The African tradition holds nothing against men

who have other woman outside marriage, unlike women it's not a big deal for a married man to have an affair with another woman.

In some part of the Igbo tradition of Nigeria a married man is entitled to have a mistress outside his marriage, thus divorce was not an option to many women in my predicament.

I had learned to live with Gozie immoral ways of living. My major priorities became my kids and their well-being every other things did not matter to me anymore.

Six years later i gave birth to my third baby and my first female child. As i would always name my kids according to God's mercy upon me, i called her Cynthia Adaugo meaning( beautiful daughter)

She was so beautiful and like her eldest brothers she was dark in complexion and looked so much like Gozie.

They were all my kids and i loved them so much, but then i wished for my next baby to take from my complexion and resemblances.

Two years after giving birth to my first daughter i added a second daughter and she wasn't anything like my three first babies.

I named her Ruth Chiasoka meaning ( God is too sweet)

She was so fair in complexion that i almost thought i had given birth to an Albino.

When Gozie came to the hospital to visit us he screamed and said " you have given birth to an albino in my house"

But one of nurses present assured Gozie that she wasn't going to become an albino rather she was going to be very fair in complexion and this change will happen as she keeps growing.

The midwife who was present at that moment looked at me and said " Mrs Ngọzi don't tell me you are surprised at your daughter's complexion, have you taken a good look at yourself? She's just your replica"

A statement i didn't expostulate because the resemblance was obvious and i was satisfied with it.

Few months later i traveled back to Nigeria with my two daughters to see my sons who at the time were living with my eldest brother and his wife and were schooling at the police children school in owerri imo state.

As it was a festive season too i returned to my home town Izombe to see my father and siblings and as while my husband's family.

One bright Saturday morning while i was cleaning my house, an elderly woman walked into my compound, i stood and watched her walk straight towards me.

She didn't stop till she was standing right in front of me.

We both exchange greetings and she didn't stop stirring at me with so much interest.

I then interrupted this rather uncomfortable stir of hers with a day-to-day question.

Please who are you Ma? And how may i help you?

I asked her.

She gave me a deep look in the eyes and i saw from her eyes regrets, uncertainty, fear and pains as her eyes went teary.

I am your mother Ngọzi, she said.

I took three step backwards, dropped the brown i was holding and used my wrapper to cover my face and wept so bitterly.

Then raised my face up and said to her... how could you be this heartless?

You abandoned your three months old baby to die, isn't it?

After all these years?

You never bother to check on i and my sister, you're selfish and heartless.

These words of my mine didn't render any mercy to her already teary eyes as she fell down on her knees with her face kissing my legs and held the edge of my wrapper and said to me...

" Ngọzi you have every right to hate me. You won't be wrong if you refuse to call me mother because i know i wronged you and your sister. I am not going to explain myself as whatever i say still do not validate what i did, but for the sake of your kids forgive me Ngọzi, for the sake of motherhood forgive my mistakes, i was so helpless my daughter "

This is a woman i have always wished to meet, a woman i have always wanted to call mother standing right in front of me, but i wasn't ready to listen to her nor forgive her.

I went inside my house and left her kneeling at my doorstep.

Her presence reminded me of the sad memories in my father's house, i even blamed my marriage to Gozie on her.

But while i sat on my couch weeping i looked at my kids and recall what i am going through in my marriage to Gozie and remembered that there was a time i almost felt like running away and leaving my kids behind.

These thoughts softened my heart as i carried my second daughter up from the floor, held my first daughter by my right hand and walked towards the door.

She was still kneeling and weeping hurtfully wben i called,

Mother!

She raised her head up and responded with my daughter, while struggling to get up.

Here are your grand children, the boy's are still in school. I said

She carried my first daughter and hugged me together with the kids and thanked me for forgiving her and calling her mother.

she added,

" I am never going to abandon you again no matter what happens, i promise I fill in those gaps i created in your and that of my grandchildren".

We both walked into the house and i offered food and clothes and we began our journey of mother and daughter bonding while she began her omugwo ( taking care of the nursing mother and her baby).