《Six Pack》Chapter 12 - Good Samaritan (Can We Keep It?)
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Chapter 12 - Good Samaritan (Can We Keep It?)
Michael was not one to take any ol’ invalid in off the street. He had a disdain for the homeless. Though the Shil’vati had rendered homelessness a problem of the past, old habits and old opinions die hard. Working with Vocational Rehabilitation, his mentors had taught him that anyone can get a job. The job may not pay as well as you wanted. The job may not have perks or conditions you preferred. But if you wanted to earn a living and you had the ability to do something as menial as screw a bolt onto a nut, they could find employment for you.
However, given his recent experience with the Shil’vati where he had discerned that he was all alone, despite being surrounded by “superior beings'', he felt a pang of guilt. If all they need is to come out from the rain, I guess that would be fine. How bad could it be?
Michael’s disposition visibly changed from horror to disbelief and finally to pity. No matter what I think of those shiny eyes, “What big eyes you have, Grandmother!” and that toothful mouth, “My, what big teeth you have, Grandmother!”, they’re still asking me for help. Why not?
“Um, er...Sure, come on in!”
The huge, dark, wet figure stepped into the light; she was a massive werewolf-looking being. Over a foot taller than Michael, she stooped to step into the doorway. Dripping profusely, she thanked him, “Oh thank you! I was out for a jog and I thought I could beat the rain. The weather sure can turn on a girl here.”
“A jog, huh? A jog from where?” Michael asked, expecting the answer to be from the Shil base.
“From the Shil’vati base. I started off on a light run across the bridge and by the time I’d realized that the rain was coming and I wasn’t going to make it back.” The wolf woman explained as Michael closed the door behind her.
She put a foot on the first step before she vigorously shook herself. Michael had started to say that that seemed like a little too far for a leisurely jog. However, he was doused by the mini hurricane created by her shaking. Rainwater was flung from her pelt as if the droplets were slung from a million tiny slingshots. The walls were painted wet all the way to the ceiling and halfway up the stairs.
Michael did not have the expectation or reaction time to close his mouth, cover his face or in any way defend himself from the sudden gush that enveloped him. His surprise was followed swiftly by annoyance and a hint of regret. Gah! Why did I let her in!? This is not what I signed up for tonight!
Good news is that I’ve been drinking and can understand her.
All the same, he was not impressed with the repercussions of his decision.
The werewoman, now in the brighter light of the stairway, turned to face Michael. Her pelt was blonde. Now dry and well-lit, Michael could see that her face reminded him of a Corgi or a Shiba Inu. Despite being drenched, he couldn’t help but think to himself: hold on for dear life.
When she realized that in drying herself she’d wetted him, her demeanor was instantly shrouded in shame and apology. “Oh my! I am so sorry! It’s kind of an instinct. I did not mean to do that on purpose!” She held her hands open toward him, then recoiled at the thought of getting herself wet again. “Do you, um, do you have any towels or something?”
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Michael swept water away from his eyes with the backs of his hands. He opened the door again to spit out the mouthful of water that had been recently put there. He closed the door back and tried not to slip on the newly wet tile floor. “Yeah, uh, hmm. Bill?” He called up the stairs.
“Oh, you have a cohabitant?” She regained her composure and courtesy, “What a blunder!” She held out a furry hand to him, “You don’t even know my name. Greetings, I am Linnet.”
Bill poked his head above the wall that was the top bannister to their stairway. He held a frown as his bodiless head slid around the side to the top of the stairs, finally revealing the rest of his body. “What the hell!? Is that dog woman talking?”
Linnet’s ears bent back at the noise of Bill coming around the bend upstairs. Her head turned in suit to greet him as well. She gave him a wave, “Hello! I’m Linnet!” Then turned back and extended her half of a handshake to Michael.
Michael looked at the dubious looking claws sprouting from the tips of the hairy fingers. The pads on the palm side of her hand looked finely textured. As Michael reached up to shake, Bill spouted, “You’re a Goddamn talking dog!”
One of Linnet’s ears bent backward. “What did he just say? Does he not understand Shil? How do you understand Shil?”
Michael shook her hand. Her finger pads were textured, but not as rough as he thought they would be from his visual assessment. If anything, they were relatively soft. He wasn’t sure which question to try to answer so he started with the easiest to interpret. “He’s impressed that a dog can talk.”
“I am no such thing!” Linnet spat angrily. “I am a Rakiri! I am an engineer in the Shil’vati Imperium stationed at the base across the river! I am not a dog! I am not a Human pet!”
Bill stood fast, not waiting for Michael to tell him what she said. “What did you do to the stairwell?!”
Linnet’s offense was held at bay for a moment. “That is…” Her anger stifled, “...My bad.”
“She’s apologized for that,” Michael called up again, “Bill, can you throw some of my towels. There should be a couple in my bathroom.”
Bill was unphased. “There’s a Goddamn talking weredog standing beside you! Why did you let it in!?”
Linnet squinted at Michael. “I heard that word, did he just call me a ‘dog’ again?” Her anger was renewed. I know she’s speaking Shil, but looking at her, I can’t help but hear some growling accents in it. “I am not a dog! I am a Raki--”
Her retort was interrupted by a sharp knocking at the door.
Fuck me, what’s next? Michael rolled his eyes in sync with his body as he turned to open the door. He took a moment, this time, to look through the peephole. Finally, he thought. He swung the door open wide revealing Michael, looking like a drowned rat; Linnet, fangs bared and hackles raised still, though now facing out the door; and Bill standing at the top of the stairs with his hands on his hips, bobbing his head like a chicken.
“Uh, pizza?” The delivery man held the pizzas aloft, trying to guard himself from the rain in the doorframe.
“Yeah. I’ll be taking that.” Michael said flatly. He slung water unintentionally as he reached for the food.
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The delivery man stood in awe of what he was seeing. At least he’ll take a story back to the pizza place, Michael thought, trying his best to keep his footing on the wet tiles. He smiled and took out another fiver from his shorts pocket. “Uh, thanks for coming out in this weather. Sorry.”
“Yeah, sucks out here. But, um, you have a good night.” The delivery man’s eyes never departed from the Rakiri’s mouth, even after she put her teeth away.
Michael closed the door on him in a deliberate fashion. He twisted the door knob lock into place. He started to slide the bolt into place and turn and balance the pizzas and gravity got the best of him. The top pizza box spun with extra momentum as Michael lost his feet.
Michael’s left foot lost traction. His left leg skidded on its heel and smacked into the stairway door to their garage. He managed to tuck his right leg under himself to soften the transition to his butt. He barely caught his right forearm to the opposite wall. His right arm scuffed the paint as it stretched out to grab the handrail up the stairs. It did little to help him catch his fall.
Linnet was far too late to help him.
Bill was still at the top of the stairs.
Michael bounced a bit as he landed in a heap on the floor. The pizzas stayed upright though.
Linnet stepped down to help.
Bill started bounding down the stairs.
Linnet lent a hand for Michael to pull himself up.
Bill threw himself at Linnet, tackling her down the stairs. They landed in a pile on top of Michael. Linnet got the wind knocked out of her; when she got it back, she started to growl. Bill held on tight with an arm while getting in a few cheap shots with the other.
“BE CAREFUL OF THE PIZZA!” Michael yelled at the top of his lungs in English, then repeated in Shil.
“BILL, THIS IS LINNET. SHE IS A RAKIRI, NOT A TALKING DOG AND SHE IS MY GUEST!” Michael cried in English from under the not-dogpile.
Likewise, in Shil, Michael continued, “LINNET, THIS IS BILL. HE IS MY ROOMMATE. DO NOT TEAR HIM A NEW ONE.”
“What new one would I rip into him?” Linnet asked in Shil.
“Guest? You let her inside. You understand her?” Bill overlapped in English.
“No. Yes. Get off of me, please.” Michael asked as calmly as he could. “And don’t tip over the pizza!”
Moments passed as the three untangled from each other and headed upstairs. They each got a portion of pizza. Bill doled out some ice packs and pain medicine. Michael accepted gladly. Linnet did not. No one spoke as they all alternatively chewed and licked their wounds.
Bill echoed his earlier question, “You understand her?”
“Yeah, I told you, as it turns out, when I’ve been drinking, I can understand Shil.” Michael said after another swig of cider. “What did you think was happening?”
Bill admitted, “All I heard was a mix between growling and ‘graw graw graw’, which made me think she was attacking you, so I tackled her to protect you!”
Michael thought about that for a minute. Makes sense. “I appreciate the sentiment.” He nodded to Bill. “But you’ve heard the Shils talking, right?”
“But she’s no Shil. She’s got the right build…” Bill trailed while trying to apply what he called, The Gecko Effect. He tried to look Linnet in the face, while also staring at the AA battery-sized nipples poking through her sports bra. “She’s a little hairier than I’ve seen’em.” He subtly transitioned from her chest to her face. “Which isn’t a problem for me. I don’t mind a little hair.”
Michael interpreted Bill’s message to Linnet, then answered the questions he knew. “No, she’s a Rakiri, but I guess…” He asked Linnet in Shil to which she responded, then he answered his own question to Bill, “Since the Rakiri were absorbed by the Shil’vati Imperium they have to speak their common tongue.”
“Ok,” Bill accepted, “But why is she here?”
“She said she was out jogging and got caught in the storm.” Michael answered from memory.
Bill repeated his question, with emphasis, “But why is she here, in our apartment?”
“I guess we were the only apartment with the outside lights on. We were expecting pizza and ended up with a new...friend..?” Michael turned toward Linnet and gave a cautious smile. She reciprocated the smile.
“Ok Mike, let me see if we can get a bigger picture here. Why is she still here?” Bill continued to pursue while he popped the complimentary banana pepper in his mouth.
To Linnet, Michael asked for a more global explanation for why she was here.
She replied in Shil, “This place--Floreeda--is close to the equator relative to the greater United States. It is hot. The Shil’vati find this to be a very appealing spot to set up and maintain operations.” She took a deep breath. “But your domicile, it is delightfully cool. It reminds me of the climate of my home planet.”
Michael would prefer the apartment to be a little cooler, but life in any relationship is a compromise. The thermostat was on Bill’s side of the apartment. All the same, they weren’t paying for the electricity of the apartment, so they didn’t care to keep it somewhere in the 69-70०F region. Two fat men in Florida kept it chilly. Seventy was frigid in comparison to the regular triple digit temperatures in Jacksonville.
As Michael interpreted what Linnet had said, his eyes grew. Bill’s eyes joined his when Michael communicated “Home planet”. We have a real live alien in our apartment, Michael thought and was fairly sure Bill had harmonized in his mind.
“Where are you from?” Michael and Bill said at the same time in Shil and English, respectively.
“Gurathu.” Linnet replied bashfully. “You probably haven’t heard of it. It’s not a tourist spot in the Imperium. It’s covered in ice.”
Michael interpreted faithfully.
Bill repeated, “Gurathu” with a similar throaty voice. Linnet’s tail wagged in approval.
Michael and Bill shared the vision of a cold planet inhabited by dog people.
Bill’s military brain kicked in, “Are you deserting your post?”
Michael wasn’t sure how to phrase the question, but tried his best.
Linnet tried to skirt around the question, “No, I thought I’d explore the area and get some steps in.” She perked up, “But they won’t need me on base until morning. Is there any way I could stay here for the night?”
Michael interpreted her questions and added, “Can we keep her?” to the end, for good measure. He did his best puppy dog eyes expression for Bill.
Linnet saw it and joined in. Her puppy dog face was much more convincing than Michael’s mug.
“Fine, we can keep her.” Bill couldn’t fight both of their pitiful faces. “But only for tonight!” He straightened up and added, “Make sure she doesn’t poop on the floor!”
In Shil, Michael reported, “Yes, you can stay the night. The bathroom is over there.” He pointed at the bathroom on his side of the apartment. “You can sleep here on the couch, it’s comfortable, I promise. You can take my bed if you want.”
With some relief, Linnet said, “Yes, I was about to ask for the restroom.” Then more shyly, “I’ll check out the sleeping accommodations afterward.” She then made her way to the bathroom.
Bill gave Michael the stink eye, “I didn’t know you were a furry.”
Michael retorted with a whisper, “You can’t seem to get your eyes off her tits!”
“They’re fuckin’ huge, man! I can’t not look at them when they’re all served up on a platter.” Bill held imaginary beach balls on his chest.
Michael rubbed his assorted aches and pains from falling. “Jesus, I try and be a Good Samaritan and the first thing you think is that I’mma try’ta fuck her!”
Bill smirked, “Aren’t you, though?”
Michael’s face was a faux-shock mask. “No..!” He thought for a few seconds more, “No, I am choosing to believe that she needs help and we can help her.”
Bill stepped over to the couch and turned on the TV. “And if she needs some help from behind, you’ll have her back.”
Michael tried to maintain a serious face. I mean, he shrugged and spoke his mind, “I’ll try anything four times.”
Linnet returned from the bathroom. “What does that sticker say?”
Michael blushed, it might not translate well. “It gets me every time, it says that ‘even pirates wipe their booty’.”
Linnet pulled her head back and cocked it to the side. Seems it did not translate well.
“‘Cause a pirate’s treasure is called their ‘booty’” Michael explained.
Linnet nodded in agreement.
Michael continued, “And we call our butts our ‘booty’”.
Linnet nodded again.
Michael looked at her, waiting for the joke to register. He even added jazz hands to punctuate the punch line.
She leaned forward and asked, “Why would pirates wipe their treasure?”
Michael stood helplessly in the kitchen. Why would pirates wipe their treasure? “Ok, it doesn’t make sense that way around, but it’s in the bathroom, so the joke lends itself to the butt slash booty joke.” He saw she wasn’t appreciating the humor. “It’s potty humor posted in the potty.”
His last attempt to defend his taste failed spectacularly. Linnet shrugged and looked toward the couch, the first place Michael had offered for her to sleep. Bill sat in the middle of it. Linnet sneered toothily. “May I see your bedroom? I don’t mean to be rude, what was your name again?”
“Michael.”
Linnet crooned. “May I see your bedroom, Michael?”
“Sure.” What am I getting myself into? And so soon after the last bedroom debacle?
Bill looked back from the couch. He made sure Linnet was in the room and out of sight before he cupped his mouth with one side and mouthed at Michael, “Throw her a bone!”
Michael scrunched his face up in response. He followed Linnet into the bedroom. She had to duck to pass through. The room seemed much smaller with both of them inside. If she wanted to, Linnet could probably stretch out on the floor and touch opposite walls with her hands and feet.
“This is where you sleep?” She asked redundantly.
“Yup. It’s not much, but it does it for me.” Michael admitted.
“Very well.” She said before getting on the bed, on top of the sheets and comforter.
Michael didn’t protest. “Goodnight then?” He said questioningly without actually meaning it as a question.
Linnet curled herself up into a bundle. “Yes, good night.”
Cool cool cool. I’ll just, um, try to grab some of this cover here and… He took off his glasses and placed them on the bedside table. He lifted about a foot’s length of the loose comforter up and tried to tuck himself into bed. It did not work well. Maybe it won’t be too cold tonight, he thought as he tried to make a Michael-sized spot for himself.
He laid quietly for a few uncomfortable minutes.
This isn’t going to work.
He rolled toward Linnet to see if he could somehow fit an arm or leg around her. He couldn’t without feeling like he was being entirely too forward. Instead he held his arm up and around her to catch the purchase of available bedspace. I feel like I’m Vanna White, he thought outstretched. Despite all this, he tried to accept the suck and try to sleep.
Linnet’s tail wagged happily in his face.
This is not ok.
He gave her a slight nudge, intending it to communicate, hey, give me some room.
She leaned further into the space he had made for himself.
Fuck this.
Michael climbed on top of Linnet. She unfurled herself to catch him. He straddled her and held her arms down.
“This is my bed, you are the guest. You will not take up all of the space in my bed.” He commanded as he pulled one of her arms over to her side of the bed.
Eyes wide, Linnet took in the order. She shifted her head away as if to ignore him.
He leaned himself further over her, keeping contact with the one eye he could still see.
Linnet took a breath and audibly sighed deeply.
There we go. Michael thought to himself before settling down on his side of the bed. Just like a puppy, you just hafta show it who’s boss.
Michael covered himself fully and faced away from Linnet. She turned herself about in the bed so that she also was under the covers. She swept her arms around him and pulled him close. He resisted the embrace for a moment. How come I’m the little spoon!? His stiffness melted as he realized that this was the first time he’d been held in a long time. Too long. He closed his eyes and let her envelop him. Even his aches and pains from falling and being fallen upon seemed to feel better.
Warm and comfortable, Michael let himself accept that he was being freely offered her soothing embrace. It wasn’t long before he fell into a deep sleep.
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