be out of commission for a few days. It takes, what, eight tries to get it spelled right? I lost track, the number concealing itself in the mists of my own mind. I hit send, and slip it back into my pocket, finally letting myself more fully rest while I recover. I feel my mind going already…