3 years to 5th birthday

I might have complained about the load of training I received if it hadn’t been for what had happened to Magnolia and Fern. For whatever this other me was slowly teaching me about life.

4 hours of meditation training every morning, focusing my mind together with only five others, all around the same age as me.

Afterwards four hours of lessons, one in reading and writing, one in math, one in general knowledge and one in free study, when we were allowed to say what we wanted to learn more about.

Then it was time for lunch and afterwards 4 hours of physical training. The first hour were some boring warm up, followed by fun games. Then it was time for dancing, followed by gymnastics for two whole hours.

I might have slacked off. I had to do more than others. It was not fair. I wanted to play, to explore the gardens and listen to the fun stories the Nurses told us.

But I kept dreaming of harsh life, of desperately trying to find food and drink in a desert, of fighting and seeing friends die. I dreamed of great blue gates that seemed to shine in the sunlight. And I felt like my heart opened at that sight. I dreamed of wishing, of hoping, those great gates would last until the end of eternity.

Such intense feelings of what I understood was loyalty.

I dreamed of sacrificing friends in the battlefield. Of leaving those who were injured behind, to keep the army moving, strong. Like my mother had done to Magnolia. She left the weak behind. There had to be something I could feel for like I had for those blue gates again. To not be left behind, to see my own blue gates, I needed to become strong.

And so I always tried my best.

I was never quite as smart as White Ash, quite as strong as Yaupon or quite as curious as Willow, despite my best efforts.

But then, Yaupon was never very good at dancing and in meditation she could never hold that state as consistently as me.

White Ash was close to my level in Meditation, but her body was not built for physical training like mine and those of our friends.

Willow was a great dancer, but when we learned dances involving artistic moves her body just wasn’t flexible enough. And though she was better than me in education classes, it was not because she was smarter. No, she was simply curious, spending almost every free minute learning something new.

Azalea was a playful child and though we were basically the same she started neglecting physical training. She snuck into art classes quite often, fascinated by the singing, painting and design. She liked poetry and was gifted in math, but she never had grades above average level.

She drifted away from me before I noticed.

Once we had been inseparable, but by the time we turned five I hardly knew what she did with her time.

Yaupon and I ran around the park in our free time to improve our stamina, White Ash, Willow and me tried teaching her how to read and write and also some meditation we had fun. The smart cookies as Yaupon liked to call the three of us who could argue for hours about which plants grew best in which climate, which we should have in the garden.

She was the one who ran to see which types we actually had in the garden and was happy to see the three of us argue about why the Nurses had chosen those afterwards.

We trained together and learned together, we meditated and tried to become the best versions of ourselves we could. Yaupon, in many cases, could only follow. And despite her lack of talent she was better than average in most things and one of the best in things like general knowledge or strength, simply because she never gave up.

Azalea called us strange for it. She despised the Nurses for what they had done to Fern and Magnolia. She didn’t want to do what they told us to and no talking to her had been enough to change her mind. Eventually we avoided each other, just to avoid arguing. And we grew apart.

My little group of friends became kind of famous among the children. The Nurses whispered of future witches and sages. And though we knew nothing about the meaning of those words we were always treated with respect. And the Nurses told us more than we were supposed to know.

As expected, eventually our fifth birthday came.

We knew by then that those who had upon their third birthday been chosen for the physical program were simply those with the right bone structure and muscles for it. Most children that age were not ready for any kind of training and would only begin after their fifth birthday, if they had talent.

We also found out that this was more than a change in living space. We would be sorted into social levels. Of those in the educational course nearly everyone would either make it into the first or second social class. For those who were especially smart it was already certain. Ordinary achievements coupled with any physical or artistic talent, or beauty, would also be sufficient.

On the other hand even those who were good at physical or artistic classes would only make it to the third level.

As for those who failed, those below average…they would be sorted out.

Why beauty was considered so important none of us understood. My three friends, I realized, had once, on our first birthday, been considered less beautiful than me and my sisters.

Looking at them just before our third birthday I realized that while White Ash and Yaupon were nothing special that way, Willow had developed in a different direction. She already had high cheekbones and large, black eyes similar to my own, her expression forever glowing with curiosity.

For a moment I wondered whether she would change her name once again.

It calmed me down a lot to know about what would be waiting for us though. Because I was certain that Azalea would pass with average grades in at least two topics of the test and there was never a question that my group had developed their own talents as much as possible each.

5th birthday

We were sitting around in our room the morning of our fifth birthday, waiting for a Nurse to take us to the testing room.

Azalea was fidgeting around while Yaupon stretched and loosened her limbs. Her talent was her physical power and she wouldn’t allow herself to do less than she could. She didn’t want to be sorted out, not again, I knew that much.

Her limps were a little cramped because she was so nervous, which wouldn’t help.

Quietly I exchanged looks with White Ash. We both nodded.

We got up, both at the same time, and went to our friend to pat her back.

“It’s okay, Yaupon. You can do this.” My voice was soft and quiet as I did my best to help.

“Maybe meditating will help. You won’t be able to show your power if you are this tense.” White Ash, as usual, was far more helpful in her suggestions.

Yaupon bit her lip and nodded. She sat down, but when she closed her eyes I could see that she was getting nowhere.

To help I started humming a song our Nurse had used to calm us down when we were very small.

That seemed to help more than my previous attempt.

Yaupon slowly relaxed as we watched, until we could hear only her even, deep breathing. I…felt something from her. It was almost as if she was swinging with a very special rhythm.

This, I knew, was what meditation was all about. Finding that rhythm.

The teacher in meditation had told us that we would learn what to do with what we found, if we could find it, when we were five.

If one failed to find it by the time one turned eleven there would be no hope of someone ever becoming a witch. To become a sage it had to be mastered by the age of five.

White Ash and me had worried about Yaupon in that regard, but recently she had managed to find it frequently. I hoped it would be enough.

White Ash smiled victoriously while Willow looked at us in confusion and curiosity. She had always been far too busy reading in the library to care much about our meditation practice.

It took only a few more minutes for the Nurse to arrive at our room.

When the door opened we rose expectantly and the Nurse who looked inside smiled at us. “It’s time. Follow me.”

And we did.

The way was, no surprise, leading us to the opposite end of our wing from where we first entered. The Crib was built like a clock. Those who passed again and again would stay until they turned 21. Part of the main family were those who stayed until they turned 15. Or at least those who were in the crib when they turned 15 and passed the tests for family membership. Apparently some children were raised by their mothers when they were young. Children older than five and younger than 14 could enter the crib once a year on a special date, as long as they passed the tests.

It worked like this:

(1) 0 - 6 months Newborn ward

(2) 6 months – 1 year Baby ward

(3) 1 – 3 years Toddler ward

(4) 3 – 5 years pre-school ward

(5) 5 – 15 years school ward

(6) 15 – 21 years higher school

It was a relief for me and I couldn’t help hoping.

As we arrived in the right hallway and the woman opened the door I found what I had been hoping for.