I put it all there

The things

I would never dare

to ever share

I keep it all hidden

It's where it all goes

when I'm scared

They wouldn't understand

I reassure myself

as I bury it

I'll just keep it to myself

no need to worry anybody else

by sharing it

Now it lingers there

growing beyond compare

The silence

would be deafening

If fear hadn't taken up

residence without

any hesitance

I've grown quite fond

Of the secrets

it holds

and nobody can judge me

since nobody knows

My lips remain sealed

and my troubled thoughts

are my own

So no need to pry

I'll only tell you to

leave me alone

It leads to depression

I'm very well aware

I'd rather not deal with it

I'm quite used to despair

I could tell someone

But I've decided

to battle this alone

Don't worry

I'm alright

I've become a soldier

on my own

I've grown used to

how this feels

when I encapsulate

To tell you the truth

I'd much rather

bottle it up

And let it marinate

What's the use

in asking for help

People are always

quick to judge

So they can all

just stay away

I'll live peacefully

in my own hell

They just wouldn't

understand

and probably make me

worse than I already am

It's hard to see a light

at the end

of this dark tunnel

I'm in survival mode

at the moment

and somehow

my internal flashlight

is still broken

Then one day

I woke up feeling

absent of disillusion

It was strange

I had had a vivid dream

while I slept

and my perception

of the whole world

had suddenly changed

I dreamed

I was all alone

in a room

full of mirrors

and as I looked

for an exit

I noticed they all

were connected

Each mirror

seemed to show

a troubled reflection

After that

I was too scared

to look

into the next one

Brutal memories

were all lined up

for a parade

of retrospection

Ater many hours

of playing

this game

I wasn't prepared to play

I realized

that if I

just took a look

and dealt with the pain

the mirror

with all the bad memories

would slowly drift away

Mentally exhausted

I finally stood

before the last mirror

and for the first time

in many years

my thoughts

couldn't have been

any clearer

I felt different

I felt stronger

The room I was in

became bright

and inviting

The darkness inside of me

was no longer painful

and frightening

Each mirror

had forced me

to come face to face

with my own demons

To find clarity

I had to focus

my internal energy

with intensity

if I desired

my freedom

It taught me

a great lesson

about my own

mental health

It gave me

the confidence

I needed

to walk out

of that cell

Now

I'm no longer hiding

But I'm still fighting

I'm concentrating

on me now

and doing this thing

called living life

and not just surviving

All Rights Reserved

©️ Bobbie J Lowrey 2022