“My God, Anna,” he says. “I almost lost you.” He has me in his powerful grip. I’ve never felt this safe before.

“Never let go,” I say, looking into his beautiful gray eyes.

“That could be problematic,” he says. “I’ll have to let you go at some point. What if I have to pee? What if you have to pee?”

“I don’t care,” I say.

“What if I have an important business meeting, and I’m holding you and we’re both covered in urine?”

I start to cry. “You’re right,” I say, turning my face away from his gaze. “Nothing lasts forever.” Not even this perfect moment . . .

“Um, excuse me? Could you guys get off me, please?” the homeless guy underneath us says. We stand up, and Earl hands him a hundred-thousand-dollar bill as an apology. The man scampers off, as homeless people are wont to do.

“That was so kind of you, Mr. Grey,” I say.

“I can be kind . . . when I want to be.” That wickedness is lurking just behind every word he says.

I want him to save me from another hipster, to grab ahold of me, to kiss me. Kiss me, you arrogant man! But there are no other unicycling hipsters for me to throw myself in front of, no more homeless people to trip over.

“Anna, stay away from me,” Earl says, turning his back to me. What? Why is he saying this? He begins walking away, and then looks over his shoulder.

“I can be kind, but I can also be very, very cruel,” he says.

“I don’t care,” I say.

“Anna . . .” He pauses. “Good luck with your life.” He steps into his helicopter and flies away.

Tears are now streaming down my face. I guess I’m walking the fifty yards back to the Wal-Mart parking lot.

The story continues in Fifty Shames of Earl Grey by "Fanny Merkin" (a.k.a. Andrew Shaffer), available now from Da Capo Press and Tantor Audio. Visit www.50shames.com to learn more.