Chapter 3: So Many ways to Kill Time... Should I do it Efficently? or Effectively?

Cleaning your Apartment: 4 hours.

Brewing a pot of your favorite coffee: 15 minutes.

Enjoying you favorite cup of coffee: Timeless.

There are some things time can’t buy, for everything else there is .

But I digress.

While cleaning my apartment, I received a text from Kyle, but being busy cleaning, I promptly ignore it.

Oh before I forget, I read on Unicorn’s website, to apply to be a beta tester you have to pre-order the capsule and purchase a 1 year subscription to Royal Road that begins the day the game is officially launched.

Although all who apply won’t be chosen to be beta-testers, only those who did apply might become one. To be honest, I think all this is simply a ploy Unicorn is using to generate revenues before the game is released to pad themselves in case the game turns out to be a flop.

But hey, what Unicorn does to make money is their business. I pour myself another cup of coffee and drink it.

“Ah. That’s the stuff.”

“What’s is ‘the stuff’?”

“Whoa!” I jump back in surprise.

Sitting on the counter was the Zashiki Warashi I picked up when I was out for a walk one day. (If you don’t know what they are, google is your friend). Not even sure how I saw him, but I did. At first I thought he was a lost child, so I asked him what he was doing sitting on a trash can.

He said he was being mistreated at home so he left and he was trying to get into the trashcan because something inside smelled yummy and he was hungry. So being the kind hearted soul that I am, I bought him some food and wished him luck finding a new home.

As I walked off I noticed him following me. Apparently he decided to follow me because I gave him food. So it is thanks to him my luck has started to change for the better, and it is also because of him that I am now the landlord of this apartment complex.

I have the strangest luck sometimes. I mean come on, we are not even in Japan! What are the chances of me finding a Zashiki Warashi who left his previous home, outside of Japan, and is hungry enough to be swayed to follow someone from simply buying him food? Seriously?

So now I have a Zashiki Warashi who I call Zash, as a roommate. (Yes I know. I have a great naming sense, it is almost on par with Shield-bro but I digress.)

“Oh, it’s just you Zash.”

“Who else would it be?”

“Very true.” I patted him on the head and he looked happy. (I am using the masculine pronouns for Zash because I don’t know his true gender, and I never tried to find out and it’s easier on me.)

“How long have you been up there?”

“Since you got home.”

“And I didn’t see you? Shame on me.”

“It’s okay, you were cleaning the house and its fun watching you work.”

“I’ll bet all that watching must’ve made you hungry? What do you want to eat today?”

“Hmm… Let’s go with fish today.”

“Kay~ Do you want to help out or just watch today?”

“Mmm, I’ll help out today.”

“Kay~”

Needless to say, Kyle’s message was ignored for a while longer.

After dinner, I was sitting on the couch in the living room with Zash was sitting on my lap playing a game on the television. I was checking my phone when I noticed Kyle’s text.

I quickly type up the following message and send it to Kyle.

I lifted Zash off my lap and place him on the sofa, got up and stretch a bit, then go fetch my laptop bag.

‘Videogames?’

‘Yes, videogames. Now be still.’

Getting my bag, I return to the living room and unpack and setup my laptop on the collapsible table I keep in there. Pulling up a chair from the dining room I sit down behind my laptop and press the start button.

As I wait for my laptop to turn on, I was watching Zash complete a fairly difficult level, when I receive a phone call. I picked up my cell and answered it without looking at the caller id.

“Yolo?”

“Swag E-sports”

“420 Blaze it?”

“Marth.”

“Kyle.”

“Why did you take so long to message me back?’

“I don’t know, I was busy cleaning and cooking.”

“You mean cleaning out your bank and cooking on RuneScape … Right?”

“No, IRL duh.”

“Ne, Ne (hey, hey) who’s that?” Zash asks me while tugging at my sleeve.

“He is just someone I met years ago through the internet.”

“Is that Marth’s little brother?! Hello Marth’s Little Brother!”

“Say ‘hello’.” I hold the phone towards Zash.

“↑Ha↓lo?”

‘Ah misunderstandings, such fun.’

‘Shush.’

“Oh my gawd. He sounds absolutely adorable, I must have a picture of him! Marth send me a picture!”

‘Well he does have that effect on people, though I am surprised Kyle even heard him in the first place. Hmm…’

Zash hides behind my back away from the cellphone.

“I am sorry Kyle, but I can’t do that.” I say as I return the phone to my ear.

“What! Why?”

“It seems your enthusiasm has scared him, so no pictures for Kyle.”

“But Marthykins!”

“No buts.”

“Fine. One day. One day you will slip up and I will get a picture. I am patient, I can wait.”

“Didn’t you call for a different reason?”

“I did? Ah yes. I almost got sidetracked by your little brother…”

“Kyle.”

“Ah yes. Why didn’t you agree to the loan over text?”

“Because the ‘agreed upon loan’ can be anything two or more people agreed on and not specifically the one *I* agreed on.”

“Damn, Err… I mean I understand.”

“Kyle?”

“Yes?” He says innocently.

“I’ll tell you what.”

“What?’

“Because I don’t trust you to write a contract without trying to screw me, I will personally draft the loan documents and include the agreed terms. I will then make 3 copies, get them all notarized, send one to you, send one to city hall, and keep one for my own records via certified mail. Are you following me so far?”

“…”

“Then once you get it, you will look it over, sign it and have it notarized again if you agree with the terms. Then make 2 additional copies and send one to your city hall, and the other one for me to keep for my records. Now if I don’t get your signed copy back in 3 months, I take it everything is considered a gift and you may have gift tax implications. Understand?”

“Damn… I mean yes. You seem to have thought this through relatively well.”

“Yes, and I will even show you the certified mail stub I keep for my own records.”

“Da… I mean I see.”

“Was there anything else you wanted to tell me?”

“Was there? I don’t recall anything… Oh yeah! Unicorn will be sending out e-mail notifications to those selected to be beta-testers tomorrow.”

“And you were going to tell me this when?”

“When the selection process was already over and you could no longer get out of it?”

“…”

“Tehee. xP”

“Night Kyle.”

“But what about League?”

“Says the man who just sprung something big on me out of the blue.”

“To my defense, you ignored my text for hours.”

“Night Kyle.”

*click*

*Fu…*

“Ne, Ne. What’s the matter?”

“Ah Zash. I am just… a little tired. That’s all. Because I can’t trust them, I have to take up more tasks.”

‘No videogames?’

‘Not tonight. I have to type up the loan documents, get them approved by a lawyer, make copies of them, get them notarized and send them by certified mail asap.’

‘But, but, but videogames…’

‘I am sorry but unless I am taking a breather, there will be no videogames tonight.’

‘We understand and we will leave you alone for now. After all, we can’t have Kyle winning now can we?’

‘Indeed, thanks for your consideration, it means a lot. Oh and tell the others to use the information stored in my mind to start formulating a battle plan on how we are going to tackle the game called Royal Road.’

‘Understood.’

‘Seems like it is time for an all-nighter.’

“Zash, go ahead and continue playing until you feel sleepy. It seems I am going to be awake a while longer.”

“Kay~” Zash returns to the couch and continues where he left off.

Stifling yet another yawn, I get up and walk to the kitchen.

‘Why am I so unusually tired today? Is the body willing but the mind not? Is it the buildup of mental fatigue? Is my mind this weak to succumb to this level of exhaustion?’

So may questions pop into my head but I ignore them all because they were unnecessary thoughts. I finish the remaining coffee and set a new pot to brew. Even though I added an obscene amount of sugar, it still wasn’t enough to shake off my mental exhaustion.

‘Meh. If I can’t get rid of it. I will just work through it.’

I return to my laptop, open my word processor and start hammering out the loan documents.

* * *

I just finished a level of the game I was playing when I look over at Onii-chan. It seems like he fell asleep at his com-pu-ter. He said that we was going to stay awake a while longer but he fell asleep.

I pause my game and hop off the sofa. I walk up to him and tug on his sleeve.

“Ne, Ne. Wake up.”

Suddenly Onii-chan’s eyes flicker open and he lifts his head and looks at me. He puts a finger in front of his lips and when I do the same he rubs my head. After a while he looks back at the com-pu-ter and begins to press buttons at a speed I didn’t know was possible.

Confused I took a hard look at Onii-chan and realized that something was ‘different’. It wasn’t my usually Onii-chan but more of an Onii-*san*. Well he is nice to me as well so I don’t really mind. I return to the sofa and resume playing with Onii-san’s tap-tapping continuing in the background.

* * *

My eyes snap open and I am disoriented. The scenery before me isn’t what I fell asleep to. What I last remember was underwriting the loan documents… I look around the room and it seems familiar somehow … I just can’t place it.

I close my eyes and open them once more to orient myself. Looking around the room a second time causes an “Ah” to escape my lips. I knew exactly where I am.

I am in my bedroom on my bed, although I am drawing a blank on when and how I got here.

I blink a few times before I realize that soul numbing exhaustion from last night was gone without a trace and in its place was boundless amounts of energy.

‘I don’t remember the last time I slept that well. It feels like I could run around the world and not feel tired. Albeit my muscles would probably scream in protest.’

I get out of bed and look around. The shirt I was wearing last night was draped over my desk’s chair.

‘I must have taken it off before I went to sleep… Meh. No use worrying over something that has already happened.’

I put on my shirt and head downstairs.

This is not the first time I don’t have memories of a period of time and it probably won’t be the last, so I am not really worried.

As I get downstairs, I look into the living room and see Zash still playing the game from yesterday and he seemed to have gotten pretty far as well.

“Zash you hungry?” I call out to him.

“Hai~”

“Kay~ Continue playing and I’ll whip up some food for us.”

“Hai~”

Thinking about what I was going to make for breakfast I entered the kitchen and stopped dead in my tracks.

Standing before me with her back turned to me was Ms. Wakahisa-san and she was wearing only… an apron?

*Facepalm*

“What happened this time Wakahisa-san?”

“Kyaa~” “Wakahisa-san squealed like a little girl when she heard my voice and turned around.

It seems like her apron was the same color as her flesh so it gave off the impression that she was completely naked.

Uninterested, I look her over from head to toe.

“Like what you see?” She asks noticing my scrutiny.

“Meh. It might be a nice meal, but it isn’t mine so I am indifferent about it.”

“So rude! I even came over all this way to cook you breakfast and this is how you treat me?”

“Are you telling me you walked from your apartment to mine in ‘that’ and waited for someone to let you in?”

“Yes. Why are you asking?”

“Merely for personal reference in the future. Oh and speaking about the future, please come fully dressed next time.”

“If I remember.”

I feel like I’ve had this conversation before, but I don’t recall when. Oh well.

“How did you get in, in the first place?”

“Your son let me in.”

‘My son? Oh she probably means Zash.’

“Zash. Did you let Ms. Wakahisa-san in?”

“Hai.”

“What did I tell you about letting Hentais in?”

“But Papa, you were asleep and she said she would make us food.”

‘Playing along with the whole father-son charade in order to get food, smart.’

“Oi! Who are you calling a hentai?”

“Are you not a deviant? You clearly have certain deviant fetishes. But that is beside the point. What are you doing in my apartment?”

“Trying to make the father-son combo breakfast. Don’t you see?”

“I see. Then brew me a pot of coffee while you are at it. The coffee is in the cabinet and you can use water from the tap. I am going to take a shower.”

“Then after your bath do you want a meal or perhaps me?”

“I guess I’ll tell John about your infidelity and fetishes then.”

“It was just a joke. Jezz. Why are you taking it so seriously?”

I leave the kitchen and return back to my room. Remember that boundless energy I felt when I woke up? Yeah after that exchange it has been cut in half. Anyways, I grab a fresh change of clothes and go shower.

Somewhat refreshed, I went downstairs and entered the dining room. The table was full of a variety of Japanese breakfast dishes. Whelp, at least Zash will be happy and I don’t mind Japanese food so I’m good.

I sit down at the table and take a sip of the provided coffee. Too sweet, but its coffee so I don’t mind. As I am drinking my coffee Wakahisa-san sits down on my lap and attempts to feed me.

Honestly, her newlyweds play is getting a bit tedious but I have an idea to end it so I play along with her this time and allow her to feed me. We finish breakfast and I am drinking another cup of coffee that I prepared this time, when Wakahisa-san approaches me.

“Um…” She says shyly.

“…”

“Now that you’ve had a meal and a bath the only thing left is now me.” She says that to me with a shy voice and upturned eyes.

Anyone else would have pounced on her at that moment and to hell with the consequences, but I am not anyone else. I knew this was coming and was prepared for it.

“I guess so.”

“Eh?”

I get up and sweep up Wakahisa-san into my arms, who is in confusion, she obviously thought I was just going to brush her off again.

“Zash the door!” I call out to my ‘son’.”

“Hai~”

While Wakahisa-san was still confused, Zash opened the front door and I tossed her out, naked apron and all.

“Eh? Wait! You can’t leave me out here like this!” She said while banging on the locked front door.

“You might not want to raise too much noise otherwise who knows what might happen to you.” I call through the door.

“You can’t expect me to go home looking like this, do you?” She asked incredulously.

“You came like that, you can leave like that. Oh and the food was good, but try to cut back on the teasing next time, otherwise this might happen again.”

I left the front door and any response she might have made behind when I returned to the kitchen.

“Ne, Ne. Was it okay to do that to that pretty Onee-san?”

“Probably, knowing that Hentai. She will probably enjoy walking back like that, but only do it if you know they are an Exhibitionist.”

“What’s that?”

“I’ll tell you later, we have much to do today.”

“Kay~”

‘Well at least this morning turned out a to be an interesting way to kill time.’

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