am I good?

I thought I was good

but I only need to look around to see

the hurt that I've caused

the misery

I want to be better

but I don't know how

That's what I tell myself

That I don't know how

Why am I lying to myself?

and when I see your face

I know it in me; it's all wrong

a constant ringing in my ears then punishes me

A wake up call

That I just can't wake up from

It tells me that the light is further than I'd like to say

that every breath I take pushes it away

and yet I'm still breathing

So why am I still breathing?

I only need to look around to see

I am the person people get hurt by

I am the one that brings despair

That what I feel is not hurt from others

It's guilt

It's the consequences

of the things I've caused

And yet I still can't stop

I don't know how

that's what i tell myself

but I do, I just don't

Why don't I stop?

I want to go back

But going back leads to hurt

I want to move forward

But at times I know I don't deserve to

I want to stay here

But I don't want to stay the same

I want to disappear

and when I do, I don't have a but to hold me back

And yet I'm still here

Why am I still here?