Y/N POV

I've been here for three weeks now, and today we have our first friendly match against France. During the last three weeks, I was drafted as a first round pick for the Portland Thorns, and signed a two year contract with them.

I've been calling my Aunt and Mom daily, keeping them updated. All of my teammates were super proud of me, and I will be playing on the Thorns with Tobin, Alex, Allie, Lindsey, and Sonnett next season.

Alex and I's relationship has not improved in the slightest. We continue to piss each other off everyday, and are always super competitive during scrimmages. I've started to blossom amazing friendships with all the girls on the team (save for Alex) and I was quickly starting to think of them as my second home, and my family.

Yes, even Alex.

The team celebrated New Year's together which was super fun. We weren't allowed to drink though, which sucked, but whatever.

Over the past few weeks, our team has grown to become a strong force to be reckoned with. We still have a long ass way to go though.

Last week, the team moved to train in France, where our friendly match against the French is being held. France is pretty amazing- at least from a bit I've seen.

We haven't had anytime to go exploring though because we've been busy training and preparing for this game.

I think it was a pretty ballsy move by Jill to have us train in sunny California, and then move us to Europe to play our first match in the freezing cold. The highest it was going to get was about 45 degrees. As a kid from the southwest, that's cold as shit.

Right now, we were on the bus, driving towards the stadium. Moral was high, along with everyone's nerves. I did my best not to show it, but I was terrified. Even though it's a friendly, this is my debut game with the USWNT, and that was a lot of pressure. Especially because I really don't want to let my team down.

The team did a press campaign with Nike last week, and that was really the first time I was actually introduced to the world, and my god, it was daunting. Sure, there were plenty of stories about me when camp first started, about how the USWNT got a new goalkeeper after Hope Solo quit, but that was nothing compared to the videos and interviews we had in the days leading up to today's game.

This would be the first time I got to wear the US crest on a jersey with my name on it, on the field.

I was really nervous. The stakes were high, and there were so many people I could let down if I fucked this up. My team. Jill. My Mom. My Aunt. America. No big deal.

I had called my mom last night, basically having a panic attack about today, and she told me not to worry, and that even if the game didn't go my way, she was still extremely proud of me. My Mom is always the sweetest, most understanding person.

Another thing that added to my nervousness was the fact that since late last week, Alex seemed to be in a mood. More than usual at least. She seemed more sad than angry, and honestly, I was pretty worried about her. I wonder if something happened between her and Servando. Ugh. Fuck that guy.

Alex is one of our best forwards, and if she isn't on her A game, we stand no chance of winning.

My nervousness was multiplied by a gazillion as we entered the locker room to change into our warm up kits. Kick off was in half an hour.

Once everyone was ready to go, we followed the trainers out onto the field, where the French were warming up on their half. The crowd cheered when they saw us, but I kept my game face on.

I went with Ash and Abel to the goal and we did our drills while the rest of the team did theirs.

Soon enough, we were back in the locker room, changing into our jersey's while Jill gave us a pep talk.

I taped up my fingers, made sure my pads and cup were in place, tightened my boots, grabbed my gloves, and lined up with everyone else. Because I was number one, I was the first in line.

I heard the announcers over the loud speaker. "And here all the way from California, please welcome your competing team, the United States Women's National Team!"

I was surprised at how many US fans there were in the crowed considering this was an away game in another Country, but it motivated be to do my best. My little kid player escort gripped my hand tightly and looked up at me. I smiled down at her.

"You ready?" She grinned and nodded, and I started the walk out. I kept my face stoic like before, not wanting to expose my nervousness to the other team or the French fans. We did the opening ceremony with the national anthems and what not, before all the subs went to the bench.

Our starting line up was Morgan Brian, Abby Dahlkemper, Crystal Dunn, Julie Ertz, Lindsey Horan, Alex Morgan, Christen Press, Mal Pugh, Becky Sauerbrunn, Emily Sonnett, and myself.

Pinoe, Tobin, and Kelley were out with minor injuries, which is a huge blow to our team. I trust my teammates, but our game just feels off today. France was pretty damn intimidating. They are one power house of a team.

As soon as kick off started, I was on high alert, trying to stay focused on not dying of frost bite, vomiting from nerves, and keeping my eye on the ball.

Our defense was lacking communication, and Alex was having a ton of trouble pushing up. For just a moment, I allowed the fear to control me, and I didn't react quickly enough to stop the ball from sailing past me, hitting the back of the net.

It was the ninth minute, we were already losing, and it was my fault. I tried to shake it off, but I was starting to slip into a dangerous head space. Jill and Pinoe did their best to try and motivate us during half time, but it was no use. I felt like shit, Alex felt like shit, our defense felt like shit.

In the 56th minute, the French scored again, giving them a 2-0 lead. I was starting to doubt if I was even supposed to be here. The other team kept the ball on our side of the field for almost the whole match, juking out our defenders and causing our forwards to feel lost. It was obvious that our starting lineup wasn't ready for this game, and at least it was a friendly, because if we wanted any chance of winning the World Cup in July, we needed to get it together.

France scored again in the 78th minute, and by this time, we felt ready to just give up. Throw in the towel, and call it a day. I felt like garbage. I was ready to resign for the good of the team. The other thing that seemed to be getting to people were the frigid temperatures. We were not used to playing games in this weather, and it messing with us.

No matter who we subbed in, nothing seemed to get better. We had a small feeling of hope when Mal managed to score in the 91st minute, with the help of Carli, but it wasn't enough. We didn't have enough time to really bring it back, and we lost.

The walk back to the locker room was humiliating. I just wanted to hide and cry forever. I let my team down. I let down my family. I let down my country.

If I hadn't let my fears get to me, I could have saved those shots. We could have one. Instead, we suffered an embarrassing loss to France, and it was my debut game.

No one spoke as we changed. The press conference with Alex and Becky was super depressing. The bus ride back was quiet. Jill tried to cheer us up, but I knew she felt badly.

No one spoke during dinner either that night when we got back to the hotel. I felt too ashamed to even look at my teammates. Or Jill. I didn't want to talk to my Mom or Aunt either. At least, not right now.

After dinner, I didn't feel like hanging out with anyone, so I grabbed my ball and took a walk, wandering around until I ended up at a park. It was 8 pm and pretty dark, so the place was deserted. I angrily kicked the ball around, and when that got tiring, I sat down against a tree, hugging my knees to my chest.

I finally let my tears fall. Maybe I couldn't handle the pressure. Maybe I wasn't supposed to be here.

"Stupid! Stupid!" I angrily said, rubbing my face. The tears kept falling. It's your fault. You couldn't handle it. I thought to myself, squeezing my eyes shut and clenching my teeth together.

I tried to calm myself down, and I sat there, my eyes closed, leaning back against the tree, enjoying the freezing air. I had forgotten to bring a jacket.

All of a sudden, I heard someone walking up to me, but I kept my eyes closed, thinking they would probably just walk passed me. I was wrong though. They stopped in front of me.

"I thought I'd find you here." I almost jumped when I heard her voice. I opened my eyes and saw Alex Morgan standing two feet away from me. I was really not in the mood to deal with anyone right now, especially someone who hates me.

"What do you want?" I asked, a little too bitterly. I watched her flinch, making me feel guilty. Her face hardened. I really hoped she couldn't tell that I had been crying.

"Jesus Christ, I came to check on you. Sorry for caring." I sighed.

"Don't you hate me?" I asked quizzically.

She shrugged, stepping closer to me. "A little. You're super annoying. And arrogant. And you piss me off. And-"

"Okay, I get it. Thank you." I cut her off, wanting to punch her. "Well as you can see, I'm perfectly fine. So I don't need you." I didn't actually want her to leave, and I think she knew that. I was afraid that if she stayed, and we actually talked, I'd end up crying in front of her, which I really didn't want.

"Well fine then, I'll leave. Screw you." She started to walk away, clearly angry at me.

I rubbed the bridge of my nose, already regretting it. "Okay, wait!" I called after her. "I'm sorry. I just...I'm just upset."

Alex stopped and listened to what I said. She slowly turned around, obviously still kind of mad at me. It was hard to get out, but I managed to say: "Will...will you please stay?"

She sighed, exasperated, and walked back over to me. There was a pause of silence.

"Can I sit?" Alex asked, motioning next to me. I nodded slowly. The forward sat down in the same position, her back leaned against the tree. Our shoulders were almost touching, and it made me feel kind of giddy.

Pull it together Y/n. She's dating someone, and she's straight.

We both just sat there for a few minutes, in complete silence. Until Alex spoke.

"It wasn't your fault, you know." I glanced at her, but her gaze was fixed directly ahead of her. I stayed silent, not knowing how to respond.

"It was all of us. We weren't ready for the match. We had injured players. We weren't used to the weather."

I let out a humorless chuckle. "Alex, I let three goals get passed me in my debut game because I was a scared, nervous wreck, and I let my emotions get to me. If I was better, we could have won."

Alex scoffed. "You don't get it, do you? Just because you're a goalie, and it seems like you work alone, you don't. You're another member of our team, just like everyone else. And on teams, if one person fails, we all fail. Everyone contributed to the lose, and we can't let it get to us. Instead, we need to use this as fuel and motivation to do better next time. Train ten times harder, work on communication. You're not going to get kicked off the team for one loss, and Jill sure as hell wouldn't fire you. Not after all the trouble she went through to get you. And none of us hate you. We all feel like shit after a loss, and that's just the game. You win some, you lose some."

The more she spoke, the bigger the lump got in the back of my throat. She was right. I still felt badly though.

"I know. You're right....it's just..." I tried to keep my emotions out of my voice, but I couldn't. "I just feel like...like I don't deserve to be here." I sniffled, trying to keep my voice from shaking. A single tear slid down my face as I talked.

"I let the team down. I let Jill down. I let my Mom down. I let my Aunt down. I let America down. My first damn game, Alex."

She looked at me and sighed, eyes soft. "I know it feels that way right now, but trust me when I say that it gets better. I know that our team, and Jill, and your family, and our country, no matter what, are immensely proud of you. No one expects a perfect first game. And, I know that I'm proud of you."

Her words meant so much to me. Even though our relationship has been nothing but petty arguments, I still cared deeply for Alex.

"Thank you." I said quietly.

Silence again.

I felt better after talking to Alex, and honestly, I never expected to find comfort in someone who I've been fighting with for three weeks straight, but it was nice.

I wasn't sure if it was good idea, but I was still pretty worried about the older woman's mood.

"How about you? Are you okay?" I asked, turning to look at the forward.

She looked at me, puzzled. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"Well...I mean, aside from the loss...you seemed to be in a different mood lately. Since...since last week. You seem more...sad. I just...I just want to make sure you're okay."

Alex didn't say anything and turned her gaze back to ahead of her. I did the same thing, wondering if I had said something wrong. But then, a few moments later, she spoke.

"It's not a big deal...just. Servando and I are fighting." I stayed silent, urging her to continue. "He's mad at me for never being around, and he thinks I'm off with someone else. Probably Tobin again. Look, I love Tobs, but she's with Chris, and I'm straight, so I'm not even sure why he would think that. It's just...it's so annoying, you know? Constantly having to defend yourself. I hate when people accuse me of things I don't do, and these days it feels like that's all he does."

I won't lie to you, when she said the words 'I'm straight' I felt my heart shatter. Of course I already knew that, but I had never actually heard her say it. I swallowed back my own sadness and disappointment, and continued to listen to Alex's words. From what she was saying, this guy sounded like a total asshole.

"That sounds awful. How long has it been going on?" I asked gently, not wanting to say anything that would make her upset.

Alex sighed. "Since November of last year, when I told him I was called up again. He threw a fit at Thanksgiving, and since then, things have been pretty rough between us. He's also pissed because I didn't want to have sex with him after that, and then I left for camp. He expects me to call him everyday and keeps bugging me to send nudes. And things got even worse between us when I brought you up in one of our calls."

I raised my eyebrow. "You're talking about me now, Morgan?" I asked her with a smirk.

She rolled her eyes and swatted my shoulder. "Oh shut up. For your information, I was complaining to him about how annoying you are."

I put a hand over my heart and feigned insult. "I am hurt!" Alex rolled her eyes again, but I could tell it was playful.

"Anyway, I brought you up one time and he got all jealous and suspicious, and that caused the fight last week. He's been calling me everyday non stop and I don't know what to do. I've been ignoring him, but I feel guilty. And then all of that distracted me and threw me off my game."

I could hear how disappointed she sounded, and it made me feel sad. "I'm sorry Alex. You really don't deserve that. Besides, like you told me, it will get better. I don't want to tell you how to live your life or anything, but maybe breaking up with him could be the best thing for you. Just...follow your heart. I know it sounds cheesy, but that's the best advice I can give you. And, considering all that's going on with you guys, I'm still very proud of you. You played very well today, and I know that you have what it takes. Like you said. You win some, you lose some."

Alex smiled at me, her first, real, genuine smile. "Thanks Y/n, that means a lot. I hope you know I think the same about you. Even with how our relationship has been for the past three weeks, I really do believe that you deserve to be here, and that you have what it takes to play on this team. You're doing a good job, and I know it must be hard coming after Hope, but you're doing well."

I could feel heat rise to my cheeks at her compliment. "Thanks, Alex."

We sat in silence again. A nice, comfortable silence. I could tell it was getting pretty late because it was starting to get even colder. But it didn't really matter. We had a day off of training tomorrow anyway. We did have a strategy meeting after lunch though.

"You know, despite what you may think, I don't hate you." Alex said, her eyes full of amusement.

"Mhm." I said, narrowing my eyes at her.

"I'm serious!" She laughed. "I mean, yeah, you piss me off all the time, and you're really infuriating, and too proud for you own good, but despite all of that, I don't hate you."

"That's one of the nicest things you've said to me." I joked, making the brunette roll her eyes at me for the umpteenth time.

"Look, all jokes aside." I said, my tone becoming serious as I looked into her blue eyes. "I don't hate you either. It's just really fun to get a reaction out of you." I laughed at that last part, and she glared at me.

"Oh yeah? Well let's see you reaction when I crush you in a one on one game." She said confidently, standing up.

"Right now? But it's late, shouldn't we head back?" I asked, not sure if this was a good idea.

"Probably. But I'm one of the captains, therefore I have some authority, therefore I can justify this as 'team bonding' therefore no."

I tried to keep up with her, but I was lost. "What?"

"Oh never mind! Just get your ass up so I can destroy you." I scoffed, getting to my feet.

"In your dreams Morgan."