"Don't you dare let me go!" I death grip my hands around Tyler's wrists that are holding me steady. I'm like a baby deer on ice, all gangly and awkward. I can't believe he actually convinced me to come out here.

"Lila, it's just the bunny hill. We're barely even moving. Try to relax your stance a little and enjoy it. You know I won't let you fall." Tyler coaches me "There you go, easy does it...."

Tyler is behind me, guiding my skies down the small practice hill at Twin Peaks Ski Club. I look around us to see toddlers, (like literal three year olds) cruising past me down the practice hill with ease. They look so funny in all their gear that is super oversized for them yet somehow they are far better than I am at skiing.

"This is mortifying. Look at those kids go! I told you I was too old to be trying this. I'm horrible." I grumble.

"Will you stop? It's your first time. Besides, you can't be perfect at everything."

"I'm not perfect at everything." I sass back under my breath.

"Oh really? Need I remind you? Gymnastics, cheerleading, rope climbing, wall sits, poker, heck you even beat me at football over Thanksgiving, even if it was because you were a little cheater." Tyler teases me as we continue slowly cascading down the hill together at a snail speed, his strong hands holding my waiste. "You're lucky I'm so obsessed with you cuz you've beaten me enough times to do some serious damage to my ego if that weren't the case." He says with a smirk, his mouth close to my ear.

"Aww you poor thing. Always so dramatic. You don't want to be the guy that can't handle getting beat by a girl now do you?" I begin to laugh. Even if I'm as coordinated as bambi right now, I can never pass up the chance to banter with Tyler. It's basically our love language.

"Watch your words missy, or else I may just let you go!" Tyler pushes my hips away from him a couple feet, releasing me from his grip. The slight increase in speed throws me off balance.

"Tyler! Stop it! I can't do this without you!" My arms are flailing around as if I'm going to take flight. I almost poke my own eye out with one of my ski poles.

Tyler can't control his laughter as he grabs me again. "Now who's being the overly dramatic one?! Settle down, I was only kidding and was right behind you. I told you, I've got you, babe. You're safe with me. Besides, we've already reached the bottom." I can hear the laughter in his voice.

It takes me a second to realize we did in fact stop moving. I had frozen up in terror and closed my eyes mid freak out. Tyler shifts himself around to the front of me and moves my ski goggles on top of my helmet, kissing my frozen cheek in the process.

"See, safe and sound. I got you." Tyler coaxes.

I open one eye. I see my handsome boyfriend standing directly in front of me, beaming. He looks so happy, maybe even a little proud. I'm not sure if he's proud of me for riding my first hill on skis or for the way he was able to make me freak out just now which he thoroughly enjoyed. It's probably a bit of both. Skiing is something Tyler has done with his family since he was a little kid so of course he's great at it. When he found out back in September that I had never been, he vowed to take me for my first time this winter. Back when he promised to take me I thought he was just trying to be nice and make conversation, I never thought we'd actually be here together for real.

It's a full circle moment for sure. The kind I want ingrained in my memory bank to hold onto the nights when I'm missing Tyler most. We've been spending as much time together as we can since he made his decision to play for Florida a month ago. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, the days we have left together are numbered. We both know it, but neither of us wants to admit it to ourselves. If I think about it for too long I start getting sad, so I do my best to avoid thinking about it when we are together. I don't want my inevitable sadness from missing Tyler to overshadow this crazy opportunity for him or make him feel guilty about his decision. So I do my best to make the most of the time we have left.

"Well that was fun, time for hot chocolate now right?" I ask. I know it's wishful thinking, but I had to try.

"Come on tough girl. Couple more practice runs down the bunny slope and you'll be ready for the actual beginners hill!" Tyler starts dragging me by the ski pole back up the small hill.

"This isn't the only hill we are riding today?! You want me to do something bigger?" I gasp in shock.

Tyler's deep belly laughs fill all the space around us, drowning out my childish protests.

****

"My whole body is sore. Even my fingers hurt from gripping the ski poles so hard."

Tyler and I stayed and skied the easy slopes most of the afternoon. He was right, I did eventually get a little bit better. I also fell down a lot, which is probably why I'm so sore. I wouldn't call myself a natural by any means, and I absolutely won't be going pro anytime soon, but with each run down the slopes it did get a little less terrifying, which was a win for me. I even managed to try a few runs without Tyler attached to me. I always made him stick close by of course, just in case, but I wanted to prove to Tyler and myself I could do it. Once a competitive person, always a competitive person I guess.

"I'm proud of you, babe. I knew you could do it. I never doubted you."

Tyler laces our fingers together on the center console of his Jeep. The car heater is on full blast. We're still sitting in the parking lot of the ski resort waiting for the car to defrost from the three inches of snow that came down while we've been here. It's dusk now which makes the glimmer from all the Christmas lights on the trees surrounding us glow in vibrant shades of blue, white and purple.

"Really, not even a little bit? Cuz there were a few times today when I wasn't sure I was going to make it out in one piece." I question Tyler.

"Nah, I wouldn't have let that happen."

Tyler leans over to my seat giving me a long, slow, kiss. It's soft, tender, like he's trying to memorize every inch of my lips. The way his hand cups the side of my face to deepen the kiss sends butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. We're lost in each other, in our own little world. Without even trying or wanting to, my mind begins to wander to the thought of Tyler leaving in three short days. My heart suddenly is aching for the boy that I love. Tears begin to form in my eyes that I try desperately to push back down.

Tyler pulls away, his forehead still touching mine while he searches my eyes.

"Hey, where'd you go? What just happened?" Tyler asks with concern.

"It's nothing. I'm fine. Sorry." I clear my throat, trying to stuff down my emotions.

"Don't do that, Lila. We don't keep secrets from each other. Tell me what's wrong."

"I know. I just don't want to ruin the moment. This has been such a great day. One that I'll remember for the rest of my life." I give a faint smile, doing a poor job of covering my sadness.

"It has been a great day, but I can tell something is bothering you. Please tell me so I can try to fix it."

My glossy eyes are red rimmed. This boy that I get to call mine knows me so well and it melts my heart. Of course he can tell when something is bothering me and isn't going to let it go.

"I wish you could fix what is wrong, but you can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm sad Tyler. I've been trying to live in the moment and enjoy our final days together. You've spent so much of your time the last month trying to make special memories with me, and I don't want to come off as ungrateful or selfish or anything...it's just sometimes I think about when you'll be gone and it makes me miss you even before you've left. I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make you feel bad at all. I'm so happy for you, I swear. I just get sad sometimes. With each day that passes we're another day closer to you leaving and even though I'm trying to be strong, sometimes I have my weak moments."

Tyler wraps his large arms around me, pulling me into a crushing hug.

"I know babe. I try not to think about it too. I don't know what I'm gonna do when I don't get to see you every day. It's going to be so hard."

I sit up straighter in my seat at his confession. "It will, but I don't want you to think like that. I want you to have the best time at college, Tyler. I want you to kick butt in football like I know you will, and I want you to make new friends, living your life to the fullest. Of course we will make time for each other and figure out this long distance relationship stuff but I don't want you sitting in your dorm room moping around missing me. Promise me you won't do that. Don't waste this opportunity. College is supposed to be the best years of your life."

"I'll agree to that if you can agree to do the same, Lila. You know Payton will give me a weekly progress report of what you're up to so don't try lying to me either. I want you to keep putting yourself out there and having the best junior year you can. We can FaceTime everyday and maybe I can slip away to come home on a weekend here or there. We'll make it work, I know we will."

"Deal." A genuine smile forms on my lips. Our conversation making me feel a little less sad.

"Good, glad we agree. How about we get outta here then? I'm starving."

"Me too."

****

For New Year's Eve Payton and Tyler are throwing a party for all our friends. Actually it's probably about half of our school that will be there really. The party is doubling as a going away party for Tyler since he leaves on the second to start his drive to Florida with his dad.

In true Payton fashion, she themed the party "The Roaring 2022's" as a spin off to the 1920's flapper and gangster era. She told us if we didn't show up in costume we wouldn't be allowed in and I believe it, Payton doesn't mess around. Gotta love her.

So I'm up in my room, putting the finishing touches on my outfit. I'm wearing a red flapper fringe dress, black stockings, white satin long gloves and a sequin headband with a black giant feather. I went with a bold red lip to match my dress too. I think the outfit came together pretty nice as I look at my reflection in my long mirror.

"Oh honey you look so cute. Let me take a picture of you." Mom appears in my doorway.

"Mom, I'm sure we'll take plenty of pictures all together at Payton's. You don't need a picture of just me standing in my room awkwardly."

"Just appease your mother, Lila. It's a rule for me to embarrass you every once in awhile."

I pretend to roll my eyes and let my mom take the picture.

"See, that wasn't so hard. It's cute too." My mom turns her phone to face me so I can see the photo she just took. "Have a fun time with your friends tonight. Guess I won't see ya until next year." Mom winks.

I groan. "Mom, not that joke. I'd expect it from dad, but you? You're better than that." I scold.

"Love you Lila."

"Love you too, mom."

When I arrive to the Johnson's house there are already a bunch of cars lined up in their driveway and down the street. I had to park half a block away and walk in my heels in the snow which wasn't the easiest task. I'm almost to the Johnson's driveway when my phone gets a text.

You on your way yet?

Walking up your driveway now.

Oh good! Stay there. I'll be out in a sec to grab you.

You better be quick, it's freezing out here!

I'm making my way up their long drive when I see Tyler come from around the back of their house. He's in a black tuxedo, white dress shirt and black tie. His normally unruly hair is parted on the side and slicked over. He looks like a younger version of Leonardo DiCaprio in the Great Gatsby.

"Well don't you look handsome. I think you may have been born in the wrong era, baby." I call out as Tyler approaches me. He pulls a single long stem rose from behind his back and hands it to me.

"For you, Ms.Buchanan."

"Why thank you Mr. Gatsby." I fake a blush.

"You look incredible." Tyler gives me a peck on the cheek.

"So do you, but can't we do this inside? It's freezing out here."

"Of course. I just wanted to walk in with you. It's already so crazy inside. Payton can't do anything small." Tyler jokes.

We turn the corner to head into the Johnson's basement sliding doors. It's odd, all the lights are off and its so quiet, not what you'd expect from a party.

Tyler leads me inside before him. Just then the lights flick on and I see everyone crowded around a giant banner that reads:

LILA, WILL YOU GO TO (PRETEND) PROM WITH ME?

My face must look completely shocked. Mason and Jake are holding the hand painted banner with giant grins. Kelly is videoing everything on her phone. Rachel, Payton and Claire are standing with giddy smiles next to the guys. Chase is at the light switch and Brady hands Tyler a corsage. There are a bunch of our other classmates filtered in behind the banner and throughout the basement too. Everyone is quiet with anticipation.

I look to Tyler who is now on one knee.

"Lila Daniels I'm sorry I won't be around in May to officially ask you to the real senior prom, but if you would do me the great pleasure of attending the "Pretend Prom" with me tonight, I would really love for you to be my date." Tyler is grinning ear to ear up at me.

I quickly turn to look at my girlfriends in the crowd. This has them written all over it. Payton is holding back tears with her hand over her heart watching me and her brother.

I turn back to Tyler. "Yes!" I put my hand out for Tyler to slip the corsage on my wrist and everyone begins to cheer.

Tyler stands to his feet and scoops me up into a big hug. When he puts me down we're greeted by all our best friends sandwiching us into a giant bear hug.

"We all took a vote before you got here. Lila and Tyler, you should be happy to know you've been selected as this year's "Pretend Prom" King and Queen." Payton says.

Mason places a plastic crown on Tyler's head and Payton does the same with a tiara on my head.

"The first dance goes out to the king and queen." Kelly calls out, hitting play on the stereo in the corner of the room.

"Love Her" by the Jonas Brothers starts to play and the room clears, creating a circle around Tyler and I. Tyler grabs my hand and spins me around myself into his arms. Everyone around us fades away and all I see is him. We sway to the music, lost in the moment.

"I can't believe you did this. Tonight was supposed to be about letting your friends say goodbye to you. You didn't need to surprise me with this."

"My friends still get to say goodbye to me. But this way, I get to show the girl I love how much she means to me. Plus, I had to redeem myself after chickening out and never asking you to Homecoming." Tyler laughs.

"I think this more than makes up for it." I gush.

***

The day is finally here. The day I have been dreading since Thanksgiving. Tyler has to leave. He and his dad spent most of New Year's day packing up Tyler's Jeep with all the stuff he will need with him in Florida. I decided to give Tyler and his family some space to spend the day together, just the four of them. As much as I'm going to miss him, I know they will be missing him just as badly.

I couldn't sleep at all last night knowing this morning would be our final goodbye for a while. We agreed that Tyler would stop over on his way out of town. I know he's anxious to get on the road since he and his dad have such a long day ahead. We also agreed our final goodbye would only last a couple minutes. Really we've gotten to say our goodbyes all month long in each special memory we've shared with one another, no need to drag this one out, making it harder than it already is. I'm as ready as I'm going to be and not ready at all, all at once.

I'm stirring in my bed, unable to stop my mind from racing when I hear little pebbles hitting my window. I get up and pull the curtains back. Like I thought, Tyler is standing down below in my driveway like he did several months ago. I wave down to him so he knows I'm coming.

I quietly run down the stairs to our front entry. I slip my winter boots and coat on. It's only a few minutes after 6am so I know it's bitter cold out. Tyler's Jeep is parked on the street, his dad sitting in the driver's seat with the car still running. I give him a wave when I'm on the front porch before heading to my side driveway to meet Tyler.

"Good morning, beautiful."

"Morning handsome."

Tyler pulls me into him. We don't have to say anything to one another. We stand there holding each other in silence. The weight of the moment looming over our heads. After a minute I decide to speak.

"Remember our deal. Go live your best life Tyler Johnson. I can't wait to see everything you achieve." I have my bravest face on, I don't want to cry, not yet.

"Be fearless while I'm gone Lila Daniels. The way you always have been on the inside, just don't forget to show it to everyone else."

"I'll do my best." I smile up at Tyler's blue eyes. "Text me whenever you miss me and I'll do the same. You should probably go though, don't want to keep your dad waiting."

"I know, you're right. I love you Lila girl." I can see the gloss of Tyler's eyes starting to turn red with emotion.

"Love you too. Now leave before I lose it." I press up onto my tiptoes so I can kiss Tyler's lips one last time before I push him towards his Jeep.

Tyler jogs to his car and I head to my front porch. With one final wave, Tyler and his dad pull away down the street and out of view. I close the front door behind me when the first teardrop hits my cheek. I muffle my cries and make my way upstairs to my room. Closing the door behind me I climb into my bed so I can wrap myself up in my blankets, searching for any kind of comfort as my heart aches.

My phone dings with a text.

❤️ I miss you already.

To be continued...