Months passed without any contact with Chris. After our fight we just stopped talking and that hurt. It hurts losing someone you've grown so close to. It's hard to just stop talking to someone that you used to talk to everyday. But we both needed space, it was the healthy and right thing to do.

Thankfully my life had become normal again. The reporters had gone away, and peace and quiet filled the office. I was thankful for that, because I could focus on my work again. My time with Chris made me realize that I wasn't doing as well as I thought I was. So now I go to a therapist about my problems that will always haunt me. Some scars are fading, others will stay. That's just how it works.

I found peace with myself again. I was no longer stuck between choosing him or me. Allison, my therapist, told me I never had to choose between him or me. She said I could have choosen to be me with him. Guess that was my mistake. Well after all, this was all my fault.

Of course I don't regret falling in love with Chris. Yeah, by definition I fell in love with him. Allison, helped me figure out, well I already knew that, she just helped me come to terms with it. I was glad I spent my time with him, because I learned things about myself that I wouldn't have learned otherwise

It was weird being without him. Every now and then I'd flip through the TV channels and see his favorite TV show and want to watch it with him. I'd think of a joke he would find funny and wish I could tell him. I would imagine him laughing at it, making the room brighter and my heart lighter. I'd wait all day to tell a story about work to him. But he wasn't not there.

I wondered if he thought of me. When he closed his eyes does he see me? When he was alone at night did he wish I was next to him? I hoped he thought of my kindly and with fondness. I hoped time would take its course and one day I'd be a fond memory. Right now it still felt like I had cut off something vital. My heart was sore from missing it.

Time went on and I was fine, I was making bigger improvements. I took Whitney's suggestions on dates. She set me up on a couple. They weren't him, but no one ever will be. And that's fine, what we had was amazing, it was real and beautiful, but it ended. It was time to make new beautiful memories.

Crystal was in town for a weekend and we all went to a bar that was walking distance from my apartment. Crystal, Whitney and I had fun, singing along to the songs that came up. We joked around and laughed too loud. I carefully sipped my beer, knowing if I drink the whole thing I will get more than tipsy. Yeah, I still have the same tolerance level as a toddler. Whitney got engaged a couple months back so she liked talking about her wedding plans. Crystal and I of course are bridesmaids. It was fun to see Whitney so excited. There's something so magical in seeing your friends grow and get excited for their future.

They purposely didn't ask about Chris. And that was fine. I would've rather just had a laugh with them. At the end of the night we tumbled back to my apartment to watch movies that reminded us of our childhood. We recited Clueless as we watched it. And at two in the morning we're dancing to Beyonce and making brownies. Being wine drunk with your best friends is the best kind of drunkenness.

We danced around the kitchen doing the Single ladies dance. Whitney was the best dancer in the group. Around three I got a knock on my door from someone complaining about the noise. I apologized but as soon as the door closed we were laughing and giggling again.

It was five when we fell asleep. Well Whitney and maybe Crystal were asleep. I just watched as the sky started to turn lighter. The three of us were squeezed into my bed. Laying there I watched as the sky turned from dark to light and it reminded me of when I sat in Seville with Chris.

We watched the sun go down. I could still see the pinks, and oranges we saw as the sun said good bye. My head rested on his shoulder and his arm was around me. We were at peace together. I remembered the sounds of the running water of the fountain before us, and the hushed spanish language being spoken. I could still smell the food from the carts around us, and the smell of him. The clean, masculine smell of him. It seemed like a life time ago when he whispered little jokes into my ear making me laugh. And it seemed so long ago that I loved him and he loved me. I still remembered his lips against mine, and I don't think I'll forget that blissful feeling. But I had to. I missed him, and I allowed myself to.

It'll all be okay in the end.

The new Sony set was currently being built in LA and I went to go check on it. I inspected the inside of the space ship and made some modifications. Overall I was happy with the finished project, and just like that I was back on my way to Boston. My memories of him in LA only popped up twice in my head, progress.

For Whitney's bachorlette party we took her to Beyonce's concert. Whitney screamed at the top of her lungs when I handed her the ticket. All night we danced and sang. The idea was Crystal's, I was able to get the tickets. We had so much fun at the concert and I started to worry. I worried things would change, and I'd be alone. We're the three amigas, nothing will ever change right? I wanted to stay up late screaming Beyonce and 80s songs. I wanted to recite Clueless and Dirty Dancing. I wanted to keep feeling forever young with them by my side.

I told Allison about my weird attachment, and she said it was normal. But she also suggested that maybe I should reach out more. So I signed up for a yoga class. It was an easy way of meeting people, and we all have something in common already. We were all going to suffer through yoga together. The classes were fun, I became way more flexible, and I made new friends. So I guess win, win.

Whitney's wedding was beautiful. It took place outside of Boston, in a little suburb called Sudbury. While I was driving there I was trying to figure out why I knew that name. Did I go there for some reason before? Did I know someone who used to live here? Oh my god I did. Chris grew up there.

Whitney looked like a princess walking down the isle. Her dress took up quite a lot of space, but it was just so her. It was flashy, but classy and it fit her confidence level. It was a perfect dress for her. The reception was fun, and I spent most of it with Crystal and her family. When I went home, I felt empty. My stomach felt empty but I wasn't hungry. I felt like I was missing something. I was standing in my apartment wanting to go home. I looked out the window that was placed in front of the kitchen sink. I took myself back to Seville, and went to bed.

I took a small vacation after Whitney returned from hers. I left for Peru of all places. I took my passport, a water bottle, a couple changes of clothes, a book and a camera and marched myself to Machu Picchu. I felt alive looking at the view. It was stunning and beautiful. A view I would hold close, something I could only see when I closed my eyes. But I was back in the U.S too soon.

I designed another set, and pretty soon it was New Years Eve. I went over to Whitney's party, and kissed a fellow I didn't know.

Around March, I headed back to LA to check up on a set I designed. I was a little nervous taking this set, since I've never built a palace before. I wandered on set looking around and talking to some crew members. I made some modifications of course and talked to the director. I stood in front of the set observing it and drinking some water when a voice shouted my name. I almost spit out my water I was so startled. I turned to see Anthony Mackie and his shit eating grin.

"Nice to see you again Lucy." He smiled shaking my hand. He quickly brought me into a hug that I was poorly prepared for.

"It's been awhile hasn't."

"Too long. What are you doing here? Id this one yours?"

"Yeah it is, I'm just here for the day checking it out."

"Looks like crap, can't believe they pay you for this." Mackie joked and I gave him a slight push.

"Hey give me a break, it's my first palace. Where are the others? You scare them off?" I teased looking around a bit.

"Well Chad's over there, Chris and Seb are somewhere and I don't know about the rest."

"I didn't know you, Chris and Seb where even in this movie."

"We're in the first couple scenes. We're shooting them these couple weeks." He explained. As my eyes went around the room they fell on Chris. I had to do a double take to make sure I actually saw him and it wasn't some imaginary Chris. I didn't expect to see him there, especially since I had worked on other Marvel projects and had never ran into him there. It had been more than six months since I last saw him. He looked good, well he always does. He was laughing at what someone said. I noticed a woman with her hand in his. She was glowing as he laughed at what he had said. Oh my god, that's his girlfriend. I swallowed and shifted my attention back to Mackie making sure to cover up what I was feeling. I didn't even know what to feel.

Something in the pit of my stomach dropped. Suddenly the room was too small and it was too hot. I glimpsed back at the couple watching him wrap his arm around her. And thinking of them together made me want to be sick. If you had asked me yesterday I would have sworn I was over him. But here thinking off how she got to kiss him, or how he held him made me want to scream.

"Oh yeah, that's a weird match." Anthony mentioned ripping my attention off the couple.

I shook my head. "No they look great together. Very happy." I gave a polite smile before turning my body away from them.

"Do you want some lunch?" I offered trying to do anything but think of the scene behind me.

"Show me the way." He agreed.