"Ahh, I needed that. I'm gonna sit here and get wasted until morning comes."

I was sitting in a pub in the city, enjoying myself by drinking a big ol' mug of ale. This game's got simulated alcohol-- hell, it's got simulated sex, too-- and it's a great time. People keep buying me free drinks and I'm liking it. I've been spacing out for three hours, spacing back in every now and then to drink a bit more. This was my eighth drink, I was trying them all. I mean, I say it's great but it's not like I've been drunk a lot. I'm just assuming things.

"Mm? Oh, hey. Why are you there?"

I think I spaced out again, and Crush got inside my mug and absorbed all the ale. It seemed to have no effect on it. It just looked at me, and I looked at it. Then I flipped the mug and it slid out. Like a little brick of flan. Actually, is flan jiggly? I've never had it. Is it like jello? It slid out like jello.

I really should get myself a room. I wanna open the Loot Box. I should ask.

"Hey, do you know where I can get a room for the night?"

"There's a hotel right next door," she said, pointing at the wall. That's convenient. I thanked her and tried to walk out. This is so weird. I'm fully conscious and my head is clear, yet I'm weird and slacky and I can't seem to walk straight. Come on, Chad, you're a big man. You got the hang of walking as a baby, you can get the hang of it as a pseudo-drunk. I managed to get into the hotel.

"One night, please," I said, my nose bleeding from falling. This is bas- bas-ba-uhh, not good. I haven't stuttered in my own head in a long time. This is not alcohol...

"Room 102, that'll be 25 Gold." a little old woman in proper glasses sitting behind the counter said.

"Yes, sorry about the noise." I somehow handed her 25 Gold coins and made my way up the stairs, where I entered Room 102. After entering, I crashed on the bed and spent a long time enjoying the sensation of the strange cover. What fabric is this? It's nice... My thoughts slowed down, I felt myself drift...

I laid there for a long time. When I came to, I saw why I felt strange.

You have been drugged!

Well, whoever did that didn't get what they wanted, I'm pretty sure. My stuff was all there, save for a few coins, which I'm pretty sure were used to pay for this room. That was fun anyways, I got to unwind and relax, and now I get to see what I get from the Great Slime King Loot Box! Alright, let's take it out!

Oh, it's a chest. Looks pretty standard, it's rectangular, made of a dark wood, or at least painted dark, with a sticky, oily, green finish on everything like it'd been regurgitated.

"Open sesame," I whispered as I opened it. Inside was a blob, and when I picked it up, it said "Trapped in Jelly, Unique Head Cosmetic". Oh, is that all? Is there anything more? Yes, there is! A sort of antenna-like thing, it had an actual item description.

Head Bobber

Slime Set

Pet Accessory

Increases Strength by +5, Constitution by +5

Gives access to ability "Squishy Headbutt"

Squishy Headbutt: Deal 80% normal damage, heal yourself by the same amount

"It looks like this is for you, bud," I say, putting it in one of Crush's three Accessory slots. I didn't even know they had equipment screens! It's crazy the things you learn about something when you get into it without bothering to study. It's fine, I'm just giving the people out there a chance to catch up to my sick gainz. Besides, I feel like too much luck has befallen me on this day, or should I say this night? It needs to even out somehow.

Oh, I know! Let's put on my head cosmetic, take a picture and post it on the forums to brag! Once I figure out how to anyways. Let's check the menu, is there a picture function? Wait, recording? Streaming? A livestream in 5x speed? What kind of hardware do you need for that? Rather, are there some people who recorded my shenanigans so far and posted them somewhere? I sure do hope I look funny rather than cringy...

No matter, I'm gonna take the picture. Equip the cosmetic first... Woah, it's like I'm plunging my head underwater, but everything's tinted green and I'm not drowning. Taking a few test breaths, I also found out I was hearing perfectly fine, even though my ears were submerged. Alright, I'm getting used to it. Time to take a picture! Let's make it full-body, take off my shorts and sandals leaving me in only my weird speedo, take a side chest pose, flex real hard and... taken! Okay, does it look good?

AHAHAHA! Oh my God, I look so buff, but I've got a weird little cylinder head with a goofy smile on it! It's perfect! I'm gonna post this in the forums, where's the off topic board? There! Is there already a "rate my character" thread? Superficial people are constantly making those in other games even when there's no insane customization, there's bound to be one here!

I found it, right at the top with 17 pages already. What are theirs like? Mostly girls, lots of recreations of popular fictional characters, one nice-looking chick with a thick beard saying "Help, changing my hair costs money!", pretty standard stuff. There's this one guy that looks like a hammerhead shark, that has to be really uncomfortable. A+ for meme quality, though. Seems like I'll fit in just fine. I posted my picture with the caption "Here's a little something for the ladies."

Absolute beauty. I like this game. I really do want to know, though. Are people talking about me at all? If so, are they saying good things or bad things? I went back to the front page of the forums and searched "Rainbow Chad". There was a thread with my name, and another called "World of Truth in one picture". I looked at the one picture thread first, and there was a shot of me flexing in the middle of a crowd. I remember that, that's the time I first learned the city existed! Nice.

Now, the thread with my name on it. In the "People" section, someone started it. There was a picture of me doing... something, I'm not sure what, and I had a green name. Then a bit of conversation, the thread slowed down, then picked right back up a few hours later, with an eight-minute video of some guy's perspective of me turning PK. It started with me ground-and-pounding the axe guy, then the fight, and a bit of the initial escape. Turns out, the poster was the guy who I decked after he asked me to join his guild. Sorry, pal!

Skimming over the next few posts and two pages, I found a picture of me talking to the giant slime, then one of me running from a very angry giant slime, and another three pages of meaningless discussion later, a video was uploaded of me during the end of the second phase and the whole last phase of the Great Slime King fight. From who's view? Take a wild guess-- the fucking mage who stole my kill, of course. To be fair, I looked exactly as cool as I felt. Then this little shit, with his little bitch voice, goes "Th-this is for a-all you incel brothers out there... Fireball!" with a huge fucking voice crack, I'm surprised the spell even worked.

"Don't let the-the Chads win, guys. We can do it, together."

It ended with that. A bajillion people replied either mocking this dude's voice or asking if the voice was fake, and a few making passing remarks about "what a juggle, holy strength build batman". Seems I wasn't hated much. Good, they found me goofy. Exactly my vibe right there, especially now that I have this cosmetic. Alright, time for a stroll through the merchant district-- Oh, I almost forgot to put my shorts and sandals back on. That could've been bad. Okay, shopping, take 2!

I decided to buy myself some clothes. Without anything to slow me down, I was going to be so fashionable and so fast all the time, it'd be great! First, the tailors. These things don't have the "rough" prefix for no reason, I tell you what!

All these places are closed for a while still, though... I think dawn is like an hour off. The hell do I do for an hour? I guess I'll just walk around town, see if anything happens. To the shady backstreets!

...Dead end. This is the fifth alleyway in a row to have a dead end. Apart from those, I haven't seen anything shady yet. Or anyone, for that matter.

"You two getting bored as well?" "Pi." *sigh but with a beak*

"Yeah, this city is too clean. A big place like this one has to have at least one foolish wannabe robber working an hour before dawn. That's like, the Dummy's Guide to Secret Criminal Empires right there."

What I failed to notice, though, is that any would-be robber is going to turn and run at the sight of my rippling muscles, let alone the feeling of what they can do. So while there were a few shady types, they saw me before I could see them and they escaped. At least I like to think that's how it is. The sun's rising soon, maybe I should go check out the rabbits and see how they transform.

Arriving in the area where the were-bunnies were (I sprinted across the city to make it on time), I got to see their silhouettes a lot better. They were all very flat, their forearms comically thick compared to the rest of their bodies, they still had big ears and, once again, I had no clue how to tell males from females. They looked like cutesy bunny cosplayers tried to adopt a "rawr xd" kinda look and actually made it somewhat scary-looking. They were very black as well, their pristine white fur nowhere to be seen, which made them way cooler in comparison. A few of them were out of place, gathered around something-- is that a corpse?

No, if it was a corpse, it would dissipate pretty quick. Whatever they're doing to it, it's very much alive... Hold on just a fucking minute. Are they doing what I think they're doing? I have to check. I move around to the left, to get a better angle, and... Yup, that's the- yeah, they're fucking. I'm outta here. That's private stuff. Big nope.

Let's go hunt some wild dogs instead, that's infinitely better. Actually, no I don't want to do that, I just want to socialize. I don't know anyone, though. Where could I go for that? Messing around on the forums doesn't seem like fun. I could go and see some crafters... Yeah, that sounds like a great idea. There's all kinds of skills in this game, surely I could find a use for all these slime bits I've got. After that, I could hit the gym.

Sounds good. Let's try to ask around, find out where the crafters are.

"Excuse me, miss? Could you help me with something? I'm from out of town, and my friend gave me a place to meet up in but didn't tell me which part of the city is the "Crafting District". I was wondering if you knew...?"

"Of course, hun. Just go all the way to the first big plaza you see, then turn right and keep going for a bit. Once you see a big place with a sign that says "Mandrick's Biggy Smithy" you'll be smack dab in the middle of the Artisans' District. That's what we call it here. Just don't get too close to any of the rabbitmen while they're working, it's mating season for them right now and they get jittery."

"Rabbitmen? What kind of work do they do?"

"Oh, they're really good with their hands, you know! They're employed in tailoring, in chiseling, in construction, in all kinds of places really. Plus, it's a bonus to me that they're all kinda handsome. Oh ho ho ho..."

Then she walked away. So rabbitmen aren't monsters, but beastkin? I could've been a minotaur? I guess that's what I get for using projection instead of manual character creation. Damn it, me. If I was going to be depending on this game to sleep in the future, I would need to read the manual and guide front-to-back. Tomorrow. And by that, I mean sometime IRL.

Now, what was I doing? Oh, right, slime skin. Let's see if I can find an alchemist who can tell me what I can do with this stuff. Once I reached Mandrick's smithy, as the lady told me, I tried looking around. Eventually, I found a place that would work, simply called "Alchemy Workshop". Wow, so complex and nuanced. I could see quite a few people working in there, most of which had green names over their heads. Fellow players, no doubt. I entered and someone, an NPC who seemed very experienced, given his apparent age and long white beard, came up to me.

"Good day, young man. What can we do for you?"

"Actually, I was wondering what the purpose of a slime skin was. I've been told they're worth good money, but I had no idea why, and I figured I should come here for answers."

"Oh, slime skin, huh? Did you get it from around these parts? They're typically only salvageable from green slimes or stronger variants, but last I checked, the slimes around the city were blue!"

"Well, you should check again. Recently, a green King Slime showed up with a small army of its brethren and I got some good stuff out of it. It's been subjugated, but I suspect it won't be the last of its kind."

"That so? Well, that's great news! Slime skin is very useful in lots of things, mostly because it allows creams to soak into the skin really nicely. It's also highly sought after by those who make cosmetics, like lipstick and nail polish!"

"So it's like a different kind of binding agent?"

"Um. I guess...? That's an odd way to put it, but if it works for you then it's fine. How much do you have?"

"This much," I said as I laid it out on the table.

"Hmm, four sheets. That's quite a lot, for a foot soldier."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that. Who's a foot soldier?

"Well, this is quite nice. If your prediction comes true, then it will drastically lower the prices of many things that require slime skin. We won't need to import as much. Now, will you be selling me those or were you hoping to learn a few recipes from this old man here?"