Its Late...Dinner Was Done Hours Ago..He's Not Home He's Never Home

Sitting With A Glass Of Red Wine Reading One Of Favorite Book

But I Can't Concentrate On These Words I Can Only Sit And Wonder About Where's He At,Who's He With,Or Who Else Has His Attention Right Now

Finally I Hear The Door Knob Turns And I See My Very Handsome Boyfriend Walks In

His Name Was Ryan He Was Tall Real Light-Skinned Long Curly Hair

Been With Him Since High School

"Hi Stranger" I Said As I Smiled

"Stranger??..You Cooked..Im Starvin" He Said

"Don't I Always....Your Plate Is Wrapped Up On The Stove" I Said As I Placed My Book Infront Of Me On The Coffee Table

He Walked In The Kitchen And I Followed Him I Stood There Watching Him Grab His Plate Unwrapped It And Sat Down At The Table

"How Was Work?" I Asked Like A Girlfriend Would

"It Was Okay" He Said

"I Miss You" I Said

"You Always Miss Me That Ain't New" He Stated

"Yeah Because I Never See You...Its Like We're Just Roommates Instead Of Boyfriend And Girlfriend" I Said To Him

"Stop Being Over Dramatic....We Gotta Eat,Bills Gotta Be Paid,Im Just Tryna Maintain" He Said

"I Understand That You Work Alot Ryan...Im Just Saying It Won't Hurt If We Just Spend A Little Time Together You Know" I Said

"And I Hear You...Can I Eat Now In Peace" He Asked

I Slightly Shook My Head And Said "Fine Go Ahead"

I Rolled My Eyes And Left Out Of The Kitchen

Was It Always Like This With Us No Its Been Like This For The Past Year

Ryan Was A Mechanic Who Worked At His Daddy Auto Shop In Deep Atlanta

He Always Been Good With His Hands Just Wish He'll Use His Hands On Me We Haven't Had Sex In Forevea

We Don't Even Kiss Damn Does It Really Sounds That Bad?

It Probably Does But Me And Ryan We Got History This Is Goin On For Five Years Now

And I Still Love Him But He Doesn't Seem To Feel The Same About Me And Its Killin Me

We Could Be In The Same Room And Somehow I Still Feel Soo Lonely

I Hate To See Us Grow Apart From Eachother Slowly But Surely

A Hour Later Ryan Was In The Bed Sleep And I Was Fresh Out The Shower

I Was Hot And Horny And I Wanted To Make Love All Night Long

I Walked Into Our Bedroom And I Got On Top Of Ryan With A Blue Towel Wrapped Around Me

"What Is You Doin" He Said With His Eyes Closed In A Half Sleep Voice

"I Want You Inside Deep Inside Of Me" I Moaned Slightly

"I Want You To Get Off Me...Damn Is You Gaining Weight You Heavy ! You Boutta Break My Spine" He Said Shoving Me Off Him

Now I Always Been A Slim Female But Lately My Hips And Thighs Has Slightly Spread And I May Have Gain A Few Pounds I Noticed It I Just Didn't Wanna Acknowledge It

Ryan Just Made Me Feel Bad About My Self Wasn't The First Time And It Won't Be The Last Unfortunately

After He Shoved Me Off Him I Walked To The Bedroom

I Dropped My Towel In Front The Mirror

Staring At My Fully Naked Body

Im Light-Skinned With Dimples I Stand About 5"5 I Was Now Thick Long Sliky Black Hair Lips So Soft And Kissable

And As Beautiful As I Am I Still Couldn't Help But To Hate The Way I Looked

A Tear Ran Down My Face As I Grabbed A Razor Blade Out Of My Medicine Cabinet

I Took The Blade And Pressed It Into My Arm Cutting My Flesh Watching All The Blood Leak From My Skin

To Me I Was Just Releasing Pain That Was In The Inside Out

And It Felt Good So Damn Good

Thanks To Ryan Every Day After Work I Was At The Gym Working Out

I Was Putting In Work Just So He Could Acknowledge Me Or Atleast Acknowledge The Fact I Was Trying To Lose Weight

One Day While I Was Leaving The Gym My BestFriend In The World Gia Hit Me Up

I Picked Up The Phone

"Bestfriend" I Answered The Phone

"Bitch Guess What Happened To Me Today" Gia Said

"What?"I Asked Her Smiling With Curiosity

"I Met Someone Today...His Name Is August...Alsina August Alsina!" She Blurted Out Loudly

"Not The Singer August Alsina" I Said

"Yes Bitch Yes Bitch....And He Is So Fuckin Fine In Person" She Said

I Could Hear Her Just Smiling Through The Phone

"Stop Lyin Gia" I Said

"Im Serious...I Met Him At Work...He Gave Me His Number And Invited Me To His Show Tonight Gave Me Two Backstage Passes And Everything" She Said In Excitement

"You Lucky Ass Bitch" I Said

She Laughed And Said "I Know Right...You Know Coming With Me Tonight"

"I Can't Me And Ryan Supposed To Be Going Out Tonight" I Said

"Wow For The First Time In Years He's Taking You Out How Nice Of Him" She Said Sarcastically

"Ha Ha Ha Very Funny...Ryan Works Alot He Never Have To Time To Take Me But He Promised Me Tonight Is All About Us" I Said

"Whatever Anyways I Gotta Find Something To Wear So I Can Go See My Future Husband Tonight...So If You Change Your Mind Just Call Me I'll Save You Pass" Gia Said

"Thank You Your Too Kind...Wear The Short Black Dress With Red Bottoms I Love That Dress On You" I Suggested

"See This Is Why We're Bestfriend You Got Good Taste...Love You" She Said

"Love You Moree Bye" I Said As I Hung Up The Phone

I Decided To Pop Up On Ryan At Work Just Make Sure We Still On For Tonight

I Pulled Up At His Daddy Shop As Soon As I Got Out My Car Ryan's Father Billy Smiled Immediately

And Said "There Go My Future Daughter In Law"

"How You Doing Billy" I Said As He Hugged Me And Kissed My Forehead

"Im Good Baby Girl...Thanks For Askin..." He Said As Ryan Walked Over Wearing His Mechanic Work Jumpsuit With His Name Tag On It

"Ain't She Just The Sweetest Thang Ever" Billy Said To Ryan

I Just Smiled

"Well Baby Girl I Gotta Get Back To Work Nice Seeing You...Why Don't Stop By The House Next Week" Billy Said

"Okay Will Do Sir" I Said

He Hugged Me One More Time And Went Back To Work

"Whats Up" Ryan

"Nothing Just Wanted To Stop By And Make Sure We Was Still On For Tonight" I Said

"Tonight?" He Asked

"Yeah You Supposed To Be Taking Me Out Tonight Ryan"I Said

And Before He Could Reply To This Darkskin Slim Female Walked Up And Said "Ryan You Have A Phone Call Waiting"

Ryan Just Was Cheesin And Smiling At Her "Okay....Bae This Is Myrah She's New Here" He Said Introducing Me To Myrah

"Nice To Meet You....Sorry I Didn't Catch Your Name" Myrah Said

"My Name Is Aziah" I Said