《Ghoulish insanity (incomplete/finished)》Chapter 26 - Wish upon a honeycake.
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Maybe system-chan is trying to get back into my good graces after continuously attacking me with knockout punches, because I woke up almost as soon as I fainted. I knew it! It was progress after all. Fufufu. Soon system-chan won't be able to lord it over me any longer. In the end, the overloli shall prevail.
For now, I must grudgingly accept system-chan, but mark my words, in the future the system-chan will be overtaken by the Alyce-chan!
Come to think of it, don't I kind of have my own system? I'm thinking of the coven dungeon thingie. Ah, I really want to check it out.
Grom is crouching down and reaching a hand out to me. I grab it and let him pull me up.
”Are ye alright lass? That was one hell of a firewall.”
I nod my head. ”Yeah, it was system-chan as usual, the little bitch. I will have my revenge one day, I swear! I will make her faint over and over again so she can feel my pain.” I say, shaking my small fist at the heavens as Grom pulls me to my feet.
“On the bright side, I am now over level 100. I'm awesome, right? You can praise me more, you know?” I say, giving him a smile. He pats my head and I fufufu. Oops, Tie'sha looks jealous. Let's shoot her with the Alyce-chan beam later.
Which reminds me, I wonder if the Alyce-chan beam succeeded in corrupting the youth of today so I can bring them into my evil organization and have them kiss my feet as they bow down to their overloli. I want to check.
But... I guess I want to see if the fleeing gnats below got away from the boner lord. However, I really don't feel like becoming Alyce-chan on the cliff again because I got so dizzy from the heights last time.
“Grom, how did it go? Did they escape?” I ask, turning to face my audience of kid adventurers. Ah, they are closer now. But too bad, I already put my clothes on. Fufufu. I can't read their expressions at all, so maybe they are still fighting internally with the Alyce-chan beam. Resistance is futile, you know? Give in to the overloli! Wahaha.
Ahen.
Yes.
“They be headin' to the dungeon entrance. The lich is giving chase, but he cannae catch up. They'll reach the dungeon before him.” Grom says.
Together we walk over to where Tie'sha is lining up my future recruits, almost as though they are waiting for inspection from General Grom and the Overloli like Darth Vader and Sideous inspecting troops on the deathstar.
Ah, witch-maid commander Tie'sha, that sounds cool, but she still needs more training so that she can complete the deathstar on time.
Let's train her a lot later on tonight, fufufu.
Ahen.
Yes. Alyce-chan serious mode activate.
”So they're heading towards the dungeon entrance?” I ask. Grom nods. ”Aye, that they be.”
”How long do you think that'll take? And is it far from here?”
Grom shrugs, as does Tie'sha. Ah of course neither of them would know. Tentatively, I see the seaweed haired girl raise her hand like she's in a school class. It's kind of cute and amusing.
”Yes, seaweed-chan?”
”My.. my name is Áithne, my lady, and this is Hal.” I give them a nod to let them know that I definitely wont forget their names like I forgot the names of the adventurer kids who I thought were on death row because of how pathetic they were.
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”The entrance is not far from here I think. It's been awhile, but I'm pretty sure it's close.” Áithne says. Her voice is quiet and calming and she is quite cute. Come to think of it, wasn't she able to heal that red-haired swordsman? Healing might come in useful later on if I have to repair my Tie'sha or my hairy meat pie. Can't really rely on Grom since his healing abilities are kind of weak. He reminds me a bit of a mix between a retribution paladin and a protection paladin. Hmm. I was reluctant to pick up necromancy, but if I did that then might I not be able to revive them if they died?
Now that I have a third job class available, it's worth thinking about. I'd rather die than relinquish my Tie'sha and my hairy meat pie. They're mine, you know? Mine.
Ahen.
”So, let us commence the special strategy meeting!” I say, clapping my hands enthusiastically and startling everyone.
I walk forward so that I have my trusted commander and general behind me, and my recruits before me.
”Do you hear that?” I ask, cupping a hand to my ear. Before they can reply, I say. ”That is the sound of a thousand boners heading this way!”
Everyone looks confused, so I clear my throat. ”I mean, an army of skeletons led by an arch lich is currently encroaching on our position.”
Before me, the adventurer kids go pale white like sheets. Seaweed and redsword seem to be much calmer. Perhaps they have potential to be trained in the ways of the Alyce-chan.
Gesturing to Grom, I start walking back and forth in front of the recruits. ”General Grom! What do you suggest we do.”
For a moment, Grom is stunned, but as expected of him, he soon recovers. ”Aye, it be as the lass says. We can run, or we can go join with the others at the dungeon entrance and fight them off. I think we should go clopper that skinny bugger a good one. Blasted cunt won't leave us alone.” Grom says, his face contorting in a nice and angry grimace.
Ah... a grumpy angry dwarf, it looks so nice. It's dangerous because it might turn me on a little bit.
Ahen.
One of the kids looks like she is going to complain, but this is an Alyce-chan dictatorship.
“I agree with General Grom. The stupid boner lord lars rick has been chasing us for far too long. We need to put a stop to him because on this land there can only be one ruler, and that is the overloli.” I say, looking at the expressions of the people before me. Seaweed-chan and redsword look calm and like it's whatever, and the kids are afraid.
Hmm, it would be nice to seperate the wheat from the chaff here. “You can leave if you want, but I'm going to the dungeon entrance. Ah, I forgot to tell you guys, but it's my dungeon now.” I say, motioning for them to come with me.
Instead of walking, we soon start running. Hal is leading the way, his long red hair trailing behind him. He looks a bit cool, kind of like Kenshin, although he still lacks training and I have no idea how good his battoujutsu is.
We have to circle around the mountain and then go down a rather thin path that snakes its way down the side of the mountain. It makes me super dizzy, but I'm sandwitched in between Grom and Tie'sha and they are holding my hands, so it's alright. I will allow the Alyce-chan sandwitch this once because heights are scary.
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But I'm definitely not trembling, okay?
Goddamn it!
The dungeon entrance is more shabby looking than I had thought. In fact, it is little more than a slit in the side of the mountain. “Is this really it?” I ask. Both Hal and Áithne nod in confirmation and I let out a sigh. “I guess I will have to fix it up. I can't have the entrance to my secret base looking so pathetic.”
6 pairs of eyes turn to look at me with confusion. “Yes, it's my dungeon now, you know? General Grom, how long until the gnats arrive?” I ask.
Grom frowns for a moment, thinking. Then he walks over to the edge and looks down the snaking path. “Bout half an hour I'd say.” He replies.
“Good good. I want to prepare the dungeon, so do what must be done. Train the newbies, discuss strategy or whatever.” I say, dismissing my minions with a wave.
Having done that, I sit myself down, close my eyes and HNNG as I bring up the dungeon menu.
I am heading towards another dangerous cliché, because I am technically a dungeon master and a group of people are heading towards my dungeon to seek refuge from the boner. Perhaps they expect the dungeons survival instincts to kick in and supply monsters to fight alongside them so they can hold back the flood of boners. Since it is such a cliché situation, it must be system-chan that is forcing it. Stupid system-chan, don't think I will forgive you so easily just because I am level 100.
Ah wait, level 101? I quickly assign the attributes I gained from leveling up, and then peek at my stats.
Alyce Katheryn Francisca McDowell
Monster Rank: D++++ (Mythic) Basic Information Race: Undead (Ghoul/Demon(Succubus)/High-elf) Gender: Female Age: 10 Level: 101 Character Status Health: 13553 Mana: 35547 Stamina: 7253 Class: High-Warlock Strength: 77 Intelligence: 1043 Charisma: 68 Sub-Class: Fire Witch Dexterity: 46 Wisdom: 241 Spirit: 72 Sub-Class: None Constitution: 1309 Perception: 46 Karma: -100 Sub-Class: None
I don't know if I can even summon any monsters, but one thing is for sure. I will keep the boners out of my dungeon, you know?
Let's check the options.
The Sanguine Lair of Unseen death
Points available: 15087 With points you can buy dungeon monsters and adjust the floor layouts Floors Change the layout of the dungeon, add traps etc Dungeon mobs Buy standard dungeon mobs and adjust them. Boss room Special options available only in the boss room, and rooms connected to the boss room Coven options Opens a new menu to display all of the options for your Coven (Unseen death)
Ah, there are some interesting things available. I don't really have much time so let's just see if I can summon some monsters to fight for me.
I click the dungeon mobs button.
Error: A coven cannot summon dungeon mobs
Wait, what?
System-chan... ah fuck, I can't believe you've done this.
Playing around with the other settings, I find out that I can change the floors and the boss room. I try clicking on the coven menu and it seems that things in there cost points too.
Honestly, there's not much I can do in such a short time. The boner-army will soon be upon us, so I close down the menu with a sigh. Well, the dungeon was a disappointment, but the coven still has potential. Maybe I should try to get seaweed-chan to join my coven as a healer witch?
I'm definitely having Tie'sha join first through, so I can make her into a maid witch like Naberal Gamma from overlord. But of course my Tie'sha is way cuter, fufufu. Besides, Ainz is also a bonerlord, and bonerlords are my sworn enemies.
It would probably be prudent of me to select my third class before the battle, so I look over my available options.
Basically, I narrowed it down to Death witch and Necromancer. I would like a more normal sounding class, but I guess it's only fitting for me to have cool and awesome jobs like High-warlock.
It's inevitable that I will stand out, you know? Fufufu.
So I might as well stand out as much as possible.
Like a boner.
With a deep breath, I mentally click on the necromancer job.
That's right. Alyce-chan is becoming an overloli, not just in name, but in actual abilities as well. Soon, I shall cover the skies with an army of Raven-chans as a grotesque horde of demons and undead descend upon my enemies! Lo and behold, the overloli of death!
Yes.
With this setup, world domination is inevitable. Fufufu.
Congratulations! You have become a Necromancer. One who commands and manipulates death, an abomination able to defy the natural laws of the universe to bring death and despair upon thine enemies. Ping! Your Death manipulation has leveled up x1 Ping! Your mana manipulation has leveled up x1 Ping! Your summoning Magick has leveled up x2 Ping! You have learned the spell: Summon Skeleton Warrior 1 Ping! You have learned the spell: Summon Skeleton Mage 1 Ping! You have learned the spell: Summon Skeleton Archer Ping! You have learned the spell: Raise undead 1 Ping! You've learned the spell: corpse explosion 1 Ping! You've learned the spell: Aura of despair 1
A squeal of delight escapes me as I jump to my feet. Everyone turns to look at me, and I return their stare with a huge stupid grin. Then I walk over to Grom.
“Cannae be long now before they arrive. Ye finished?” I nod. “Yes, I am more than finished. I am super fantastically goodly great! I became a Necromancer, you know? I'll teach that stupid boner lord lars rick how to handle boners. He is no match for Alyce-chan.” I say, enthusiastically waving my fist toward the horizon where I imagine that the boner-kun army is.
“My, my lady. Necromancer?” Tie'sha asks nervously and behind her, I notice that my recruits have gone quiet. Redsword has stepped infront of seaweed-chan and is eyeing me suspiciously, one hand on his sword. He is kind of cool, but of course he can't hold a candle to General Grom. Still, I can respect a man like that.
I wink at him.
“Yes. I got 6 new spells to play with and I'm sure I can learn more about the handling of boners later.” I say.
Just then, my cute elf ears twitch twitch as they pick up the sound of hoofs and carts in the distance. “They're coming.” I say, turning away from the nervous newbies.
I look over at Grom, who is still dutifully carrying my luggage like a gentleman. I hold out my hand towards him. “Sith cloak.” I say, like a surgeon asking for a scalpel. It takes him a moment to understand, and another moment to fish out the imposing black cloak from within Frodo baggins.
There was no Sam to be found in Frodo though, even though I definitely thought he was gay. Perhaps in the Lord of the Ring homo-erotic re-endition of LOTR you could find Sam inside Frodo?
Ahen.
Let's not get distracted. I have to look cool for the camera. Since they are just strangers, I can't hit them with the ahegao double peace if I want to be perceived as cool. That's why I'm putting on the big black cloak that I took from Zombie man all the way back on Lintball. I'm going to become the cool and mysterious Alyce-chan.
Aaah, how time flies when you're having fuck, I mean fun. About fuck, maybe I will ask Tie'sha later.
Ahen.
Yes.
Perhaps I should reign in the bit about asking Tie'sha. She is just a maid, so her operations are limited in scope. There is no way she will be able to fulfill all my requests, but perhaps with dilligent training?
No, no Alyce stop being distracted. Those clop clops are closer now. So close that Grom and the others can hear them. There's also a dust cloud rising in front of us.
Stupid bastards kiting an army of boners into my group. I should eat them all.
But... since they are refugees then perhaps they have honeycakes? Oh my god, if they have honeycakes I will forgive them for being noobs and kiting a pack of boners into me.
“Oi, lass, why are ye droolin?” Grom asks.
I quickly wipe my face with the sleeve of the black cloak. “I.. I wasn't.” I say. I can feel my face growing hot, but I am definitely not blushing, okay? Goddamn it! It's just a flesh wound. Wait, that's not applicable here, but it's a good distraction for you. Not that I need a distraction since I definitely DID NOT drool or blush, alright?!
Got it?!
Ahen.
Big black muscular... horses... crest the hill in front of me. Riding on top of them are soldiers brandishing swords and spears. They are wearing familiar tabards, and I cock my head trying to remember where.... just where I saw those tabards before.
Then a second group on horseback crest the hill.
“Ah, it's you. With that fire wall, I thought it might be you.” A man says.
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