(Joat’s POV)

“Come on people, mop quicker! If my wood gets marked, I will scrape it off with your face!”

Aaah Jenna is scary, especially since she isn’t shouting it!!

All us guys are wiping the floor with our old beginner shirts…Well I say all, but dwarfy and Horsehead are dead so…they’re not joining us for now.

Wipe wipe wipe.

Oh god my shirt is soaked.

I wring my shirt over my basin turning it into a deep purple.

Wipe wipe wipe.

While we’re wiping, the girls are just watching and chuckling at us.

Sharpy also isn’t helping; he’s been put on one of the workbenches, still unconscious…

Wringing my blood soaked shirt out once more…the water is forcefully turned into a deep red.

My god, how much blood did I lose?

Thank god this is a game, so there’s no anemia…

After countless times of wiping and wringing my shirt, the pool of blood is no more…But there’s a crimson stain on the wood

…

..

.

“You there, something wrong?” Jenna points towards me

“NO no, everything is just fine” I cover the stain with my body

I’m so screwed.

…

…

(Baila’s POV)

Oh this is hilarious to watch…

Though I feel a little bit sorry for those pervs...

But not for Joat. Oh, he looks absolutely hilarious hugging the floor like that. He is totally screwed…

Well this was quite the situation.

The she-Zombie has been successfully taken to another room. Because there’d be no point to cleaning it up if they’re just going to spill it all over again.

“Hey, can someone help me?” She-Zombie’s voice comes from the other room

The boys stop their work momentarily before scrubbing the floor with their shirts in renewed vigour.

Seeing a bunch of guys wiping floors is a great sight indeed.

Though, it’s a shame they are still wearing leather chest pieces…because if they didn’t it’d definitely look like they’re slaves.

I think I have to ask Jenna how she controls them so well.

Anyways, no is not the time to think about such things.

“PJ” I motion for her to go help…we both know that we shouldn’t let Big Sis get anywhere close to the she-Zombie…

She goes into the changing room…seriously, what kind of girl needs help putting on clothes?

…

…

(PJ’s POV)

“Ok, there you go, that’s it”

Wow this girl doesn’t know how to put on shorts. Guess this butler gets quite a few bonuses while on this job…however by his reaction, I’m thinking he hasn’t seen her like that before…

“C-can you help me with the shirt now?”

“No problem” I resume my excitable act.

Taking her arms through the shirt sides, I quickly clothe her with little problem.

“Ok, we’re done” I place her hat on her head and she’s all cowgirled up.

“Yeehaw. Let’s get the show on the road Yall!” She brushes her fingers across the hat

…

..

.

Joat, I can smell your work all over this…

…

…

(Joat’s POV)

*Scrape scrape*

Juuust scraping off the blood stain as quietly as I can… Thank god Baila threw her knife at me earlier.

Jenna is thankfully busy with the newcomers

…

..

.

Well I say newcomers, but they’ve already been here...i think

“You two, whoever you are, GET OUT OF MY SHOP”

“B-but, we stayed here, we trained here for the entire day, look it’s us over there”

The mule-head points towards the two bodies that are still lying in a crusting pool of blood…

Yeah, no one moved the bodies.

Apparently it takes quite a while for player bodies to disappear. Well I kind of knew that when I saw Apeshit’s dead body…

The two who Jenna is trying to throw out; are a Mule-beastman and red haired, bearded gnome…

I know who they are…but what’s with the sudden face-change?

Guess that’s why she’s treating them like strangers?

So changing your race changes your relationships with the NPC’s?

“I don’t know what kind of sick joke you’re playing, but THESE GUYS JUST DIED. SO STOP PLAYING AROUND AND GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”

Jenna just got scary

“OK, WE’RE SORRY. WE’LL GO NOW” The two of them run out the door, followed by a shooing Jenna

…

..

.

Why did Jenna act so…hectic? It’s just a player dying…Oh wait she’s an NPC.

Hmm, so NPC’s treat it as actual death? In the old VR games, they either don’t care or they know we’re kind of immortal…

Well this makes for interesting re-tries to get failed quests.

“Hmmm” The Raven-beastlady finally lets out some words, well a muse at least.

Her voice is quite deep, but a mellow deep.

“What is it Mistress?” The Human, the surviving one, turns towards her in full attention

“According to them, they’re original races are…locked”

…

..

.

“WHAAT?”

She’s actually quite kind…since she raised her voice enough for everyone to hear.

Or maybe it’s payback for the art lesson?

Either way, that’s nice of her.

But still…

The races are locked?

How does that work?

“I wonder how many times they died” I muse loudly to the air

“Hmm, the number of deaths shouldn’t be a factor” She sits down and muses loudly too…guess she doesn’t want to talk to me directly?

“No, the deaths shouldn’t be a factor…maybe is it because Jenna saw?” I muse back to the air

“Hmm, maybe it was because of Jenna seeing them, yes” She muses herself to the air

“I’m talking some good sense here; so maybe dying in view on an NPC locks the race…because the world recognizes you as dead?”

“Dying in sight of an NPC, causes the system to recognize players as dead” Mistress(?) indirectly answers me back

Everybody does notice the exchange(?) but no one utters the stupidity(?) of it…

I don’t make eye contact with Mistress because she doesn’t try to make eye contact with me. Maybe she really didn’t want to be directly in contact with me?

The muscular human…doesn’t seem to notice

…

..

.

Ahhh, so that’s why she talked in such a manner...

I’m not sure whether he just ignored everyone else or has muscles for brains?

Well either way, he doesn’t give me an evil eye or anything so I’m cool with this, mostly. I don’t really like having indirect conversations…because it reminds me of those phone calls with the wrong phone number…Not good.

Jenna storms back inside.

“Aargh, those pests, why did they have to insult these dead bodies? ‘We’re them’, that’s crap”

Woah, Jenna just cursed, she’s really angry.

“So what are we going to do with the bodies Jenna?” I ask her

“WE don’t do anything. We’ll have to wait for Marty” She huffs towards me.

*Clap*

“Back to work, I hope my floors are spotless soon”

“WILL BE JENNA” I shout along with Thrash and the human…we don’t want to hear her shout, ever again.

Though I wonder, who is Marty? And why does he have to touch the bodies?

“What happened” A drowsy voices comes through.

Oh, Sharpy’s awake.

A door swings open.

Oh, it’s Mart-

“HOWDY Y’ALL, YOU READY FOR ME TO TAKE YOU ON A RIDE THAT’LL BLOW YOUR MINDS?”

…

..

.

I forgot about that…

…

…

(Baila’s POV)

“HOWDY Y’ALL, YOU READY FOR ME TO TAKE YOU ON A RIDE THAT’LL BLOW YOUR MINDS?”

…

..

.

What? I swear that sounds like the kind of line they use in a stripshow…

Sure enough, the shameless she-zombie walks into the room, turns around giving her ass a slap along with an over the shoulder wink.

…

..

.

*THUNK*

Looks like the skeleton is out for the count once more…

Whoever he is, he must be having a hard time see her so shameless.

Though apart from that, no one says anything else…

I think everyone’s a bit lost on what to do…

“Joat, did I do ok?” The she-zombie looks at Joat with expectant eyes

…

..

.

Ah, I see…Joat…

…

…

(Joat’s POV)

“Joat did I do ok?” Miss Nameless paints a giant target on me…dammit, I completely forgot about this.

She apparently doesn’t know about stripshows…so I gave her a basic entrance and she delivered pretty well…

*Clap clap*

I’ll give her some claps…I mean everyone is already giving me death stares, so might as well compliment her on the first try.

Now, all I need to do is teach her how to pole dance…

Sharpy is unconscious once again, terrible luck I must say, so I could do it…but I think he might actually die if he sees that…

Miss Nameless skips over to me, a large smile plastered on her face.

“That was good, but you should move from either side of the stage doing something on either side while you speak”

Heartfelt advice, might as well teach her right, right?

*TWITCH*

Multiple people have twitching faces…well I’ve certainly pissed off a whole bunch of people. I mean at least some liked the g-string…hell they died happy.

Though no one liked this...my bad…

“Joat” PJ enters the room and strolls over to me, she doesn’t seem as happy as usual

“PJ…what’s wrong?”

“You know what’s wrong. You didn’t teach her the full thing!”

“I’m sorr-”

…

..

.

“What?”

“I SAID, you didn’t teach her the whole thing, jeez, how did you expect her to warm the crowd with just the ass slap?” She flashes a smile but a lot less innocent then her usual one.

*TWITCH*

I think everyone but Miss Nameless and PinkyS twitch…well none of us has seen this side of her…

At least Baila and I know she’s actually an older woman…

Poor Thrash and others are having mental meltdowns it seems. Whoops

“I’m planning to, just wanted to see whether she could pull it off first” Might as well answer truthfullyish, the death stares are not going to get any less intense.

“Well, don’t you dare go further…without me that is”

…

..

.

I expected that, buuut nobody else did, so they’re all quite shocked

“What? It’ll be fun!” She looks around to everyone. Ah that’s more like her…

…

…

(PJ’s POV)

“What? It’ll be fun!”

It’ll be loads of fun for me…and also I’ll get on her good side too…And then, I’ll be able to ask her to lend Krudel someday!

Ooh, I can’t wait to have a personal butler…he’s just so perfect...except for the fact that he fainted when he saw her in her underwear…

But nobody is perfect; he’s just close to it.

It’s also fun, almost reminds me of my Uni days…ah, that’s been a while.

I wonder how Crystal and Sapphire are doing?

…

…

(Joat’s POV)

“Yes, it will be a lot of fun, don’t you think Princess?”

“I think so…I mean I did feel very short on breath when I came out…but I liked the feeling”

“So that’s that! PJ and I will teach you how to be a showgirl”

*TWITCH*

OK, pretty much everyone are decently shocked/horrified/angry with me…though I swear I feel gazes of jealousy.

Come on people, you ought to be a little less shocked by now, especially after what’s happened in the past 30 minutes…

I’m handling this all really well…but I am the instigator of everything so that’s to be expected.

The sound of a door opening is heard and a middle aged man wearing trousers and shirt walks in. His short brown hair is slicked back and his sharp blue eyes dart around the room.

“Ah, Marty, it’s all yours. The rest of you, get back to your work” Jenna gives us the order.

We all go back to colouring our clothes.

Miss Nameless is the one colouring now, because she stopped Thrash from throwing out the bloody water and told him to place all his clothes in there.

He throws in his helmet first. She takes his helmet and swirls it around for a few seconds before taking it out and whipping it around, causing most of the dye to fly off.

Hmm, that’s pretty smart…maybe she figured it out when I was creating the denim? Or maybe because of the floor stains…

The leather is originally a darkish brown, and with stains of red, it looks like it’s been stained with blood…I like the look of that.

Thrash seems to like it too and once she’s done the rest of his clothes…he looks pretty damn feral.

His clothes have what look like blood splatters and it makes him look like he’s ripped apart his fair share of people…

I mean he was decently scary before…but now, he looks like a complete monster.

I do inadvertedly shiver when he looks my way, but who can blame me when I’m looking at a grinning wolf-beastman with bloodstained clothes?

Anyways, it’s my turn next...hmm what will he do for me?

He ponders for a while before turning towards me

“How do you make grey?”

“Ah…make white first and then add in a drop of black at a time”

He nods his thanks and then runs out to refill the basin with clean water.

While he’s doing that, I have a look at Marty, who I pretty much forgot about.

He’s inspecting the bodies, looking as to where the blood came as well as checking pulses and whatnot else.

So he’s the village cop or detective?

After a few minutes, he takes out a flat stick and begins measuring the dead bodies, after laying them flat on their back…

Oh…he’s a mortician? Well that makes a bit more sense

“Hmm” He muses to himself

“So, how big will you have to make the graves?” Whoops that was supposed to be said in my mind…I glance at Jenna, ok, she’s busy chatting with Baila.

“Graves?” He looks at me funny, and also glances at Jenna…oho, so Jenna does have a reputation… “No, I’m just measuring the size of the pyre; we don’t bury our dead around here”

“Oh, so will we have a ceremony or will it be a back-garden pyre?” I whisper to him, while keeping an eye on Jenna

“Since the deaths were...odd…and you are Orphans…they’ll be burnt privately” He whispers back to me

So he noticed the odd form of death…so he must have some detective skills then. Also what is this Orphan business?

I turn to him, intrigued.

“That sounds logical, but why do you call them Orphans?”

“Because that is what you are, all of you” A voice comes from behind

…

..

.

Thank you Jenna…but don’t get angry, don't make my children orphans too!

“So, we’re abandoned children then?” I ask her

Well Jenna didn’t shout at me, but actually answered me nicely...that is odd indeed. Maybe because it’s lore time?

Ooh, LORE TIME!

Seems like everyone else thinks so too and they all stop working to listen.

“I don’t know” Jenna shrugs

“All we do know, is that you guys appeared in the village square yesterday, we don’t know where you came from or how you got here. You all seem like children, with no knowledge of this world and thus the village deemed you as Orphans” Marty rubs his stubbly chin thoughtfully.

“That makes sense, but why are you telling us this so nonchalantly?” Baila notes

“Well, that’s because we’d like to know where you are from and more about you”

“You could have just asked. I’m from Lithuania” Miss Nameless speaks up

“From…Yaktariteai? I don’t understand that last word there”

“Lituania, let me help you; li…tu-”

“Princess, stop, he’s not able to understand the word itself”

“Correct, so you do notice?”

“I’m not quite sure, but does it sound like we’re speaking another language?”

“Yes, you are, and no one in this village knows what it is”

Interesting…

“So, when us Orphans had that meeting yesterday…did you understand anything of it?” The raven-beastlady gives a highly intelligent question…ah, I see where’s she’s going with this.

“Snippets, but when you talk to eachother, you seem to talk in another language naturally. It is quite strange, since beast-men, monsters and civilization do not usually speak a universal language, much less group together like you lot”

We all have a long think about the new piece of information we just obtained…

So the system created a ‘language’ for whenever we talk about things that are not known or existing in this world. So if I was to speak about stats or about computer games…it would seem like I’m speaking another language to NPC’s…odd, but interesting.

“A question Marty” PJ raises her hand

“What is it little one?” He gives her a smile that a man would give when talking to a small child…how ironic

“Why do you treat us so nicely if we are foreign to this village?”

That’s a good question there PJ

“I don’t know…I just feel an odd…need, to teach you. It feels as if Aiag compels me to teach you things about this world” Jenna answers this question

“Aiag?” We all chorus

“The god of our world. He never speaks to us, but we have dreams, visions and other…signs…that he graces us with to guide us” Jenna looks up to the ceiling.

“So you’re saying this feeling is Aiag’s doing?” PinkyS inquires. I do like how everyone is

contributing to this…well not musclehead nor the unconscious Sharpy…

“Yes, since Jenna is not the only one who feels that way but the whole village feels that way…

then it is definitely the work of Aiag” Marty adds in

Ok, so guess I must give thanks to Aiag for giving us help?

“That is good to know, it seems like we both learnt new things today”

“Yes, but hopefully we’ll slowly learn more about all this” Marty muses with a detective-like glint in his eye.

“I hope so too, Marty” Jenna echoes.

"Yes, we don't know much about ourselves either so keep teaching us a bout the ways of this world" Miss Nameless chimes in

The two NPC's nod warmly and get back to whatever they were doing before.

Marty goes back to inspecting and measuring the bodies for a few more minutes before picking them up and taking them out the door.

Thrash walks in, looking back…and looking black too…just what in Aiag’s name happened to him?

“What’s with Marty carrying the bodies?” He says looking a bit confused

…

..

.

“What is it?” He looks at us more confused

“So who’s going to tell him?” I ask the others with a grin

…

…

(Thrash’s POV)

-When he left Jenna’s-

To the water!

I saunter to the well, spew the bloody water round the side and slowly bring up the well bucket.

La di da, la di da. I’m a happy wolf-man, working with a cute girly!

Afert about a minute of pulling up the well bucket and dropping it back down, I hear a series of

booming sound from a house closeby.

Hmm, what’s that?

I leave the basin by the well and walk to the house where the bang just happened.

*Knock knock*

“Hello? Who are you to be knocking at this time?” The voice is very energetic, but a bit raspy…so

he’s old? I’m not sure.

“I heard the bang…everything alright?”

“Yes yes yes I’m just fine just blown up this and that and that too…oh god! That’s terrible I liked that! Everything’s out of place."

…

..

.

He’s very energetic. Maybe I should go inside and help him.

I open the door, well apparently it wasn’t locked, and see a normal wooden room…with a large black spot on the right side, taking up almost half the room.

“You you you…you’re perfect to help!” The old man is completely bald but even though the wrinkles show his age, he’s still running around moving vials to and fro, juggling them precariously.

“Sure?”

“Great! Grab all my chemicals from the floor but be careful to not touch the contents from the poison vials or come in contact with the red vials because they’re volatile and will blow up if not handled properly also yellow vials are fine so just leave them there but be careful to not slip on them also don’t put blue vials with other blue vials or there will be a chemical reaction that goes Booooom…”

Wow he’s energetic...I never would think he’s old.

“Don’t stand there! Go go go!”

He frees his hand and starts picking up a bunch of different coloured vials.

I quickly go to the blackened area of the house and start picking up vials, the red ones…because

they were the ones he said weren’t dangerous?

“What are you doing? Don’t move so many red, because they’re volatile and will go boooooom if you move them too much!” He exasperates to me as he takes another 8 vials in his hands to some boxes on the other side of the room.

“Sorry! What do I do with them now?” Volatile goes boooooom? Oh god!

“Nothing, they don’t react unless they get resonance”

*Clang*

I accidentally clang two together, making the red vials shake a bit

“THROW THEM AWAY”

I chuck them away

*BOOOOOM*

-30

*CRASH*

-28

I go flying to the other side of the room and crash into the wall.

Getting my head out of the wall, I see that the room is a lot blacker now, and the other vials have blown away to all over the place.

Whoops.

“Phew, the explosions cancelled eachother out so there was no further resonance. That would have been death for us if all the red ones had expl-BLAAARGH. God! The poison must have been released by the green vials. Be careful”

You have been Poisoned.

You will lose 1hp every second till cured

“I’m poisoned”

-1

“Ah, find a cyan vial”

-1

“Cyan?”

-1

“Light blue!”

-1

I rush over to a nearby light blue vial and chug it down

-1

“Don’t drink it fool! You have to inhale it!”

You have been severely Poisoned.

You will lose 5 hp every second till cured

-5

He tosses me another cyan vial and I sniff it frantically

You are no longer Poisoned

You will be immune to poison for 3 hours

“Ok, quickly grab yellow vials 1 blue vial no red vials and lots of green vials don’t touch the other things because you’ll just make everything go boooom! Also have this”

He tosses me a purple vial

I sniff it

“DRINK IT”

*CHUG*

You have recovered 50hp

Health potion, nice.

Ok, grab green and yellow, 1 blue and no red. Somehow I heard all that.

Grabbing some from here and there, I grab a blue that’s about to touch another blue because I

heard two of them together go boooom!

Taking my 8 vials, I place them in their respective box…which is pretty difficult since there are at least 40 different boxes.

The old man runs up, arms wide, holding a grey bottle in each hand and looking strained

I grab a grey bottle off him since he looks like he needs help.

I almost go flying as the bottle tries to drag itself towards the other.

“These buggers stick together so you have to keep them apart as we move so you put yours in the furthest box and ill put mine on the other side"

We both drag our bottles to either end of the boxes and the magnetism lightens significantly.

Placing it in the blue bottle box

“NO DON’T PUT IT THERE”

*CHUCK*

I chuck the entire box

“DON’T CHUCK THE BOX”

The box crashes onto the floor letting some blue vials jump into the air and collide

*BOOOOOOOOOOOOM*

-72

*CRASH*

-36

A Vitality of 20 is very useful.

I get out of the wall and see the old man rushing to the blue vial box, quickly grabbing the remains and placing them carefully in the box.

He’s completely black and almost all of his visible chest hair has been singed off.

“Grab the green and yellow vials and don’t do anything to them but as long as you don’t drink them or sniff them you’ll be fine”

I go and quickly pick up some green and yellow vials and return them to the boxes.

The old man rushes around leaving the red vials and picking up some blue, purple, orange, white, black, dark green, light green, dark blue, pink and a whole bunch of different colours which I don’t know the name of.

Wow that’s a lot of different colours.

“Don’t be standing there! The safe ones are pink magenta maroon brown purple lilac indigo permission and white so pick them up and put them in the boxes”

“I don’t know what those look like?”

“Anything that looks purple or blue or dark brown pick it up”

“OK”

I rush over and start picking those up and drink another purple one too.

“NO DON’T TOUCH THE TAN VIALS”

I chuck it in the air

“NOOO DON’T THROW IT AWAY”

The old man drops his two red vials and jumps for the tan vial

*BOOOM*

-24

*Crash*

-12

This time, I feel the old man squished up against me and I help him off me.

“Phew if that tan vial had fallen the whole house would have collapsed due to the earthquake” He holds the tan vial in his hands

Just what is in those vials?

I stand back up to keep on helping

“STOP DON’T MOVE SIT BOY SIT DON’T BE CAUSING ANYMORE EXPLOSIONS”

I sit down on my knees…Ok, I was just trying to help…

I watch the old man run back and forth with vials of all colours for a good, 5 minutes till he’s finally gotten everything sorted.

“WOHOO I’M ALIVE” The old man shouts into the air as the last piece of his clothing falls off of him…

Age has not been kind to him.

“Sorry about the explosions”

“Don’t worry m’boy the explosions were quite fun to witness and its been a while since I’ve flown head first into a wall so it was quite the rush there for me by the way what is your name?”

“Thrash and who are you?”

“Nathan but my full name is Nathaniel or really people call me Nathaniel when I’m like this and whoo this adrenaline potion was a great idea!”

“Nathaniel”

“That’s my name and a good one too but really I do prefer that people call me Nathan because Nathaniel is just too long and really puts me out of breath you know like I can’t even say it three times without losing breath Nathaniel Nathaniel Nathaniel no nevermind I can. Aiag’s glory this adrenaline is the godliest thing in the world I haven’t felt so young in years”

He’s a funny guy isn’t he.

“So Nathan, what happened?”

“Oh just was trying to make a flight potion because I felt like being able to fly but I shook it too much which caused it to go booooooom and then it made a lot of my other stuff go boooooom too”

Ah, so that must have been the noise I heard

“Well I’m glad I could try help”

‘You weren’t the best help but you helped somewhat and now almost the whole place is black so I might have to set off an explosion here and over there too to make the whole place a good colour again yes that sounds good does that sound good to you?”

“Sure” It’s hard to keep up with what he’s saying

“Perfect now you move the boxes and I’ll have some things explode here and there”

I quickly move the mass of boxes and after two successive *Boom*’s, the entire house has been converted to a black interior.

“Ah that looks much better but it’s a shame I got so many potions blown up but that’s what I get for taking an adrenaline potion and trying to make a flight potion which is quite tricky since you have to shake it extremely lightly and more shaking causes it to go boooom which it did”

“Ok that looks good. Nice meeting you Nathan but I’ve got some work to do”

“Sure sure it’s late so go back to whatever you were doing and actually maybe you can come back sometime and help remake the potions you destroyed”

He looks like he’s holding a small grudge for the explosions, even though he seemed to like them

“Ok, I will”

QUEST: Repaying the Alchemist (Hidden)Nathaniel has asked you to repay him by creating the potions you blew up. He'll help you create them if you ask.

There is no time limit on this quest, but the quicker you do it, the better the rewards.Rewards:

Alchemy Skill

Intimacy with Nathaniel

???

A quest, and a hidden one too!

“I will return soon Nathan”

“Just get out and do what you need to do, I need to resort my poisons and make sure my antidotes haven’t gone off oh god what if the poison has spread into all my other potions and also all my sniff and chug potency potions are scrambled and oh god this is going to take a while so goodbye and good luck with whatever you’re doing Thrash”

“Ok. Goodbye”

I exit the house, leaving the scrambling Nathan back inside.

Well he was an interesting fellow. And I had quite a blast!

Maybe I should do the quest soon, but I still don’t understand why he had so many different coloured bottles and why they were so strange. He’s strange but cheery.

I saunter back to the well hearing a scream of “FIRRRRE” come from Nathan’s…he’ll be allright.

Grabbing the basin, I fill it up a bit more and then head inside.

As I’m going inside, Marty comes out carrying two dead bodies and blinks a couple of times when he looks at me…what?

I go inside

“What’s with Marty carrying the bodies?” I’m a bit confused as to why he’s carrying them and to where

…

..

.

Everyone looks at me funny…

“What is it?”

“So who’s going to tell him?” Joat gives off a cute grin like she knows a secret.

Ah, must be about what happened when I was gone.

So...sorry i had a bit of a writers block but when I finally got down to writing this, I wrote like Nathan on Adrenaline :P

Anyways, thanks for reading

ALSO

Pretty please, give me a rating to bring other people to read this (hopefully) delightfuly story :D

-TRUE NOOOOOORD