"Damn it," I mumbled, letting my head fall back against the wooden door. The shadows pressed worriedly against me but I waved them away, not wanting to cause even more trouble by disappearing. Why were things here so much more difficult than they were with the Cullens? Everything had always been effortless there. They treated me with care but also treated me like an equal.

"Damn it," I said again. For the first time since arriving in Volterra, I felt homesick. I missed Forks and I missed my family. My stomach churned and I took a steadying breath, remembering why I was here in Volterra to begin with.

I pulled out my phone and called the first person in my speed dial. It rang twice before it was answered. "Hello, Rowan."

"Hey, Ed," I said, letting out a breath. "How are you?"

"Good. We thought you had forgotten about us," he teased lightly. "But we took your radio silence as a good sign."

I smiled slightly, feeling bad for neglecting them. "Yeah, things have been alright. It's an... adjustment."

"Just alright?"

"Like I said, I'm adjusting."

"Yeah, I'm sure. What happened?" Edward's tone was so knowing that I wondered if he could read my thoughts, even from here.

I hesitated, not wanting to spill if the rest of my family was close by, eavesdropping. I loved them, but I wanted privacy. "Is there anyone else listening?"

"No, just me. I'm with Bella, she's asleep. It's early here," he said.

"Right. I forgot. At least I didn't wake you," I said. At that, he chuckled. "It's just... Marcus and I had a fight."

"That's pretty normal. What happened?"

I recounted the whole story to him. I doubt I could have stopped even if I wanted, once I got going. One thing I appreciated with Edward is he always listened. No judgement, no matter what. He just listened and then gave his thoughts. "I feel bad, Ed, but I'm also so frustrated. I'm not a child - at least, not by human standards - and just because I'm younger doesn't mean I'm naïve or stupid!"

"I know, Ro. You're right. But try to understand what they're going through, too. Being faced with the possibility of losing your mate is one of the most terrifying things to experience. I don't blame him for overreacting, but you were well within your rights to stand up for yourself."

"Do you think I was too harsh?"

"I think you could have worded it better, but you had the right idea. I wouldn't worry too much about it, Ro. He'll forgive you, and you'll forgive him. Right?"

"Right," I said. "I've just never-"

"Properly stood up for yourself before?" Edward finished, and I could practically see his raised eyebrows. "That's part of growing up. You're strong and it's about time you started showing it. You're my little sister, it kills me that you went through what you did. So I'm proud of you, Rowan. Really."

I smiled, my cheeks warming at his praise. "Technically, you're younger than me, so..."

"Technically, I've lived way longer, so..."

"Alright, old man. Have it your way," I teased. "So how is everyone? I miss you guys."

"We miss you too. It's weird without you. Rosalie wanted to visit after you had been gone for two days, but Carlisle shot that idea down real quick."

"I'm sure. How's Bella?"

"She's hanging in there. Misses her best friend. You should give her a call when you can," Edward said. "With respect to the time difference, of course."

"Of course. I've been making friends here. You know, the guard isn't quite as bad as you guys made them out to be," I said.

"Well, I know them primarily by reputation. I'm glad, though. You're being treated alright?"

"Like a queen."

"Rowan, you are queen."

I groaned. "Yeah, don't remind me. That's all the guard calls me! I had to plead with them not to."

"I guarantee they were just following the kings' orders. Don't give them too hard a time about it." There was a pause. "I woke Bella up talking. Can I call you back later?"

"Of course you can, Ed. Miss you guys. Tell Bella I said hello."

"Will do. Don't worry, you haven't heard the last of us. I'll talk to you later, Ro." He ended the call.

I rose to my feet, shoving my phone back into my pocket, feeling better after my talk with Edward. I pushed open the door, surprised that I wasn't met with Jane and Alec waiting patiently outside the door. The hallway was still empty. I shut the door softly, and as I wasn't particularly keen on facing Marcus again just yet, set off to find either Caius or Aro - whoever I stumbled upon first.

After ten minutes of wandering unfamiliar, empty corridors, I was forced to admit that I didn't know the castle as well as I'd like to believe. I cursed.

"Lost, I assume?" I whirled around at the unfamiliar voice, finding myself facing a dark-skinned vampire I hadn't seen before. His dreadlocks were pulled back in a bun and he wore an arrogant smirk.

"I- uh- yeah," I stammered, fear shooting through me. I knew now why my mates had me consistently with Jane and Alec. To prevent situations like this.

But to my surprise, he swept down into an exaggerated bow. "Then your savior is here, my queen. Santiago, at your service."

"Nice to meet you," I said, unsure whether I liked him or not. Unlike Demetri, who held himself with an air of quiet confidence, Santiago seemed to possess self-assurance that crossed into arrogance.

"Likewise. The guard is very curious about you, the girl who's mated to the kings," Santiago said, his walk much closer to a swagger as he lead me down the hall. "Speaking of, where are your constant shadows? I was under the impression that your set guard weren't to leave your side."

"That's none of your concern," I said stiffly.

He barked out a laugh. "I like your gall, kid. Considering you were wandering dangerously close to the dungeons, I should say it certainly is my concern, along with whoever failed so miserably at keeping a human under their protection."

I ignored the jab. "Fine. I don't feel like talking about it. Better?"

"I suppose. I can't exactly pry, can I? Don't want to lose my job - or my head - for making the queen uncomfortable," Santiago said with a smirk. He didn't look particularly worried about losing either.

"Right," I said slowly. "You're one of the guard, then?"

"Naturally. Felix's right hand, as a matter of fact. He's in charge of the management and execution of those found guilty under trial, and if he's absent then I'm in charge," he said pompously.

"Cool. I think."

"It is," Santiago said, leading me up a flight of steps that looked vaguely familiar. "What're you doing way down here, anyway? Wouldn't figure the kings would want you so close to the dungeons."

"I was trying to find my way back up from the training rooms," I said. "It's not my fault everything in this castle looks the same. For all I know I was going in circles."

"Damn, kid. You got real lost, then. That's impressive."

"I try," I drawled, nearly jogging to catch up with him as we turned the corner down another hall.

"My queen, there you are. Jane, Alec, Afton, and Demetri are with the masters and I came to find you. I see Santiago beat me to it, however," Felix said, the tenseness in his shoulders dissolving when he spotted me.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to create a stir," I apologized. "You said they're with the masters?"

"Yes. Master Marcus is furious after whatever happened earlier - I didn't ask, as he didn't look to be in a conversational mood. Master Aro took one look at Master Marcus's thoughts and brought the four in, didn't even bother explaining," Felix said with a shrug. "Makes me wonder what they got up to. Master Caius was looking downright civil in comparison."

I grimaced. "It's kind of my fault. Well, all my fault. Can you take me there? I better go explain before Marcus gets Aro and Caius riled up, too."

"Certainly. Thank you for looking after her, Santiago," Felix said, motioning me forward with a hand. "Better walk quick, my queen. It'll probably be all pandemonium when we get there, the way things are looking."

"Sure. Thanks, Santiago. It was nice to meet you," I said. In all honesty, I wasn't sure I liked the arrogant guard all that much, but he had helped me out.

"You too, majesty. Look out for yourself, and don't go wandering off again. See you around," Santiago said before wheeling around and running off.

"Interesting guy," I remarked, hurrying to keep up with Felix's rapid, long strides. "He said he's your right hand?"

"Of sorts, yes. He's a bit too prideful for his own good, but Santiago is very talented and an effective leader. His gift of heightened strength is similar to mine but not quite to the same degree," Felix explained. "What do you think of him?"

"He's a bit pompous. And he kept calling me kid. But it was nice to be treated normally," I said thoughtfully. At least Santiago hadn't treated me like I was on a pedestal just because I was mate to the kings.

Felix laughed. "Yeah, that sounds like Santiago. Unless you explicitly tell him not to, he's going to call you a kid forever."

"Great," I groaned, sobering as we arrived at the main doors into the throne room. "Well, here goes nothing."

"Yeah, good luck. You're gonna need it." Felix pushed open the doors.

What lay on the other side was worse than what I had expected. Alec, looking grim and paler than usual, had Afton immobilized. Marcus had a grip on Afton's hair, still looking murderous, and I strongly suspected he was about to rip off Afton's head. Caius was speaking to Aro in a quick, low voice, quiet enough that I wasn't able to make out the words.

"Enough," I said, walking into the throne room. Felix followed behind me. "Marcus, let Afton go. Alec, stand down. That's an order."

"Amore. Perhaps you can shed some light on this. Marcus is on the warpath, even after the testimony of three of our most trusted guard," Caius said, giving Marcus an irritated look.

"You three are prone to overreactions," I said, patting Afton's shoulder as I passed. Demetri and Jane stepped aside so I could reach Aro, placing my hand in his. "I would appreciate it if you didn't harm Afton, as I do rather like him."

Behind me, Marcus snarled. I ignored him. Seeing Marcus as the antagonistic one, as opposed to Caius, was an odd change of pace. Aro was silent for several moments as he sifted through my recent memories. "Ah, yes. Well, that does clear things up."

"You think?" I asked sarcastically. Quite frankly, I was done with being babied simply because I was still human.

Aro gave me a sympathetic sort of smile. "Of course I trust your judgement, tesoro."

I took a breath, feeling guilty that I was taking my anger out on him. It wasn't his fault. Sorry.

"Think nothing of it. Marcus, brother, I believe you are quite mistaken about the circumstances of earlier, as dear Rowan so... tactfully put it during your discussion earlier."

I stifled a sheepish smile at Aro's quip and, upon seeing Caius's questioning look, said, "I'll tell you later."

Satisfied, he nodded. Aro continued. "Afton, you are, of course, free to go. The rest of you as well."

Afton stood, looking relieved, and left as soon as possible. Marcus was still on the warpath and growled in displeasure. I crossed my arms, frowning at him. "I thought we already had this discussion, Marcus."

"That does not excuse Afton's complete lack of judgement in such a situation, he should have known better than to-"

"I asked him to," I hissed, cutting off the angry rant. "You want to be angry? Fine. But be angry at me, not him. So sorry that I'm an independent person who makes her own decisions."

Marcus and I stared each other down, neither willing to give in. After several long moments, Caius let out an irritated huff. "Brother, please. Aro wouldn't release Afton if Rowan wasn't being perfectly truthful - not that I doubt your trustworthiness, amore."

"Our mate is safe, brother. She wanted to learn to protect herself better so that she can stay that way. Even so, what happened so long ago won't happen again," Aro soothed. I didn't have to ask to know that he was referring to Didyme.

Marcus's shoulders sagged, and he suddenly looked hauntingly, impossibly old. "You're right. Rowan, I'm sorry, so sorry. Please forgive me."

"Of course," I said, shooting him a tentative smile. He returned it with one of his own and asked, "Can I show you something?"

"Sure." I met him in the middle of the throne room. Marcus made no attempt to touch me, perhaps scared that I would reject him after so recent an argument, but I grabbed his hand as he led me out. We walked in silence. He lead me outside to a part of the garden I hadn't yet ventured, where the plants grew thicker and more wild.

Eventually, we slowed to a stop in front of a gravestone. It was in pristine condition, though the words were not in a language I understood. Marcus stared at it silently for some time before speaking. "This is Didyme's grave. She was my best friend. We loved each other even though we were not in love with each other. During her time our guard was still very small - none of the guard you know were with us then. A rogue vampire slipped through our walls and found her. She didn't know how to fight, so she didn't have a chance. I wasn't there, I-"

I squeezed his hand as he faltered. "It wasn't your fault."

"It was."

"Did you know it was going to happen?"

"No, otherwise-"

"If you didn't know, then it wasn't your fault. You never could have known," I murmured. "Did you find the vampire that did it?"

"Yes. I killed him myself."

"Does revenge ever resolve anything? Make you feel vindicated? At peace?" I asked softly. I remembered having a similar conversation with Rosalie and my thoughts, almost unbidden, strayed to my father.

"No. Never."

I stared at Didyme's headstone, my eyes tracing the unfamiliar letters. "I wish it did."

"So do I," Marcus said softly. He pulled me closer, letting go of my hand to wrap his arm around my shoulders instead. I leaned against him, my mind a thousand miles away, fixated on a man from whom I would never get retribution and from whom I would never know peace.

Edited 4/19/2021