“You may not remember this lowly one but he was saved once by you very long ago when I was just a mere mortal in the lower realms and you even saved a great many of this one’s comrades from certain death and thanks to your kindness and your organization I was able to cultivate enough to ascend into the ninth realm so this unworthy one could thank you for your grace and so to repay you for all you’ve done for this insignificant cultivator I wish to assist you in this endeavor so I may repay even the slightest bit of favor you had shown me so please use my life as you wish.”

The man took a breath.

“In this wretched one’s life there have been many seemingly insurmountable obstacles but due to the aid of your charity I was able to pull myself out of my despair and find in myself an inner strength that has bolstered my efforts and strength for the rest of my life and changed my worldview and from then on after I had shot through the realms of cultivation only reaching such heights because of the presence of a benevolent sovereign such as you.”

He took another breath.

“I will do anything for you I will climb any mountain swim any sea kill any enemy lay down my body to defend you drink poison for you commit suicide for you chop off my limbs for you-”

Murong Yingyue had tuned out the man the moment he had referred to himself as “this lowly one,” aware that nothing interesting would come out of that person’s mouth after it. She was forced to wait in her father’s sleeve and listen to the volunteer drone on, unable to do anything.

Meanwhile, Murong Zili had listened to the man patiently, his polite smile never once faltering.

“-even jump into flames for you.” The long-winded cultivator stopped.

Finally! About fucking time!

And started again.

“Sovereign Shui please enlighten this one to what your goal is in this expedition of yours. As I stated before I had been helped by you in many ways some that you may not be aware of - not that I was presumptuous enough to assume you would remember such an undistinguished, middling figure such as myself - but I am wholly sincere in my-”

Holy fucking hell! What hole did this guy crawl out from? Shut the hell up already, you loser! You don’t even know how to use commas!

Murong Zili held up a hand, and the cultivator immediately stopped talking.

“I thank you for your enthusiasm. However, you seemed to have overlooked a part of your introduction. May I have your name?”

“O-of course Sovereign Shui! My name is Shuo Henduo my name was given to me by my adoptive father and he chose it because-”

“What a well-chosen name.” Her father cut him off. “I am very touched by your sentiments. If you wish to assist me, then I will graciously accept your help. I’d like to know where the Windy Plains are located relevant to this place.”

“The Windy Plains? Please allow me to go with you! My place of residence is located near there and I have an intimate knowledge regarding that place. I am willing to serve as a guide for you!”

“That would be much appreciated.” Hey! What about your scroll? We can’t retrieve it with him there!

“Thank you for accepting my assistance! I swear upon my mother’s grave that I shall do everything in my power to-”

Fuuuck, we’re not going to be leaving anytime soon, are we?

And they didn’t. Shuo Henduo had taken it upon himself to explain in excruciating detail exactly where the Windy Plains were, even pulling out a scroll and expounding on the workings of the Windy Plain’s apparently delicate ecosystem.

But Henduo didn’t stop there. He described the characteristics of each demonic beast in the area, their habitats, and where they were on the food chain.

He only stopped to take a breath before launching into the next segment of his explanation, and Murong Zili (and Murong Yingyue by extension) stood there, afraid that if he interrupted to tell him to stop, he would have to listen to an even longer apology.

Resolutely enduring the next few hours, Shuo Henduo seemed to settle down at last.

“Shall we depart now?” You want to go now? The sun’s already gone down, dammit! Why don’t you depart to hell, you time-waster?

Even the fans had returned back to their homes or left by then.

“Let’s go then.”Murong Zili agreed easily. And you! Why didn’t you just ditch this deadweight? He explained everything so detailedly to you, it can’t be that you had to do a soft reset to fit in everything he said, right? Directionally challenged idiot!

When they had finally traveled to the Windy Plains, Shuo Henduo had begun to talk again, this time about the history of the Windy Plains.

“-in fact Lord Granite was the one to discover the famed Violet Crane in this area-”

Yingyue poked her father’s arm. Reaching out with his divine sense, Zili spoke to her.

What’s wrong?

Bring me up to your shoulder. I can’t see anything down here.

Murong Zili slipped his hand inside his sleeve, and she crawled onto the back of his hand. Casually bringing his hand near his face, Yingyue hopped off onto his shoulder, taking in the surroundings.

It looked... like a regular-ass plain. Except for the demon beasts mauling each other near the stunted tree to the left of them.

“Sovereign Shui.” A flat voice interrupted Shuo Henduo. “I wasn’t aware you’d bring company.” A pillar of dirt rose up from the ground and solidified. The bottom half of their face was covered with a face mask made of black cloth, leaving only black eyes exposed.

“But I don’t mind. After all, trash like him is easy to dispose of.” With a flick of his wrist, a black metal chain shot out, hurtling towards them.

Why the fuck is everything black? Learn to accessorize with different colors, ‘kay? Is black just the default “mysterious” color?

Murong Zili easily sidestepped the attack, but it ended up puncturing Shuo Henduo. He fell to the ground with a dull thud.

Huh.

That guy ended up departing to hell for real.

...

Qing Zheng eyed Di Jinming nervously as he stood awkwardly to the side, watching the second and third disciples of Chu Cheng turn the balls into decorations.

He continued to do so as Yun Siye and Lu Fei were teleported away, and Di Jinming stayed silent through it, only taking off his mask before continuing to sip calmly at his tea.

A silence settled in the courtyard as one of the two men ignored the other.

Finally, Qing Zheng broke and spoke up.

“I didn’t know that you were interested in the Purple Emperor’s treasures.” He grinned nervously. “I could’ve helped you retrieve it if you really wanted it.”

“Tianzheng, did you really think you could hide from me?” Di Jinming looked up from his tea. “Qing Zheng” rubbed his chin nervously.

“Come on, Jinming, you know that I didn’t mean it.”

“You knew that the Purple Emperor would be my next target. What a nasty, nasty little trick you pulled on me. You told him to keep an image in mind every time I asked him about the location of the artifact, and you even went on to keep the location for yourself.” Jinming’s face darkened.

“You know, I didn’t think someone could focus on an image so single-mindedly like he did.”

“Hey, calm down, they were orders-”

Jinming tossed his cup of tea at Tianzheng, who hurriedly caught it before it could hit him. He knew from experience that he would be blamed for breaking Di Jinming’s favorite cup, even if it was some random cup he happened to be using - it didn’t matter which cup was broken, they were all his ‘favorite” - and would receive a punishment for it.

“That dammed pervert imagined a pair of breasts every time I questioned him! What a perverted little brother I have, telling people to imagine such immoral things. Perhaps our eldest brother should hear of this and properly discipline you.”

“W-what?” He flushed red in embarrassment at Di Jinming’s first sentence, then abruptly turned pale at his last.

“Tianzheng. I will let you slide just this once if you tell me the location to the treasure. I won’t even get mad at you for almost alerting our father.”

While Di Jinming was indeed a talented mind reader, Tianzheng had grown up with him and was adept at blocking off his mind and covering up his thoughts.

“But they were orders!” He tried to defend himself again. “I couldn’t-”

“Couldn’t or didn’t? I know you could have easily weaseled out of it if you wanted to.” Di Jinming advanced on Tianzheng, who was still gripping the teacup with trembling hands.

“I just wanted to have some fun! I’ve been doing nothing but paperwork and small errands for months!” He whined. Di Jinming silently took out his ridiculously large sword.

“You know how boring it is to do that without a single break?” The large sword was hefted over his shoulder, the formations activating on it and lighting up a spidery pattern on the blade. Tianzheng gulped.

“It’s in the ninth realm! The Cavern of Scriptures!”

“Excellent.” He gave a sharp smile to his younger brother. “Lead the way, then.”

“Jinming, please! I’ve only been at the peak of the seventh realm for a month! I’ll die in there!” Tianzheng begged. Why did he have two sadistic elder brothers? Was it too late to request for a family change?

“Really? And you found it prudent to go and strike a deal with the Purple Emperor unprepared and unused to your powers?” His retort was cutting, tearing through his feeble excuses.

“Then could you at least give me a guarantee for my life?”

“How is it my fault that you never bring any water attribute spiritual energy sources?” This was a cheat of Di Jinming’s clan members. Each person was able to rapidly absorb spiritual energy of a certain attribute and instantly convert it into health points. Di Jinming had lucked out in this lottery and got one of the rarest attributes, earth.

His younger brother also had an uncommon attribute: water. Unfortunately, most cultivators would stay away from the water, as they often did not have enough spiritual energy to sustain flight across large lakes, and embarrassingly enough, most did not know how to swim.

The insecurity that came with that weakness kept them at bay from large water sources - which were the size that Tianzheng needed to instantly recover from injuries. He could heal from smaller amounts of water, but they were slow and liable to run out of spiritual energy before fully healing a fatal wound.

Much of their clan had the same problem, and they made up for it by carrying items with their attribute’s energy imbued in them, be it artifacts, talismans, or spiritual materials.

“...I’ll owe you a favor?” No response.

“A large favor?”

“Great doing business with you. Feel free to invest in the bank of me at anytime, and don’t forget about the interest.” He put away his sword and his white mask back on. “Qie! To the Cavern of Scriptures, now! The pest is included.”

Qie materialized behind a pillar, his head poking out from the side.

“Got it! I’ll get to it now!” He squeaked. “But it’ll take at least ten minutes because I have to cross four realms.”

“I’ll give you five.” The formation spirit disappeared again, tears of grievance streaming down his cheeks as he hurriedly tried to complete the task before him.

...

A girl woke up in a moderately lit room, lying on a hard bed. She attempted to get up, but something restricted her from doing so. Looking down at her body, she saw it was restrained by rough rope, which was tightly wound around her.

The girl panicked, trying to remember why she was there, and what had happened to her.

But to her horror, she couldn’t recall a single memory from her past.

And in typical amnesiac main character-ness, she spoke three overused words.

“Who am I?”