It's hard to look at Nate and not picture him naked.

But it's even harder to look at Stevie and Nate's mate, Josh together. They make an odd pair the two of them but I can see that Stevie is happy dating the weirdo so I guess I am too.

We're all sitting in the back of the coach, the team heading to Wyndell High to play in our second match. Stevie, Niall and Josh were able to convince Coach Ray to let them miss school and come on the little field trip. He refused at first but Stevie has always been persistent and managed to get him to make an exception for the three students.

Josh is completely smitten over Stevie. He looks at her as if she's some sort of goddess. But then I think that Stevie deserves a guy like that. Someone who likes her even though she isn't like other girls. Some girls don't like wearing dresses. Some wear denim jackets and leather boots. Some girls like smoking, breaking the rules and dying their hair every colour of the rainbow. Some girls put alcohol in all their drinks and don't give a fuck about what the world thinks of them. Some girls are like Stevie.

I look at the newly formed couple and can't help but compare them to Nate and I. Josh finds every opportunity to kiss Stevie while I can only kiss Nate when we're alone. Josh could stare at Stevie for hours but if I stare at Nate for too long I'm scared others would notice that something's up between the two of us. Then I wonder when I started to care about other people's thoughts. Then realise I kind of always did care even when I told myself I didn't.

I don't want to care about what people think. So I stare at Nate as he looks out the window and try to memorise every little one of his flawless features.

He keeps nervously tapping his fingers on his knee and I place my hand on top of his.

"You alright?" I ask.

"Yeah, yeah I'm just a bit nervous that's all."

"Why?"

"I dunno, maybe because we lost really badly at the other game and I really don't want to humiliate the team again?"

"Ok, first of all, we only lost that first game because we didn't like each other then. And second, you didn't humiliate the team."

"Chase, there was a video of us fighting on the pitch."

"I've had many videos of me fighting."

"That doesn't help Chase." Nate says. He takes a deep breath. "I just- I hate losing."

"Of course you do Golden Boy." I smirk as I say the nickname.

"Don't call me that." He threatens.

"Oh you love it." I tease, leaning closer to him.

"I do." He admits as he kisses me, the chairs in front of us block the view of our fellow teammates who are sitting closer to the front.

"Ugh. I am so done with all this couple shit." Niall says as he gets up from his seat in the middle of the row of five at the back. "I'm gonna go sit with people who aren't snogging each other every 5 minutes."

I chuckle as Niall unbuckles his seat belt and goes to sit beside Georgia for the rest of the journey.

*

I don't know why Nate was so afraid of losing, we totally smashed them on the field today. The final results were 7-3 to us. It feels good to finally have a win under our belts.

The coach ride back to school consisted of a lot of chanting with the team and secretly making out with Nate. Niall seemed to enjoy Georgia's company more than ours and spent the ride back with her.

When we get off the bus, preparing to take our journeys home, Coach Ray calls me over.

"We'll wait for you here." Nate says as I go towards him.

"Yes Coach." I say.

"Erm I just got a phone call about your brother, Derek."

My heart races at the mention of my brother. This could be anything.

"He's in the hospital. I'm sorry Chase but he's had an overdose."

"W-What?" I say, shaking my head as I try to take in the news.

"He isn't dead. Luckily a friend of his found him and called the ambulance. He's going to be ok."

He's going to be ok. I repeat it to myself, trying to figure out how I feel about that statement.

"What hospital is he in?"

*

I wanted to be alone when I saw my brother. So I told my friends the news and then told them to go home while I went to see him. Nate was the hardest to convince that the best decision was for me to go alone but eventually he understood and left.

I've been here for 15 minutes. My brother has been awake for 30 but I still don't know what to say to him and he doesn't know what to say to me either. He's never known what to say to me.

"I hated you." I didn't plan to start the conversation this way but what else can I say to the brother that abandoned me.

"I know Chase." Derek croaks. He looks sick, tired, his skin a few shades paler than his usual, more tanned self. His greasy hair sticks to his clammy forehead and his beard is untamed. The fire in his green eyes has finally gone cold.

"I hated you so much. I thought I hated Nate before but that was nothing compared to you. This was completely different."

"I get I treated you badly Chase."

"Badly?!" I almost yell. "You hit me." I say sternly. "I wanted you to stop. I needed you to stop. I needed my older brother back and when I realised he was gone for good that's when I truly hated you."

"I'm so so sorry Chase." Derek looks down at his hands, tears land on his hospital bed sheets.

"And I hate that I'm forgiving you for this."

He looks up at that, shocked at my response. "I promise you I'm going to change. I'm going to go to rehab. I'm going to be a better brother for you."

"I hate that it took you nearly dying to finally change, you stupid piece of shit."

"I get it. I deserve that."

"I want to be angry so bad but-" Then I finally start crying. "I just want my brother back."

I feel like my 13 year old self all over again. With no mum or dad just my brother to take care of me. That's when I realise I've always been that 13 year old boy. I've always needed my brother.

"Come here." He says and I sit on the edge of his hospital bed and he pulls me into a hug. I don't think he knows how long I've waited for this. To have him back.

When we pull apart he says "I don't deserve your forgiveness but I am going to try everyday to make it up to you."

"Just promise me you'll never touch any more drugs."

"I promise."

"Good."

"I can't believe I've missed out on so much of your life." He looks disappointed. "You still skateboard right?"

"Almost everyday."

"And you play football now?" He asks.

"Yep. I'm the co-captain."

"You must be good then. Who's the other captain?"

"Nate."

"Nate, that kid who came over right? The one I erm"

"Pulled out a knife to?" I finish. "Yeah him. We're kind of going out." I decide to tell him. Derek is in no position to judge me.

"He's your boyfriend?"

"Yep."

"He's good." I smile at his response.

"Yeah I know, he's such a goody two shoes. Never been late in his life."

"For you I mean. He's good for you."

"Yeah. I know that too."