A Long Ass Time Ago...

A chill wind blew icily through the gap in the trees. The bitter twisted things were but a semblance of their once grand majesty. Since the rise of Demon Emperor Kale, the world trembled in fear. His power was such that even the weather patterns throughout the world shifted at his whim. A once verdant forest was now a cold half-frozen marsh filled with the souls of the lost and despondent dead.

Within the frozen waste, nothing living stirred saved for a single warrior. Fierce and beautiful beyond mortal comparison, she was Nova Ascarta last of the Celestial Guardians. Known as the Goddess of Furious Destruction, she'd cut a path through the hordes of the demon emperor and made her way to the domain of one of his Fell Lords, Demon General Frostscythe.

Nova blew out her breath into her hands then rubbed them lightly. Even at her level, this miserable land was cold beyond reason. "Damnable frost demons," she muttered to herself before moving onward.

Two years were spent in ascertaining the whereabouts of the fell lords. So far she'd slain two of the five, and discovered the location of the third. Unfortunately, she'd lost many dear friends in those battles. No one alive could match her power and grace, and even an army of lesser warriors would be of no use against a Fell Lord. Nova saw no other way forward than to go alone into the den of evil and do battle in single combat.

Just as she moved past a copse of twisted trees, a subtle noise to her left warned her of danger. She leapt back just in time to avoid an incoming projectile. A white spear rimed with frost now protruded from the earth at the location she'd been in only a moment before.

Nova's eyes narrowed and she scanned the area. Immediately she knew what she faced. The slight distortion in the air mixed with the frozen climate and bone spears rimed with frost were a dead giveaway. There was only one creature that it could be.

A hooting roar, like a train mixed with a tornado, raged across the frozen landscape. Multiple distortions in the air began to surround her. Bone spears shot toward her at hellish speeds. Nova dodged around them with the nimble footsteps of a dancer, even as she slapped one hand to the gleaming breastplate at her chest. "May the truth of my soul become hope," she cried just before dodging two more spears, "A ray of light that shines brightly in the darkness!"

Several more spears rocketed toward her as the tornadic roar echoed through the region. She dodged them all, though one nearly struck her. Seizing the moment, she cried out, "Justice become my sword!"

Upon her gleaming chest plate, an item that reflected light brightly like chrome, a golden sword symbol flashed brilliantly. Time seemed to slow to a crawl as a pillar of light rose up around Nova. Before her eyes a glowing sword with a crystalline blade and a gold handle faded into existence. It was her divine sword, Ardent Nova, an item empowered by her passionate desire to see justice done.

Time began to move forward once more, but not at its original pace. Due to the bonus provided by her blade, she moved with such speed that even these high-level beasts seemed to move at only half their true speed.

She leapt high into the air and roared, "Illuminating Presence!"

Light flared from her crystalline blade and a wave of energy raced outward from her at incredible speed. The hidden monsters were forced out of their invisible status and given a semi-transparent appearance. Frost wraiths, killers of the northern wastes, these creatures were known by several names. In truth, however, these creatures were Elder Glacial Wendigoes. Known for their power over wind and ice, almost as much as they were known for their innate ability to camouflage themselves, they could kill an unwary traveler with little effort.

The twelve foot tall monstrosities hooted out their tornadic sounding roars, and raced toward her. They were spiritual beings, a type of undead existence. They made no prints in the earth, nor did their steps make a sound. However, wind and ice whirled around them with every step. Someone caught unaware might think a small tornado was bearing down upon them.

Nova performed an aerial back-flip that took her back behind the advancing line of wendigoes that came at her from the rear. Surprised by her sudden movement they were not nearly fast enough to match her enhanced speed. Her crystalline flew forward with deadly accuracy and carved her truth through the spinal column of the closest of the beasts.

Though it was a non-corporeal undead, the Ardent Nova was a divine blade that could slay anything. The monster screeched in an unholy manner. A moment later its semi-transparent fur exploded outward from its body while leaving behind nothing but a skinny naked creature that looked to be the love child of a shaved ape and a hairless cat.

The creature gasped in a strangely girlish manner and slapped a hand over his massive semi-transparent wendigo genitals before blushing heavily and falling forward into the snow. A moment later, it dissipated into motes of light, nothing more than a memory.

A ridiculous scene thought it might be, it played our time and time again during that battle. Over two dozen wendigoes met their fate at the point of Nova's sword. Throughout the entire ordeal not a single scratch was made upon her radiantly beautiful form. Even her hair seemed to remain perfectly combed despite her rapid movements.

"Ah, Frostscythe, thou kindhearted villain," she said while producing a slight smile. "How wonderful of thee. To send thy minions to warm my extremities and bid me welcome is quite generous."

"I should repay his kindness in full," she said just before her smile widened. Revitalized by the light warm-up exercise she moved out once more.

Several more battles occurred on her way to Frostscythe's frozen fortress. Her primary opponents were wendigoes, but the occasional skeletal horror arose as well. None could match the power of her righteousness.

Soon she arrived at giant mound of ice and snow that comprised the home for the demon lord of this frozen hell. Without so much as a polite knock, Nova strode forth and slammed her booted heel into the thick ice gate that guarded the fortress. Despite its thickness and the bitter cold, her single kick delivered enough force to cause it to explode inward with tremendous ferocity.

Shards of ice from the gate shot backward with incredible strength. Several minions waiting inside were skewered. Their clothing or natural armor exploded and they fell to their knees in shocked embarrassment. A brief moment later they were dead.

"Hello to the house," said Nova lightly before tilting her head to the side. A warm smile spread across her lips despite the chill air. "Might I come in and enjoy the fruits of thy hospitality?"

The surviving minions attacked immediately, but with little more than a flash of light and a laugh, she slaughtered them all. Her power as a celestial guardian rivaled that of any Fell Lord. Their minions were nothing but useless obstacles in her eyes.

Hundreds of beasts and monsters came for her as she made her way through the ice mound. They all died embarrassing and horrific deaths at her hands. Soon, the inevitable time for the final battle came. With a casual blow to the door of Frostscythe's throne room, the giant steel doors flew open. One slammed into the wall it was attached to with such force that the frame gave way. The door fell to the floor with a heavy clattering sound.

Nova gazed through the ruined door, and past the dozens of powerful monsters in the room beyond. She lifted her sword then pointed it directly at the gargantuan skeletal figure sitting upon a throne made of ice. His flesh, what little there was, was rimed with frost. His left arm was inhuman and bore the shape of a massive blue-white scythe. "I would have a word with thee, dread Frostscythe."

The creature atop the throne began to laugh darkly. It was a thing of wicked hollowness, a voice from the grave.

******

Present Day...

"And all the rest, is of course, history," said Nova. The scene was no longer the throne room of dread Frostscythe, but the moldering Tomb of the Forgotten Blade.

"Hey, whoa," said Scott. He waved his hand through the air. "None of that!"

"What dost thou mean?" she asked.

"You got me all excited, and then just stopped like you explained something," said Scott.

"As I have stated. This was the story of my doom..." said Nova.

"You met no doom! You stopped short," he said with a snort.

"I would prefer not to speak of what came next," she said quietly.

Scott slapped his palm over his face. "Why bother speaking of the rest of it? None of that told me anything!"

She made a slight murmuring sound that Scott could barely hear. However, he did pick out a few words that caused him to snort again. "Did you really just tell me all that solely because you thought it sounded cool?"

"I assure thee, I was quite cold... Though, I do not understand thy reason for mentioning such a thing," said Nova in a curious tone of voice.

His eyelid twitched lightly. "You told me the parts of the story where you looked like some invincible hero and left out the part where you got a sword shoved up your ass."

"Such vulgarity..." said Nova.

"Don't try to play high and mighty with me. I'll draw obscene messages on your ass and leave," said Scott lightly.

"Thou wouldst not perform such an abominable act!" she cried aghast. Her voice gave the impression that her expression would match her tone had she a face to express such things.

"All packages to be delivered in the rear," said Scott before lightly patting her stone ass.

"Thou villain! Fiend!" she cried.

He patted her left breast and said, "Milk does a body good."

"Thou shameless fool!" she cried in an incredulous tone of voice. "You will write no such thing on my corpse!"

He placed two fingers to her stone lips and said, "I love to play the flute, daddy..."

"Y-you..." she said, the anger in her voice palpable. It was like a living thing at this point.

Scott chuckled at her outrage. "Seriously, is it so hard to just be honest and tell me what happened to you?"

"Why should I speak of my tragedy to such a vulgar creature?" she asked in a huffy tone.

"Because I'll listen," he said simply.

"Liar..." she said angrily.

Scott snorted at her then shook his head. "I was listening before. You're the one who would not tell me what actually happened."

"It..." she said, her voice trailing off. "Canst thou not understand that it is a shameful thing?"

"I understand," he said after a moment.

There was a dreadful period of silence that followed. Neither knew what to say. Eventually, however, Scott decided to take a shot in the dark and to tell her of his own ridiculous tragedy. Perhaps it would convince her to finish her tale.

"You know, I'm not from this world," said Scott.

"Art thou not?" asked the invisible woman. Her voice held the weight of disbelief.

"No, I art not," said Scott in mild mimicry of her mannerisms. "I art from another world, a place different than this one in many ways."

"If thy words are truth, why art thou here?" she asked, curious.

Scott rubbed the back of his neck for a moment. "Well, I was killed by a pack of rampaging ham-beasts..."

"Ham-beasts? Is there such a creature?" she asked, curiously.

"Yes, and vile they art. Evil to the core, though some say they art but misguided..." said Scott while mimicking her fake British sounding accent. Seriously, the woman sounded like someone badly performing a ye olde play.

"What manner of beasts art they?" she asked him. "Verily?"

"Vile misbegotten wretches who wear the form of women, but are secretly filled with hatred for all things that are more beautiful than they," he said. Scott took a moment, as though he contemplated his words.

"The ham-beasts rove in packs, but make pretense at being true women. Without warning, they form into massive hordes and descend upon the unwary. They use their unholy numbers force people into death or submission," said Scott authoritatively. "They hate the race of men, and would see to their total destruction."

"Verily?" she asked in her ye olde manner.

"Indeed," replied Scott, while attempting to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. He then spoke in a tone that was bother deeper, and direr. "Woe to thee who rouses the wrath of the fell ham-beast. Every part of a man shall be torn asunder and in its place there will be naught but a flickering shadow of what once was!"

"Ham-beasts sound dreadful..." she said, her words seemingly filled with curiosity and a hint of wonder, "I wonder how much experience they grant..."

"They grant an experience you do not wish to have, and that is enough..." said Scott. He continued with his explanation after that. He spoke of meeting a goddess, and how he came to be here after reincarnating. He left out the part about being a hero, and a few other choice bits.

"I see... Thou hast had many troubles," she said after a moment. "It is no wonder that thy mannerisms art strange."

Scott kept back the sarcastic remark that he wanted to unleash. There was still a chance that he might finish this quest properly, after all. Instead he said, "See, I know what it is to die in a ridiculous manner. I won't judge you. I will listen to your story."

"I-indeed..." she said, after a moment. However, when she spoke again it was to stammer out, "But it is such a shameful thing..."

He sighed loudly. "Fine. If anyone asks, I'll tell them your name and that Frostscythe beat you down like a dog then shoved your own sword up your ass."

"That... Do not take liberties with history!" she cried.

"You saying that isn't what happened?" he asked.

"No! It is certainly not!" she shouted hotly. "They laid a trap for me. All three of the remaining Fell Lords, and even the Dark Emperor, were there. It was the emperor himself that did this to me with his evil sorcery."

"I see. Is there any way to undo it?" he asked. "I asked before, but you cut the story off before the useful part."

"That too, is a shameful thing..." said the ghost voice.

Scott rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, "Ah, sweet merciful..."

"Just tell me already, so I can see if I can help you," he said with a loud groan.

"Well, if thou art going to be so aggressive about it..." she said.

"Lady, I'm possibly the only person on the planet who can help you. Has anyone else even spoken to you in centuries?" asked Scott.

"Well, no..."

"So, tell me how to help you if it's possible," said Scott.

She huffed a little then said, "So be it, though it will be impossible for thou to help me."

"Why is that?" asked Scott.

"The means to my salvation is a riddle... A most fiendish and clever riddle," she said with a low growl in her voice.

"Does the riddle lead me somewhere to get something, or...?" he asked her.

"No. Thou must only guess the answer. Which is why it would be impossible for thee," she said in a somewhat snooty tone.

"Why impossible for me?" asked Scott, though he already suspected that she thought that he was an idiot.

"Thou art a fool, clearly," she said.

"Can't you just answer the riddle yourself, and set yourself free then?" he asked her. Scott tried his best not to let her barb get to him. He did act rather foolish throughout this little exchange. Partly it was to keep the mood light, but it was also because it was fun for him.

"Ha! Did I not tell thee that the riddle was fiendishly clever? In over one thousand years, I have never guessed the riddle's answer!" she declared triumphantly.

"Ah, well... If it's that hard, maybe I can just memorize it and go ask someone else," said Scott. Clearly a riddle that takes a thousand years to answer must be truly complex. There's no way he'd be able to answer it.

"Verily? Indeed, that might work. Though, where one such as thee might acquire such genius is beyond my understanding."

"Just tell me the riddle," said Scott in a flat tone of voice.

"Ah, prepare thy mind foolish one. The words art simple, but that only adds to the complexity of the riddle's fiendish nature!" she said authoritatively.

Scott sighed and waited for her to get on with it. Thankfully, she began shortly thereafter.

"Prithee. What is black, and is white, and is also red?" she asked haughtily.

He blinked slowly. "Are you serious?"

"Indeed! As I told thee, it is indeed a fie—" she began only to be cut off by Scott's flat monotone voice, "A newspaper."

She gasped loudly as the sword buried within her ass began to wiggle. Light flared from its handle and the sword slid out slightly. Now was the time of destiny!

Scott saw what was happening and rushed to her backside. Just as he was about to reach for the sword, a message screen popped up.

Press A to Grab Your Destiny

"The hell?" he asked, confused.

Ha Ha. Just kidding.

Scott chuckled and grabbed the handle of the sword. He drew the blade free of her well-crafted backside with a single pull. It flew free of its ancient sheathe with a strange sound reminiscent of a plastic bowl being opened. *pa-ploop!*

He lost control of his body for one surprising moment as he continued his movements. He swung the sword around and then thrust it into the air. A brilliant fanfare erupted all around him, like something out of a videogame. He'd acquired a rare event item, it seemed.

*Da Doot! Da-Da Doot-a-ta-doo! Da Duhn-da-duuuuhn!*

You acquired Ardent Nova!

"Are we serious, right now?" asked Scott with a laugh. "It feels like we aren't serious, right now."

The stone statue suddenly began to crack and crumble. Soon it fell into a pile of rubble. From the debris rose a white mist that flowed upward in a whimsical manner. A figure appeared within that mist not long afterward.

"B-brave champion, thou hast..." began Nova, "T-thou hast...

She struggled to say one thing, but in the end she cried out, "Oh, come now! How could one such as you possibly answer that fiendish riddle?"

"Guess I'm just better than you," said Scott with a shrug.

The shadowy figure within the mist made a strangling noise in the back of her throat then flailed her arms around. "That, I refuse! I refuse, you!"

Before Scott could say anything, a new message screen appeared. Admi was quite helpful at the moment.

Nova Ascarta has been freed from her imprisonment. After her imprisonment she vowed to become the servant of the champion who answers the riddle and sets her free. While it is a vow made after many years of loneliness and shame, it is still a sacred vow. She has no choice but to accept your decision.

Will you claim her by right of that vow?

[Yes | No]

"So, basically, you have to do whatever I tell you since I set you free?" asked Scott.

The figure grew silent. A moment later she nodded. "Yes... That is how it is..." she said in a quiet tone of voice.

"You would have to do my bidding, regardless of whatever I asked?" he inquired.

Her silence was the only answer he needed. She would ultimately be his slave if he chose that option.

"I see," said Scott thoughtfully. A moment later, he press [No]. The last thing he wanted was some random girl hanging around him that hated his guts.

"W-what?" she asked him, surprised. "You did not claim me as was your right?"

"Why would I want you?" he asked her curiously. "You don't even like me, and besides that haven't you suffered enough?"

"That..." she was rendered speechless for a time. When she finally spoke again, it was with heat and venom, "How dare you spurn me!"

"Seriously?" asked Scott in a flat tone of voice. Was this seriously happening?

"For well over a thousand years I have remained in this place, bound to that sword and to the oath I swore!" she cried out. Nova growled angrily, "There was a time when the best men of the realm would have crossed oceans and climbed tall mountains just for the chance that you have now!"

"You can look one of them up, because I'm just not that damned thirsty," said Scott with a laugh.

"Again?! You dare spurn me a second time? You?" she asked him in an angry and incredulous tone.

"Yeah. Me. The guy who just freed your haughty ass, and asked nothing of you in return mind you, is apparently too good to hang out with a shrieking harpy of a woman who can't even say the words 'Thank you' to her rescuer," said Scott before snorting in derision.

"S-shrieking harpy? Me? Thou speakest of me, thou foolish little man?" she asked him, once again incredulous.

"Hell, babe. I bet you aren't even that good looking," said Scott. "Pretty sure that statue was airbrushed..."

She made a strangled noise that sounded like someone was choking a cat. Suddenly, she stepped forward out of the mist. Though her body was semi-transparent due to her ghostly nature, her features were quite visible. "Doth thine eyes deceive thee? Canst though truly claim to have ever witnessed a woman with greater strength, or beauty?"

Scott eyed her ghostly nakedness for a moment. He had to admit that she was incredibly beautiful. She possessed the curvature of an athlete and the bustiness of a fourteen year old boy's best dreams. Her golden blond hair and crystal blue eyes were both radiant sights to behold. Though she was indeed slightly transparent, she was obviously gorgeous. However, she made one fatal mistake. She asked for a comparison.

"Sorry, you're beautiful and all, but recently I met someone who makes you look like a dog turd," he said honestly.

"A dog... turd?" She tasted the words on her ghostly lips. She could not believe that she had heard such a thing! "Thou churlish, buffoon! How dare you brazenly lie in such a fashion?"

"It's no lie. I've seen someone who is not only better looking but she even allowed me to play with her charismatic tits," said Scott.

"Such lewdness..." said Nova, her cheeks reddening, "Thou dares say such a thing to my face. A thousand years ago I would have slain thee on the spot..."

Scott stared at her. Was she blushing? Ghosts could blush? More to the point, why would that make her blush? "Well, it's not a thousand years ago. It's today, and right now I'm telling you the truth."

"Indeed?" she snorted loudly then tossed her head so that her hair flew around a little. "Does this wondrous beauty have a name? Think quickly, lest I believe thee to have made it up on the spot."

Scott shrugged, "I already told you. I met the goddess of fate. Compared to her, you're only alright looking at best."

"Alright... looking?" asked Nova, her eyes widening. "Me? What does that even mean?"

"Huh?" asked Scott intelligently. "You know, you're that pretty girl that an even prettier girl hangs out with so that she can be seen as being especially pretty."

"W-what?" she asked him surprised.

"You're like a prettier girl's somewhat cute best friend at best. The goddess is the real beauty of the social scene, get it?"

"Take that back!" she cried loudly, her eyebrows pressing together in the process. "I refuse to be acknowledged in such a manner!"

"Hey, it's not my fault that the so-called sword goddess hasn't risen to the challenge of a real one," said Scott.

"Art thou saying that I am not beautiful?" she asked in in an angry tone.

"What? Hell no. You're probably the second prettiest woman I've ever seen," said Scott. Nova's eyelid twitched slightly at being called second prettiest, but then her nostrils flared when Scott amended, "Maybe third, but definitely no lower than fourth."

Your loyalty and absolutely truthful answers have softened the heart of the goddess of fate.

+2 Affection

Scott eyed the notice screen and tried not to laugh. Fortuna was obviously watching them, and was pleased to see him reference her.

"You will show me," said Nova with a low growl in her voice.

"Show you?" asked Scott.

"These so-called women of superior beauty to my own. I have worked tirelessly on developing my charisma and swordsmanship. No one is stronger or more beautiful than I!" decreed Nova.

"Geeze, lady. Does it really mean that much to you? You never seemed to be this vain, before," asked Scott. She was pretty vain, this one.

"Yes! I spent my entire life devoted to the sword and to becoming strong. If there is someone who is stronger, and more beautiful, then I am no longer the best fighter in the world," she said with a frown.

"Aren't you dead, though?" asked Scott.

"The legend of a true warrior never dies! They'll forget me, all these people for whom I was humiliated... in order to defend them..."

"Uh, technically they did forget you," said Scott. "I mean this place is called the Tomb of the Forgotten Blade."

"What...?" she asked him, surprised. "Art thou lying? T-thou must be lying..."

"Uh, no. I'm afraid not. I didn't even know your name till you told me. Everyone else just remembered that you were supposed to be strong, but knew nothing else really," said Scott.

"No..." she said, the heat leaving her voice. Her eyes lowered and a shuddering sigh swept through her body. "What of my sisters and brothers? What of the other celestial guardians?"

"Never heard of them," said Scott. A moment of silence ensued afterward.

"I won't," she said, finally. She looked him in the eyes. "I refuse to allow them to be forgotten."

"What can you do, though? You're dead," said Scott.

"Thou..." she said softly, She swallowed her pride then said, "Thou canst help if thou wouldst do so."

"How am I supposed to help you?" he asked her.

Nova sighed softly then looked into his eyes. "I once offered myself to the champion who rescued me. I do so again in the hopes that he will also help me restore honor to the name of my brothers and sisters who fell at the hands of the greatest enemies this world ever knew."

"Ah, is that all?" asked Scott. He shrugged at her then said, "Sure, why not."

Her eyes widened. "Doth thou truly mean it?"

Scott smiled at her. "Honestly? It'd just be nice to have someone to talk to, even if she's a little caught up in herself."

"Caught up in myself... Thy words seem an insult..." she said evenly.

"I'm going to tease you. Just go ahead and get used to it," he said with a laugh.

Nova sighed in a tired sort of way. "I suppose I'll have to do so..."

A new message screen popped up asking if he wanted to claim her once more. He accepted this time. No fanfare occurred, but he did feel a slight tugging sensation from the sword in his hand. "What's this?"

"Ah, that blade does belong to me," she said. "It wants to return to its true master."

"Can a ghost even wield a sword?" he asked her.

She shrugged, "I've seen them do such, and that blade would break if you used it."

"Really?" asked Scott. He tapped the ground with it then blinked. A piece of the blade's tip broke clean off.

"See?" she asked him with a smug look of satisfaction. "It's formed from my soul. You have its semblance in your hand, but I'm the only one that can empower it."

"I see," said Scott. He handed the sword over to Nova and it immediately dissipated into motes of light.

"What the hell...?" he asked her.

"I retrieved the power left inside the blade. I'll be able to call a new one out, but it will be much weaker than my old one," she said. "At least, it will be until I regain strength."

Scott was about to say something else, when a loud outcry screeched throughout the room. Dark wisps of shadow began to form along the surface of the destroyed coffins.

Warning: The sword has disappeared, and its light has returned to its true owner. The forsaken dead will not allow you to leave with your new companion.

Fight your way to freedom to finish your mission.

"Right, we need to get the hell out of here," said Scott, before turning and running toward the exit.

Nova exclaimed, "Right behind you!" before rushing after him.

Shadowy figures congealed into blood soaked skeletons as the duo ran. Down the corridor that led to the outside world, dozens of skeletal figures arose to bar their path. Scott whipped out his sword and shield. Things were about to get a little crazy.